


First order café

by melixx



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Break Up, Character Death, Cheating, Depression, F/F, Falling In Love, Friendship, Hand Jobs, Hook-Up, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Lesbian Sex, Love Confessions, M/M, Not Cheating, Parenthood, Past Drug Use, Threesome - M/M/M, car crash
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-15
Updated: 2019-02-22
Packaged: 2019-06-11 00:35:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 36
Words: 96,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15303564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/melixx/pseuds/melixx
Summary: Hux and Poe are in love. When Hux'es car breaks down at 'First Order café and gas station', a silent waiter that goes by Kylo helps him out, more than once.





	1. Hux

HUX  
It was a cold, rainy, Friday November evening. Hux was on his way to Poe’s house when his car broke down. Luckily for him, there was a gas station nearby, so he managed to get the car there; the shop’s banner read 1st Order Café and gas Station.  
Hux went straight to the garage to look for help, but found it deserted, the lights were off and the door locked. He walked towards the café huffing: he'd ask Poe to pick him up and wait for him in front of a steaming cup of tea. It was two hours’ drive from the café to Yavin-4, and outside it was freezing cold. There was no reason for Hux to wait in the car. He was already anticipating the bergamot flavor, its fresh fragrance surely would restore him.

Once he stepped inside the shop, a pleasingly blow of warm air welcomed him. The space was almost empty, there were only a couple of customers sitting at the counter, a tall, grey haired man was sipping coffee while the teen next to him ate a sandwich, chewing slowly, with his mouth open.

Hux approached the counter, where a sweet looking girl was attentively filling the dishwasher, her tag name said ‘Rose T.’ Hux cleared his throat to catch her attention, then ordered his tea and went to seat by the window. After a couple of minutes, Rose arrived with his tea and a carrot cupcake he hadn't ordered. Hux gave her a puzzled look and was going to point it out when she beat him, asking him first what brought him there in such a chilly weather.  
“I was going to Yavin 4 to spend the weekend at my boyfriend’s but my car broke down.”

Why was he even answering, Hux didn't know. He hated small talk, it made him feel uncomfortable, but he kept talking nonetheless. Maybe it was Rose’s calm expression, the comforting look in her eyes; maybe she had just caught him off guard. He didn't know her and yet it was like they’ve always being friends. Sort of.  
“I went to the garage but i guess it's too late for that. There is any chance I could get a mechanic or a cab to get to the city?”  
Rose opened her mouth to answer but she got interrupted by a very tall guy, shoulder long dark hair, quite big nose and soft looking lips. His tag read ‘Kylo R.’  
“I could give it a look” he said, looking at Hux, but not straight at him, more at his hair. Then he turned to Rose “It’s not like we’re crowded”.

She smiled at him, gave at Hux a measuring look, then turned to Kylo again.

“It’s fine with me, as long as you tell me everything about it later”.

Hux was almost sure she winked at her colleague. Weird.  
Kylo disappeared behind a 'staff only' door and returned, a moment later, wearing a hoodie over his uniform. He walked past the counter and headed outside,  giving Hux an almost imperceptible sing with head. They hardly managed to start the engine again and Hux waited for Kylo to open the garage's door before driving the car into it. Kylo had switched the lights on, waited for Hux to get off the car before pulling a small tools cart near to it and lit a small lamp into the hood. He really seemed to know his stuff about engines, moving his long fingers through indistinct and greasy bit and pieces. He was a silent kind of guy. While he worked with his head down and his face hidden by his hair, Hux wondered how he managed to see anything through that curtain.  
Hux was almost sure he heard Kylo muttering under his breath something about ‘people not taking proper care of the engine’ and felt somehow guiltily blushing. Hurt in his pride, Hux thought about answering back, but he wanted to get to Poe fast and didn't want to waste is only chance to have his car fixed, even if he’d love to put this emo waiter in his place.  
At that, Kylo tilted his head up, turning slightly towards Hux: “Good as new”. That’s when Hux saw it, a long, ghastly scar cutting Kylo’s face from brow to neck. Hux had the good sense to look immediately away, afraid at being caught staring at it, feeling guilty about his previous judjy thoughts and not wanting Kylo to feel uncomfortable.  
Hux offered to pay him for his help but Kylo didn't want any money, he offered to buy him a coffee or anything else to repay him, but Kylo muttered something about he’d already spent his break time to fix hux’es car and must head back to work. Hux thanked him again, went back into the warmth of the shop  to pay his tea, said goodnight and started his car, pulling finally back into the motorway.  
When he arrived to Poe’s, he found his boyfriend already fast asleep in his bed.

Hux was restless. He prepared to go to bed, feeling annoyed at Poe for not waiting him awake. They haven’t seen each other all week and, despite all the video chat sex, Hux was burning for the real deal. Evidently, Poe wasn’t on the same page, after all.  
Laying in bed wide awake, Hux switched his phone on and started fumbling with it. Nothing interesting on GALAXYGRAM nor on his favorite STARSBOOK, same old boring stuff. Right then and there he thought about leaving a positive review about '1st order café and gas station'. He looked it up on Starsbook and, right there, among the staff pics, there was a pic of Kylo. He was busy at the coffee machine, his back turned to the customers but his head was slightly turned towards a girl sitting at the counter. He was smiling at her, his expression sweet and comfortable. She must have been his girlfriend. Hux stared at the pic for a while, looking his beautiful dark wavy hair and the plush lips. Mechanically clicked on ‘leave a comment’ and prompted “Thanks again for your help today! You saved my weekend.” Then pushed enter.  
When the message appeared along the others, Hux stared at it in complete disbelief. He was not the kind of boyfriend who left random messages at strangers, even if it was only to thank someone who helped him out. He would have usually stalked someone down and sent a private message. It was too late for that now, he couldn’t delete the message and, after all, he didn’t write anything wrong. He was feeling awkward nonetheless and he didn’t know why. He turned his phone off and tried to get some sleep. It already was 3am and he felt his eyes heavy.  
He woke up feeling light kisses pressed on his inner tights. Opening his eyes he saw Poe kneeling between his legs, his eyes two dark pools of desire. His brown curls were disheveled by a night’s sleep, he was wearing a tight, red tank top and tiny black briefs, which couldn’t hide how much happy was Poe to see Hux.  
“Morning” whispered Hux, lifting his hips towards Poe. He caught the hint and slipped Hux’es underwear to reveal his already hard cock. They exchanged just a glance, then Poe took the lube from the bedside table and squeezed a generous amount on his hands and Hux’es cock, then started working on it like it was the purpose of his life; he began slowly and gently, increasing the rhythm and the strength of his hold. Hux gratified him with some moans and pleads, thrusting in Poe’s hands to seek a higher pleasure; he was almost lost in his first orgasm. Too bad this wasn’t Poe’s plan. He let go of Hux and got up from the bed, earning a heartfelt “what the fuck!” from Hux. He managed to say just that, though, as Poe was pushing his own cock into hux’es mouth. “Don’t be greedy, mi Amor. I waited for you like this for hours, yesterday” and, as he spoke, he took Hux’es left hand and brought it to his own ass. Hux’es eyes widened when his hand found a plug between Poe’s round cheeks. Hux was still sucking gladly at Poe and was now lit with renewed desire, his own cock twitching in response. Poe noticed it and slightly turned his torso to get his hands on Hux again. But Hux was too greedy, he made Poe lie on his side, glassed his own cock with lube, unplugged the sex toy from Poe and plug himself in, with no mercy and in complete silence. He bite and sucked every bit on skin available to him until they both were close to reach their pleasure. Poe wanted desperately to touch himself, but he knew better, certain that Hux wouldn’t want him to. Hux kept thrusting and grabbing every bit of skin he could reach, pinching Poe's nipples hard, nibbing at his earlobes and sinking his nails on Poe's sides until he felt him tense with the first waves of pleasure. After his last plea, Hux had him lay on his back and, without losing their contact, Hux took Poe’s cock in his hand. It took Poe two strokes to reach his orgasm, one he had waited for the whole week. Hux followed right after, filling Poe with his warm semen and collapsing next to him.

He fell asleep almost instantly.


	2. Poe

POE  
Poe smiled at his sleeping beauty. He was used at Hux deaden after sex, he actually loved it. Hux looked so calm and peaceful, far from the tense control freak he looked like when he was awake. They stayed in bed like that for almost an hour, Poe caressing Hux while he slept, then Poe's stomach started grumbling and he got up for a shower and some scrambled tofu with marinated zucchini and fruit salad. He actually thought about making a batch of pancakes, but then gave up. He was getting soft in the middle and didn’t want Hux to tease him for eating too much; not that he wasn’t planning on burning those calories straight away. He absolutely loved his weekends with Hux and couldn’t wait to get his new job at Alderaan law firm, so he could move in with him. He hated being parted all week and was fervent to get their relationship at the next level. Hux lately seemed a little distracted, far away and Poe was feeling a bit uneasy. He trusted Hux to be faithful, but he knew Hux had loads of young students around him, like all the time, so being parted was amplifying Poe’s worst fears. He was lost in his thoughts when he felt a hand on his shoulder, Hux’es fresh minty breath whisper “Morning love” to his ear. Poe turned on the kitchen stall to face Hux properly and kissed him. It started with a soft peck, a brush of lips, then Hux'es tongue asked permission to land in Poe’s mouth and tasting Poe's breakfast, then it was his stomach's turn to make noises, at which they broke the kiss with a laugh. Hux ate lazily, sitting on the kitchen counter, while Poe was trying to get his attention in every possible way but Hux was irremovable, Poe had promised him they would spend the day at the National War Archives and he wasn’t going to get distracted. He was aching to put his hands on a manuscript on the Sith Wars, so he bossed Poe into the shower while he took care of the dishes and, after an hour and a quick blowjob (Poe was insatiable that morning), they mounted on Poe’s motorbike and took off to the N.W.A..  
The building itself was stunning and deserved a guided tour. After that they had lunch at the NWA café and then headed to the library. Hux was in his element, wearing his cotton white gloves to preserve the ancient pages from skin contamination, he flipped through them in complete awe.Poe was getting bored, fast. After 45 minutes spent staring at Hux going from book to book, taking notes and pictures, he excused himself and went outside to take some air. Unlike Hux, he hated library’s smell of mold and old paper.  
It was a sunny November afternoon, the sky were clear, surprisingly cloudless. Opposite the NWA there was a square, empty and quiet. Poe went there and sat on a bench, taking out his phone from his faux leather jacket. There weren’t any messages so he went on Starsbook and looked at his feeds, then moved to Hux'es profile to write some boyfriend nonsense, just to pass time. When the page loaded he started reading other people messages on hux’es board. There was one from Phasma, reminding Hux they’ve been friends on Starsbook for 6 years (double that in real life). There was a post from his mother about a new tech to save old parchment, and then there was a post from a certain Kylo R. of whom Poe knew nothing about. Poe opened the post immediately. The profile photo was a black combat helmet, the profile itself was private so Poe couldn’t sneak at the pictures. The post read “You’re welcome. Come back anytime”.  
With a feeling of dread filling his heart, Poe switched his phone off and put it back on the left breast pocket with shaky hands. He got up from the bench and started strolling up and down in front of the archive. He didn’t know what to make of that post. He didn’t want to make a scene, he didn’t want to argue with Hux, not when they had so little time to spend together. The more Poe tried to use his head to get through this situation the more his heart stepped in the way. His less confident side was already suggesting awful scenarios of Hux and Kylo having sex or, worse, Hux leaving Poe for Kylo.  
“Hey sweetheart”. Hux was behind him, circling with his long thin arms and planting a kiss under his earlobe. “Where have you been? I’ve been looking for you for half an hour.”  
“I got bored and got out for some air” snapped Poe, making Hux flinch for the sudden change of attitude and Poe regret his harshness almost immediately. He turned in Hux'es embrace and kissed his cheek as a peace offering. Hux smiled at that, suggesting it was time to go home to beg Poe for forgiveness for keeping him at the archive all Saturday. He proposed to get thai food take out, get in the Jacuzzi while they waited and then put a movie as a back sound for their lovemaking. Poe smiled thinly, trying to look pleased but feeling betrayal growing deeply in his chest.

Throughout bath time and dinner Hux went on the offensive, trying to win at least one of Poe’s beautiful and heartwarming smiles, but nothing he could conjure up seemed to work. There was something simmering in Poe’s head but Hux couldn’t figure it out. When the movie finished they still had their clothes on, Poe got up from the couch and was silently heading to the bathroom to prepare for the night. Hux didn’t know what to do, he didn’t understand what was going on with Poe but decided to address the matter right away. He followed Poe in the bathroom and asked what was the matter with him, why was he acting like a complete psycho, warm and insatiable in the morning, cold like a corpse at night.  
Poe could not believe what Hux had just told him. calling him a psycho, while it was Hux who had a double life and face. Poe wasn’t the one receiving messages from other men. He was hurting terribly and was at a complete loss of speech. He didn’t want to have a discussion and shut down into complete silence. Heading to bed he ignored Hux'es ultimatum “Tell me what’s wrong or I’ll leave this instant”, he simply laid down on the bed on his right side, giving his back to Hux who, in a fit of anger, packed his stuff and left without a word.  
That night Poe cried himself to sleep.


	3. HUX

Hux was furious. He wasn’t going to take this shit anymore. If Poe ever wanted to talk and explain himself and this madness, he knew Hux's address, email, phone number. If he didn’t, well, good riddance. Hux switched the car's engine on and drove to the first bar he knew. Once inside, he ordered a whiskey and switched his phone on. Out of habit, he went to his Starsbook profile page to check his notifications. There was a message from Phasma, one from his mother and one from Kylo R. Last message said

“You’re welcome. Come back anytime”.

That was it, the reason why Poe got mad at him. They were breaking up because Poe was too jealous to even talk to him? Hux had never felt so angry before and yet, while the whiskey started to warm his stomach up and his temper was cooling down, he felt more sympathy for Poe. Hux knew how hard it was for him to trust people, even Hux, after his last fiancée betrayed him only to end up dead in a car crash with his lover. Probably he and Poe were going to mend fences soon, at least if Hux decided to put some effort in it. As per now, the only thing he wanted to do was get drunk and become more forgiving towards Poe’s nonsensical jealousy, or pass out and forget how hard it was, sometimes, to be in a relationship.

At 3 a.m. the bartender sent Hux, and last few drunks that ware still lingering there, on their way. Hux was stoned, his pride was hurt badly so, in a fit of stubbornness, he decided he preferred spending the night in the car instead of calling Poe to pick him up. He lowered the driver seat and used his coat as a blanket, hoping not to freeze to death during the night. He fell asleep instantly, but didn’t sleep for long.

He had closed his eyes for maybe twenty minutes when he heard someone knocking at the car window. He thought it might be the police and that in some way he was going to spend the night in a cell but, when he got a proper look at the person outside, he recognized him immediately. It was Kylo. What the hell was he doing, knocking at his car window, at 3.30 a.m.? Hux turned the window down just a couple of inches and greeted with a “Hey, whazzup?” that made himself realize just how drunk he was.

“I recognized the car’s plates, I thought I saw someone inside and I pulled over to see if everything was ok.”

Kylo was smiling warmly at him; he seemed truly concerned.

“Yea, I’m ok. Just tryin’ to get some sleep” Hux slurred back, shifting drunkenly over the seat as Kylo’s eyes widened in amazement.

“Sleep in the car? This surely is a good plan, if you want to freeze to death; a snow storm is due tonight or tomorrow at best. Don’t you have a place to stay?”

“Yeah - huffed Hux with annoyance - my car”.

At that, Kylo made an exasperated grunt, opened the car door, which Hux in his drunkenness had left unlocked, forced a non collaborative Hux out of it and took the keys out of his grasp as he vaguely attempted to hit Kylo with it.

“You’re coming home with me”.

They were almost the same height, but Kylo was more built, his shoulders were wider and imposing; Hux didn’t have the strength to argue with him so he simply stopped wiggling in Kylo's grasp and went along. Kylo slid his right arm around Hux's thin waist to catch him in case his knees gave up and walked him to his own car, helping him in the back seat, where he laid down drowsily and fell asleep in an heartbeat.

  
When Hux woke up, next morning, his head was splitting in two; he had possibly the worst hungover of his life. He didn't recognize the room he had slept in and, worst of all, the man in bed next to him wasn’t Poe.

At first he wasn’t sure he knew that man. Black hair, massive pecs, long scar across his face. Sure! His name was Kylo, and he was naked. Just like Hux.


	4. Poe

Poe spent a fitful night, turning and tossing in his wide, cold bed. He was alone. Hux left him and he hadn’t manage to say a word to stop him.

How could have Hux betrayed him like that? He knew how bad had ended Poe’s past relationship, how is fiancée had died in a car crash while he was with another man, cheating on him. The whole thing had crushed Poe. It took him years to get well, lots of psychotherapy, drugs, two suicide attempts. When he had finally felt ready and his therapist had encouraged him, suggesting that it was time to move on, he met had Hux. It had actually been Poe’s father, Kes, to introduce them.

At the time, Kes was head of the History Department at Alderaan University, where Hux also worked. Even if Poe wasn’t really into history, or ancient books for that matter and it seemed, at the beginning of their relationship, that they didn’t have much in common, they fell easily for one another.

Poe loved Hux for been so cool, sassy and bossy. The truth was that being with a control freak made him feel protected, safe. Even if they managed to be together mostly only at weekends, Poe’s feelings deepened quickly, he couldn’t wait to get the new position he had applied for, at Alderaan Law Firm, so that they could finally move together.

It was now sadly clear to him that Hux wasn’t of the same idea. It was probably not enough for him to hang only at weekends and maybe he couldn’t or wouldn’t wait for him to get his new job.

Worst possible scenario was that Hux’s feelings weren’t as deep as Poe's. He was wrecked only at the thought of it.

  
He texted his colleague and friend, Holdo, to tell her he wasn’t going to work the next day. He couldn’t possibly manage to get up from bed.

The only thing he wanted to do was drink himself to sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

HUX

  
Slowly Hux started remembering about the day before. How he met Kylo, how wonderful had been his awakening with Poe, how fantastic had been their Saturday, until Poe shut down and refused to talk to him.

Everything was slowly coming back to him, the harsh words he'd said, leaving the house and going to the first bar he knew, how Kylo had rescued him.

Why they were both naked, though, he could only guess, and not without a pang of remorse. They probably had sex. Kylo was a good looking man, in a way. Those plush lips looked quite tempting even now that he was sober, not to mention that remarkable big cock. He was feeling split between the sudden physical attraction he felt towards Kylo and the heartbreak at the thought that things with Poe couldn’t go back to how they were.

Stoic Hux felt a big fat tear drop from his eye and fell on his chest. His eyes were clouded, his throat tight. He didn’t notice that Kylo was awake.

“Morning” he muttered, and silently got up to disappear behind the bathroom door. He probably wasn’t a morning person, definitely not a chatty one, and fortunately so. Hux wasn’t prepared for any form of chit-chat.  
Being alone shook him a bit; he went looking for his clothes and phone. He couldn’t find the first but was lucky with the second. He found it on a desk close to the door. When he unlocked the screen there was nothing from Poe, only one from Kes, Poe’s father and Hux'es ex colleague. The message was brief:

‘Poe's phone is still off. Is everything ok?’

Hux froze. He didn’t want for Kes to worry about his son, so he replied something about Poe's phone running out of charge and assured him everything was ok. Then Hux knocked gently at the bathroom’s door, Kylo had been in for quite a while now and Hux needed his stuff so he could go and check on Poe.

Kylo opened the door immediately, like he had been standing behind it the whole time.

“What happened last night? Did we have sex? Where are my clothes?” His tone might have been a bit snappy but he was really worrying about Poe now and he would have done anything to get to him in that exact moment.  
“You were completely drunk last night. When we arrived here you’ve been sick all over yourself and me as well. I put our clothes in the washer, got both of us cleaned up. You lost consciousness the moment your head touched the pillow. I already put all clothes in the dryer, they must be ready now.”  
“Very well, I've got kind of an emergency at home, my boyfriend seems to be out of reach. I must go and see what’s going on” said Hux, a bit calmer.

Kylo went into the bathroom and came back with Hux'es things. He dressed and thanked Kylo for his help. He refused, as kindly as he could manage, the cup of coffee Kylo was offering and went out to call a cab.

When he reached the sidewalk he saw his car parked at the end of the road. When he got in, turned the engine on and, in 10 minutes flat, he was parking under Poe’s building.

He saluted with a weak smile the doormen, who had opened the door for him and asked him if he had seen or heard from Poe that day. He denied. When Hux arrived at the door, he couldn’t conjure the strength to knock, ring the bell or open the door with his own key. Then he heard a muffled voice behind the door, a painful sound that made his skin crawl. He turned the key into the lock and he was in, staring at Poe sprawled out on the carpeted floor; the lovely face was turned on his right side, the sweet eyes shut. For a long moment Hux had feared for the worst and hadn’t known what to do. When he thought he saw a small movement, he went to his side and checked if he was actually breathing. Next thing to do was try to wake him up without moving him in case he had fell and injured himself in some way.

Hux was already sliding the phone screen up to call for aid, lightly shaking Poe's shoulder in the meanwhile, when Poe slowly opened his eyes and, recognizing Hux, mumbled “Go away”, closing his eyes yet again.

His breath stank of alcohol. A lot. Hux shook him for his shoulder again and, when Poe proved to be awake and in one piece but didn’t want to collaborate, Hux lifted him up and almost dropped him into the bathtub, spraying him with freezing water over his face and clothes.

Poe's eyes opened immediately at the shock, an angry look was painted on his face; when he opened his mouth to scream his protests, Hux closed it with a relieved kiss, then started sobbing with his head nested in Poe's neck. Poe tried to shove Hux away, but Hux held on to him with all his strength and managed to say

“I’m sorry sweetheart, I know what you're afraid of. I haven’t cheated on you, I swear! Please darling believe me. I can prove it to you” and again went on sobbing, blocking Poe with a bone crushing embrace.

At this pitiful sight, knowing how hard was to move his stoic asshole to tears, Poe thought he might leave Hux explain himself.

“All right - he said - Let’s put some clothes on and then you can try to explain to me who the fuck is this Kylo”.

Hux managed a tight, teary smile and got up, helping Poe to get up as well. Once they had put on something dryer and warmer, drunk a cup of tea and coffee, Hux told Poe everything about his car breaking down, he getting drunk after their fight the night before and Kylo helping him out both times.

“You can talk to him if you need to, but I assure you, you're the only man I love”. His words seemed so heartfelt that Poe couldn’t do anything else but believe him.

They were both pretty shaken by the emotional wreck so, after Hux got Poe to call Kes to reassure him, Hux called sick at work for the next day. He said he was going to sleep on the couch but Poe grabbed him by the wrist and lead him to his bedroom. They slept in each other’s arms for almost the whole afternoon.

This time Hux woke up first and went down on Poe; he wanted to wash away the hurt he was still feeling, with his boyfriend taste. Poe couldn’t understand what was going on at first. He thought he was dreaming of Hux sucking him hard but, when he opened his eyes, he realized it wasn’t a dream. When Hux saw that Poe was awake, he managed half a smile without letting go of his cock.

“Oi mi amor” said Poe with sleepy voice, caressing Hux'es hair, at that Hux took him all the way through, until it was hitting the bottom of his throat. Poe gasped with pleasure and enjoyed the view until it was too much, he needed something different, he wanted to be inside Hux so desperately, to make him his, he wanted to feel like they were one single thing.

“Let me have you, mi amor” said Poe. Hux'es eyes lit with a mix of tenderness and desire.

“Please, do” were his only words and, when they shifted position and Poe took control, they lost themselves into each other. For a while, they had been as one.


	6. Chapter 6

KYLO

  
When Kylo woke up that Sunday morning, he saw a naked and almost weeping Hux laying next to him. At first his instinct told him to grab this lucky chance with both hands, but he wasn't so insensitive to ignore that the poor man was in pieces. He could tell even if he didn't know him well or, actually, at all. Kylo went to the bathroom instead, pretending he needed to piss while he just stood behind the door, giving Hux his space.

He was a bit embarrassed by his cock not wanting to subdue even in this weird situation. He couldn't help himself, he had wanted to fuck Hux from the moment he had laid eyes on him. When he heard him talking with Rose about having a boyfriend, Kylo thought that if Hux was gay he might have a chance, boyfriend or not. That thought died, back at the garage, when Kylo saw Hux frowning at his scar. He was used to it, people found it disgusting and kept him at distance for it. The only people who didn't, excluding his family, were Rey and Rose, and Kylo was grateful for both his friends.

When Kylo found Hux completely wasted, that night, he saw an opportunity to, at least, get to know him better, but Hux had passed away almost immediately, so there hadn't been any bonding. He probably had the man of his dreams in his bed, being vulnerable and all, but he couldn’t conjure the courage to go to him.  
That was what his head was saying, his cock didn't want to leave it be, it was getting harder by the minute so he just laid hands on himself, at least to be able to leave the bathroom without too much embarrassment. It didn't take him much, knowing Hux was in his bed, naked, with that perfect round ass at his disposal, to reach his pleasure with a few strokes. He knew he was going to need more than that, probably soon, but it was all he was going to get in that frame. When he finished, he cleaned himself up and was getting his breath back when he heard a soft knock at the door.

Hux, red rimmed eyes, disheveled hair and shaky look, was demanding an explanation for him being there and for the lack of clothes.  
Ten minutes later he had received what he asked for, he was gone again, running back to that Poe he'd been mumbling about all night.

Kylo went back to bed. He had to rest if he wanted to face his Monday's double shift. It was a favor he owed to Rose, so he did it willingly and, after all, he maybe got to see Hux again. One thing came up to him when he was almost asleep: Hux didn't react at his scar today, he had always looked straight into his eyes.

Hux'es eyes were something else, a beautiful shade of green between grass and emerald. kylo hoped he was going to see more of them in the future. He held Hux'es pillow and fell asleep breathing in his perfume.


	7. Chapter 7

Hux

Hux and Poe spent almost all Monday in bed, ordering take out and making slow, quiet, sweet love until the moment they knew they had to part again for another working week. Sex had always had the power to bring them back to each other, to wash away the taste of that horrible Saturday evening. When Hux left Poe, they had both felt peaceful and sated. Their goodbyes had been a little more emotional than usual, wishing each other good luck for the incoming big working events they had planned for Tuesday. Hux held Poe at the door for a long tender, wet kiss, before caressing his face and, with a trembling smile, disappeared behind the elevator’s doors; he got on his car and left Yavin 4 thinking already about next weekend, when Poe was going to visit him. During the drive, his mind kept going back at Poe in bed with him, his beautiful olive skin marked by Hux'es love bites, the taste of his mouth, the sweet sounds Poe made when he fucked Hux, how good it felt when he came inside him, so good that he almost hadn’t needed to touch himself to come. They laid in bed for quite a bit, Poe still plugged inside Hux while they talked and laughed and kissed and caressed each other, when it was time to swap parts: it was Hux'es turn to prepare Poe's butt, first tonguing him limply, then swapping his tongue with his lubed fingers, brushing his hole, opening him up until his beloved was panting, moaning and begging for more. When he finally pushed himself inside Poe, the pleasure was so intoxicating he closed his eyes, enjoying the bliss of having Poe’s warm body around his own. The thrusts were slow at the beginning, allowing Poe to adjust to Hux; as they panted and moaned together, Hux increased speed and depth of his pushes, until he was buried into Poe completely and could reach Poe's dick with his right hand. He knew they were both close to peak when suddenly the features of a man appeared behind his closed eyelids, right when he and his partner were reaching their orgasm together, Hux was thinking about Kylo, and the intensity of it made him collapse on Poe with a gasp of both pleasure and guilt once he was spent.

He felt so wrong, so ashamed, he kept holding Poe from the back, just because he didn’t have the guts to face him, for fear that Poe might see there was something wrong going on with him. Hux kept holding Poe like that for quite a while, just cuddling and trying to let his feelings and breath to cool down. When he noticed Poe was napping, he slid out of bed and went to have a shower, he needed the time alone. He couldn’t or wouldn’t do this to Poe, cheat on him wasn’t an option, not even with his thoughts. Probably the night spent at Kylo’s, as uneventful as it had been, had disrupt him in a way he didn’t realize until now. The only possible thing to do was to avoid seeing Kylo again.

A sudden and insistent beeping brought back Hux to reality. A light was flashing on the car’s dashboard: he was running out of petrol. Kylo's words about people not taking good care of their car came back to him. Of course the next petrol station was 1st Order’s. Hux couldn’t believe it, he only hoped Kylo wasn’t working that evening. He pulled out from the main road and went straight to the pumps, then he went in to pay, with a knotted stomach and sweaty hands. Kylo was behind the counter, working at the coffee machine; next to him there was a girl but not the one he saw last time, this was the one Hux saw in the pic on Starsbook.

Kylo and Rey’s uniform were black polo or t-shirt and trousers, with the red logo sewn on the left breast pocket. There was a baseball hat to match the outfit, but he never saw Kylo wearing it. Rey and Kylo were talking and him was actually laughing with her. His smile took Hux'es breath away and left him standing, like a speechless fool, frozen in front of the counter.

“May I help you?” the girl asked him, smiling broadly. It was a beautiful smile that reached her eyes, turning them into the two sweetest crescents he had ever seen. Hearing her speak, Kylo turned in her direction and his smile died on his lips. He muttered “Hey” then turned back to the coffee machine.

“Ehm, I have to pay. For the petrol. I have to pay for the petrol” babbled Hux.

“Rey, can you finish here, please?” Kylo said, pointing at the coffee machine. Then he tilted his head towards the cash desk to Hux.

“Hey” he said again.

“Hey” answered Hux. The whole situation was really embarrassing.

“It’s 30.45” Kylo was smiling at him now. It took Hux a little too much to reconnect his harm to his brain, then he handed over his credit card. When he got it back, along with the receipt, he thanked and said goodbye, looking straight at his shoes, that had become somehow irresistible in the last five minutes. He hoped he wasn’t going to go through something so embarrassing for the next ten years at least. He hadn’t felt that way since middle school.

“Hux, wait!”, called Kylo from behind him. He jogged around the counter and was now standing next to him, their hands brushing. They went outside and stopped beside the door, facing each other. They were almost the same height. Hux was looking straight into Kylo's eyes: a new light lit them. Hux went back at admiring his shoes, feeling quite unconformable.

“How did your emergency go?” asked Kylo.

“Ehm, it turned out ok” he replied.

“Oh good. Is your boyfriend ok? Poe, isn’t he?”

“Yes, he’s fine. Wait, do you know him?” asked Hux.

“You’ve been moaning this name all night, so I just guessed.” At that Hux blushed shamelessly.

“Oh. Well. He’s fine, Poe's fine, thanks for asking. Now if you’ll excuse me, I must keep going. Thanks again for your help, Kylo, I owe you.”

“Ben” murmured Kylo, biting his lower lip.

“Say again?” Hux wasn’t sure he understood.

“My name. Ben. You can call me Ben. That’s what my friends call me.” And without waiting for a reply, still biting his lip, Ben threw one last unreadable glance at Hux and went back inside, leaving Hux speechless and very hard, in the cold November air.

‘Oh fuck me’ Hux thought returning to his car. He had just promised himself he wasn’t going to see Kylo again, and there he was, flirting with the man himself while his boyfriend was just two hours away from him.

‘What the hell am I doing?’


	8. Chapter 8

POE

When Hux left, Poe was still a bit shaky. He had to prepare for an important case for the next day so, after a shower, he went to his office to study his papers. The case was about the exodus of a vast number of people escaping from war places or poor countries towards peaceful or richer countries, it was about civil rights of immigrants and war refugees. It was a very delicate subject, also a dear one to Poe, being a son of immigrants himself. His family left their native country almost 32 years prior, hoping to build a new life in a peaceful country; it had been a good choice. Kes, Poe's father, and his wife worked at Alderaan University, where Poe had studied as well. Poe's mother died when he was a tittle more than a boy and, since then, it had always been him and his father.

Poe tried to focus on his work, drank almost a pot of coffee, hoping to stay awake; last weekend had been so full of events that left him exhausted. He gave up and went to bed, on Hux'es side, and sent his boyfriend a text to say how much he loved him. He knew Hux was driving so he didn't expect any answer before midnight. Five minutes later, though, he received a call from Hux.

"Oi mi amor, whazzup? I thought you weren't going go call me before midnight. Is everything okay?"

"Yes sweetheart, I just had to stop to fill up the tank. How is it going? Have you managed to do some working?" Poe felt warmth spreading in his chest at Hux'es concern.

"Not much baby. I've already been missing you".

"Me too, darling. i just wanted to wish you good luck for tomorrow. I'm so sorry I won't be able to be there".

"It's ok mi amor, I know you're having a big day of your own. I better come back to you later, though. I love you, mi corazon" and he hung up.

Maybe it wasn't too late to give a call to his colleague. She was probably still awake. He dialed her number and put his phone on speaker.

"Good evening Poe. How can I help you?". She had answered at the second ring, she was probably still working.

"Sorry to bother you so late, Holdo, I thought you might be still working. I was going through the papers before we see Snoke tomorrow, but I had some problems focusing. Do you mind if we go through it together?" he said.

"Sure. Give me two minutes and I videocall from the studio". Bless Holdo, he could always count on her. She was one of the senior associates, she took Poe under her wing from his day one at the firm. She saw his potential and was helping him reach his goal to move to Alderaan. Two hours later they were done for the night.

"If we succeed in this, not only we help our clients out, we also create a precedent for other refugees, and we could push on public opinion and together fight to get a new immigration law. We have to, we need a new law." She was so determined, she was going to fight hard. "Plus" she went on "once we get there, Alderaan won't be able to say no to you." Her jolly tone put a smile on his lips.

"I hope you're right, my friend. Thanks a lot for tonight, see you tomorrow."

Poe went to bed exhausted but less worried. He sent a goodnight kinky vid to Hux and fell asleep. He had a weird dream that night. Poe was strolling along a river with Hux, it was a warm summer sunset, the sky was dotted with pink, orange and yellow clouds. Poe and Hux were holding hands and chatting lightly  while they walked. Poe stopped, went on his knee in front of Hux, holding a beautiful platinum ring in his hands. When Hux said yes and Poe put it on his left ring finger, Hux wasn't in front of him anymore. A younger man had took his place, tall and broad-chested, magnetic brown eyes, soft lips and dark wavy hair. He was leaning over to kiss Poe. His mouth tasted of coffee.

The alarm went off at 6 a.m., time to get up, get a shower and take care of something quite awake inside his pants.


	9. Chapter 9

KYLO

‘Sure mom, I know it’s important for her. I’ll try to be there. Yeah, mom, I have a clean shirt. No, I'm coming alone, Rey has to work. Ok. See you there? Yes. Bye mom.’

“Oh god, she's so bossy” Kylo muttered under his breath. After Hux left the shop, Rey had peppered him with questions about the crazy-looking man who had Kylo blushing so bad.

“Rose told me about the car you fixed the other day, that you didn’t want any money from the guy. Now I can see why. He was that guy, wasn’t he? Rose said you were acting weirdly after that, all serious and stuff.” She was looking at him intently, like she was trying to read through him. Kylo dismissed her with a smiley

“None of your or Rose’s business. Is that what you do instead of working? Gossip about me? There’s not much to talk about, anyway”. He wished he had something to say, but Hux seemed to push him back every time Kylo tried to connect. That Poe Hux had muttered about when he was in his bed, he must be some special guy to get someone like Hux running to his aid like a bloody knight in shining armor. Kylo hadn’t thought about anything else since Sunday morning: how beautiful was Hux; how sweet he looked in his sleep; how bad tempered, snappy, gentle he could act. Kylo wanted to know him better, lay his hands on that silky round ass, redden the perfect skin with bites and kisses, he ..

“BEN, ARE YOU THERE?” Rey was calling him from the closet.

“Sure, whazzup?” he came out of his Hux-bubble with a frown.

“Come and help me with these bags of sugar, would you? Someone had stored them on the top shelve again, I can’t reach them.”

“Must have been Rose” he answered, half laughing.

“Yeah, sure” laughed back Rey. Rose was the shortest of the staff, only 5.2, while Kylo was the tallest with his 6.2.

“So – said Rey – this redhead is really taking on you. I've never seen you daydreaming in the middle of a shift” she gave him an ‘I can see through you’ look and, smiling, went on “I admit he’s good looking, all things considered.”

“What do you mean?” he asked, curiously. She shrugged her shoulders and replied:

“He looks like a time bomb, ready to explode”. She was now smirking. He agreed with her but didn’t say it. There was something about Hux, it seemed he was always struggling to keep his feelings under control. It was one of the things that turned Kylo on, along the fact that he was so unpredictable, his emotions so easily readable on his face, no matter how hard Hux tried to hide them. After Kylo had told him his real name, Hux had looked confused but also curious, not to mention what grew evident under those grey well fitted skinny jeans Hux was wearing that night. Boyfriend or not, it was evident that Hux wanted him back, maybe he didn’t know it yet, but part of him was attracted to Kylo, just like Kylo was attracted to him. That knowledge ignited something wild in Kylo, a need to chase, to pursue him until Hux had surrendered to him and fell at his mercy.

“BEN!” he turned to Rey, who seemed quite amused about something. “Daydreaming again? So soon?” she smirked at him.

“Let’s close this place” he said, smiling back “I have that stuff with my mother tomorrow morning.”

“Oh, yeah, I forgot. How is it going between them? How do you feel about it?

“I'm cool. I mean, it’s not like dad is around anymore. And Holdo, she's fine; I can tell she cares about mom, so I guess that’s it. Mom deserves to be happy. Dad loved her but he could be such an ass sometimes.” He replied.

“I'm so happy for her. She's the kindest woman I’ve ever met” Rey said, with an unexpected warmth in her voice.

“She's always had a soft spot for you, you know? She’d been quite disappointed with me when I broke up with you, until I came out with her, anyway. She keeps telling me she’ll be happy if I find a man who’s even half as nice as you are. <<She’s hard to best, Ben.>>”. Kylo said last sentence imitating his mother’s voice. The outcome had been so hilarious they both broke out laughing to tears.

“Tell her I love her too” she said, grinning, after a pause to regain her breath.

His expression changed, then, he was looking suddenly dead serious “You know I'm sorry Rey, don’t you?” He didn't know how conversation's tone had changed so rapidly, but he meant what he'd told her. He spent so many sleepless nights wishing he really was able to love Rey the way he was supposed to or, at least, the way he thought it was right back then. Lots of therapy helped him understand that he was free to love anybody he fancied, there weren't binding rules in love.

“Don’t even start, Ben Solo! – replied her – I wouldn’t change this – and she took his hands in hers – for the whole world.” They looked warmly at each other, then they finally closed the café, said their goodbyes and went home. Kylo was exhausted but felt a strange energy run through him, like a sort of happy dizziness. He knew he was falling for Hux.

When he got home, he took a shower and, once in bed, slid his phone up and went on Starsbook to sneak on Hux'es profile. He scrolled through all profile pictures (the only ones he’d access to, having Hux not replied at his friendship request, yet). He found one of Hux in a park. He was sitting on the grass, his legs were crossed ad the ankles, his torso slightly bent backwards, his hands both flat on the grass to hold him up, head bending a little on the left. He was smiling at the camera, his eyes half closed, a warm expression painted on his face. The sun was shining on him and seemed ignite his hair. He was so damn beautiful Ben felt his chest aching.

He fell asleep holding the phone in his hands.


	10. Chapter 10

POE

The alarm went off at 6 am, Poe stretched a bit on his bed, went out of the warmth of the covers, heading straight to the bathroom. It was a very important day for him, for the firm, for all the people they represented and for  all the refugees of the world. He was nervous and excited at the same time.. Holdo was right, if all went well, his career might benefit from it in terms of exposure as a human rights lawyer but he might also get the job he wanted. 

He showered carefully but without losing time, he wanted to get to court at least  an hour prior to have time to review all his notes and get in the mood for the trial. It was a foggy day, the temperature had dropped at least ten degrees so for breakfast he cooked something warming: black coffee, chickpea frittata with mushrooms and Brussels sprouts. 

After brushing his teeth he put on the dark grey Prince of Wales tailored suit Hux had picked and paid for 'his sweetheart's big day', two weeks earlier. A white shirt went with it, a brown and cobalt patterned tie, white and cobalt pocket handkerchief, light grey socks and black leather shoes. Poe wanted to buy a simple not tailored brown suit but Hux made him change his mind. 

He would need stop thanking his lucky star for making him meet Hux. He'd never felt so happy before. He already went to look for an engagement ring, not that Hux knew anything about it,  but Poe had already bought one. He wanted to give it to him at Christmas eve after dinner. Poe gave the ring to Kes for safekeeping, he didn’t want for Hux to find the black velvet box by accident. 

His father had wept a little when Poe had given him the box, he was relieved to know that his son had finally met a decent men, who seemed willing to treat his only son with respect. 

When Poe was dressed, he combed his hair one last time, picked his papers, keys of the car and went to the basement. 

When he arrived to court, a small crowd of journalists and supporters of both sides of the dispute were already standing in front of the closed doors. Poe drove to the side gate of the building, parked the car and went through the secondary gate into the hall. Waving at a few employees he went to room 12, where Holdo was waiting for him. Her head was bent down, she was scanning time and again, her notes about the case. "Hello there" greeted Poe, smiling at her. "Hey you" was the answer he got back. He sat across the table and lay his own papers and notes down. 

They discussed once again the few weak points of their case, while sipping coffee, then they put their jackets back on and went to face the judge. 

The courtroom was crowded. journalists, families or friends of their clients and their own families or friends. This massive assembly was unusual for the court, but the interest of the tv and press at their case was something they needed if they wanted the support of public domain.  

That day nor his father nor Hux were among the people who were filling the court with simmering buzz, the first was away for a week ok a cruse with his friend Maz, the second was having a rather big day himself. Hux was presenting the results of eighteen months of hard work, spent searching for a manuscript and  restoring it beautifully.  

He was scanning the crowd nonetheless, to wave at Hondo's partner, Leia. He spotted her at right hand side of the room, always charming and impeccably dressed. She smiled at him, weaving back. Next to her was sitting a young man with dark hair and Leia's brown eyes, probably the son he already heard about, Ben. Poe and Holdo went to greet them briefly and he was introduced to Ben. they exchanged few pleasantries then the lawyers went to their assigned places to wait for the judge. 

Once the trial started, time flew for Poe who, later on, said that was the day he finally understood what Albert Einstein meant by with his relativity theory. 

The only thing that mattered, though, was that today he and Holdo had changed history for the better, Human Rights won over fear, injustices and racism. 

After  two years of hard work and sleepless nights, they could take some rest, focus on their private lives and, maybe, make some plans for the future. 

 

When the room was empty and they had released some statements for the press, Leia and Ben joined them to shake hands and congratulate on their historical achievement.  

Ben's handshake  was strong and firm, his broad smile had reached his eyes this time, brightening his face. His friendly expression changed when their hands touched, Ben's look went from  casual to enquiring, as if he wanted to discover his deepest secrets. There was admiration in his look, and something else, more difficult to decipher. This guy was really intense. Poe felt a sudden shot of adrenaline at that look when, as to save him from himself and that awkward situation, his phone buzzed in the jacket's inside pocket.  

On the display it read "Hux" and he excused himself, waving his phone-holding hand and said as a way of explanation "it's Hux", then he left the room. 

He wasn't sure, but is seemed that Ben’s expression had changed at the mention of Hux'es name. 


	11. Hux

HUX  
Leaving First order café that night had been one of the hardest and yet wisest things Hux had ever done in his entire life. Last glance Ben gave him, a moment before disappearing into the café, left Hux with a sensation of awareness that he hadn’t felt in ages. He realized Ben was into him, but couldn’t tell if it was just sexual attraction or something deeper.  
Hux couldn’t allow himself to feel anything for the young man, so obviously he was burning for Kylo's touch, not to mention a profound sense of guilt and shame deriving by the same attraction.

  
He had just left the café when he decided to pull over and give Poe a call to wipe away the remorse he was experiencing, unfortunately the call left him feeling the most horrible person on heart. Poe was the sweetest, most comprehensive, cute, sexy, funny man de had ever met; Hux was a fool to just peak to another man. The arousal he felt for Ben was unforgivable.

When Hux arrived home, he had a cold shower and went straight to bed, feeling as guilty as he could possibly be. Next morning he collected all the notes and printed all the photographs he took on Saturday at the NWA, then went to work on his bicycle to burn off some steam.

Once he arrived in his office, Hux put his electric boiler on and set all the papers on the desk, while he waited for the water to boil. The day was grey and dump; even if it wasn’t raining yet, Hux could feel the cold creep into his bones. He needed something to warm him up. If he hadn’t had the dissertation in an hour or so, he would have rather had a glass of whiskey instead of the usual cup of tea.

Hux was staring at the boiler, considering to switch it off and grab the bottle of whiskey from the third drawer of the old iron desk desk, when he heard

“May I have some as well?”

Hux lifted his head and saw Phasma at the door. In that moment the water started bubbling. Hux got up from his chair and went to pour it into the tea pot.

“Hello darling. Of course you may”, he greeted her, trying his best to conjure a heartfelt smile. She was still leaning on the jamb, wearing a nice black skirt suit with a light pink blouse and useless high heels sandals.

“Let me ask you something, though. Why the hell do you wear those high heels? You’re 6 foot 3, for stars sake!”

He smirked.

  
“Because, my sweetest and most insolent friend, even tall girls like myself are allowed to be vain from time to time - she smiled playfully at him. - So - she went on, while Hux was pouring a steaming cup of bergamot tea, - How was the weekend? Did you manage to visit the NWA or Poe kept you chained to his bed for three nights in a row?” Phasma was beaming at Hux, but when she saw him frowning, she inclined towards him, covering his left hand with her right.

“What happened? What have you done?”.

Hux exhaled slowly, releasing a breath he didn’t know he was holding. To be able to talk to Phasma about it, made things more bearable for him. He went to the door and closed it, then told her everything. When he finished his account, Phasma was wearing a comprehensive expression, sweet and motherly, in a way. He felt a little relieved, but there were still guilt weighing on the pit of his stomach, and confusion.  
For the first time in his life Hux wasn’t in control either of his emotions, body and mind.  
“My darling boy, you didn’t do anything wrong. Yet.”

Her tone was sweet at the beginning of the sentence, but changed at the end of it, turning into something more severe, almost harsh, admonishing. She didn’t let go of his hand, though, and kept caressing it with her thumb as she went on

"Nobody is expected to turn blind in front of a goodlooking man; you are flash and bone like anybody else. I'm actually astonished that it hasn’t happened before. I'm not suggesting that you're allowed to run to this Ben’s house and have wild sex with him; at least not if Poe is kept in the dark. Have you considered opening up your relationship a bit? You could maybe add a third partner, from time to time, just to spice the things up. And No, I’m not proposing myself as candidate, just in case you were wondering.”

She was smiling at him now, broadly and sweetly. She was teasing him to lift his spirit up and, sure enough, it was working. Phasma knew wat buttons push to make him feel better.

“You're right, Phas, as always. And thank you, darling. For the record, I don’t think Poe would like to share, not after what happened with his ex.”

Hux seemed more calm now, so she pushed a little

“Have you actually asked him? Maybe hell surprise you.” She sounded confident,but Hux was shaking his head.

“I don’t know, Phas” he said “but after our last row, I don’t think the timing is right, now.”

“All right then” she replied “but let me tell you something: the real deal is worth the risk of a couple of arguments.”

She winked and got up from her chair

“Are you ready for the big day?”

He shrugged.

“I guess so.” He offered, getting up as well, picking up all his documents from the desk. “The stage awaits me”.

He got his jacket from the hanger and put it on; she straightened his tie and together they went to the main hall.  
Hux exhausted himself to get where he was now, to achieve this accomplishment. His colleagues thought it was impossible, but he managed to find the book, with the precious help of the archeological department, he personally worked on its repairs, saving it from total decay. As cherry on top of the cake, he proved its origin, its authenticity. He found the first copy of the Sith Wars, hand written almost a thousand years before by Exar Kun. Hux personally worked on the miniatures, bringing them back at their original splendor.  
Hux wanted so bad for Poe to be there with him but, unfortunately, this was also Poe’s big day, so they promised each other to get a vacation for Christmas to celebrate their achievements. They had booked two weeks tour of Poe's native country: they were going to spend seven days taking long walks in beautiful cities, visiting museums, eating in nice restaurants; the second half of the week they were going to spend it by the seaside, just the two of them, a sort of much needed and long waited honeymoon.

  
With their vacation in mind, Hux climbed the stairs up to the stage and started his speech.  
Two hours later he was beaming in front of his audience, receiving the first standing ovation of his career.

Half an hour later he was calling Poe on the phone, sharing his happiness with the love of his life, who had something to celebrate of his own.


	12. Chapter 12

KYLO  
When the doorbell rung, that morning, Kylo crawled out of bed like Lazarus from his grave. He instantly remembered he had an appointment with Leia at 9: they were supposed to have breakfast before going to Holdo’s hearing. He forgot to put his damn alarm on.  
“Ben are you there?” asked his mother through the door.  
It was 8.45 and Leia had the good idea to bring coffee with her because, when Kylo opened the door, he looked like he needed it badly.  
“You forgot” was the first thing that left her lips, which led to a sudden instinct to slam the damn door on Leia’s face. Instead he exhaled slowly through his nose, as if he could expel some exasperation with carbon dioxide. He explained he had forgot to put the alarm on when he got back from work the previous night and, without further ado, he jumped into the shower, while Leia sat on the couch sipping at her iced coffee; she had never been one for warm beverages.  
In a blink of an eye Kylo was out of his room, showered, shaved and ready to go. He wasn’t the kind of three pieces suit man, not yet anyway, so he picked a nice black button up shirt, leather jacket and light blue denim. He appreciated the lack of comments from his mother, who just handed him the coffee she had left on the kitchen table. The coffee warmed him a little while they waited for the elevator to reach the basement where his car was parked. He was a proud owner of a vintage ‘Silencer’. He was slowly restoring it to its original beauty, also he rather walk than use his father’s ‘Falcon’, even if it was more recent and in a better shape.  
Kylo drove calmly while Leia looked more and more nervous as they got closer to court, she kept twiddling with her keys or twisting her fingers.   
“Are you ok?” asked Kylo, slightly embarrassed at the question himself. “Yes, kid, I'm all right”, she smiled at him, pleased by the question. “I’m quite good, actually”. Her expression was warmer, even happier. “She’s good for you” he said; it wasn’t a question, rather a statement. “Yes, she is” was her only reply.  
Leia thought Holdo and her colleague were going to succeed in court, so she had already booked a restaurant to celebrate their victory. Leia had told Ben a week earlier, to prevent him to make other plans for the afternoon; obviously she expected him to be there. It was a very important day for Holdo, consequently it was for his mother and so it was for him as well. He didn’t even attempt to protest for being bossed around, he just planned his working schedule to have the whole day off.  
When they arrived to court, they had to park two blocks away because the area was already cramped with cars and tv vans. They found a spot close to the restaurant, then walked back. While they walked, Kylo asked what was the debate about, if Leia had already met Holdo's colleague and what she knew about the guy. She said she had met him a few times when she went to pick Holdo up from work, she knew he was in a long term relationship but didn’t know if he was engaged, he was in his mid-thirty and that he drove a motorbike. She was wondering why he seemed so interested in Holdo’s coworker when he answered her unspoken question “I just hate awkward silences, you know. I needed some clue in case I had to talk to the guy”.  
When they entered the courtroom, they took two of the few seats still available. Few minutes later Holdo came in, followed by a shorter young man, nicely built, brown curly short hair and hazelnut smiley eyes. He was friendly from the moment he arrived, clearly an easygoing man, free with his smiles. When he did, his face lightened, showing perfect white teeth. Cute lovely lines formed around his eyes. Kylo had a complete fetish for white straight teeth and this guy would have won the perfect teeth world cup, hands down.   
Holdo took care of the introductions. “Ben, this is Poe Dameron, my colleague. Poe, this is Ben, Leia’s son.” They shook hands, while a bell was ringing loudly in Kylo’s head. Was it possible that this was Hux'es Poe? He was burning with curiosity, which it had to wait because Poe and Holdo were heading towards their appointed seats.  
Kylo thought he would bore to death that morning. The theme of the discussion found him sympathetic though he wasn’t into law or even had the patience to seat still for endless hours. He brought his notebook with him, so he could use the spare time to study for his own exams.   
Things didn’t go as he had expected them to. The vehemence with which Holdo and Poe spoke enthralled him and he didn’t realize that many hours had went by since the trial had begun when Leia – who had been sitting on the edge of her seat for the whole time, twisting her hands nervously - told him the judge was going to retire and come back with a sentence soon after.   
The room started buzzing the moment the judge left. The lawyers didn’t move from their seats, but Kylo caught Poe glancing at him, more than once, while talking to Holdo or his clients. Kylo asked his mother again if she was sure about Poe being in a serious relationship. She answered “I don’t know if he is engaged, but I think they might. Holdo told me Poe applied for a position at Alderaan firm so that he could move in with his partner”.  
Kylo saw the pieces of the puzzle come together in his mind. He couldn’t be sure one hundred percent that this was Hux'es boyfriend, and he certainly hoped he was not. He couldn’t compete with a handsome and successful lawyer; he was just a waiter with a scarred face, without a degree or money.  
“Ben, are you all right, darling?” Leia asked him, concern in her voice.  
“Yeah mom, I'm fine. I just need to go to the toilet.” He stood up, then, and left the room without waiting for her to reply. He walked towards the exit, feeling uneasy; he would have given anything for a cigarette now. He had quitted smoking three years before, along with all this other addictions, so he just took a deep breath and closed his eyes, inclining slightly his head backwards to enjoy the rare November sun on his face. He kept breathing slowly, in and out, for a couple of minutes, trying to shut the world out in an attempt to steady himself.  
What was he thinking when he met Hux? That he would fall for an ex-addict, scarred, futureless waiter from nowhere? Maybe if Poe hadn’t been so handsome, successful and so damn confident, he would have had a chance with Hux.  
He enjoyed the sun for another couple of minutes, then went back to his mother. He came in just in time; the judge arrived almost at the same moment he had sat down. His mother’s left hand took his right and she whispered “you really ok?”. Kylo managed a weak smile and answered “I’m fine”, but he instantly knew he hadn’t fooled her. They were silenced by the judge’s speech. They sat in silence, holding hands until everybody started clapping. Poe and Holdo had had won their battle, it was time to celebrate.


	13. Chapter 13

LEIA  
She went to bed around 11 that night, leaving Holdo in the study working in videoconference with Poe: they were probably going to stay up until morning so there was no reason for Leia to wait awake.

She got ready for bed, called Ben to remind him about the trial, prepared her clothes for the next day and turned the light off. It took her a while to fall asleep; she was worrying about Holdo working too much, about Ben getting on time at court, about him adjusting on his new life after rehab and so on.

It was half past one when Holdo went to bed. Leia opened just one eye to look what time it was but refrained from saying anything about how late it was: Holdo was a grown woman after all, so she didn’t have to worry for her.

Holdo, on the other hand, wasn’t feeling tired, at all, maybe a bit tense for the impending big day. The only balm she knew would help her to calm her down a little and allow her to get some sleep, was lying next to her.

The room was completely dark and when Holdo reached out for Leia, who was sleeping on her right side, she discovered Leia went to bed without bothering with clothes.

Holdo caressed her skin with devotion, kissing her neck and shoulders. At that Leia woke up and turned towards Holdo to reciprocate the kiss. There were few cast pecks on the lips, then Holdo’s tongue asked permission to deepen the kiss and Leia showed his approval moaning sweetly. Holdo got undressed in a blink of an eye, while Leia explored her body eagerly with her mouth and hands, nipping not too gently at her nipples while her right hand was headed south, towards her clit.

Holdo was already wet and panting with pleasure, while Leia kept sucking and biting, her expert fingers making themselves way inside her beloved, one at the time, until Holdo was tensing with pleasure under her hands.  
“Wait baby – she gasped and changed her position, bending her head between Leia’s legs so that she could reciprocate the attentions she was receiving. Leia tasted so good. She started making her own sounds of pleasure, especially when Holdo started fingering her pussy and her ass, and at the same time was sucking hard at her clit. That was pushing Leia towards the edge.  
Leia moved back towards the night table, getting lube and two dildos, one each. Then she got back to her previous position and handed one to Holdo, already lubed. She then glassed her own and switched it on, caressing Holdo’s clit with it, then pushing it inside her while receiving the same treatment. They played for a while, interrupting few times to extend their game until it was impossible to resist the wave of intense pleasure that hit the two women almost at the same time.

  
Holdo took care of the cleaning up while Leia got up to bring two cups of herb tea. They drank it in bed, holding each other, then turned the light off and fell asleep.

  
A strong aroma of curry woke up Leia the next day. She got in the shower, then to the kitchen, where Holdo was already eating. “Good morning sunshine” said she, welcoming her with a warm kiss. “Morning”, answered Leia in a whisper. She wasn’t a morning person. She poured herself her first dose of iced coffee and sat beside Holdo, after kissing the crown of her head.

She had cooked long rice with peas, carrots, peppers and tofu with coconut and curry sauce. Leia’s favorite.  
“Thanks honey for cooking so early” she offered.

Holdo replied “Got to keep my sweetheart happy”, her look was pure tenderness. They ate in complete silence, glancing at each other from time to time to smile.

Holdo finished first, went to put some make up and clothes on, she hadn’t bothered for breakfast, and came back to the kitchen to kiss her love before leaving.

“See you later, kid. Break a leg” said Leia beaming at Holdo. “Thanks, love. Can’t wait to get you to bed tonight” replied her, winking, and with that she left.  
Once Leia finished eating, she put the dishes into the dishwasher and got dressed.

It was too early to go to court, so she decided to walk to Ben’s house. She arrived there with a cup of coffee for Ben and one of iced coffee for herself, rung the bell a couple of times and, when he opened the door she flinched.

“You forgot”.

He babbled something about forgetting to put the alarm on and went into the shower. She sat on the couch and waited for his son, looking around. Everything looked normally messy but clean, at least for sober Ben’s standards.

He popped out from the bathroom in record time, clean, shaved and well dressed. He took the car keys, put his phone into his jeans back pocket, took the cup of coffee Leia was handing him and they went off for the elevator.

  
When they got into the basement and Leia saw the Silencer she said “You know Ben, if you had sold this car and the Falcon you would have enough money to buy a car that is actually post war. I know you hate ask me for money, but there are other options to reach the same goal.”

He didn’t answer at first. He bit his lower lip, looked at his mother and then said

“I don’t want to sell the Falcon. I'm not ready. I'm fixing this myself, working on engines calms me. It’s not a money problem, mom. Thanks though”.

Ben parked the car not far away from court, then they enentered the room and took a seat. He asked about Holdo and her colleague and, soon after, the two lawyers appeared and exchanged few words before they had to take their seats as well.

Leia expected Ben to get restless after five minutes, but he looked truly interested and followed the proceedings with interest, asking a few questions along the way.

  
When the judge retired, Ben asked again about Poe's partner and when she answered that he was probably going to move with him, Ben's attitude changed; he was suddenly tense and he seemed worried about something.

He excused himself to go to the bathroom and stayed out for a good half and hour. When he came back he was a little calmer, but he still looked somehow broken, like when his father died and he got into drugs.


	14. Chapter 14

POE 

When Poe came back to Holdo, she informed him Leia had booked a table at Cantina Restaurant to celebrate their achievement. Poe had read  it was a fusion restaurant, a must go to for ethno-food lovers with experimental style and retro notes. Poe had always loved good food and was always keen on trying new things he could then cook for Hux. He actually had always been a passionate self-taught cook, and luckily so, because Hux couldn't cook an egg if his own life depended on it.  

The group decided to walk to the restaurant, which was close, so they broke couples: Leia and Holdo went on first as the booking was under Leia's name, Poe and Ben followed closely. The cold clouds had gone away, wiped out by the freezing breeze; the sky was beautifully bright blue now. The warmth of the sun wasn't enough to increase the temperature and they were holding at their coats to preserve their warmth; Ben was sorry he left his coat at home. 

"Holdo told me you're a working student, that you're working hard to achieve your dream and make it or break it on your terms. I admire that. It takes balls not to wine on mommy's shoulder and expect money to pour down at will. That must make your mother very proud." 

"I think it annoys her. But I'm not a kid anymore, also I like to be independent" offered Ben a bit sheepishly. They walked in silence for a while, looking straight ahead, then Ben asked "Have you always wanted to be a lawyer?", silence made him feel uneasy. 

"God no!" Poe smirked "that would be pretty boring. As a kid I wanted to be a pilot, enlist and save lives. I was in love with those Republic Era Propaganda Posters, you know what I'm talking about, Anakin Skywalker and stuff. I wanted to be a hero." He paused and then said "When I grew up the dream faded away; some of my friends from high school enlisted right after they received their diploma. Most of them are dead now. That took all the romanticism away from the piloting idea", he concluded sheepishly, combing a string of hair back to its place with his fingers.  

"I think you are. A hero. You will save many lives with what you did today" said Ben in earnest. "You and Holdo" Ben corrected himself.  

Poe blushed almost imperceptibly at the unexpected praise.  

Ben went on: "Did you know Anakin Skywalker was my grandfather? You probably don't. Mom never tells anyone; not that I could blame her, he wasn't a good person. I never got to know him though, he died before mom and dad married." Poe was bewildered, he didn't know about Leia being a Skywalker, she always went as Leia Organa. The most off putting thing wasn't that, though. It was Ben's attitude, which was quite unpredictable: at first he was coy and silent, now was all deep in family matters, an 'all in' kind of man. 

"You're right, I didn't know. I'm sorry if I brought up painful stuff" offered Poe, a bit embarrassed. 

 "Don't be" said Ben, his lips curving up a little. "Mom says my love from engines comes from him. Apparently he was quite good at fixing engines, even before he started piloting, and she told me he started pretty young." 

"Oh yes, Holdo told me you were studying mechanical engineering. How is it going?" asked Poe, desperate to change subject. He didn't got the answer right away, they were arrived at the restaurant.  

When they went inside the first thing they noticed was  how nicely warm was inside. The receptionist, a good looking young man with black hair and green eyes, welcomed them and signed to the waiter to seat them at their table. The place was very sophisticated, furnished with beautiful pieces of design and new hope era paintings. Poe could tell Leia had picked up the place. The restaurant was still busy, even if it was already 3.30 pm.  

Poe didn't realise he was hungry until he felt the scent of food. 

The waiter hadn't brought any menu, he had explained they were going to have a culinary experience and that only the chef knew what they were going to eat or drink.  

As promised, the waiter brought them drinks combined to the food they received, a dish and a drink for every season of life. Poe saw Ben made a face when he heard the 'culinary experience' formula and soon he expressed his perplexity with his typical nonchalance: "mom are you sure we're gonna eat here, or do I have to have second lunch when I get home?"  

"Behave yourself, kid" said his mother smiling. 

They started with 'seniority: enjoy some extravaganza'. Fruit salad with crunchy seitan and marinated brussel sprouts. It came with cold dry white wine or sparkling water with lemon and mint. Everybody had the wine except Ben, who asked for non-alcoholic drinks; at that request Leia's expression waved from motherly anxiety to relaxed in milliseconds. Poe found it odd but he thought it untactful to bring it up, so he didn't ask. Poe was wondering if Ben was imposing himself to avoid alcohol, and why so. 

Food helped to break ice and start a light conversation.  

After that came 'adult': right moment for strong, sophisticated tastes. Bittersweet kale was paired with dried grapes, spicy beans and wild rice. 

All flavours were rich and perfectly combined. Leia didn't quite appreciate the spicy flavour of the black beans and asked for a second glass of red wine, which unleashed her tongue and got her back on memory lane.  

Ben wasn't really happy about his mother's recollections on him being the cutest baby when he decided to take off his diaper in the middle of the road while his parents were distracted chatting with some friends, or how sweet he was when he played with his dog Chewie and  tried to ride him. On his behalf, Ben managed to grimace in silence without spoil his mother's moment, at the mention of the dog he actually smiled with appointed tenderness. 

Next arrived 'youth': chance to experience unusual combinations. Roasted pineapple with marinated tofu and vinegar sprouts; optional drinks were red non filtered beer, bot alcoholic and non alcoholic. Ben seemed quite satisfied with his drink, saying he never thought non alcoholic beer would ever taste this nice. Holdo wrinkled her nose when she so the sprouts and that was a perfect link for Leia to relate some funny anecdote of she and Holdo on holiday in Sardinia, where they were offered some weird rotten cheese that it actually had to be eaten along with alive worms still in it. Holdo had been in such a shock she run away from the restaurant screaming and refused to eat for the whole day.  

This was Holdo's time to grimace and everybody else to laugh themselves to tears. 

Last came 'childhood': time to enjoy things that make you feel comfortable. Rainbow gelato was the extreme treat: a  seven layers mille-feuilles, each layer  was a different taste of ice cream, divided by six different layers of crunchy beds. The drink that went with it was hot cocoa topped with coconut cream and lemon sprinkles. They enjoyed it in complete silence, a sign that they were appreciating the meal.  

When they had finished and left the restaurant, Leia and Holdo said their goodbyes and went home together. Poe's car was at the court's parking lot, it was almost six o'clock and it was freezingoutside the restaurant so Ben offered to drive him back.

When Poe saw the Silencer he couldn’t believe his eyes. "My grandfather had one almost identical", said Poe in ecstasy "he taught me to drive on it" his eyes were gleaming.  Ben smiled at the man's reaction and without much of a thought he told him "I'm doing all the working myself". Poe was so bewitched he kept making rounds around the car so Ben felt compelled and erupted "If you want I can give you a call next time I do some repairing".

"That would be awesome! - poe answered - I count on it." 

When they were in front of Poe's car, they renewed their deal about fixing Ben's Silencer and then both went home.


	15. Hux

HUX 

When he came home that evening, Hux was tired but still excited about the earlier presentation. He wanted to call Poe to tell him everything about it, to ask all about the hearing, but Hux knew Poe was out for lunch with his colleague to celebrate and decided to put his curiosity on hold.

Hux had plenty to do anyway. Laundry was in order, then cooking (if microwaving frozen meals counted as cooking, anyway), looking up online for that lacy underwear Poe loved so much (hoping it arrived on time for Friday night), watering the cactuses and a much needed shower to warm himself up. He had plans for their daily video call.  

Once he finished all his chores, Hux logged on his favourite shopping page and started scrolling through the pictures of sexy models wearing tiny bits of expensive fabric. He liked most of it but nothing in particular, until page 4 charged and he saw the cutest black lace body tank, opened on the front and back  to  guarantee free access to his most sensitive areas.  

Hux put that on the cart then kept scrolling, not sure if he wanted to buy more or if he was just enjoying the models. Half an hour later he added some lacy mini brief for Poe as well, then he decided to pop into the shower. 

He turned the water to scorching hot and sponged himself quite thoroughly, then stroked and fingered his reddened body until he couldn't take it anymore without coming.  

He turned the water off, dried his skin and got dressed with some difficulty due to his incredibly hard and sensitive cock; he was brushing his dishevelled hair back in place when his phone buzzed. On the screen the red and yellow notification icon was flashing alternatively. It was Poe. Hux entered the chat and found himself staring at a pic of Poe's hard dick.  

Hux’es own cock was already pulsing desperately; when he recognised the familiar beautiful shaft, Hux felt a twinge in his ass. He was burning for Poe.  

He texted "On my way" and placed  his laptop on its appointed spot for their daily encounter, then logged on his video call app and switched the camera on. 

Poe was on the other side of the screen, smiling hungrily at him. "Hey babe"  he said, sitting cross-legged on the bed; he was already naked and working slowly ok his lubed cock. 

"Hello darling" smirked Hux, "How was today?" added he, unbuttoning his shirt very slowly.  

Poe recognised Hux’es intent immediately and inquired with allusive tone "That's the game you want to play?" 

"Yes, sweetheart" was his only reply. He dropped his shirt on the floor and caressed his smooth, pale, chest circling and pinching his nipples in pure display.  

Poe was licking his lower lip, eyes fixed on Hux'es lazy fingers unbuttoning and sliding down his pants, caressing over and over the thick bulge inside his briefs, teeth nipping at his lip, eyes eating him alive. 

Poe stilled but never left the grip on his shaft, feeling mad with desire. 

"What I want you to do now, my love, is  to take the lube and the dildo from the drawer, lay them beside you and keep working on that beautiful dick of yours - Hux'es voice was deep and authoritative - when you're warm enough I want you to loosen and fuck yourself for my own pleasure. When I'm finished, you will be allowed to come. Have I made myself clear?".  

"Yes, Sir" replied Poe and did as he was told, laying the objects on a close pillow and stroking diligently himself, eyes fixed on Hux. 

"Very well, move your right hand slower and pull at your balls with your left."  

Poe obliged and moaned, closing his eyes.  

"No, dearest, eyes opened. You must look at me" commanded Hux, who was standing in rest position, completely nude in front of the computer. He was pleasuring himself with his left hand while fingering himself with the right, his head buzzing with the intensity of it.  

"I'm close, Sir" panted Poe, struggling not to give into the blinding feeling growing inside himself.  

"Phase two" ordered him, and watched Poe lay over the pillows, glaze the toy with some lube and circle his opening at a slow pace, but pushing each time a little more deeper; he had stopped the hand job so Hux scolded him harshly.  

Immediately Poe resumed his task, stroking and fucking himself, struggling to keep his eyes opened, grunting with pleasure, his face and chest beaded with sweat.  

Hux was almost done himself, having Poe at his mercy felt sublime. 

"Please - whispered Poe - please. Let me come",  his body was tense. 

"Turn the dildo on – ordered Hux- max power, push it all in and pull again at your balls with your left. Use your right to pinch your nipples, hard". 

Poe executed and squealed, but didn't stop pinching. Hux was close, dangerously close to reach his peak but restrained himself. He wanted this magic to last a little more. 

"Now I want you to stroke with both hands at your cock, quicker and harder". 

Authoritative Hux was Poe's favourite so, when his hoarse voice gave the command and did as he was told, he lost himself into one of the most powerful orgasms he'd ever had, and Hux was lost with him. 


	16. Ben

BEN

Christmas lights were already on in some parts of the city.

He wasn't a religious guy, but had always found them comforting; a connection to his childhood, to the long gone innocent part of himself.

Ben drove aimlessly for a while, letting the shiny, colorful compositions fill his void. He parked the car and went home, but the silence, the stillness of the place taunted him, so he got changed and went out for a run.

The air was cold on his face and burnt in his lungs as he proceeded on the deserted sidewalk. The effort he had to put on the first couple of miles was intense but it helped him put his shit aside for a while.

The moon was out, a compelling, silvery disk that guided him in his quest for peace. He run towards it, turning at crossroads to keep it in sight and let its pale rays cure him. He went on until he was exhausted and every bit of energy in his body was spent, then stopped to get his breath back and sat on the steps of an old elegant house to regroup his thoughts and enjoy the rush of endorphins.

He didn't recognize the area. The houses looked all the same, white painted, well trimmed edges, big screen windows, clean sidewalks and expensive cars parked along the road. Ben pulled out his phone and opened the maps app to see which way he had to go to walk back home: the shortest route took 2 hours walking. Shit. He was too exhausted to move further and, off course, he didn't bring any fucking money with him to get a cab. Bloody idiot.

He mechanically tapped on the phone icon on the screen, recent calls, 'ex', dial. The phone rung twice, then Rey's sleepy voice answered:

"You better have a damn good story to wake me up in the middle of the night".

Good. She didn't sound too grumpy.

"Ehm, sorry sunshine, I went for a run and got out of track. I'm kinda lost. - He paused and waited for a reply that didn't come, so he went on - If I send you my position, would you mind come pick me up?"

"Don't call me that. 'Sunshine'. You Know I hate it - she snapped. There were noises in the background, an inquiring male voice - Go back to sleep babe - she tenderly replied  to the voice, then to Ben, annoyed - Where the hell are you? Let me put something on. I'm on my way."

"Thanks, Rey" he said, but she had already hung up. He sent her his position and waited.

The cold wind had stopped, fortunately, but the night air was still chilly and he was wearing only thin running clothing. He hoped Rey would find him before he got frozen. To avoid that, he started walking up and down the road, in an attempt to keep warm and hoping not to look too conspicuous. It took her 10 minutes to arrive, enough for his fingers to be already half numb from cold.

"Thanks a lot for this. I didn't know who else to call. I heard a male voice over the phone when I called you." he poked, enjoying the warmth inside the car and Rey's outraged look.

"Oh Ben, just shut up! - she sounded quite pissed - What the hell do you think you were doing, running almost naked in the fucking freezing middle of the night?"

"I'm not naked! I'm in a running suit!"

He replied, faking hurt, then he went on

"Is he cute? Your new boyfriend, I mean. Big dick?"

He was already laughing when she punched him in the ribs.

"I'm going to stop the car and drop you off, if you don't stop right now! And yes, he's cute and his cock is huge, if you're really interested - she paused - Almost too big, honestly." She smirked at him then started laughing as well.

"I'm kinda jealous babe. You get all the pretty ones!"

"You're going to tell me what's going on with you or what?" she pushed, "Something went wrong at the hearing?"

Rey had dropped her acting and was now genuinely concerned. He reported diligently about the day and she listened in silence, driving slowly across the almost deserted roads. She parked in front Ben’s building and turned the engine off, waiting for Ben to end his account, then she asked:

"You called Luke?" looking straight into his eyes, which he only replied by lowering his eyes to his shoes. "I supposed you haven't. Let me make some tea while you pop into the shower" she offered. He nodded silently and made way into his apartment.

The moonlight was filtering trough the kitchen curtains when they stepped into the one bedroom flat. Ben switched the lights on and went straight into the bathroom while Rey reached the familiar kitchen and opened the cupboard to fetch cups, teaspoons, napkins, a box with different teabags and a sugar bowl. She filled the boiler with water and turned it on, then sat at the table and waited for him.

Ben returned soon after, wearing a black jumpsuit and drying his hair with a towel.

"Chamomile or ginger and lemon?" he asked.

"Ginger, please - she paused, watching at her cup as she was either searching for the right words to explain herself or to decide if it was best to call Leia and let her deal this thing herself. She knew Ben wanted her opinion, otherwise he would have called Leia himself, so she went on - Look Ben, I think you should call Doc in the morning. You've come so far from your dad's accident. - She extended her hand and took his, as to reassure him - I don't think this redhead being engaged or not is really the problem. I mean, you barely know the guy. Just call Luke and talk to him."

She was looking at him, calm and resolute. Ben was staring at the window, absently biting his lower lip.

"You're right, as always. It's that... I miss him so much. - He shrugged and turned his pained face to her - I wish we had more time. I've been such an asshole with him for all my life, and now that he's gone I hate myself for wasting our time. I wish he was the one driving the damn falcon. He would still be here now. "

She tightened her hold on his hand but didn't reply at first, letting his words set for a while. "You know that the accident was not your fault Ben, don't you? You couldn't have prevented it in any way. And your dad, he knew you loved him, you know that. You're not the only person who's been a dickhead during his teen. The worrying part is that you still are, a dickhead I mean" she smiled at him.

"That's for sure - he laughed weakly - Now go back to your 'biggest cock in town' and have fun. I'll see you tomorrow at work." His smile was a little steadier.

"Ok - she grinned - but let's swap schedules. I'll do the morning shift, so you can call Luke and then come before your afternoon shift and buy me lunch. And by lunch I don't mean those stale sandwiches we sell, alright?" She hugged him and went for the door.

"As you wish, Mistress. At one condition, though. I want a pic of that big cock." He grinned at her and she laughed.

"You wish!" and disappeared behind the elevator's doors.

Ben closed the door behind him, went to his room, stripped and went to bed. Thanks to Ray, he fell asleep almost immediately and didn't dream at all.

When he woke up, the next day, he felt a bit lighthearted. He called Luke and got an emergency appointment. He had to be there in 45 minutes and managed to get there just in time.

Luke was sitting at his desk, head down on some paperwork. When he heard Ben coming in, he stood up and shook his hand, then sat on one of the two armchairs, gesturing to Ben to take a seat as well; Ben obliged wordlessly. The 'breaking ice' part was always the worst for him. Luke knew it, thence asked him

"Tell me about yesterday. You said something triggered you, that you couldn't manage your feelings."

Ben took a deep breath and started talking about the previous day. Luke, as always, sat in silence and didn't almost move. When Ben was finished, Doc only said

"Very well. I think we should resume our meetings. We'll start with once a week, then we decide if we have to increase or reduce the number of appointments. I don't think there's need of any prescriptions for now, but I'll consult your rehab therapist for a second opinion, so wait a call from me or him anytime today or tomorrow. Coming here was the right thing to do today, so well done. Never underestimate the preliminary signs of a breakdown. Are you working this evening?"

"Thanks - said Ben - and yes, I've got the latest shift."

"Very well then; remember to follow our plan:

\- alert your mother on you condition

\- keep a steady routine

\- don't tire yourself too much

\- get enough sleep

\- get enough exercise

\- if you feel overwhelmed call me or someone you trust, immediately."

"Ok uncle Luke. Thanks for today. See you next week".

Later on he had lunch with Rey, worked his shift through and went to bed straight away. He would call his mother first thing in the morning. He was going to get his life back on track.


	17. Chapter 17

HUX

Days went slow by, that week. Hux was back on his working schedule, which meant supervising a joint exhibition with Ahch-to University Archive. Hux'es counterpart was a well-known conservator, who spent most of his life studying, preserving and divulging the contents of the Sacred Jedi Texts, Master Yoda. Hux was proud to work alongside such an eminent figure and was thrilled by the experience and knowledge he would gain by simply assisting an authority of this level. His career would surely improve after this event.

'Assisting', though, was the key word the Head of the Department had used to describe the project he was going to undertake; Hux had a position of inferiority in this collaboration, which meant he wasn't going to get the last word on too many aspects of the job. Yet, this wasn't even the most annoying part, by far. Now he had to fill out all the paperwork before Christmas term as he was going to fly to Ahch-to on the second of January. With a one way ticket. He didn’t even know how long he was required to stay there, it depended on how Master Yoda wanted to direct the cataloging, choose which books and artifacts physically move to Alderaan, conduct the digitization of the things he didn’t dare to move from the secret safes of Ahch-to. The second part of the job, in which Hux could maybe intervene a little, was the choice of the venue, timing, publicity, invites and other small matters. The exhibition was going to be one of the most important Alderaan University had or was ever going to host, and Hux knew he would spend months at Ahch-to Uni before he could come home. This aspect concerned Hux deeply: leave town now that he and Poe were probably and finally going to move in together pissed him extremely. He didn’t even have the time to whine, anyway. He had much to do and wanted to get it done asap; he certainly wasn’t going to work from home during the weekend. That was 'Poe time' and he was going to enjoy every minute of it.

 

Later on, that evening, his phone rung. Hux had been working uninterruptedly since lunchtime and was feeling every hour of it.

"Hello sweetie – a female voice greeted him – still bent on your dusty pages, aren't you?"

"Hi Phas – he yawned loudly – yes, still working. I'm actually worn out. What about you, love?"

"Same here. Would you like to grab a bite on the way home?" She offered.

"Yes, please – he paused – let's meet at 'Takodana' in fifteen minutes".

He texted Poe delaying their daily web rendezvous, grabbed his jacket and coat and went to retrieve his car. When he arrived, Phasma was already sitting at a table. He stopped at the reception where a nice looking girl greeted him friendly.

"Good evening Mr Hux, it's a pleasure to see you again. Ms Phasma is waiting for you at table 3."

"Thank you, Era. Kind as always."

When he was seated and was reading the menu, Phasma said, out of nowhere

"I think she likes you" and bent slightly her head towards the receptionist. He raised his eyebrows:

"Are you playing Cupid tonight? Try again with a hairier subject" he grinned.

"Ha ha ha. Very funny." She wasn’t smiling at all. "Have you talked to Poe about your trip yet?" she inquired, taking a sip of her drink.

"I'm going to tell him on Friday, after a good dinner and a bottle of chardonnay - he paused, grimacing - Or maybe two" he smirked. "What about you? Any news from that guy, whatshisname Kenobi?"

"It's Obi-Wan Kenobi. And no, he's still working on that Tatooine secret project I told you about last time. That's my luck. Workaholics, Gays. I swear, if next one goes that bad, I'm asking Holdo to introduce me to one of her ex's. " She was smiling now, but Hux wasn’t sure she was actually joking.

"It's worth a try" he offered, smiled and had a sip of his own drink, then added "I'm sure you already have."

"Guilty, Your Honor - she paused and looked up - Oh, there you are" she concluded nodding at the waitress, who had arrived with their orders.

"Aglio, olio and peperoncino?" She asked and served her at Phasma's left as she claimed the dish. "Polenta with mushrooms for you, Sir", she smiled at Hux, making eye contact with him. He thanked her and a little color spread over her cheeks before she run back into the kitchen. Hux sank his fork in his food, trying to look absentminded.

"Look at you, heart-breaker! How many hearts you're going to win tonight?" she teased, taking a bite of her food.

"Many , or none. It seems I've become quite a charmer lately. "

"I'm sure you have, honey. Any news from the handsome waiter?" She inquired, lifting her eyes from the plate.

"None. He sent me a friendship request on Starsbook, to which I obviously haven't replied." He was the one who was blushing now.

"You wish you had, though." She wasn't teasing or inquiring, she just looked at him intently, waiting for an honest answer.

"Yes. No. I don't know Phas. I don’t even know the guy, but just talking to him gave me a boner. I haven't reached out to him since then, though. I'm not even thinking about him. Mostly. I just want things with Poe to go to the next level so bad; then this man appears out of nowhere and I feel like a bloody teenager all over again. I'm a grown man, for fuck sake!"

"You know how I feel about this. - she put down her fork and took his hand in hers - If you're feeling so conflicted you should probably tell Poe, though. Tell him on Friday, or - she paused - maybe is better to wait until you come back from your trip from Ahch-to, when your mind will be settled." Hux shook his head and stared at his plate, sighing. she went on:

"Another option is break up with Poe and give this whats-is-name a go. - She was clearly teasing him now, her head tilted on a side and smiling broadly - I'm so jealous of you! I wish I had so many options, I wouldn’t certainly be sitting here whining on your shoulder." And she actually winked at him.

"You're not helping, Phas" he frowned, but tried to smile at her anyway.

When the dinner was over, Hux drove Phasma home and stayed there a while longer, chatting along until a breaking-jaw yawn told him it was time to go home. It was beginning to snow outside and, as much as Hux disliked cold weather, he actually liked snowy landscapes. He drove home in a hurry, dreaming a warm shower followed by his toasty boyfriend in bed, but when arrived home and went to Poe's chat, Hux read Poe had already sent his goodnight text. He went to bed, leaving the bedroom's curtains opened and fell asleep watching the snow falling.


	18. Chapter 18

POE  
The crackly sound of the alarm frightened him up out of sleep; he almost crashed the damn thing with a fist in a grumpy attempt to turn it off. All the hard work of the past months was catching up with him, the extra hours of sleep he had the previous night hadn't been enough to restore him. He slid back under the covers, slowly coming out of sleep, his eyes were heavy; he wanted to snuggle against the pillows and enjoy its warmth a while longer. There was something odd though, a weird silence he couldn't grasp, no car noises, no klaxons, he heard nothing; he stood still to for a moment, listening attentively, but the silence was absolute.  
Curiosity won him over, he pulled out the covers and walked barefooted to the big screen window, opening the curtains with a slow movement. The view left him speechless.  
Everything outside was white, covered in inches of pure soft snow; fat, light flakes were floating like goose feathers in the still air. Despite the cold and him being bare-chested, he opened the window and stretched his hand out to grasp the flakes and watch it melt on his palm. In spite of his age, every time he saw snow he felt like a child again. That child was probably going to freeze his ass soon. He closed the screen and stood by the window, leaning on the wall for a while longer, spell-bounded by the scenery, watching people walk by with their chins lifted up towards the sky, cars drive slowly over the crackling grey mantel.  
A sudden buzz shook him out of the moment, he retrieved his phone from the bedside table and saw Hux face beaming on the screen.  
"Buenos dias, mi amor. Is it snowing in Alderaan? Here everything is coated! Look - and he turned the camera to the window to show Hux the spectacle, then turned to himself - oh baby, I wish you were here so we could enjoyed it together". He couldn’t restrain his joy.  
"Goodmorning my love. Here it's snowing as well. I knew you would be over the moon about it.  
I missed you dearly yesterday" he said sweetly.  
"Me too babe – his attitude shifting abruptly from childish gaiety to manly voracity. - In fact, I think I'm going to hold you home for a while. Do you mind show up a little late at work today?" His eyes were mesmerizing, Poe was ravenous.  
"Let them miss me".  
They switched their laptops on and positioned them conveniently, then turned their phones off and stripped for one another benefit. Poe commanded Hux to retrieve lube, dildo and plug, then sat on the his black love chair and ordered him work on his cock with his left hand until he was fully hard. He did as he was told, standing with his legs spread, working on himself, sucking at his forefinger and wetting it with saliva.  
"Don't put your finger in, yet. Pinch your nipples as hard as you can manage – Poe could tell he was obliging diligently by Hux'es moans and sighs – Now get the hairband and tie it around your balls, then put some lube on your knob and work on it."  
"Fuck Poe" Hux gasped, and kept going, sucking again at his finger.  
"God babe, it makes me hard just to look at you, you're so damn sexy – Poe lubed his middle finger and went on fingering himself, circling and pushing in until he needed more and went for a second finger – ok love, I want you to turn around, bend forward and work on your ass. Leave your dick alone. I want to hear you moan babe."  
Hux steadied himself holding on the bed with his right hand, while using his left to enlarge his hole.  
He was so ready he started with two fingers but the pleasure was so intense he had to change position. He put his left leg on the bed, used his right hand to widen his cheeks, for the camera and his own pleasure, then added a third finger, almost screaming at the intensity of it.  
Poe declared "It's dildo time" with hoarse voice. He too was panting and exchanging his fingers with something more satisfying. Hux felt he was almost there, his body was tensing, his head buzzing, his hand pushing deeper and harder inside himself.  
"Let me wank off baby" prayed Hux with croaked voice, but Poe was inflexible.  
"No honey, you're gonna cum tonight, when I'm inside you and you can scream for me. Take the dildo out and put the plug in."  
"Oh, com'on Poe, don’t do this to me, please! I need this!" Wined Hux still fucking his ass.  
"No mi amor, I promise you I'll give you the best orgasm of your life tonight. Now do as you're told."  
Very reluctantly, and quite sulky, Hux pulled the toy off his butt with a sigh, put the plug in with a moan then turned to face the camera with the sexiest pout Poe had ever seen in his entire life.  
It was so good, so rare, to have Hux under his thumb for once, that Poe didn’t manage to restrain himself and sprayed his chest with semen, smiling guiltily at Hux right after he finished.  
"Oops. So sorry babe. I didn't mean to!" And even if he sounded sincerely contrite, Hux was simply outraged.  
"YOU.DID.NOT" He hissed, and he was so lovely, all purple faced, still naked and hard as steel, that Poe burst out laughing.  
"HOW.DARE.YOU!" Hux yelled. Poe's laugh was so spontaneous and contagious that Hux followed him, despite himself and his disappointed cock.

When Poe got to work, later on, Holdo came to find him in a state of complete agitation, she grabbed him by the shoulders and pushed him into the first room available. "Where have you been? - she asked him, then added - it doesn't matter. You left the comm active yesterday. Is arrived a comunication from Alderaan. YOU GOT THE JOB!"  
"I've got te job? I'VE GOT THE JOB! I'VE GOT THE JOB!" he started jumping around and hugging Holdo, laughing and going on and on "I'VE GOT THE JOB!"  
"Now you have to give your notice. When do you think you'll start?"  
They chatted for a while about Poe's next moves then went back to work.

Around five p.m. he left the office and went to buy a bottle of wine, he wanted to open one with hux later on celebrate the big news.  
He parked the car a block away from the shop and was walkin there when a guy came out of nowhere and crashed straight into him. they clung to each other awkwardly to avoid a painful impact on the ground. When they both regained their stability, Poe was checking if he was all in one piece and said  
"Are you all right? You almost knocked me down", then looked up at the guy and recognised him.  
"Oh. Hey. How are you mate?"

Ben flushed and answered  
"Hey Poe. Sorry about that. I was running but got distracted by a car. I didn't really see you."  
"Well you better pay attention, my friend - he smiled - just jogging or you're headig somewhere?"  
"Jogging post work, trying to relax"  
"Nice. Are you planning any repairing on the car soon?"  
"You really are a Silencer aficionado! -Ben offered a rare broad smile, one of those who reached his intense dark eyes - I'm actually going to do something on Monday, I'm waiting for some spare parts I ordered last week. If you're still interested I can tell mom to tell holdo to..."

"Wait - Poe fumbled in the coat's poket - that's my number 349...."  
Ben retrieved his phone from the hoodie and added Poe's contact, than sent him his own and Poe registered under 'Ben Organa', then added  
"Text me the address and timing on Monday, around lunchtime. I'll try to be there."  
"Fine. Now i must go, I feel my nuts freezing" he grinned and waved.  
Poe waved back, and went to buy two bottles of wine.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter I mention vaguely at PTSD – post-traumatic stress disorder, Depression, Psychotherapy and Hypnotherapy.   
> I'm not a doctor and all the information I used in the chapter comes from Internet.   
> If reading this chapter you think I used misleading or completely wrong concepts, feel free to write it in a comment, I will repair my mistakes.   
> If you or a person you know suffers from these terrible disorders, know that I meant no offence in talking about it in a fanfic.   
> Beware of a little accident with a blade and mention of blood.

BEN 

 

> _Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering._

 

He's driving the Falcon, his father is in the passenger seat, they're going to Han and Leia's house for dinner.  

He knows his father's allowed him to drive his car only to trick him into talking about Rey or University again, and it's worked. 

They've been stuck into traffic for already 15 minutes and Ben is done with his father's pressing questions and lectures about his future, he's almost tempted to get out of the car and walk home, when the traffic is suddenly flowing again. 

Han is pushing incessantly with is interrogation and Ben is almost tempted to reveal his truth, to come out with is father, but he's distressed by the silence which would follow due to his astonishment or, worse, repulsion.  

That's what's stopping Ben from opening up with Han or his mother, fear of rejection, of condemnation, he dreads to see disgust in his parents' eyes.  

By the time they leave the state road to get into the local one, they're yelling at each other. Han can't understand why Ben left university, it surely isn't a matter of grades; is it Rey's fault? Did she cheat on him? Ben cannot let his father talk shit about Rey; he's furious, sad and worried at the same time. 

They're less than 5 minutes from his parent's home when they pass through a crossroad still screaming at each other, none of them see the pick-up drive through his red light. The car crushes straight into them. 

 

Ben woke up screaming in terror, looking around himself in complete confusion. It took him a while to understand that he was he was at home, safely in his bed.  

It was just a dream. 

Then he remembered his father had died in the crash, Ben was driving, it was all his fault.  

The pain that followed was so deep, so overwhelming, he couldn't breathe anymore. 

He tried to react, to focus on where he was, to inhale and exhale and steady himself.  

It took him a while, but when he calmed down, he noticed he was going to be late for work. He slowly got up, put some clothes on without bothering with a shower or breakfast, grabbed his keys and phone and went out. 

 

It was still dark outside, even too cold for snowing; he could see the road shining with ice, it was almost deserted. He drove slowly and mechanically to 1st order café, he was opening today so he would be alone until 6 a.m. at least, and that was a relief, he wasn’t in the mood for chit-chat.  

He opened the back door and turned the neon on. The brightness of it made him blink. He was exhausted for the recent lack of sleep but he couldn’t afford to ask for any more days off, he needed them for his finals; he just had to keep going.  

 

He started the day checking if the fridges needed restocking, switched the coffee machines on, refilled the sugar bowls, checked the food expiration date journal, reloaded the newspaper's rack. 

Everything looked in order and he was turning to the coffee machine to make himself a coffee when someone hugged him from behind, making him jump. 

"What the fuck" he started, and turning saw Rey staring at him, looking  guilty and amused at the same time. 

"Sorry Ben, I thought you heard me, I called you from the locker rooms – and, without breathing, added - I see you've been busy! You've done my part as well, thank you." She said cheerily, to which he replied an absentminded "It's ok".  

 

The shop was busy, even for a Saturday morning, probably because an historical reenactment was taking place in the near Neimoidia. More people than usual came and went that day and Rey tried her best to satisfy the customers while Ben seemed to be completely out of touch, sloppy at best.

Around 11 a.m. Ben noticed they were running out of coffee so he went into the storeroom to get some. He was so tired and out of focus he lent against a shelf for a while, considering laying down to take a nap on the floor, then he heard Rey teasing him from the counter "Is that coffee coming straight from Brazil?"   

He grunted in response, took the cutter from his trousers side pocket and inserted the thin blade into the thick cardboard. The edge of the blade wasn't sharp enough, he soon found himself struggling to either cut or take the blade out from the box, it was just stuck into it.  

Ben put his knee on the carton for leverage, pushed the cutter in and then pulled it out harder. The blade came out so suddenly that it slashed straight into his right thigh, he hadn't almost even realized it .  

"Fuck." He muttered. He left the cutter fall on the floor and  went to get the first aid kit from a metal box that was hung above the sink.  

He pulled his trousers down to look at the wound, which it had just started bleeding. He pulled lightly at the sides of it, without touching it with his dirty fingers, to see if it was deep but it was now so blood-soaked he couldn’t tell.  

He sprayed the slash with some antiseptic then Rey was by his side "What are you doing in there? - and then – Ben what happened! Let me have a look". After a quick peak she was already in charge of the situation, washing her hands and retrieving some suture strips from the first aid kit. 

"Now stay still" she instructed, and pressed the sides of the wound together with her left thumb and forefinger, while trying to put the stiches as best as she could with the other hand. Then she retrieved a medipore pad and put it over the stiches.  

"Are you all right? - she was checking on him in a nurse-a-like way he found quite comforting - Now get a doctor and see if you need proper stitching. Also, I think you need better disinfection for it, that cutter looks too rusty for my taste." 

"Thank you Nurse Rey, but I can't leave you alone in the middle of a shift." He answered. "Besides you've already patched me up properly." 

"Nonsense, I'll call Rose. You get your leg fixed and, Ben, you've been acting oddly all day, maybe you should give Luke a call" she sounded bossy and worried. 

He looked at her and discovered he didn't have the strength to fight her. 

"Fine" he capitulated "Thank you, Boss. Let me stay until Rose arrives, then I'll give Luke a call", and so they did. 

 

Ben went straight home after work, put a water resistant patch on his leg, took a shower and called Luke. He got his appointment at 4 p.m. so he had some time to rest and eat something. He put an alarm on, just in case he slept too soundly, than closed the curtains in his room before dropping dead over the blankets. 

He didn't manage to get too much sleep though, as his phone rang almost an hour later. The spare parts for his car had arrived almost two days prior their due time. He went downstairs to collect and store them in the trunk of the silencer, then went to see Luke. 

 

Being a Saturday emergency appointment, Luke welcomed him in his home studio, his wife and kids were at the cinema. Ben was relieved that the house was empty; he hated to intrude on his uncle free time, also he was always afraid one of the toddlers might escape his mother grasp and interrupt a session.  

 

They sit on their usual armchairs, one opposite e the other, and Luke asked him about the unexpected call. 

Ben explained him he thought his symptoms were getting worse, with nightmares, flashbacks, feeling of detachment and panic attacks.

Luke then asked him to describe the last nightmare, because it could be a way to face it in a conscious way and overcome it. Ben wouldn’t. He couldn’t go back and live it again. The simple thought was leading him into a new panic attack. 

 

Luke helped him slowly regain control and, when Ben seemed more calmer, proposed him another way to address the matter, before he prescribed him meds again, and explained him about hypnotherapy.  

 

Ben was too shook and scared by the rate at which his symptoms were escalating to give an answer straight away, so he promised he would think about it. Then went home, he texted Rey to tell her he had seen Luke and lied about him feeling better. He reassured her that he would come back to work the next day.

He loved Rey and hated to lie to her, but he was also tired of her, or anybody else, feeling sorry for him. After that, he got changed and, despite how tired he felt, he went out for a run. 

 

Sunday's double shift  with Rose went fine, the shop wasn't too busy and she seemed to want to leave him alone, reducing the talking to a minimum; of that he was so grateful he kissed her on the cheek as a way of goodbye when the day was over.

He managed to get a good night sleep and woke up Monday morning feeling rested and steadier.  

It was his day off so he studied for better part of the morning and afternoon, interrupting only for a sandwich at lunch and to text Poe asking him if he wanted to join Ben in the evening to work on the silencer. Unexpectedly, Poe answered almost immediately, and they settled to meet around 6 p.m. at Ben's. 

 

At the appointed time, Ben's phone rung. "I can't find you on the intercom" said Poe, at that Ben went to push the opening door button "Come up, third floor, look for Solo" and then hanged up. 

When Poe rung the bell, Ben was still getting changed so he yelled from his room "It's opened, come in, I'll be there in a minute". When he was dressed he went to look for Poe and  found him standing by the window, looking outside. "Hey" was Ben's awkward greeting, which followed an equally embarrassed "Oh, Hey"  from Poe.  

"Something to drink? - offered Ben – juice or coffee? I don't have any alcohol, sorry" he smiled, a little shyly. "Coffee will do" reassured Poe, offering one of his warm grins.  

Ben went to the cabinet to retrieve two cups and then to the coffee pot, pouring some into the cups and asking "Any milk? Sugar?" 

"Black, thanks" replied him, then they sat at the table. 

"Have the spare parts arrived yet?" Inquired Poe, and received a positive answer, which followed "Your job at Alderaan, any news?" from Ben. He couldn’t do small talk and neither would. 

"Yes, actually. I received the call last week, the day we met, or should I say the day you run into me" he was looking amused and ben couldn’t tell if it was because of the teasing or because he finally got the job. 

"Well, congratulations then! When are you expected to start? Do you plan to move there?" 

"I'm supposed to start on the seventh of January, I'll move to Alderaan the previous week." 

"That's a change, moving and starting a new job in the same week." 

"You can tell that, but I'm really looking forward to it, I've been waiting for this for a year at least." 

"A toast, to the finest lawyer Alderaan will ever have" said Ben smiling and piercing Poe's eyes with his.  

 

When they had drank their coffee Poe and Ben went to the basement where Ben's car was parked. He had the spare parts and all his tools inside the trunk, all he had to do was retrieve them and park the car the other way around so that he could open the bonnet and work on the engine.  

He handed Poe some latex gloves to preserve the beautiful and manicured hands from getting stained and then they dove into it, exchanging opinions, struggling with locked bolts, teasing and getting to know each other better. 

 

When they had finished, two and a half hours later, they were both starving. Ben asked Poe if he wanted to stay for dinner and he answered affirmatively, so they went back to the apartment and ordered some take out.  

In the meanwhile Ben showed Poe the bathroom and, seen a grease stain on Poe's cheek, bent over him trying to wipe it out with his thumb but managing only to spread it further. Their eyes locked for a moment then, and feeling a rush of excitement, Ben looked away to hand Poe a clean towel. Silently, he left the room to set the table. 

 

When Poe went back into the kitchen, he looked like nothing ever happened, and Ben pretended all the same, hoping Poe didn't see him blushing like a teenager. They enjoyed their food chatting along about Ben's studies and plans, Poe's memories of his grandfather's car, the Christmas holiday Poe was going to take soon.

Ben felt a pang at the thought of Poe and Hux being together, on holiday or elsewhere, but tried to focus on his plate to hide any feeling could show on his face.  

 

Not while longer after they had finished eating and after Poe third yawn, they said their goodbyes and Poe offered to come help out in the future, but only if Ben allowed him to pay or cook dinner.  

"Deal" said Ben shaking Poe's hand, who shook tightly back, smiled charmingly and left. 


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to leave a comment/critic, your opinion means a lot ;)

HUX

He was sitting at a Takodana's stool while waiting to talk with the chef. 

It was an unusual procedure for the restaurant, but for one of their best clients they were going to do an exception and organize a mini catering for two. Hux had showed how much he appreciated the special care the staff was showing towards him paying in advance and leaving a very, very generous tip. 

It was half past ten in the morning when the chef arrived, sat ceremoniously next to him and said, with his strong corellian accent, he had worked out a special menu for the occasion, arranged with a fine patisserie for the dessert and was having all delivered at Hux'es place by one of their waitresses at 9.30; all Hux had to do was leave the key of his apartment at the receptionist and, at his arrive at home, he would find the table set and food ready to be served. That said, the chef got up and disappeared into the already busy kitchen.  

Hux stood and went to entrust Era with his key, gave her his address and phone number, then went to work.  

Fortunately he was done with the paperwork for the trip to Ahch-to and could concentrate on some other projects before he left for the holidays. There were some smaller loans he was organizing on Tatooine and Scariff's public libraries behalf, he had to sign all authorizations on which books were to be lent, produce a document about the conditions of the loan such as duration, penalty in case of damage, loss or destruction of any or all of the books, who to refer to when Hux was away, who was allow to manipulate the goods, how to store them during the exhibition and its transport back at Alderaan, plus a sort of delivery note with the description of the physical condition of each book both written and documented with a photography. Hux managed to conclude the final arrangements that day around 7 o'clock, cracked his back, left a copy of the papers to his secretary, put one inside his drawer and sent a digital version to his colleagues at Tatooine and Scariff, then he pulled his coat on and left the building.  

Because of the poor weather conditions, Poe had called saying he was going to take the train at 5.45 p.m. and would arrive at the station at 8.30 p.m.. Hux had time to hurry home, have a quick shower, wear something nice, run to the station and distract Poe long enough for the waitresses to set his place for them. It had been snowing mercilessly since 6 p.m. and, when Hux arrived at the station, on the ground there were already few inches of snow. He called his apartment and told the waitress she could leave the house the moment they arrived, just in case the weather got worse and she had problems to leave later on. It would be safer for her that way, also he wasn't sure she would want to attend them during sex, but he left that unsaid. 

 

He parked the car the closest he could to the station, put his hat and scarf on and adventured out of the car. Luckily the day wasn’t windy, yet he hurried inside searching for a warm place where he could wait for Poe; the only one he found open was a coffee shop of the '1st order cafe' chain and Hux went in feeling an unexpected pang of nostalgia. He ordered his usual cup of tea, sat at a small table sipping a steaming cup of cheap slop and staring at the logo on the cup, which surely enough reminded him of Kylo.  He hadn't seen him in a while and yet couldn't shake him off his mind; he had dreamt often of him lately, haunted by those broad shoulders, the demanding eyes, the strong hands. The more he fought against it during the day, telling himself he loved only Poe, that he was old enough to know better about silly infatuations, that in his life there wasn’t room for an affair, the more his mind proved his attraction to Kylo at night, when he constantly dreamt of being with him.

He felt suddenly so uncomfortable to stood up and leave the café and its vital warmth; he needed to move and push that man out of his head more than he needed to be warm. He walked up and down in the big chilly all, watching mindlessly at people passing by, trying to focus on the thing that mattered the most to him, Poe. 

Ten minutes later he spotted him among the crowd and went to meet him. They walked towards each other, kissing passionately when they met.  

"I've missed you so much darling" said Hux, leaning down to peck the soft lips, the dark brows, the already scratchy cheeks, nibbling at the earlobe, trying to slip his fingers under the thick scarf to access the smooth skin of his neck, where his scent was so strong, so intoxicating, Hux wanted to eat him right then and there, and banish any other thoughts from his mind. 

"I've missed you too, babe" smiled widely Poe, "and if you keep going on like this, I'll have to lock you in one of the station's cubicles." 

"You wish" whispered Hux into his ear, then kissed his lips again, grabbed his hand and took him to the car.  

 

He drove slowly through town, exchanging few pecks and stroking Poe’s thigh cheekily, looking at the scenery. Poe was enchanted by the snow and Hux was happy he got to enjoy it with him. Despite the low temperatures he stopped near a park and they went far a brief stroll towards the frozen fountain. Everything looked magical, lighted by the yellow lamps. The flakes falling from the night sky into spirals, the Christmas tree and its decorations covered with a white coat, he and his beloved walking hand in hand chatting and kissing until they were numb with cold.  

"I love you sweetheart" breathed Hux through their kisses.

"I love you too, babe. Now let's get somewhere warmer, my ass is freezing" teased Poe making Hux smile and kissed him one more time before the went to back to the car. 

 

When they arrived home Hux rang the bell, trying not to look at Poe to keep his composure, but it didn’t work, he was already peppering him with questions. Right then the door opened and a nice girl was at the door to save him from spoil the surprise.  

"What's going on?" Poe asked him again, then the girl greeted them

"Good evening Mr Hux. Mr Dameron, I'm Sarah and I'll be your hostess tonight. Please give me your coats and take a seat". 

They obliged and went into the kitchen, where the table was beautifully set and food was already served. 

'Surprise" smiled Hux. 

Sarah poured them a nice, fruity and thick red wine then served them the appetizers: stuffed mushrooms and roasted artichokes.  

They smiled at Sarah and thanked her, then dove into their food as they were ravenous, exchanging muffled enjoying comments.  

When the plates were emptied and Sarah was taking them to the sink, Poe extended his right leg under the table to find and caress Hux'es ankle and calf, then whispered tenderly "Thank you for the treat, babe, you're really sweet. What's the occasion?" 

"It's my pleasure to spoil you from time to time, my darling"  he smiled. 

Sarah came back with the first course, Tagliatelle with lentils ragout. Poe's eyes lighted, he loved pasta and this was his all-time favorite, so of course Hux had asked expressly for it to be in their menu. 

Poe joked about Hux trying to amend for some secret mischief by feeding him the most glorious food he'd ever eaten, then Sarah cleared the plates and he kept his inquiring on where the food was coming from. Hux replied  seductively "Takodana of course, only the best for my sweetheart" and they laughed together at his pompousness.  

Sarah came back with the second course, mini Shepherd's pies with tomatoes and green beans salad. 

Hux couldn’t possibly eat any more than a bean, but pretended to and played with his food while Poe was cleaning his plate with a delighted expression on his face; Hux gestured at Sarah and she got back with Poe's rosé and poured some for him, who drank a generous gulp.  

 

He was growing more uncomfortable by the minute at the thought of talking about Ahch-to, that lead him to a terrible thirst and incredibly lack of words. He saw Poe was suspecting something, probably toying with his knife and fork was a distinct signal of his internal turmoil, so when he was almost finished with his food Hux took a deep breath and said 

"On the second of January I have to leave for Ahch-to for a big event we're hosting in cooperation with their university. I don't know when I'm coming back, I'm subordinate to the local conservation chief and he will be directing the thing. It could take a week or two months, I haven't the slightest idea."

He almost didn’t breath in between words and looked incredibly pale and tense. 

Poe was taken completely by surprise by the unexpected outburst. He remained silent for a moment, looking at Hux to gauge his feelings: his being over-caring all evening, the walk in the park, the worried look in his eyes, the unexpected surprise dinner. Hux was a practical man, not a romantic gestures guy. 

Poe extended his hand over the table, moving his fingers as to claim Hux'es hand, who joined his immediately; he smiled sweetly, bending slightly towards Hux and said "I start at  Alderaan firm on the second week of January. You'll find me right here when you'll come home. If you want me to move in with you, that is, or I can find a place of my own, if you don't feel up to it yet." 

 

Hux was speechless again; in a rush of emotion stood up so abruptly he almost knocked his chair down. "Are you serious?" was the only thing he managed to say, his voice uncertain, his face a mask of marble. 

"Yes" answered Poe, trying to sound steady but feeling uneasiness creep inside him, then added "is that ok?" because Hux'es reaction was so weird he really couldn't tell what to make of it. 

"Oh Poe" whispered him, walking around the table, taking his face between his hands and kissing him deeply "It's the best news you could possibly give me! Of course I want you to move here, dearest. This is capital news!" and then kissed him again, more warmly, hungrily, mercilessly, hands already pulling at his clothes to get him undressed and show him just how happy he was. 

As unexpected as it was, this reaction was surely a welcome one. Poe followed Hux'es lead and helped him by peeling down all the layers of clothing Hux was wearing. In winter time it was almost impossible see any of his beautiful freckled skin, aside from face and hands, if not during sex; Hux really hated cold and Poe really hated not seeing enough naked Hux. 

The waitress, that in the meanwhile had stepped out of the kitchen to give them some privacy, had silently put her coat back on and left the apartment with a simple "goodnight",  to which no one responded. 

 

While Poe was unbuttoning Hux’es shirt, he managed to undo his trousers and pulled them down; in a passionate tangle of arms and legs, clothes were dumped on the kitchen floor, then Hux led him to the black leather Chesterfield and got on his knees.  

He began planting a trail of wet kisses along his inner thighs, nibbling at the warm sensitive skin to make him wail, sucking gently here and there, caressing softly his hardness to make him crazy with anticipation. 

Poe was pulling lightly at his hairs, trying to direct Hux'es movements to its goal and thrusting his hips against his hands to seek more friction, but Hux wasn't having any of this, he wouldn't relent until he had his sexual revenge.  

He stood up, giving a last caress to Poe’s cock, bent to kiss slowly and messily the warm lips over which he whispered "Dessert time".  

Poe attempted some arguing but without results. Hux took him by his hand and pulled him up; eyeing him eloquently he led him to the table and had him sit on the chair, being sure to caress his shoulders, his face, then produced some thin ropes from a drawer and secured Poe's wrists and ankles to the wooden chair.  

"What are you planning?" asked him between incredulous, concerned and extremely aroused while Hux was fumbling with the knots.  

"I'm feeding you dessert, sweetheart, what else?" he bent from behind the chair and planted soft kisses on the smooth skin of his shoulders, pinching lightly at the erected nipples with his fingers, prolonging the touch and hardening his grip until Poe tilted his head back and moaned deeply.  

Hux let go of him and went to the freezer "I've been wearing your plug all day long,  sweetheart, thinking of you and how you left me high and dry this morning", his voice was like velvet, his movements slow and precise  around the kitchen to collect all the silverware needed for dessert: nipple clamps, dildos, plugs, lube, a spoon, a bowl, ice-cream sundae, wipes.  

He landed everything neatly on a tray and placed it on the table, carrying his chair next to an expecting and harder than ever Poe. "What the accused has to say in his defense?"  

Hux smiled lasciviously and poured some ice-cream inside a bowl, placed the clamps very gently on Poe's nipples making him squint again and again by moving the little chain that joined the two clamps, took a spoonful of ice-cream and brought it closer to Poe’s parted lips, brushing them briefly, only to retreat the spoon and direct it to his erection to pour some on top of it. 

Poe growled at the thermic shock and Hux replied bobbing his head down, spreading the cold fluid around the hot head and along his length with his tongue, before sucking it away with vigor. His beloved was panting in speechless need, arching his hips to push deeply into Hux'es throat. 

Hux waited for the taste of the ice-cream to be gone than cupped Poe's balls with his left hand pulling them down gently but firmly, retrieved his game with the clamps, playing lightly with the thin chain. He could tell Poe was enjoying it as he sat now in complete abandon, eyes shut and a constant, soundless, whispered gasping, begging for more.  

And more came for him, more ice-cream, on his balls this time, to be licked and sucked, more caressing and stroking and eating his dick, more trusting at the clamps until Poe was completely undone, body tensing and beautiful burning skin covered in sweat, ice-cream and precum.   

He was begging shamelessly now, promising to be a good man, he wanted the teasing to end so badly. 

Hux stood then, his face a mask of erotic contempt. He retrieved some wet tissues and cleaned his man, removing very delicately the clamps and kissing the reddened skin, making Poe jump on his seat. 

"Will you pardon my sins?" Poe pleaded with broken voice. 

"Your repentance is not over yet" was the master's reply.  

He fed him some spoonfuls of ice-cream, not to comply him but to prolong his waiting, toying with it and brushing his knee on Poe's erection to give him some friction.  

Hux produced lube, plug and a small stool, untied Poe's ankles and put his feet on it. Poe let him spread his legs to expose his entrance without a word and enjoyed Hux working on it with his tongue first, his long fingers following to warm and widen it until Hux coated the plug with lube and gently pushed it inside him.  

Poe attempted another plea, to which Hux replied lifting one leg and posing his left foot between Poe’s, began stroking his own cock, then extracted his own plug and sat on Poe’s hard cock without preambles. Poe cried out loud, not worrying about neighbor’s, cursing with pleasure at Hux fucking himself on his dick. Hux seemed a god with his hair wild and the pearly skin covered in sweat, bouncing up and down on Poe's shaft and handing himself, seeking both men pleasure with determination.  

Hux orgasm arrived soon after and seemed to authorize Poe to peak at last.

When Hux recovered his breath he dismounted from Poe's softness, cleaned them up and untied the knots on Poe’s wrists; he almost collapsed in his arms without saying a word, just looked intently in his eyes with a sleepy sated expression then murmured  "Please take me to bed" and slowly lifted an arm to clung on Hux'es shoulders, who helped him to the bathroom and then to bed. 

Before falling asleep, holding Hux in his arms, Poe whispered in his hairs "You should punish me more often babe", and then he was out. 

 

Next morning Poe slept in. When he opened his eyes Hux wasn't in bed. He waited a couple of minutes to be fully awake, only then he heard Hux in the kitchen doing the dishes and actually singing. That was new.  

Poe got up and followed the soothing voice to its font, stopped at the kitchen door and just enjoyed the view of his handsome man, wearing nothing but an apron, messy hair set on fire by a gleaming ray of light, the lines on his forehead planed by a good night sleep, his expression relaxed and carefree. Poe hadn't seen him  this peaceful and beautiful in ages.  

He stayed there for a while, leaning on the doorframe and fixing every detail of this precious image in his memory, until Hux'es head lifted from the sink and he smiled broadly at him; his eyes, lit by the sunlight were shining like two huge diamonds. 

"Hello darling. Have you slept well?" 

"Like a log" said him walking towards the sink. 

"I daresay you're happy to see me" Hux teased. 

"Very" Poe growled and grabbed him by his slender waist, pulling him into a morning famished kiss. "I'm so hungry I'd eat you alive" he bit on his lips. 

"Capital! I baked some scones but they have to cool down a little – he grinned mischievously  - why don't we have a bath in the meantime?" and pulling playfully at Poe's morning wood, he lead them to the bathroom making Poe forget the fact that Hux had actually cooked something. 

 

They came back to the kitchen when it was already lunch time, finally cleaned and dressed after a sweet, calm hour of lovemaking inside and outside the bathtub. As always, Poe went to the fridge to see if there was something worth eating or if they had to call for takeout. Surprisingly Hux  had done some groceries and while Poe was deciding what to cook, Hux closed the fridge door almost on his fingers and banished him on a stool. Hux said he wanted Poe to teach him some basics so that they could cook in turns when they started their life together, or at least if Poe came back too tired to do it himself. 

Poe was astonished by this sudden change of attitude, Hux had always expressed total disinterest on the matter and Poe loved the thing that Hux wanted to learn and was asking Poe to teach him.  

"All right babe, what would you like to cook, or eat?" he asked him, who answered he was in the mood for some pasta (he wasn't, really, but knew Poe would love it) so they agreed on some "Arrabbiata", easy but tasty. Poe gave his instructions and left Hux do the job so that he could learn by doing, in the meantime they talked over their impending holiday, Hux’es trip and, most importantly, Poe's moving in with Hux. 

Initially Poe wanted to wait for Hux to return from his journey and maybe travel from Yavin-4 or stay in a hotel or rent a place; at that idea Hux was getting quite mad. Poe's place was there, he would move everything after they had returned from their holiday. Hux wanted to come home and find him there. Poe couldn’t do anything except oblige, how could he say no to a man that wanted to learn how to cook only for his sake? 

Hux was sorry he couldn't help with the moving and expressed that feeling so Poe offered consolation by inform him he was planning to rent a moving company, the only thing Hux would have to do was empty some drawers for him.

They finally had lunch, which wasn't too bad for Hux'es first time cooking; Poe glorified Hux so much he expressed the intention of cooking again for dinner and he was already coming out with some ideas when Poe stopped him with a kiss and brought him back to the chesterfield.


	21. Chapter 21

POE

 

 

> _Do or do not, there is no try._

It had been a calm couple of days for Poe, he had given his notice at work the previous week so all he had left to do was organize a database of his old cases to make sure his soon to be ex colleagues had them ready if they needed them. 

 

Things with Hux couldn't go any better, they spent Sunday emptying drawers  and organizing stuff at Hux'es place, soon their place, so that after their holyday Poe could move in easily even if Hux wasn’t there.

Poe hadn't be this happy in ages. Hux'es reaction when Poe told him he wanted to move in had been what he needed to dispel some of his insecurities. Hux wanted them to move forward in their relationship, he was making plans with him, he was going to share his home with him, changing his habits and even learning to cook. Maybe time had come for Poe to put his past sorrows behind his back and start over.  

 

When he got home that evening he got himself a beer and sat on the couch, feet prompted on a pouf, searching for moving companies online. He didn't have much to move, really, aside from his novels, the work papers and  obviously his cookware. He probably had more kitchen stuff than a restaurant but, that aside, maybe he could fit everything in a car or a small van. All of a sudden his phone rang and he saw Holdo's pic appear on the screen

"Ola mi querida, que pasa?" he greeted her. 

"Hey Poe, sorry to bother you now, are you busy?" She asked with her usual cheerful tone. 

"No, babe, whatsup?" 

"I was wondering if you could give me a hand with something. I want to change my car and I  need some advice about it, the only thing I care about is the color and maybe the radio. I'd ask Ben to do it but he's taking mostly evening shifts and night classes recently and he just isn't able to spare the time. Would you mind to come over and maybe we could talk about it over dinner?" She sounded hopeful and he didn't want to let her down, she had always been such an amazing friend to him, inside and outside work as well. 

"Sure thing, give me half an hour to get there." 

"Thank you darling, see you later."  

 

He jumped in the shower, wore a brown button down shirt, black denim and black jacket, pull his coat on and went outside in the freezing wind to get a cab; he stopped at his favorite place to grab a bottle of white dry wine and, in 30 minutes sharp, was ringing Holdo's intercom.  

The door opened and he took the lift for the 15th floor, last one. The door of the apartment was ajar, he called Holdo pushing it and when he was in a booming "SURPRISE!" welcomed him. 

All his colleagues were there cheering and smiling, Holdo was in front of them and went to fetch him from the door as he was standing there like a Greek statue in complete astonishment. 

"You really though we were letting you go without throwing you a proper leaving party?" She smiled at him.  

"Apparently you weren't" he smiled back. "Come in, darling" she invited him than she shouted "Someone get this man a drink" over the music, which was now playing loudly. 

One of the oldest member of the staff, a nice man with deep blue eyes, came with a bottle of beer and shook Poe's hand "Hey Ezra, you here too? Thanks man! How are you? Your wife? Is she here as well?" Greeted Poe shaking back his hand while a nice looking  woman with gray hair and lively eyes came from behind Ezra "Sure thing I'm here!" said smiling in response. "Sabine!" He grinned and hugged her "Thanks for being here! I would have never guessed something like that. How are things going?" "Very well, thank you! I don't know if Ezra mentioned it, we're retiring next month. We're already packing our things up, we'll move back to Lothal as soon as possible." She was radiant.  

"Really? How's the firm going to manage without 2 of the best lawyers of town? I'm really happy for you, by the way. I wish you a very happy retirement!" He hugged them both and excused himself to put the wine in the fridge and  greet his other colleagues.  

He made the rounds and stopped for a chat and a drink with everyone in sight, he had some finger food in the process just to make sure not to get too drunk, and thought it was time to thank Holdo properly for the party. He spotted her talking with Leia and a very tall guy who was giving him his back. When he reached them the man turned to greet him and, surely enough, he was Leia's son, Ben Solo.  

He hugged Leia and shook hands with him, then turned to Holdo and hugged her to thank her for the party, she dismissed him with her typical savoir-faire,  but whispered in his ear she was going to miss him dearly, then took Leia by her arm and they went to talk with another couple of guests.  

 

The loud music and maybe a drink too many was getting his head spinning a little bit; Poe looked around for a way to escape from the noise and asked Ben to help him as he probably knew the house better than him.  

"Come with me" he said, so Poe followed closely, having to take him by his wrist as the room had started whirling all of a sudden. Ben tensed a little at the touch but relaxed as he realized who was holding his arm, they went to a corridor then Ben opened a door on his left and they went into Holdo's study.  

Aside from the desk and some chairs, the shelves full of books and law codes, there was a nice two seats couch. Ben walked past it and opened the big screen door that opened on a huge covered terrace.  

They went outside. The wind had stopped and that made the temperature bearable, even without wearing a coat.  

"How has been going your last week at work? Ready to leave town?"  

Poe leaned over the wall to steady himself and take some deep restoring breaths

"This week is the most boring I've ever had in my career, but knowing it's the last one makes it bearable. I'm organizing to move, I've been looking up for a van to transport my stuff to Alderaan but I can't decide If ask for a crew or do it myself, I don’t have a lot." 

"I know a guy who has a van, his name is Lando, it's an old friend of my dad's. I'm sure he would lend it to you if I'm the one who drives it. It's not that I don't trust you, but he's a little obsessed with his stuff you know, kinda o.c.d. I can give you a hand with the boxes as well, if you want." 

"That would be awesome man! My partner has a to leave town for a while, a work trip of sorts, and I don't know anybody else in town so, yes, I'd really appreciate it" said Poe and grinned his  irresistible smile.  

 

Being outside was working quite well on his dizziness and he was feeling more at ease.

"How is it going with your studies? I know I told you before, but I really admire your commitment to achieve your goal" and, seeing he wasn't drinking, offered to get him a beer.  

Ben frowned and ruefully said he didn't drink any alcohol, then paused  and looked up to read Poe's expression. It seemed he was waiting for him to continue so Ben added, looking outside the balcony  

"I'm an addict. I've been clean for some time now, but I try to stay away from anything that makes me feel numb, I know  I'd enjoyed it too much and I wouldn't be able to stop if I started." He had completely turned his back to Poe, dreading the silence and not able to see Poe's expression change from admiration into something less positive. 

 

"I know the feeling, the need of hush things down, to feel numb, it never leaves you I guess or, at least, it has never left me." 

Ben turned to look at Poe, he surely didn't expect that revelation.  

Poe seemed such a happy, positive person, every time they were together Ben was drawn to his liveliness like a moth to a flame, but now he saw something else in his eyes, a well-hidden, deep suffering, a man struggling to win over his demons. 

"What happened?" asked Ben looking straight into Poe's eyes.  

 

"I was engaged, some years ago - he smiled sadly - to the handsomest doctor I had ever met. His name was Finn. We were planning our wedding when he died in a car accident. - He paused and sighted - He was in his lover's car, another doctor from Yavin-4 Hospital. They've been seeing each other for months, those bastards. - He looked at his feet, his face a mask of hurt, sorrow, regret, loss - I should have noticed something, you know, when you live with someone you should understand if they're lying at your face or behaving unnaturally.  

I didn't. Everything was perfect to me. He came home late because of course there had been some emergencies at the hospital. He couldn’t help me with the wedding's arrangements because he was so busy helping people in real need.  

How could I expect him to be present in our life, when he had another one to live?" 

 

Poe looked so heartbroken that Ben couldn't help himself but to touch the sorrowful man.

"Hey, it's ok, don't go there if it's so painful." 

Poe lifted his head and attempted a smile, a weak shadow of his usual one "Don't mind me. I'm ok now - his right hand held mechanically  his left wrist - I surely wasn't back then.  

I tried to kill myself, twice.  

My dad put me into a clinic, bless his heart. I took a lot of pills and seen many psychiatrists. When I went out and, after a while, I felt better, maybe a couple of years later, I met Hux." His smile was more convincing this time, and Ben's hand left Poe's shoulder. "So, that's my sad story. What's yours?" 

 

Now was Ben's time to look at his shoes. He didn't really want to talk about it, but somehow he felt compelled to oblige. Maybe it was only to be fair to Poe, after all he did open up so honestly with him; maybe it was because he felt at ease with him, like he could talk about anything without being judged.  

They shared something, something deep, he could feel it and see that Poe felt it too. That made him click. 

 

"I was in a car crash some years ago. I was driving to my parent’s house for lunch and got into a nasty argument with my father. I didn't see the other car coming, I was so wrapped up in my drama. The driver  run straight into us, my father died that day. That's where I got this - he pointed at his scar. - At the time I was already a mess, hadn't the guts to coming out to my parents about, you know, being into men.  

I had just figured it out myself, had broken up with my girlfriend, couldn't focus on my studies and thinking about leaving university.  

My dad was giving me hell about it, but I couldn't tell him anything, I was so fucking scared to lose him, I was afraid that he wouldn't love me anymore, knowing his son was a freak. And then I kinda killed him." 

 

"Stop this bullshit! - burst out Poe - You're no freak! You're a clever, handsome young man and everything in you is working just fine! - Poe didn't know why he went from sad to mad in a blink of an eye. Ben was looking stone-faced, but he wasn't finished yet - You haven't killed your father, you're a victim, just like him.  

And you know what? Your father would have loved you just the same, knowing that you're gay wouldn't have changed a bit for him. You were is son, you were perfect to him.

You look perfect to me." 

 

He couldn’t say anything more, as Ben had pinned him to the wall and was kissing him so deeply, so hungrily, that Poe was hardly breathing.  

Ben was holding his face tightly, tonguing him in a demanding way, as his life depended on Poe kissing him back. 

And he did kiss back, he did pulled at Ben clothing to explore his smooth muscular back, he did feel the arousal grow in him as Ben pressed his hardness over his tight; he was falling willingly into Ben's embrace.  

Now was Ben who was pulling at his shirt, unbuttoning his trousers and still kissing him messily while Poe moaned, lost to himself. Ben didn't hesitate and took him by his shoulders to turn him so he could face the wall, pulled down at their trousers and wet his fingers with saliva to prepare Poe when he suddenly came back to his senses and said

"Wait". 

 

Ben lost his courage all at once. The momentum passed and he was left speechless and embarrassed.  

He buried his face in Poe’s hair, mumbled "Sorry, Poe" while pulling their denims up, then left him in the balcony without another word or looking back.  

 

"WHAT HAVE I DONE" said Poe to himself.

He slid on the floor and bent his head on his knees feeling ashamed at taking advantage of a hurting young man, guilty at wanting him so badly and, worst of all, how he was going to explain this to Hux? 

 

He sat there for a while, then went back to the party. He would somehow figure out what to do. 

 

Since Ben left him alone on that veranda he hadn’t stopped to think about him or how to make things right with him and, also, how and what to tell Hux.

When he got home he went to undress than sat on his bed staring at the wall. The connection between him and Ben had built slowly but steadily recently and the heartfelt confessions had led them to forget about anything else.

No, he had allowed himself to forget, he was the one who was going to live with his partner and propose to him seven days from now. He was the one who had almost had sex with another man. He was the culprit and he was going to act like a man and fix this shitstorm.

 

He slid his phone on and dialed Ben’s number. It was almost 1 a.m. and he hoped to find him still up.

Ben answered at the third ring

“Hey, whazzup?” he didn’t sound sleepy at all, he seemed quite awake actually.

“Hey Ben. I was wandering how you were doing after, you know, ehm.. earlier on.” This was so awkward and he was feeling so ashamed his vocabulary was back at first grade level.

“Oh yeah, fine, I'm doing fine, thanks. – from his voice Poe could tell he was lying, Ben wasn’t a good liar – Ehm, Poe?”

“Yeah?”

“I'm sorry about earlier on. I totally fucked up. I know you have something serious going on, I didn’t mean to get you into trouble. – he paused – I hope we’re fine.”

“I’m the one who should apologize for misleading you. I probably sent you weird signals. I’m sorry Ben.

I think I’m fine if you are.” He attempted a laugh, but didn’t really manage to produce one convincing enough.

“Good. I am. See you in January?” Ben inquired.

“Sure thing. I’ll give you a call when I’m back”

“Great! See you soon. Enjoy your trip” and he hung up.

 

Poe felt somehow relieved that Ben was ok and they were fine. He also wanted to call him back and finish what it had started on that balcony. Instead he went to his wardrobe and pulled out his suitcases, he put inside it everything he could possibly need for his holiday and got dressed.

Then he texted Holdo informing her he would take the rest of the week off, promising he would explain everything later. He took the car keys and closed the door behind his back.

He drove like a maniac and, two hours and thirty minutes later, he was parking under Hux'es house. He was going to make this thing right, one way or another.


	22. Chapter 22

BEN 

 

 

> _You_ _must_ _learn_ _control_  

 

'What the fuck have I just done?' He thought entering Holdo's study and leaning over the wall. He had promised himself not to fuck up at the party and, of course, that's exactly what he'd just done.

Bloody idiot. 

He finished doing his denim's buttons in Holdo's study, then walked straight out of the apartment without sayin' goodbye to his mother or Holdo.  

He would text them later, what he wanted to do now was to run, he needed it so badly. 

He went down the stairs to blow off the tension but his mind kept going back to that ' ** _You look perfect to me_** ' moment.

When he heard that he just lost control. And Poe  _did_ kiss him back, he put his hands all over him, he felt  his bloody cock get hard against his own.  

And then he fricking stopped him.  

He knew it was a mistake to kiss him, he knew Poe was in love with another man, he knew he couldn't compare to Hux. The electricity between them, though, was so high, so real, so fucking intense.  

The only sure thing, now, was that five awesome minutes had probably cost him everything between them. And that made him feel like shit.

 

Once he was out of the building he realized it was pouring with rain; he jogged to his car and went home, changed into his gym clothes, texted something to his mother and was out again.  

When he got to the gym he threw his stuff into a closet and went to the treadmill. He fumbled with some buttons and set his preferences, then he started running. He had always preferred running outside, but not enough to do it in the December icy rain. The background noise, though, wasn't bad, it helped distracting himself.  

At every pace he run, he felt the memory of the soft lips fade slowly away, the taste of Poe's mouth dissolve, the feeling of his hands on his own skin disappear.  

After thirty minutes he started feeling a little better, the constricting feeling inside his chest was easing, his head was clearing, the endorphins released in his system were finally doing their job. He run another fifteen minutes and, even if he knew it wasn't  enough to dissipate his discomfort completely, he pulled the treadmill's security key off and jumped down, heading to the showers.  

 

On his way to the dressing room he was thinking about next day shift at 1st order; he couldn't remember if he had the morning or the night shift, when a door on his right opened suddenly and a dark blonde guy smashed into him. Luckily for Ben, the guy was thin as a slip of paper so he just had to grab him by his shoulders to keep him from ruining on the gym's linoleum.  

"Hey" skinny blonde shouted at him not giving enough time to apologize, even if it wasn’t his fault, "hands off! Look where you're going!" 

Ben was startled. "Say again?" he tried to stay calm.

"Piss off" replied the guy. Ben's hand tightened around one of the shoulders he was holding, while skinny guy straightened his big squared glasses flinching.

His eyes were a nice dark green, his pale skin had some little acne scar near his ears, his expression was tense and angry.

"Fuck you man, let go" he was  trying to disengage his shoulder from Ben’s stony grip but the hold was just too tight and it seemed he just didn't want to let go, he only moved forward to the locker rooms, dragging blondie with him.   

When they were alone Ben pinned him on the lockers and looked predatory, straight into his eyes, he was just a couple of inches shorter than him and was struggling wildly to get free.  

"I know your problem very well – he hissed, dead serious - You know what's the cure for this anger of yours? A good fuck."

And he kissed the guy, biting his lips and sucking at his tongue for a while, then he pulled him into the cubicles. 

Blondie wasn't struggling to escape anymore, he was actually kissing him back and pulling down his shorts without even thinking.  

Ben pushed on the guy's shoulders to have him kneel in front of him and he went down eagerly, freeing Ben stiff cock and sucking it hard. 

God, he needed this so badly. 

He laid his hands on the blonde head and started pulling and pushing at the soft long hair to direct him. He was actually doing a good job, alternating his hand and his mouth at a good pace. 

When Ben had had it enough, he rummaged into his pockets and produced a condom.  

He ordered blondie to stand up, they kissed again quite messily, then Ben made him turn towards the wall and bent him forwards, so that he could hold himself steady leaning his hands on the cubicle’s wall.

Ben wet blondie's hole with his fingers for some time  while he worked on his own cock, when he started moaning Ben entered him slowly, enjoying every second of it.  

This guy felt so good around his cock, so tight and hot, Ben bent over blondie’s back to push in further and sucked at his earlobe making him squint. 

"You all right? Grumbled Ben in his ear.  

"Harder" the guy muttered back, and so Ben obliged, slapping the pale flash of his butt hard enough to redden it. 

"Fuck yes" followed that "do it again, harder, I'm so close".  

Ben couldn't ask for more.  

He held him by his throat not too gently while slapping his already reddened ass with his right hand.

Two more slaps and thrusts and they were picking together.  

He pulled away right after he was finished, throwing the condom into a bin, pulling his pants on and leaving blondie to pant by himself inside the cubicle. 

"Hey, what's your name, fucker?" Blondie yelled from behind the door, but Ben was already gone. 

 

He arrived home more upset than he was when he had left. 

He felt like he was spinning out of control. He wasn't the kind of guy who hooked up with strangers into cubicles or jumped on the first man he saw.  

He wanted a relationship, a steady one, with one guy that loved him and respected him, not just quickies with random guys. 

 

All of a sudden his phone rung. Poe was calling him. He braced himself and answered. 

Poe asked him how he was feeling, but how could he tell him, after what happened? It was too awkward right now to talk to him, he just wanted to hung up and go to sleep. He imposed himself to behave and managed to say how sorry he was for what happened, he'd liked to say he didn't want their now wobbly bond to dissolve, but he wasn't brave enough. 

Poe said he was sorry of misleading him, and ' ** _You look perfect to me'_**  came back to his mind again, hurting like hell.  

Poe promised they were fine and said he was going to call him on January.  

 

He had a month to improve. 

He left a message on Luke's phone, informing him he would agree on any possible therapy, he just wanted to feel better.  

He looked at his work shifts and saw he was supposed to be there  in the morning, paired with Rey. He couldn't wait. He wanted to talk to her, to ask her advice, to feel someone’s, anyone’s warmth.

 

He went to bed feeling empty. 


	23. Poe

The building was silent as a grave;  noone was waiting by the elevator; nobody was coming down the stairs or checking the mail in the hall; the doorman himself was asleep behind the thick glass of his control room, feet prompted on the desk and mouth slightly opened as he snored lightly. 

Poe pushed the elevator's up button and waited for the doors to open.

He had left his suitcase in the box of the car, just in case things went badly, and was juggling Hux'es apartment's keys nervously. The elevator went up so slowly, Poe regretted he hadn't took the stairs instead; standing still seemed to amplify his fears and mine his bravery.

He hadn't decided yet if he was going to wake Hux up straight away or if it was better to wait for the morning to tell him everything; only one thing Poe was sure about right now:  _he wasn't backing up._  He would start their life together by being honest.  

When the elevator reached the floor, the doors opened and the usual ding echoed in the stillness of the night, extinguishing his will to go forward with his plan.  

He stood still under the cold light of the lift, reconsidering his alternatives.

Maybe he could just keep quiet about the whole incident; Ben seemed to understand his position and surely wasn't going to attempt another approach; he would make sure of it, he would talk to him and make it crystal clear. Hux didn't have to know; it had been just a slip, only a kiss, a matter of no importance whatsoever. The doors dinged again, and Poe came back to his senses. He stepped out of the elevator before the doors were completely closed and moved towards Hux's door.  _He would not give up now._ Poe Rummaged into his coat's pocket to find the right key ring, he nervously inserted it in the lock and tuned it until it clicked, then pushed the door open.  

The house was silent and completely dark. He took his shoes off and tiptoed to the kitchen to undress as quietly as he could, then walked blindly into Hux's room.  

He had left the curtains slightly ajar and Poe could distinguish his thin silhouette laying on his right side, with his back turned to the door; Hux was holding Poe's pillow in his arms.  

_What had he done._

He'd ruined everything. How did he manage to seek another man's attentions when he had this beautiful, caring, clever, sexy, loyal man in his life? 

 

"Who's there?" Said an alarmed and sleepy Hux, sitting suddenly enough to make Poe gasp. 

"It's me babe."

He couldn’t manage to say anything else, the lump in his throat was choking him, his chest was so tight with guilt, he thought he was going to pass out right then and there. 

"Poe? What? Sweetheart? Come here – he looked at the alarm - It's 4 a.m.! Why are you creeping in the dark like that? Come to bed sweetheart."

Hux moved the blankets, put Poe's pillow back in its place and was patting the mattress to welcome him, his voice was so familiar, so sweet. His sleeping beauty.  

Poe's courage vanished in an heartbeat. He sat next to Hux, pulled the covers over their shoulders and hugged his beloved thightly.

Maybe in the morning he would be braver, for now he would rather be a coward and watch his love fall back asleep in his arms, bury his nose into his soft hair, breath in and out with him.

He woke up few hours later as velvet, soft lips were kissing his eyelids, his cheeks, his lips, his neck. Hux was lying on his stomach, drawing invisible patterns on his smooth chest, making small circles around his nipples, tickling and teasing at the same time. Poe didn’t open his eyes, he wanted to enjoy the beautiful sensation of Hux’s fingers all over him, so he remained still, pretending to be still asleep.

“I know your game, Mr. Laziness”

breathed Hux over his stomach, planting butterfly kisses all over it. Poe used all his strength not to smile but something else had betrayed him.

“Very well”

Hux went on, prolonging the trail of kisses to his groin, inner tight and over the betraying hardness.

“You want me to stop?”

Hux provoked again, pulling at Poe's  underwear and playing with its content.

Poe whimpered and Hux took it as green lights to take him into his mouth and suck It as if it was his favorite ice-cream. Poe tried to move away some time later as he wanted to reciprocate, but Hux was clinging on him so tightly he couldn’t shake him. He went on and on until Poe was so close to his climax he could hardly stay still.

“Stop babe, please, don’t ..”

But it was too late; Hux was swallowing eagerly every drop of him, before sitting across his chest to wordlessly request the same treatment.

Poe was more than happy to oblige. He began to suck him hungrily, sliding his hands over Hux's bare chest to pinch and tore his hardening nipples, until Hux took a firm hold on Poe's head and began to fuck his mouth.

He was the most beautiful thing Poe had ever seen, and wanted them to be as one.

He pushed Hux down and gave him his back, kneeling and parting his legs, exposing the tender flash in between.

Hux dug through the drawer and produced a new bottle of lube.

“I bought it four our holiday, but I guess we can buy another one on our way to the airport, maybe pick a different flavor”

He splashed some on his fingers and poured a generous amount on Poe’s hole, pushing two fingers inside with method and  precision.

Poe was already moaning when Hux entered him, burying his head into the pillows to muffle his voice as, at each push and pull, his enjoyment was becoming louder and louder.

“NOT.YET.BABY”

hissed Hux, nailing his flash to give him a change of perception and distract him. He bit the tender skin of his neck and shoulders, sucked any inch he could reach while thrusting into him all the way through his balls, until the pleasure was so deep they were screaming with pleasure and collapsing back on the mattress.  

They stayed in bed, cuddling for some time, then Hux declared he was going to make omelettes for breakfast and got up to pull some pants on. Poe got up as well and went to the kitchen to get dressed, ‘it’s now or never’ he thought.

“You didn’t tell me what brought you here in the middle of the night, not that I’m complaining, of course”

He was teasing him again, his smile so wide his eyes were almost closed.That smile soon faded away, as Poe’s frown grew wider.

“What is it?” Hux asked, “what happened?”

Poe told him everything.

About the party, the drinking, the talking, the kissing. He told him how he felt attracted to this young man with which he shared so much even if they had known each other for only few weeks.

"What are you talking about? Last week you said you were coming to live with me and four bloody days later you go snogging some random schoolboy you just met? What's wrong with you! You gave me hell for receiving a bloody text, Poe! Why didn't you just tell me last night? You just wanted to give it another go before the great revelation? I can't believe this is happening to me. I've done nothing if not being supportive to you! I loved you! - Hux pushed him so hard Poe almost fell on his butt. Hux was furious. - Just go away, will you? I'm so mad at you right now! You disgust me. Get the fuck out of my house!" 

Poe could see Hux yelling at him; the beautiful face altered by rage, by pain; drops of saliva hit his face as Hux broke up with him.  

Poe stood in front of him, silent, immobile, unable to do or produce a single sound until Hux pushed him outside the house and shut the door on his face. 

He stayed there, staring at the closed door, petrified.

It was so unreal, so sudden. Yesterday they were almost engaged and now they were strangers.

Poe had lost everything that mattered to him, and it was all his fault.

He couldn't believe it. It couldn’t be true. He rang the bell again and again but nobody came to answer.  

"Hux - he called - honey, open the door, please!".

Nothing happened.

"Babe, please, let me in."

The silence was choking him. He started punching and kicking at the door, calling his love when, finally, a voice spoke.

It wasn't the sweet voice that had invited him to bed only few hours before; this one was cold, detached. From behind the door the unfamiliar voice said calmly:

"I'm calling the police." 

 

It was over. 

 

It took Poe ages to walk down the stairs and get in the car. He sat numbly, staring blindly in front of him. He didn't see people go by on the sidewalk, cars coming and going; he only heard Hux's words echo again and again in his head:

'You disgust me' he had said. ' _Disgust me_ '.  

Poe didn't turn the engine on. He didn't weep. He sat immobile. The world had lost all meaning.  

All of a sudden someone knocked at his window.

"Mr Dameron".

What was that? He couldn't understand, the humming in his head was so loud.

"Mr Damenron, can you hear me?"  

Slowly he turned his gaze at the window and saw a policeman.

"Sir? Mr Dameron? You should leave, Sir." The officer was looking at him without seeing him. All he could see was another annoyance, another report to fill when he got back to the department. Poe was a number on the police statistics, another guy who had been dumped and refused to accept his fate.  

"Sure. I'll go." 

He drove a long while, mechanically stopping at red lights, his head buzzing endlessly.

He stopped at his father's house, looked at the short building without knowing what to say. He went to the door, rang the bell and, when his father opened it, he saw Kes' smile die on his face. 

"Hijo, qué ha pasado?" 

Poe hugged him tightly. He didn't know for how long. When Kes released him, Poe walked past him and went straight to the old couch, lying down and closing his eyes. He dropped immediately.

He woke up the next day, his father was sitting on a chair and was stroking his hair, looking terribly worried. He opened his mouth to speak but Poe lifted his hand as to silence him. He sat straight, leaned his back and breathing out calmly, then said

"I cheated on Hux and he broke up with me." 


	24. Hux

He was pacing up and down from the front door to the kitchen window, peaking nervously through the curtains to see if the police was coming.  

He thought Poe would knock the damn door down. He'd never seen him in such a state, so altered, out of control; he scared the shit out of him. Hux had panicked and dialled the emergency number.  

When he saw Poe finally leaving the building and sitting inside the car, frozen, apparently completely detached from everything, Hux felt a pang of guilt. It hurt to see him suffer, but it hurt even more to acknowledge that the man who professed to love him couldn't in fact restrain himself.

Hux had avoided to seek Ben, for Poe's sake, and he only knew how hard it had been for him to stay away.  He had thought about him every day since his car had broken down, that Friday night; he had dreamed of him every night, and yet he had never, never even allow himself to think to give in. He knew there was so much at stake, he would have never risked his relationship with Poe for a quickie, not even a kiss, and realizing Poe wasn't of the same advice hurt. Bad.

 

By the time the police had arrived and Poe had took off, Hux was so angry he started kicking at everything around him and screaming like a maniac.  

'Bloody idiot. Why did you do this to me?'

As the rage diminished, he went to unpack all the holiday stuff he had already prepared for his Christmas trip, changed the sheets of the bed and cleared the house from all the Poe-related objects.

No more pictures of them hanging over the fake fireplace or the bedside table; no more spare toothbrush in the bathroom or underwear in the drawers. In a fit of rage he threw everything in a black bag and hidden it into a closet. He wanted to erase him from his life. 

He next went to the shower and set the water on 'scorching' hot; rubbed his skin red to focus on the physical pain; shaved with care and put some nice aftershave Phasma had bought him for his birthday; he pomaded his hair, picked his nicest clothes and went to the mirror.  

He was paler than usual, red rimmed eyes. He tried to smile but stopped at the ghastly reflex.

"Let's do this" he said to his reflection; he grabbed his keys, put a coat on and went at the window to see if Poe was skulking again outside the building. When the road looked clear he left the house and went to the car, heading out town.

 

When he returned home, later that night, he declared that as the worst day of his life.

He called Phasma to invite her for a cup of tea, or whiskey, the day after; he needed her support now more than ever. Being intuitive, as always, she said she would pick him up the next day, around five p.m., for a treat.

He retrieved a bottle of white wine he kept in the fridge for special occasions, switched the tv on and threw himself over the chesterfield. Today was the best occasion to get drunk he could think of, but he drank without pleasure, his only purpose was to get numb and forget the last 24 hours. He could't stand to be conscious in the silent, empty house, in the sole company of his broken heart.

He woke up the next day, around twelve, with a terrible migraine; the wine was gone and the tv still on. He flinched at the noise it made and turned it off; fixed himself a cheese sandwich and a couple of tablets for his headache, then went for a shower before heading back to sleep; he set his alarm to four, so he wouldn't be late for Phasma, then dozed off. 

A recurring ringing startled him out of sleep, a glance at his table watch told him he was late and Phasma was probably mad at him; he got up and went to answer the door. 

"Are you suggesting something?"

She said as a way of greeting, gazing at him from head to toes and smirking as only she could do.

Hux looked at himself too, then back at her and replied tonelessly:

"Sorry about the view, love. I'll get dressed. Do you mind putting the kettle on?"

He attempted a smile, but gave up when realized his was just an emotionless twitch. Phasma shot him a commiserating look.

"Not today, darling. We're going out. Grab a bag and put in your warmest  and comfiest clothes, we're going hikin. We'll be back tomorrow evening". 

 

She drove for three hours straight. When she stopped the car, the sky was a beautiful shade of dark blue and they were in the middle of the countryside. She left the car in a graveled parking lot near a beautiful chalet with stone walls and a wooden roof, surrounded by huge trunks modified into flower pots.

While travelling, Hux had related last week events and Phasma had listened intently without making remarks.

"Let's check in, eat something and have a good night sleep. In the morning we hike, then we talk."

"Yes Ma'am" he answered, and did as he was told. There was only one person Hux was willing to follow blindly, without question, and Plasma was that person. She was the only one he could and did trust with his life, the only one had never let him down.

 

At dinner they sat at a nice table near the fireplace and enjoyed wintry comfort food; Hux was calmer and actually ate something for the first time in two days, exception made for a cheese sandwich he had that morning.  

"Any news?" He asked his friend, happy to focus on someone else.

"Same old stuff. My brother though, I think you met him at the New Year's Eve party, last December?" 

"Yes, I recall very well, you were playing matchmaker. ' _I'm sure you'd be a perfect couple_!' - he faked her voice so well she almost sprayed him with the whine she was drinking - What about him? Is he still working at that computer programming centre?" 

"No. He quit. That asshole. He said they weren't paying him enough money for the dirty things they were asking him to do, nasty hacking and other nonsense. Of course that was him trying to bullshit me so that I wouldn't poke around his business. He's a prodigy in the field, they were paying him plenty enough to keep him, he probably had come up with one of his tricks and now he's covering his tracks. Anyway, you won't believe this part, I don't believe it myself. He took online classes and he's now teaching Pilates."  

At that, they both burst out laughing, eyes filled with tears.

"See, I told you, it's unbelievable. And you know what? He actually likes it. He told me it helps him manage his anger issues. He also said he met a guy. Nothing serious, he claimed, but I can tell he's already taken, he wouldn't have mentioned it otherwise." 

"I'm glad he met someone and he's doing well, he's a nice guy, if you don't cross him, that is."

"No shit!" 

 

Next morning they went out hiking very early, in a beautiful wood of oaks ad birches. The trail they chose was steep; as they climbed up on the side of the hill, sometimes the wood would open and allow them glimpses of the valley underneath. The view was spectacular. They stopped a couple of times to take a breath and look at the changing landscape.  

It was a splendid morning, the sky was clear and the sun warm, for a day in the middle of December. They walked quietly among green growing things, listening to singing birds and even sighting some. Hux had never hiked in his life, he didn't know the exertion it took to climb to the top of the hill, or how much he needed the fatigue to clear his mind. The more he walked, the more his anger faded away and he found more acceptable to reconsider Poe's position.

When they reached the top, the view was breath-taking. Underneath them there was a sea of trees, moving in waves as the cool breeze blew over the green leaves. There was a lake In the distance, its surface mirroring the cloud-dotted sky in an ever-changing picture. The silence was absolute. Hux turned his face towards the gleaming sun, closed his eyes, lifting his chin as the warm light hit is face, and breathed in and out the pure air. He smelled dirt, freshly cut grass, his own skin.

For a long while he stood there, in silence, feeling one thing with nature, in a pure, perpetual union with it. He wasn't alone anymore, he didn't feel betrayed anymore, he wasn't hurting anymore. He was at peace, with himself, with Poe, with the world.  

When he was ready to climb down, he inhaled one more time the beneficial air and, exhaling, turned to his friend, who was lying on the grass looking at the sky.

"Thanks for bringing me here, Phas. I really needed it." 

"You're welcome, sweetheart. Let's go back to the chalet now., I'm ravenous." 

 

He woke up in his bed, the morning after, and automatically went to seek for Poe with his hand. 

As he didn't find him, he opened his eyes and looked around recalling the past few days. He took his phone from the bedside table and, without wasting another minute, dialed the number he knew by heart. At the fifth ring a voice answered, it wasn't Poe's voice, but Kes'. 

"What do you want, Hux? Haven't you done enough damage already?" 

His blood froze.

"What happened?" Gasped him. 'What have I done'. "What happened to Poe, where is he? Is he all right?" 

"Don't call back, ever again, do you hear me?" Kes was mad and was actually shouting at him.  

The man who had welcomed him in his home and made him feel as a second son was now banishing him for good. And Poe, why wasn't  he picking the phone?

He heard another voice in the background, it become louder and louder as its owner was coming closer the receiver.

"Papa, I told you to give me the bloody phone! - and to him – Hello? Hux is that you?" 

A big knot in Hux's throat untied immediately.  

"Poe? Yes, it's me. Are you all right? I thought something had happened to you. Your father wouldn't tell me anything."

His voice was wet by unexpressed tears, he was trembling.

"I'll deal with him later on. I'm ok. You?" 

"Fine. I'm fine, thanks - he didn't know what to say, not after what happened, there weren't right words to say – What do you think of a cup of coffee? Would you like some? Would you like to talk?" He was babbling. 

"What time? Where do you want us to meet?" Poe sounded incredulous, but happy. He hadn't hoped to see him so soon. 

"Now it's fine with you? I'll wait you at home."  

"I'll be there in a giffie. Ehm, Hux? I'm glad you called!" 

"Me too, darling". 

 

Half an hour later Poe was sitting in front of him.  

They didn't say much at first, studying each other in complete awkwardness, then Hux stood to make some coffee and that gave him the spirit to apologize for calling the cops on him:

"You scared the shit out of me. I thought you were going to kick the door down and then do the same to me. You had such a wild look in your eyes, I thought you were going to kill me." 

"Babe – said Poe taking Hux's hand in his - I would never hurt you."  

Hux grimaced but didn't move away.

"And yet you did." 

Poe frowned.

"And yet I did. I'm so sorry babe. I don't know what happened to me. I'll show you I can do better, no more empty words. I'll be the man you deserve, the man you need me to be, the man you've always been for me." 

Hux could tell he meant it, he could see it in his eyes. He chose to believe him, he chose to take him back.

 

The hiking experience had been so reinvigorating for Hux that he made Poe pack a bag and they left for the chalet the same day. He hoped being in the wild together would help healing the scar in their relationship and bring them closer again.

*

Share the woods with Poe was amazing as he had gone often hiking with his father as a kid, after his mother had died, so he was able to show Hux plants and animals he would have never even notice if he hadn't showed them to him.  

They walked in the morning, when the air was cool and the mist would hide trees and roks under its mantle, talking, joking, being silent and simply relishing nature and each other's company; they usually ate something on their way back, then went to their room and make love in front of the fireplace until the moon was high and they were exhausted.  

On New year's Eve they left the cabin and the dear woods in the afternoon, with a promise to come back once Hux had returned from Ahch-to. 

Poe drove on their way back and Hux reclined slightly his seat and looked at Poe intently.

"What's up" he asked, feeling his eyes over him. 

"Promise me I'll find you home when I come back from Ahch-to, that we'll live together as we had planned." 

"Are you sure, babe? I mean, I'd move in right now but" Hux lifted a hand as to stop him.  

"No buts. I want to live with you, to share my life with you. Do you?" 

 

Poe went to his father before dinner, that evening, to take  some clothing and tell him about he and Hux moving in together.  

Kes was doubtful at the beginning, but when he saw how resolute Poe looked, he couldn't do anything else but to give him his blessing and invite them to celebrate the event and New Year's Eve with him and Maz. 

Hux hadn't been idle during Poe's absence. All their pictures and the other things had came back to their rightful places and Hux had resumed making space into closets and drawers for Poe's things. 

"Maybe we should buy a bigger place, I honestly don't think there would be enough room in the kitchen for all your cookware." 

"That sounds amazing babe! You mean it? We can definitely look for something bigger when you come back – he was grinning at him - right now I need you to get dressed smartly as we're going to celebrate New Year's Eve at my father's. Don't pout babe, I talked to him, he promised he won't give you a hard time" he kissed him sweetly and went to change his clothes himself. 

The dinner went well, there had been no awkward silences as Poe conducted the conversation amiably for the entire evening. The younger couple left in time to watch the fireworks, while the other two retired for the night. Hux knew a nice spot where the view was perfect. They held each other tightly in the cold air of the night, their chins up in the air, they stood cheek to cheek as they watched the show, speaking in each other's ear and kissing slowly and intensely. 

 

By the time the show had ended, they were heading home in a hurry, Hux unbuttoning Poe's pants in the car and sucking him while he was still driving.  

Poe didn't bother to put his cock back into his pants when they left the car to get into the hall of the building, he just held his coat shut and said goodnight to the doorman while they went to he elevator. Once they were inside it, Poe was chuckling but Hux didn't waste any time and went back on his duty, making Poe swear. They were so entranced when the elevator reached their floor that  they didn't hear the door ding open and stopped it just in time to get out.  

Hux stood up to walk out, handed the keys to Poe and kept with the hand job, making it almost impossible for Poe to turn the key in the lock; once inside Hux shoved him against the door to kiss him dirtily and bite at his neck, sucking enough to leave marks. Many shirt buttons were lost in the frenzy of undressing, so much so that they didn't even attempt to get to their bedroom 

"The table will do" moaned Poe into Hux’es ear, and they stumbled towards the kitchen where Poe kissed Hux voraciously, from mouth to nipples, biting hard to make Hux squeal, then bent naked Hux over the table, knelt behind him and started tonguing his ass and working on both their dicks.  

Hux tried to protest, to claim the lead and, for good measure, received a tremendous spank to put him back where he belonged. He moaned loudly, asking for more and Poe happily obliged him, alternating slaps at his ass and trusts at his cock until he was whining to be fucked.  

Don't bothering with lube, Poe spat on his hand, then on Hux'es ass and entered him in one, slow, excruciating movement, pushing inside Hux until he felt him tense, rewarding his good boy with more spanking and a furious pace. 

"That's how you like it?" and pulled at his hair with no mercy, to have him stand so he could bite at his neck. 

"You want more? - Hux nodded and Poe bit him again - Turn and sit on the table, heels around my waist" he commanded and Hux took position, grunting as Poe sank into him again. Poe held Hux'es hips to balance his trusts as Hux started to work on himself, pinching his own nipples hard, pulling at his balls and arching his back as he was closer to his orgasm.  

Poe increased his rhythm, pushing relentlessly and sucking Hux'es toes or biting his calf until they peaked together. 

 

They woke up in a tangle of arms and legs after spending good part of the morning allowing Hux to have a second round of Supreme Leader Poe.

It was mid-afternoon and Hux had to finish his packing for his Ahch-to trip  

"But not before I feed you something" teased Poe, going to the kitchen to cook as Hux was in the shower. After lunch and round three on the couch, Poe helped Hux with his packing then they parted, Hux went to the airport to catch his flight for Ahch-to and Poe went back to Yavin-4. 


	25. Chapter 25

BEN 

 

He knew, the moment he saw him walking through the door of the café that afternoon, that something had happened between him and Poe.  

Hux came towards him with such determination, such fire burning in his eyes, he looked taller, broader, a hunter seeking his prey. He came at the counter piercing him with a green wild look:

"I need to talk to you".  

Ben felt a shiver run down his spine, his hands immediately sweaty; he looked at his wrist watch, only fifteen minutes to the end of his shift. 

"Rey? - he called out loud, keeping eye contact with Hux - do you mind if I leave a little bit early?" The place was empty, aside from the two of them.  

She entered the room from a backdoor Hux hadn't seen, gave him a stern look then turned at Ben with soft, worried eyes and said with fake cheerfulness "Sure. Rose is getting changed, she won't mind beginning few minutes earlier - then she put her hand on his bicep - text me later?" and, without a word to Hux, she went to the coffee machine.  

"Give me a minute" he said to him, disappearing behind the back door. Hux stared at it feeling Rey's eyes on him so he turned in her direction; if looks could kill, he would have died in that precise moment.

Ben came back dressed differently, instead of his duty black trousers and t-shirt, he was wearing a pair of light blue denim, a Spaceballs hoodie and a leather jacket. "Shall we?" he asked Hux and made way outside. Hux grabbed at the collar of his jacket the minute they were in the open and kissed him.  A determined pressure of lips followed by a demanding, needy tongue and warm hands rummaging at his clothes to find access at some skin

"I wanted to be with you from the moment I sat eyes on you. Now you're finally mine" he whispered in his ear, sucking at his lobe and biting the shell, making Ben shiver from head to toe. Hux pulled out the t-shirt from his pants and insinuated his hungry fingers underneath the layers of clothing to explore him.

"You're so smooth, so fit, I want to feel how your cock tastes in my mouth and fits inside my ass." 

Ben was in a trance. He couldn't believe this was finally happening to him. He'd wanted it for so long he was already hard and ready to bend Hux over and fuck him ‘till he cried. Hux seemed so greedy, so in control, his minty tongue flapping like velvet from his mouth to his neck, seeking his ear to suck and bite it. Ben wanted to let go of his fears, disappear into Hux and silence his loneliness by feeling this beautiful, hungry man around him. 

And yet, he knew it was wrong. 

His body was ready for action, but in his head red lights were flashing. He didn't want to be a replacement, he didn't want to be the second choice. He wanted to be the damn first choice for once. 

He tried to push him away and asked "What happened to your partner?" just to take a break from Hux’es demanding mouth and be able to think straight somehow, but Hux was relentless. He took Ben by his wrist to conduct him inside the empty garage. 

"What are you doing? - Ben insisted - you disappear for weeks and now you want to me to fuck you?" indignation was growing inside him and Hux noticed, he had felt the same emotion only few hours prior, but he pushed the thought aside and refused to let go, kissing at the silky neck and the beautiful jaw, brushing Ben's cock through the trousers.

"I know you want me, you can't deny it". He was sexy as hell when he was in charge, but Ben found somehow the strength to push him away, more decisively  this time, and looked straight into his eyes, trying to connect to his reason instead of his cock.

"Talk to me, Hux".  

The familiarity, the sweetness, the directness with which Ben spoke, pulled down Hux’es mask. He broke down into tears just like that, sobbing into Ben's neck and shaking as a leaf in the wind. All the strength and the confidence he had shown at his arrival, had dissolved into thin air at Ben’s question, what was left of him was a sad, broken man. Ben held him in his arms, whispering in his ear that he was going to be ok and soon would feel better. He caressed the lean figure for a long while, trying to soothe him, until the sobs ceased and Hux attempted to straighten up.  

"It appears you've saved me from myself yet again. - He attempted a smile,  inclining his head and drying last tears from his reddened cheeks with the back of his hand, a thing so un-Huxly Ben had never thought it possible - How can I ever repay you?"

He looked so delicate, so fragile, Ben would have held him forever in his arms to protect him from any harm. He wanted to keep him for himself and be able to love him every day for the rest of his life. But Hux was already pulling his mask of 'man in control' back on and, before he could disappear behind it, Ben kissed him tenderly, for Hux'es sake and for his own.

"Come to me when you're feeling better, when you want  _me_ and not a petty revenge on your boyfriend. I'll be waiting for you, you know where to find me." Then he left him alone inside the garage. 

The following day he went to his therapy session as planned. Luke was sitting in is usual armchair when Ben arrived announcing he wasn't going to talk about his father that day.  

He was in the middle of some weird triangle and he really didn't know how to come out of it unharmed. He explained how he met Hux and Poe, how he had realized the two were together and the incredible energy and connection there was between him and them, something he couldn’t shake off.  

He explained to Luke that they didn’t know the other partner had met him and that he wanted to tell them but felt it unfair of him; he already had created enough damage, felt terribly guilty, lonely and completely out of control of his emotions. He was trying really hard to keep away from them, but they found somehow their way back to him. 

Luke was there to listen, not to offer solutions but, as his nephew seemed to need some fatherly support more then a therapeutic one, he reminded Ben that he had to think about his happiness first, without compromising his dignity and ethic. In other words he should follow what his heart desired but not if it made him feel guilty or wrong about it.  

Ben thanked him for the useless advice as he had already reached the same conclusion and informed him that he was still considering the hypnotherapy Luke had suggested him to face his father issue. He recounted about facing the matter with Poe and how it made him see things from another point of view. Also he was sleeping slightly better after a running session at the gym, but he didn't explain it in details to Luke and smiled when Luke suggested him to choose to run on the treadmill more often if it had really helped him so much in such a brief time. At the end of the session Luke planned their next appointment for the following week and reminded him that he was going to be at home for the festivities, if Ben had needed him. 

After therapy he went home to study for his exams, he really needed to graduate fast and find better payed job, with a proper insurance. He couldn’t be on his mother's anymore and his insurance did not cover for all his stuff, especially if Luke thought it was time to go back to pills. 

 

Work was slow that afternoon and Rey seemed couldn't wait to ask him about Hux in a detailed account.  

"Don't let that skinny guy take you down into his spiral of problems and suffering. You have enough to worry about without him coming in and pull you under his ocean of bullshit." She was right, he knew that, and nodded silently in reply.  

"Well done for sending him on his way, by the way. I know that must have been hard. Maybe next time you see a hot guy, ask him if he's already engaged first - she winked at him -  You know what? I heard of a smashing New Years Eve party at the end of the week! I'm going with Rose, why don't you come with us? It's time you get over this guy. I'm sure you haven't been out much between work and school." She gave him her best convincing smile. 

"What about your big dick boyfriend? Is he going to be there too? It's always weird when your boyfriends find out we're exes. I don't want to get in another fight for your honor, mademoiselle." 

"Don't worry about Kallus babe, he knows we're best buddies and, by the way, he's out of town for work, so it's gonna be only the three of us as good old times, when you used to be a party guy, remember?" 

"Fine, then I'll come. Text me the details and I'll be there after work." Right then a bus full of kids in their sport uniforms entered the parking lot, they had to go back to work. 

 

Next day, after his morning shift, Ben went to the library and spent the afternoon bent on his books. Being among other students and far from distractions helped him keep his concentration, while at home he would have probably ended up sleeping in front of the tv or playing video games. He was packing his books and notes around 7p.m. when the phone buzzed in his pocket. He slid the screen on and knew immediately  he was going to sink deeper into more drama; he considered  not picking up, but he couldn’t restrain himself. 

"Hey Poe, whazzup?" His heart was hammering so fast he thought for a moment he could see his ribs move under his hoodie.  

"Hey buddy, how are you? Are you working tonight?" Ben could detect Poe's tension from over the phone. 

"No, I was heading home. You?" he was getting nervous, too. 

"Got home today, I was visiting my father. You wanna hang out? Maybe we could eat something together later on." 

"Yeah, sure. Where and when?" he knew he was falling down into the rabbit hole. 

"At my place? 8.30?"  

'It's a trap!' echoed in Ben's head and yet he said he would be there on time and hung up.  

He knew Poe and Hux had broken up and here they were, both knocking at his door, Hux as a blaze of fire menacing to burn his body and soul to the ground, Poe was probably adopting a more subtle approach, as he surely had been crushed by Hux'es fury.  He didn't know how he got entangled in this juniper bush, he only knew that more he worked hard to stay strong and out of trouble and more these two were going to ambush him into their limbo.   

Despite all good advises from Luke and Rey, he was at home spraying perfume on his chest, wearing his nicest shirt instead of his usual nerd hoodie and taming his wild hair into a knot, as Rey more than once told him it made him look deadly sexy. That was something about his huge ears that people found weirdly alluring, he thought they were just too big but... His phone buzzed again. It was a text from Poe asking him if he liked pasta. He replied with the 'thumb up' emoji and went back to his hair, trying to fix some rebel strands. He texted Poe again, later on, asking to send him his position, then went to a store to buy some dessert. Ten minutes later was knocking at his door. 

When it was open, Ben couldn't believe the man was in front of him was actually Poe, he looked so altered, so changed. He greeted him amiably but every time he attempted to smile it seemed his face was going to crack, the whole thing looked painful and unnatural and Ben felt a terrible person as he knew he was the cause of all this suffering. 

He stood by the door, tempted to leave, but that would have been wrong either. All he could do for Poe was try to fix this somehow, offer the man some support at least. He handed the grocery bag to him and took his jacket off, looking for a hanger, then followed Poe into the kitchen.  

"Do you live with a chef?" he asked as he saw how the room was cramped with cookware of all kinds, both modern and vintage. 

At that Poe managed half a grin "No, that's all my stuff. I'm kind of a cooking nerd. My father keeps telling me I picked the wrong career. Do you like cooking?" 

"Does microwaving frozen stuff count as cooking?" he laughed. 

"I don't think so. Do you mind set the table while I finish here?" and he tipped his head to the stove. 

"That I can do" and, following Poe's instructions, Ben found all he needed among the incredible amount of plates, pans, pots and similar; few minutes later they were toasting, with juice, at good food and better company.  

Ben had seen Poe in action in court and knew what a good lawyer he was, but damn! This was the best pasta he had ever had in his life, so good he couldn’t help but moan while eating. He excused himself for his bad table manners and he got dismissed with a smile "Moaning while eating is the most accurate indicator of a truly enjoyed meal". 

Dinner went well, Poe seemed more like his old self and was back to conducting conversation. Ben knew there was a reason if Poe had asked him for dinner and not someone else so, not able to circle around the subject any longer, he went straight to the point. 

"I guess you've talked to your partner about me kissing you at the party that night. He didn't take it well, did he?" 

"No, he didn't. In fact, he's not my partner anymore." 

To hear it out loud, to see the results of the breakup on Poe's face, saddened him.

"I am so sorry, Poe. I didn't mean to put you in this situation. It's all my fault. I wish there was something I could do to fix this." 

"Don't be sorry. You were not the one who was going to move with his partner in three weeks' time, I was. I should have acted differently. I'm embarrassed to say it out loud, but I might have encouraged you. Sorry, this might be a bit awkward for you." 

"I'm fine. And I'm sure he'll reconsider it. It was nothing but a kiss, he'll get that once he'll calm down. He can't give up on you, he'd be a fool."

The awkwardness was getting worse by the minute, Poe was looking at him so intently his stomach was in knots again, so Ben decided it was time for him to shut up or change the subject.

"Now that you've got the job at Alderaan's firm, are you going to travel from here? How long does it take, four hours by car?" 

"Yes, but I already gave notice to my landlord, so I'll move to my father's until I find another flat. I'll put my extra stuff in a storage in the meantime. I Hope to find something soon though, my father is all right but I'm too old to go back to my old room." 

"I get that. If you need a hand to move your stuff, my offer is still standing, just give me a couple of days' notice so I can call Lando for the van and ask the day off at work. It's the least I can do." He put a smile in it to back up his proposal. Poe didn't argue, he needed the help and, most of all, the friendship.  

After that, Ben got up from the couch where they were sitting and said he had to be going as a double shift awaited him the next day and he needed the extra sleep. They said their goodbyes and he went home. 

 

For four days he had the luxury to work and study without any sudden visits or awkward dinners. He simply enjoyed his routine and the unusual good weather, which allowed him to go running in the park instead of doing it on the much hated treadmill. 

On New Years' Eve he arrived at the party quite late after work, he looked for Rey and Rose and found out that Rey's boyfriend wasn't working after all. He went to greet them and Kallus introduced himself and his friend Zeb to Ben but his friend hardly acknowledge him, he seemed to have eyes only for Rose. 

'Good – he thought – I'm going to spend the evening being the third wheel at a double date.' 

Zeb and Rose disappeared on a couch ten minutes after he arrived while Kallus proved to be really a nice guy.  It turned out he was in the army and had done all he could to get a leave to spend with 'his sunshine'. At that Kallus looked at him and winked, whispering "she hates when I call her that" and they both started laughing while Rey was hitting her boyfriend on the ribs with her elbow "Just stop it you two!" 

After a while Kallus went to get some drinks and Rey said "He surprised me this afternoon, I didn't know he was coming! I.." 

"Stop that right now. He's a really nice guy, I'm happy I got to meet him, but it seems that nobody's happier than Rose" and he tilted his head to the couch, pointing at a couple busy exploring each other's mouths. Ben and Rey were giggling when Kallus came back with three drinks, beers for Rey and himself and a soda for Ben, who thanked a little tensely. Kallus noticed at once and said: "It's ok . My sister is struggling with the same shit. You've got my respect man, keep up with the fight" and patted him heavily on the back, allowing him to relax. The three of them went on talking for a long while, moving from time to time outside so Kallus could smoke.  

It was Ben's turn to get the drinks; he was queuing, waiting his turn and, out of nowhere, someone grabbed his ass, squeezing tightly. He turned around, his fist already in the air, when a blonde guy wearing black rimmed glasses intercepted his hand. 

"Easy now. That's how you greet all your flirts?" 

"I could say the same thing to you, Blondie" he said lowering his hand.  

"I couldn’t resist it. Those skinny jeans you're wearing should be illegal. I've never seen an ass like that - he had kept an intense eye contact and, coming closer, he whispered in his ear - Are you here with someone?"  

"Yeah" he pointed at Rey and Kallus. 

"Great. Introduce me, then. I like Blondie, by the way, I think I'll keep it" he grinned at him, holding his hand so he couldn't lose him among the crowd. That took Ben by surprise, all this touching and the straightforwardness were new to him, the way this guy looked him in the eyes, like he wanted to steal his soul, it lit something in the pitch of his stomach. Ben wanted more of that. 

"Sure, let's go" they took the drinks and went back to Kallus and Rey. She introduced herself first, then introduced Kallus. Ben wanted to say something but didn't actually know his name, Blondie looked at him expectantly then he presented himself as Matt "but friends call me Blondie" said cheerfully, smiling towards Ben. 

"How did you two meet?" Asked Rey, who had immediately noticed the tension in Ben's body and couldn't actually recall him mentioning the guy. 

"I was leaving my Pilates class when this brute crashed into me - Blondie shoved Ben playfully – and he didn't even apologize for that. He got all 'high almighty', saying it was all my fault. Can you believe that?!" Everybody laughed at that, Ben circled Blondie's shoulders with his arm and clenched tightly at it then, staring into his eyes said

"I might have mistreated him a bit" and grinned, batting his eyelashes.  

"I surely won't hold a grudge against you for that - then, to Rey -What about you? Did he crash into you too?" 

"Sort of - smiled her - he was my boyfriend". 

"That's outrageous! I didn't know you were so naughty, boy!" Blondie kept teasing. 

"I'm a man full of surprises" Ben talked back and slowly lowered his hand from Blondie's shoulder to his pants' back pocket, caressing and squeezing at his ass. 

"It's your turn, good-looking - he went on, speaking to Kallus - You're another of Ben's exes?" 

He shook his head and said he was Rey's partner, pulling her to him by her waist and kissing the crown of her head. 

"Rey, you're a lucky girl! You've got all the hottest at your feet" and smiled again. 

 

Right then they heard the fireworks explosions and most of the people at the party went outside to see the show. Ben and Blondie stayed behind, looking at each other while people queued for the door to go outside.  

"What's your game, 'boy'?" Ben asked Blondie. He lifted his hand towards Ben's face, caressing the smooth jaw and the shell of his ear with the back of his fingers, then hung on his nape and pulled enough to kiss him.  

It was a sweet, lingering kiss. Blondie kept caressing Ben's cheeks with his thumbs while holding his face and warm sense of tenderness filled Ben's chest. He held this weird stranger in his arms and kissed him back, letting the room and its noise fade away. When they parted to take a breath Blondie took him by his hand saying  

"Let's get out of here". 

 

They grabbed their coats and took the stairs to reach the road level, stopping every few steps on their way down to kiss again. Blondie was particularly keen on biting anything he could reach, sinking his sharp white teeth at the base of Ben's neck as often as he could. Ben responded at his attacks by pushing him against the wall and kissing him breathless, spreading his legs and rubbing his crotch. Once they got in the car, Ben realized Blondie's driving style was borderline legal; he was paying more attention to unbuttoning Ben’s pants  then to the road or the other drivers. Ben managed to divert him, after all, reversing the situation and bobbing his head between Blondie's chest and the steering wheel. He lapped the smooth head, playing with the little opening, bit it delicately and pushed the shaft it into his mouth until it hit the back of his throat, 'til he was moaning and cursing, clutching at Ben's hair-bun to push his head down again

"Oh man, I knew you could deep-throat, keep going". 

 

After some time they stopped, Ben lifted his head and frowned: they were in an industrial area, parked in front of an old, red-bricked warehouse.  

"Come - said Blondie smiling, a pleased expression painted on his face while buttoning his pants - that's our stop". They entered the building by a side door and Ben found himself in a beautifully decorated open space. He hadn't time to look around, though, as Blondie was pulling at his hand.

"If you need it, the bathroom is behind the blue door. Everything else you need is here" and smiled, pointing at himself.  

Ben didn't give him time to add more, he plunged into his mouth so fast their teeth clashed, but it didn't stop him. He pulled at Blondie's jumper and t-shirt underneath it, freeing the incredibly pale and perfect skin, the airless chest looked like a plain canvas exception made for a small tattoo right over his left breast, a circle cut in the middle by a vertical line, an 'on/off' icon.  

Ben traced it contours with his forefinger, whispering "I love nerdy tattoos" then moved it up, tracing an imaginary line to Blondie's lips. He opened his mouth and licked the digit, inviting it inside his mouth. Ben pushed the finger inside, touching the pointy teeth and he incredibly warm and velvet tongue. Blondie closed his lips, sucking voraciously at the finger, looking straight into Ben's eyes as he wanted to eat his soul through it, then grabbed his ass with both hands and said 

"I need you naked". 

Undressing had never felt so good. Blondie peeled every layer of clothing over him with maximum slowness, caressing and kissing every part of his body.  

"Are you sure you're the same man I met at the gym?" Asked Ben with an intriguing grin. 

"That was the cross side of my coin babe, today you're lucky enough to get the head" he replied sucking at his lobe.  

Ben lifted him up and Blondie held his position crossing his ankles around Ben’s waist and his arms around his shoulders while kissing him deeply. He was so light Ben could have carried him for miles, but he had him sitting on the table, pulling at his blonde hair to have a better access to his neck, he wanted to bite  more leisurely. Blondie was pleading for more, tightening his legs grip and bending his head on the other side, asking for marks to remind him of Ben in the following days. Ben pleased him and went on sucking at his tiny, pink and hard nipples, his skin was salty and faintly scented of shower gel. By the time he was finished with them Blondie was panting heavily, arching his waist to get some friction for his desperately hard cock. Ben went on, unperturbed by his protests, kissing from the flat chest to his groin, then he had him stretched over the table, positioning one foot on the table and the other on his collarbone, kissing the skinny calf, caressing the inner tight and massaging the area around is entrance but never touching his shaft or balls. Blondie arched his back even more, showing just how flexible he was and trickling Ben's imagination of having him bent inside the car, a mental note he took for another time. Only when Blondie looked desperate with need he placed his other leg down on the table and bent to lick his entrance, holding his shaft in his hand but without moving it. Blondie tried to push his dick into Ben's hand but he chided him of being too hasty. For good measure he spat on his entrance and pointed at it with his cock.

"Breath out for me babe" he said, then he pushed inside when Blondie exhaled, trusting at his shaft at the same time.  

Blondie shut his eyes and cried out so loudly Ben stilled, afraid it had been too much all together, but Blondie shot him a death stare and commanded to keep going. He didn't need to ask twice.  

"Bend your legs and hold 'em at the knees" Ben ordered, then fucked him until he was almost crying with pleasure. He, as well,  was struggling not to give in, it was so good to be inside this guy, he wanted it to last forever. 

"You fuck like a god, Ben Solo. Come fuck me any time you want." 


	26. Chapter 26

POE 

The highway looked deserted, he hadn't seen a car or a truck for almost one hundred miles. Not that he was expecting to find any traffic on new year's day, when everybody was spending time with their family and friends.  

He was heading to his old home, his partner had just left for a very long work journey and he was incredibly cheerful, not that he had left, of course, but that after a very tumultuous week they had finally found their way to go back to one another. of that he was grateful.  

He promised himself to plan a second hiking weekend as soon as he had finished moving to Alderaan, so that when Hux would have returned from Ahch-to everything would be already organized and they could leave immediately.  

They had spent such a pleasant couple of days up in the hills and, if Hux'es calculations were correct, he might be returning at the end of winter, still in time to go somewhere snowy and maybe even see Hux skiing. He had always bragged about being a wonderful skier, thanks to his childhood winter holidays spent on the highest mountains of Europe with his father. He had always wanted to see him in a snowsuit, but what Poe wanted the most, though, was for Hux to come back as soon as possible to finally start their life together. He had already started some mental planning, what to keep, what to bring to charity shops, where to find the best boxes for his cookware and his precious old china.

After two hours driving, Poe felt in need of some coffee so he took next exit and stopped at 'First Order Café'. 'What a pompous name' he thought when he was locking the car and heading towards the door.  

It was a cold starry night, a little breeze was flapping the tails of his coat and he was trying to keep warm by crossing his arms over his chest. When he got inside the café, its warmth seemed almost too much in comparison with the external temperature, he unbuttoned his coat immediately and went to order a coffee at the counter, where two young women were confabulating so deeply by the coffee machine that they didn't even notice his arrival until he cleared his throat. 

The shortest girl turned to him and apologized for having him waiting. She produced a worried smile and asked how could she be of service. He replied he wanted a coffee and a chocolate covered donut; she invited him to sit, she would serve him promptly. 

He took a seat at one of the empty, round aluminum tables and took the phone out from his coat's inside pocket; Hux had texted him some fifteen minutes earlier, his flight was ready to take off and he wished to remind him he wanted to find him home on his return.  

He knew Hux wasn't going to check his phone until he had landed, but he replied immediately nonetheless. 

"I'll start packing the moment I get home babe. A 'seven course Poe' will await you at your arrival. Love you." and put the phone on the table.  

Right then the short waitress arrived with Poe's order and a gloomy expression on her face; her tag name read 'Rose'. Poe was in such a good mood he couldn't allow anybody else in the world to feel differently; he shot her one of his best disarming smiles and asked "What's the matter, dear? Why are you so upset?".  

When she looked up at him he thought she was going to dismiss him with an angry 'mind your own business', but she actually set the tray on the table and replied 

"A friend of ours is missing since yesterday. We can't find him, his phone is off. We're worried sick about him." 

"I'm sorry dear. Have you already called the police?"  he said. 

"Yes - a lonely tear run through her cheek - but they told us it's too early to file a missing person report." 

"I see. Have you tried another approach? Posting something on Starsbook maybe? Someone could recognize him from the picture and give you some clue about where he might be or have been. Anything could be useful now. What's your friend name? Is he from this area?" 

Her expression lit up a little. 

"Rey? - she called her colleague - Our customer was suggesting to post something on Ben's disappearing on Starsbook. Would you do it? You surely have some nice pics of him - then to Poe - My friend's name is Ben Solo." 

He felt his heart stop. 

"Ben is missing? Leia's son? Are you sure?" he stood up taking her by the hand and speaking in earnest "Have you tried to call his.." then he stopped dead. 

"He works here, doesn't he? - than to himself - 'First Order Café'. Ben is Kylo. Oh God." 

The realization that he and Hux had been arguing over the same person shocked him. There wasn't time to waste though. He didn't wait for Rose to reply, he took the phone out of the coat  again and dialed Holdo’s number. 

"I just heard about Ben. What can I do? Can I help in any way? - he paused, listening to his friend carefully and still keeping Rose’s hand in his - Actually I'm already here. I'll talk to them and call you back immediately - he returned to Rose - I've been told Ben was at a party with his friends from work yesterday evening. Is that you?" 

She nodded and gestured to Rey, who was coming closer as she heard them talking about Ben. "Yes, I'm Rey. He came at the party yesterday, after work, and stayed with us all evening. When the firework show started some of us went outside to watch it and when we got back he was gone." Her voice was shaking with emotion, she had circles under her eyes,  like someone who has cried a lot and slept not enough. 

"Who are the 'we' you're referring to? Just the two of you, or there were more people?" 

"There were two more people with us. My boyfriend Kallus and his friend Zeb. They're in the army. They were in town for a very short leave, they left this morning. That's all." 

"Wait - said Rose, her expression brightening - there was that guy, what's his name? Blondie something.." 

"Matt! - bursted out Rey - a Pilates teacher. Ben met him at the gym." 

"Great! What else do you know about this man? What's the gym's name?" asked Poe, excited they were getting somewhere. 

"I know nothing else. Ben had never mentioned him before. He would have if he was someone important. When they met, yesterday,  Ben looked slightly tense around him, but then he eased up and towards the end of the evening they looked quite 'friendly', if you know what I mean." Rey concluded. 

Poe froze. Jealousy was creeping inside him, even if he knew he hadn't any right or claim over Ben. 

"You think they were lovers?" he pushed on. 

"Lovers? - Rose was on the verge of laughing - No. Ben isn't in a relationship.  He's more in the middle of a massive shitty Bermuda Triangle. He probably hooked up with the guy for five minutes. That's what it looked like to me, at least." 

Poe felt like all his blood was leaving his body at once.  

"You're right! - Rey yelled - Oh God, if he's disappeared just to get laid with that guy I'm gonna kill him!" 

Poe didn't registered what she'd said and asked "What triangle?" 

"A redhead skinny guy, pasty face. He jumped on Ben last week, the exact moment he broke up with his guy. The same who had cheated on redhead with Ben. That boy is a mess. And now he's probably screwing with this Blondie guy just to distract himself and stop feeling miserable." 

He felt the need to sit down.  

"Are you ok?" asked Rey. 

"Sure - he answered, but feeling really shitty - I'll call Holdo to tell her what we know."  

He dialed the number and after only one ring Holdo picked up.  

"I think we've got  something - he started and then stopped talking and nodded, a sour smile on his lips. - Good, I'm glad it all went well. Call you back later."  

He looked at the coffee and donut placed nicely on the tray over the table and felt sick. He gulped some breaths of air, his head was spinning; when he felt better he said  

"Ben's home, safe and sound. He went away with that Blondie you told me about. His phone run out of battery and he hadn’t a charger with him. He seems to be sorry to have provoked all this trouble." 

"I knew it. That bastard! He's gonna regret this little adventure for so long!" said Rey with such fury Poe felt a little sorry for him.  

 

He wasn't feeling in the mood for coffee or donut anymore. He left some money on the table and stood to leave.  

"Thanks girls - he said - it's been a pleasure", then waved and left the place without another word.  

Once outside he breathed slowly, the smell of oil was almost refreshing after the stale air of the café; he unlocked his car and went back on his way. 

He wondered why Ben or Hux hadn't told him about this messy situation, then he realized how hypocritical was of him to only think such a thing. He hadn't said anything either. He'd been the one to seduce Ben at the party, the one who invited Ben for dinner the moment he and Hux had broken up.  

Ben seemed to be in the middle of their crossed fire and was struggling to come out of it in the only healthy way possible, by being with someone who was actually interested in him, only in him. 

He felt such a bad person, so guilty for placing him in this situation, jealous about him and this Blondie, of him and Hux.

He felt like a character of a soap opera, his life was a continuous sequence of dramatic scenes.

He laughed sourly. What was he supposed to do now?

First of all he had to stop seeking Ben's company, once and for all. He would leave the poor guy in peace. Next thing to do was face the matter with Hux next time he had heard from him. 

His phone was buzzing in his pocket, probably Holdo was calling him back to give him more details.

He saw on the radio he had forgot to switch on his Bluetooth. He thought about stopping but he was in the middle of Kessel bridge and there weren't any lay-by.

He knew it was a mistake but thought 'just this one time' and pulled his phone out of his pocket with his right hand, while keeping the wheel with his left. When he tried to slide the screen up the phone fell from his hand under the passenger seat. It had stopped buzzing and he could hear Ben's voice calling him. 

'What the fuck.'  

"Ben? Can you hear me? I dropped the phone, just give me a minute" he said out loud for Ben to hear him.

He bent towards the other seat to retrieve the phone while trying to keep his eyes on the road. He could feel its smooth edge with his fingertips, he was so close, Ben was still calling his name.

He looked at the seat for just a second, he bent just a little more forward and the phone was in his hand. 'Gotcha!' He smiled. 

Then he felt crashing into something.


	27. Chapter 27

HUX

 

He had to take two more flights to arrive to Ahch-to. He was travelling towards east so when he landed he was not only quite tired but also incredibly jet-legged. He mentally thanked his secretary for reminding him to bring an extra change of lighter clothing with him on the plane, he managed to get changed in the claustrophobic toilet just before landing in the much hotter weather of Ahch-to. As Hux descended the iron ladder he could feel the warm, dump air wrap him like a woolen blanket and tiny beads of sweat formed on his temples.  

Someone, a cab driver in black suit, was waiting for him at the airport's arrivals and, after a much needed trip to the toilet and an as well needed coffee, his escort took him to his car and placed his luggage inside the trunk.  

The sky was beginning to lit up as the sun was ready to rise, some birds were singing their first songs of the day breaking the silent stillness of the night; The driver had already switched the air conditioning on, when Hux sat on the backseat the car was nicely cool. He took him to his hotel in complete silence and Hux fell asleep the moment the car left the airport car park and slept for the whole forty-five minutes it took them to get from the airport to his accommodation. 

When Hux checked in, the receptionist informed him the restaurant was serving breakfast in 30 minutes; also Master Yoda's secretary had left a note for him. Hux opened the sealed envelope and read it, nodding to himself. He retrieved the key of his room, asked if it was possible to have a pot of bergamot tea sent to him in 20 minutes and that he didn't wished to be disturbed until 1.30 p.m., when he expected a wakeup call and room service for lunch. 

The receptionist answered positively to Hux'es requests and gestured to a bellboy to take Hux'es luggage upstairs and show him his room. First thing he did when he was alone was to hook up on the hotel's wi-fi as his phone company wasn't working on that lost at sea island. He replied to Poe's text saying he couldn’t wait for his seven course meal, then stripped and went into the shower to wash away something like nineteen hours travel's sweat.  

He had just buttoned his trousers up when he heard a knock at the door. His tea had arrived, served perfectly on time by a nice looking waiter, with some butter biscuits that reminded him of his childhood in Arkanis. 

Those were his mother's favourite biscuits and only to see them it brought him back her memory.  

She was he sweetest, most caring, acute, funny person he had ever met and he missed her incredibly. She was a librarian and the reason he picked his profession, she taught him how precious were books to mankind, how important it was to preserve our knowledge and our history to make sure human race didn't stumble on the same errors again and again.  

He could see her now, her honey hair always perfectly collected in a chignon on the crown of her head, "like a ballerina" she used to say to him, smiling and pirouetting with him in her arms. He would kiss the auburn silky cheeks, feeling loved and protected as her tender green eyes looked at him like only a mother could do. 

The waiter brought him back to reality laying the tray on the table of the tiny sitting room making the china clink and went back to his duties saluting in a stuttering English. 

Hux sat at the white cream round table and closed his eyes for a moment seeking the nostalgic vision once more, but he momentum had gone. He sighted and the aroma of bergamot caressed his nostrils while spreading through the room; silence was absolute as most of the few customers were housed at the hotel were probably still asleep as, soon enough, he would have been as well. He poured himself a cup of steaming tea, had a couple of biscuits and an anti-jet-leg pill, then brushed his teeth, undressed again, closed the heavy curtains of the screen window and finally went to sleep in a proper bed, with lavender scented white linens and the fluffiest pillow he had never laid his head on. 

 

After a frugal lunch he dialed Poe's number but was Kes the one who answered it and Hux knew immediately from the hushed tone of his voice that something was wrong; his stomach clenched as he enquired on Poe's wellbeing and his heart sunk as the old man was telling him that Poe had crashed with his car against the guard rail on his way home, just past Kessel bridge. Kes broke into tears then and Hux couldn’t make out what he said next, but the dread that caught him was so intense he could only repeat 

"Please, Kes, tell me he's alive. Please tell me he's not dead" again and again. He's throat was so tight he could hardly breath, his vision was getting darker by the minute, all of a sudden he felt numb and had to laid down on the mattress, trying to breath in and out in a desperate attempt not to black out. When Kes  was calmer and his sobs had eased he said: 

"Yes, son, he made it. He's been brought  at Yavin-4 Hospital yesterday night with a mild concussion and four broken ribs. At first he couldn’t remember what happened to him or tell where he was, but today something started to come back to him and maybe an hour ago he was capable to give us a clear account on the accident. He was coming home from Alderaan when he answered his phone which it slipped from his fingers and fell under the passenger seat. He bent to retrieve it and lost control of his car.  

He can't answer the phone right now as he's still feeling sluggish and has also difficulty to talk because of his broken ribs. You can call back tomorrow and I'll tell you how he's doing or you can talk to him if he's feeling better." Hux listened in silence while Kes was conveying his terrible news, his head was buzzing and he was breathing in and out, slowly, in and out again in an attempt to ease down the shock.  

"Ok – he broke his silence off a moment after Kes had finished talking – I'll get next available flight; I hope to be there in a couple of days. Please tell Poe I'm coming home." 

"Hold on kid. There's no need for you to rush here now. Poe is likely to stay at the hospital for another couple of days, then he'll come home with me until his head and ribs injuries haven't healed properly. It will take something like six weeks, which he would probably spend  between the couch and some kind of physical therapy. Let me take care of my son and come back when your job is concluded. Poe would never forgive himself if you'd lose this opportunity because of his negligence." 

"What about his apartment? - kept pushing Hux - he had to move his stuff to Alderaan this week, who's taking care of that?" 

"Don't worry about it. One of his friends from work, or her son, has a van and will move everything on time while Poe is recovering."  

"I don't care. He needs me and I can't just stay here pretending nothing's happened to him!" he wasn't dizzy anymore, he was terribly angry and determined to go back to his man. 

"Calm down son, you'll have.. Wait" he heard some noise in the background, an indistinct rustling then a clear beeping, slow but constant. 

"Babe? ouch - the whisper was almost inaudible, but he could have recognized him among a thunderstorm, his beloved - babe please stay put" Poe wheezed painfully and Hux froze. "Stop talking sweetheart. I'll do whatever you want me to, just don't talk anymore. Know that I love you more than life itself. - his throat was feeling tight again, his eyes were clouding behind tears he refused to weep - You gave me such a fright! Don't do that ever again! I'll try to speed up things here and conclude this event as soon as possible so that I can come home to you. Stay strong and get better my love. I love you Sweetheart. I'll call you back tomorrow."  

"Love you" was the only thing Poe managed to whisper, but to Hux it meant everything. 

 


	28. Chapter 28

BEN

 

Pancakes. He was smelling pancakes and fresh coffee. He extended an arm over the mattress to look for Blondie but the bed was empty; he stretched his long body feeling pleasantly sore after all the extra exercise he'd done during the night or, to be precise, the early morning. 

He sat on the bed and looked around to see where his host had gone. The bedroom was on a mezzanine, paired with a wardrobe with mirror doors and a leather armchair on the right corner. It had been fun to look at their reflection that morning, Blondie wanted to ride him and Ben went gladly with his back on half a dozen pillows, looking him going up and down on his cock. 

From up the mezzanine he could see the whole loft, big short and long widows were located near the flat roof, the wooden table and the blue couch were in sight on the right hand side of the room. The kitchen was the only part invisible as it was located under the mezzanine. 

The place was huge, the brick walls hadn't been painted and shown their age beautifully, here and there some copies of Rothko and Pollock were hanged alongside beautiful black and white photos of the city. 

Under the paintings, on the floor by the walls and settled in asymmetrical wobbly piles, there were hundreds of books. On the far end of the room there was a massive projector screen.  

The house seemed completely empty, if it wasn't for the delicious smell of food that was spreading from the kitchen and some rhythmical stomping on the wooden floor, Ben would have thought he was alone and Blondie gone. Ben got up and thought of wearing something but all his clothes were still laying on the floor downstairs, he didn’t bother going through Blondie's stuff in the wardrobe as he was surely a small size while Ben was definitely a large, sometimes even an extra-large so he went downstairs completely bare. 

The wooden steps of the staircase were cracking under his weight and, when he got near the kitchen, he located Blondie immediately: he was wearing black Bluetooth headphones and nothing else, shaking his pale firm ass following a mute rhythm only he could hear.  

Ben stood for a minute enjoying the view, expecting to be caught staring but when he realized Blondie wasn't going to turn around, he moved feline like, proceeding on tiptoes and in slow motion behind the kitchen table he knew so well by now and slid his arms around Blondie's waist, startling him so badly he screamed and held at his chest as if his heart would stop any minute. 

Ben removed the headphones and his mouth was already hovering over Blondie's ear, nibbling at its shell while his hands were proceeding towards his crotch. 

"You made pancakes" it wasn't a question. Blondie opened his mouth to reply but Ben closed his hand around his soft cock and stroked at it, feeling it harden between his fingers; Blondie's mouth closed again, his words turning into a quiet moan.  

"I woke up alone and thirsty. Do you have something to drink?" he whispered into his ear, before sucking wetly at the lobe, his hand increasing its rhythm. Blondie mumbled something unintelligible and tried to turn towards the fridge but Ben grabbed him by his narrow hips and turned him around, looking for his mouth to explore.  

He wasn't a talkative morning person. He stepped slowly towards the counter,  guiding his prey while pulling not so gently at his hair, sucking and biting his lower lip. The mix of pain and pleasure was intense and he grunted into his mouth but didn't' pull away; Blondie spat on his hands took their erections between them stroking up and down, awkwardly walking backwards while Ben was guiding him. Blondie stopped when the cold marble of the counter touched his back, Ben lifted him on top of it and bobbed his head  between his legs. 

"I'm so thirsty" he said again, glancing up and looking feral  

"I want to drink you up". 

Blondie's cock disappeared into his mouth and Ben's hands went juggling lightly with his balls, keeping a steady pace until Blondie's heavy breathing told him he was close.  

Ben coated his fingers with saliva and started fingering him carelessly, adding quickly one long finger after the other as Blondie had crossed his thin ankles over his neck and was pushing on Ben's head towards his pulsing cock convulsively,  then he suddenly stilled, keeping Ben's head in place with his legs' iron grip and spilling his hot sperm into Ben's throat with a loud cry.  

He gulped every drop of it greedily, licking the last of it from the sensitive purple tip, slowly and delicately removing his four long thick fingers from his ass. 

"That was a hell of a job" Blondie smiled drowsily, his head tilted on one side. 

 "Oh babe, I'm not done with you yet." He pulled him down from the counter, bent him down on it and had him spread his legs then,  with nothing more than some spit, he pushed his hard and until now neglected dick up into his ass.  

Blondie cried out from pleasure and pain, Ben stopped then, bending over to bite at his neck 

"That's my boy" he grunted, pushing some more, until it was impossible to push further.  

He moved his hips forming some sort of circle, still keeping his position, just to explore every inch of Blondie's insides while he was lost in his "oh yes, fuck me like an animal" mantra. 

Ben was happy to oblige, holding him still by his hips, slapping his bare ass and trusting as if he wanted to disappear inside him, to get lost in his own pleasure.  

Blondie straightened, pushing with his elbows on the counter and giving Ben the perfect angle; he slid a hand around his throat, closing his fingers tightly around it and spilling himself lost before collapsing together on the wooden floor. 

"Where have you been, Ben Solo - he murmured after a while - I've been searching for you all my life."  

Ben smiled into his messy hair feeling warmth spreading inside his chest and holding him tightly. 

"I'm here now". 

They stayed on the floor for a while, holding each other and kissing gently in a moment that seemed to last forever, or until Ben's stomach grumbled in protest, breaking the spell and making them laugh. They got up and Blondie gave Ben directions about where to find plates, cups and napkins while he retrieved the food from the oven and the much needed coffee. Ben was heading at the table but he was told otherwise, so followed Blondie up the stairs again where they sat on the bed side by side, feeding each other like two lovebirds. 

After a nap and a shower Blondie gave Ben some clothes that actually fit him and he went into the shower himself, while Ben went downstairs. He wandered about for a bit, looking at the paintings and flipping through some books then retrieved Blondie's headphones from the counter and put them on.  

He expected some hardcore house or even heavy metal, but was surprised with old school funk.  

This man had so many facets and he slowly felt an increasing desire to know them all.  

Everything with Blondie felt so easy, so familiar and homey. There wasn't any drama going on all the time with him, it felt refreshing not to have to hide his identity or hold back his feelings. Also, Blondie was as straightforward as he was, maybe even more, and Ben loved it. 

He had been sitting down on the blue couch completely lost in his thoughts for some time when Blondie came back from his shower wearing just a pair of truly worn out denim. He sat next to him, hair still dripping on his chest and shoulders; he lifted his left hand to move away some hair from Ben's forehead and traced slowly his scar with a finger.  

Ben expected him to be asking about it, but he opened his hand to caress his face instead. 

"Any plans for today? Family stuff to do?" His finger was drawing Ben's mouth's perimeter. 

"Nothing going on. You?" He didn't know if this was a polite way to kick him out or what. 

"Good. I don’t have either. You want to stay, maybe watch some tv or something else?"  

"Sure" He answered and Blondie surprised him with the sweetest smile, lay down on the couch placing his wet hair on Ben's lap, making him shiver and tracing invisible routes between the moles on his face. Ben slid a little forward to adjust himself, prompting his feet on a small table, then Blondie reprised his tracing job on his cheeks and neck and Ben fingers went straight to draw circles around Blondie's tattoo. They stayed quiet for a while, caressing each other and exchanging piercing-soul looks. Then Blondie broke the silence. 

"I got tattooed after the first time I got arrested. I assaulted a guy in a mall's parking lot. He was drunk and started calling me names while I was waiting at the bus stop. I was 17 and a complete mess, hadn't come out yet. I felt so out of place everywhere and this guy, I dunno, I should have just let go, walk away. But I didn’t. I was tired of the weird looks at school, of people whispering after I walked by. I just lost it and jumped him. I don't remember much really, only that I tried to hit, kick and bite everything I could reach. He was maybe twice my size and probably 10 years older, he broke my nose and left me on the pavement. 

The police was obviously passing by and saw me attacking him first, he pressed charges and they took me in. My sister got me out the next day and the same afternoon I grabbed all the money I had, not much really, and got inked. Something to remind me to switch my temper off. It doesn’t always work out, as you well know, but since I started working at the gym I'm doing much better." He smiled, a little self-consciously, but never moved from Ben's lap, he wouldn't have let him anyway. 

After a long silence Ben told him about his scar, about his father and about rehab. He told him stuff he'd never said before, not even to himself. He told him because Blondie didn't ask for it, because he had shared something private with him, and because he listened and looked at him as if he was whole, not broken, not damaged or in need to be fixed.  

When he got home, quite late that night, he thought about checking his phone, he'd been distracted all day and it didn't occur to him that maybe someone had tried to reach to him or that the phone needed to be charged.  

As he tried to switch it on he realized the battery was completely gone. 

He plugged it to its charger and decided to prepare his clothing for the day after. He retrieved his uniform from the dryer and two changes of clothes from the wardrobe, one for university and the other for his daily run. 

When the battery had charged enough he turned the phone on and it started buzzing endlessly as text and calls notifications from his mother, from Rey, Rose and even from Poe popped up on the screen. 

He called his mother first thing. She was relieved he was fine and she demonstrated it shouting how irresponsible he'd been for disappearing for more than 24 hours, he had his family and friends worried sick and the police alerted and sending dispatches to all city departments and searching in hospitals and morgues.  

He apologized several times, being truly sorry and a little upset that his little vacation had everybody so perturbed. When Leia had calmed down a little, she told him his friends were waiting for news too, so he called Rey next, receiving the same treatment but expressed it less politely.  

Rey told him that his friend Poe had stopped for a coffee on his way home and when they told him he was missing, he helped them go back on their steps to understand what might had happen to him, until they were on the verge to call the gym to track down Blondie's number as they finally concluded Ben and Blondie must have left the party together.  

Rey said that while Ben was on the phone with his mother, Poe was speaking with Holdo and she was the one who told him that Ben was ok, so Poe conveyed the news to Rey and Rose and left the café. 

He'd never have imagined that so many people would have been worrying for him, that so many people cared for him so much and, least of all, that Poe was among those people. Rey scolded him some more and said she and Rose expected a full account on his sex trip to repay them of the terrible worrying he'd put them through, than they said their goodbyes. 

He dialed Poe's number next. He was sitting cross-legged on his bed, hair collected in a bun at the base of his neck, feeling a little nervous even despite his amazing time with Blondie. 

The phone stopped ringing but nobody answered, he could only hear background noises like the engine running, music coming from the radio and Poe cursing. He smiled, imagining him fumbling with the radio to answer the call. "Poe is everything all right? - he asked - "Do you want me to call you back later?" 

"Ben? No, I just dropped my phone, hold on." Poe shouted,  then there was some more fumbling, more cursing and, finally, Ben heard "Gotcha!" 

He expected Poe to talk to him, but he heard a terrible, scary,  loud crash and the call ended. His heart sank. He called  back again but he didn't receive any answer and the realization that Poe had had a crash with his car struck him.  

Ben called the emergency number immediately, he was sweating and his voice was trembling for the shock but explained them what happened, that Poe was driving from 1st order café directed to Yavin-4 and he was probably near Kessel Bridge by the time he had crashed. He had to repeat everything one more time to the lady over the phone than he had been told to hung up.  

He was terribly worried for Poe, he wanted to go on the accident site but he knew he would only be a burden to the medical equip. 

He called his mother instead, explaining about the incident and asking her to tell Holdo and Poe's father, then collapsed on the bed not knowing what to do next. He called back Poe in a desperate hope to get an answer from him, but the phone kept ringing ominously.  

He couldn't stay at home, he was so tense he mechanically went to his wardrobe and changed into his running gear, put on shoes and ear pods and went out running in the freezing January night.  

He didn't bother with worming up or stretching his muscles, when he was out of the building he started running around the block, feeling somehow responsible for Poe's accident as he was the one who had called and distracted him while he was driving.  

The remorse went piling on top of the guilt he was already feeling for having his enlarged family worried about his disappearance. 

For the first time in his life, running wasn't working, he still  felt tense even after he had run almost an hour. He went on anyway, concentrating on his feet hitting the ground, on the rhythm of his breath, on the white noise of the city. He had to keep going. 

He'd been running for an hour and a half when his phone  buzzed. He pushed blindly on a button on his phone to reply and kept running. 

"Ben?" 

"Mom. News from Poe?" he stopped still the moment he recognized her voice, his heart beating in his throat. 

"Yes kid. The paramedics have brought him to Yavin-4 Hospital, apparently in one piece. His father is coming up from Alderaan, until then Holdo will be allowed to talk to the doctors. We're heading there right now, are you coming?" 

"I'm on my way." 

He went home for the quickest shower he had ever had, got changed and rushed to the hospital where Leia told him Poe was taking some tests to verify the severity of his head and ribs injuries. They sat in the waiting room for more than an hour, Ben incapable of sitting still for more than a minute and walking up and down the room until his mother held him by the hand, indicating the empty plastic chair on her left. He sat but avoided to look her, staring fixedly at the lab door instead, as if he could conjure the doctor out of it by simply staring at it. Leia lifted her right hand, caressing his stubbled cheek to obtain his attention. 

"He's going to be fine. - Ben didn't move, not even blink to avoid the tears that filled his eyes to drip from them. - Ben, look at me. Poe will come out in one piece, I can promise you that." She was trying her best to sound convincing, to comfort her son. 

"No, you can't.  He's going to die and it's going to be my fault. Again." 

His words had a finality to which Leia couldn't reply to. She retrieved her hand and sat back on her chair, giving a quick, sad glance at Holdo, who was standing silently by a window.  

Ben sat next to his mother, in silence, for the rest of the night. Having expressed his worst fear out loud had left him forceless. 

A tall, blonde doctor came into the room some time later. She asked who was there for Mr Dameron and Holdo stepped forwards to meet her. Dr Phasma said Poe had a mild concussion and some broken ribs. He was awake but not able to recall what had happened to him or where he was. She suggested to let him rest and wait the day after to visit him as he could have difficulties in recognizing them and it would probably upset him even more.  She smiled at them and disappeared through the lab door. 

Holdo asked Ben to bring his mother home because she had to wait for Poe's father to arrive from Alderaan. Ben couldn't quite grasp what she was saying, the only thing clear to him was that Poe did make it, he hadn't kill him.  

Then the thought of Hux struck him. He wandered if he had been informed about Poe's incident. He didn't even know if they were back together or not, but surely he would have wanted to know. Ben couldn't do much about it aside from, maybe, send him a private message on Starsbook, which it felt insanely awkward. 

He agreed to bring his mother home and, in thirty minutes he was back at the hospital.  

Holdo told him he could go home but he was adamant about it. He sat next to her and waited for Poe's father in silence.  

When he arrived it was almost dawn, he looked terribly worried and lost. Ben stood aside for a while, letting Holdo ask for Dr. Phasma to explain to him the situation and if there had been any changes in Poe's situation, in the meanwhile she recounted him what she had been told about Poe.  

Dr Phasma reassured the old man about his son's situation, told him that they would run some more tests in a couple of hours and that he would be the first to be informed about anything. She said Poe was asleep at the moment but Kes was allowed in his room as long as he let the patient rest.  

She shook his hand heartily and assured him she was going to take good care of his son, then walked off, the wings of her white coat flapping around her legs.  

Kes looked a little calmer, Holdo took his hand and asked at the reception where they could find Poe Dameron's room; a young woman told them the number and how to get there. When they were in front of it Ben stilled behind the window. He'd never seen Poe so pale, he looked almost grey; he was sleeping on his back, iv plugged in his left arm,  a machine connected to Poe’s finger by long wires was beeping steadily, his head was covered in bandages to block him from scratch at his wounds on his forehead.  

He looked so defenseless, Ben wanted to sit by his bed and took care of him, hold his hand or anything else except stay there doing nothing, but of course he couldn't. Poe's father was there and was already hovering over him  trying to make things more comfortable for Poe. 

After adjusting his covers and adding another blanket on the bed, Kes went back to them on the aisle and thanked Holdo for her precious help, then he looked at Ben as he had just materialized next to her.  

She introduced them, presenting Ben as the one who had discovered Poe had had an accident and called for help. The short man hugged him immediately, thanking him between sobs for saving his son's life. That startled him and he opened his mouth to tell his truth but Holdo grabbed his shoulder in an iron grip and tilted her head  in a 'don't you dare' gesture. 

He closed his mouth then and smiled to the old man who had stopped weeping. Kes promised Holdo to call her if there had been any changes in Poe's conditions and they told him they would come back later  

then left the hospital after few minutes and went separate ways, Holdo went home to Leia and Ben sat in his car in silence. 

He didn’t want to go back home and stay alone, it was too depressing. He started the car and drove to the industrial area, stopping halfway to get a few muffins and some coffee. Once he got in front of the red brick building he parked the car and rung the bell a couple of times, wondering if he was doing the right thing dropping there at down. He had to wait in the chilly air of January morning for a while and was already heading back to the car when the door finally opened. Blondie was behind it, staring at Ben with his messy hair and the cutest pout he had ever seen. 

"It's six in the morning" he grunted but stepped out of the way to let him in. Ben offered him his most charming smile "I brought muffins and coffee." Blondie closed the door behind them. 

"I hate you so much" he smiled and kissed Ben softly on the lips "Come upstairs." 

Blondie helped him out of his clothes and pulled the covers over them, then he sat  laying on   the prompted cushions and welcomed Ben between his arms, closing his eyes with a sigh. 

"What happened?" he whispered in his hairs, caressing his forehead, cheek and neck in rhythmic movements. 

Ben told him about the accident, about Poe and Hux. He should have felt awkward but it was surprisingly easy and relieving to talk with this man, he felt he coud make him tell anything. 

Blondie held him in silence for a while, Ben thought he had fallen asleep and was ready to follow him when he said "I'm kinda jealous of these two guys you know, but you're here now, and that must mean something." It seemed he was talking to himself instead of Ben. 

He leaned forward and kissed him, taking his time to explore his mouth, caressing the scratchy jaw and extending his hand to the muscular torso. Ben groaned into his mouth and Blondie broke the kiss. 

"I like you Ben" he started. 

"I like you too" he smiled, going for his mouth again but Blondie moved away.  

Ben followed his lips and Blondie put his forefinger on it, his expression was sweet and tense "I know this is sudden and comes out of nowhere, I get that you're in the middle of something weird and you probably looked at me and saw some escape from your problems. We barely know each other but I feel there's a chemistry between us, maybe it's just a physical thing but I think it could be something more.  

The you left yesterday, I already wanted to see you again; then you appeared on my doorstep at dawn and I thought we were on the same page.  

I understand we are not and I don't want to be pushy or anything, I just wanted you to know how I feel about things." 

Ben didn't expect it and wanted to say something meaningful, reassure Blondie they were on the same page, in a way they were already. Ben wanted to know him better and felt the chemistry he was talking about. He didn't know what to do except one thing: he had to be honest with him. 

"I can't promise you anything right now. Honestly I don't know what I want; I told you I like you, and I really do; lately the only time I feel ok is when we're together. If I had met you two months ago maybe things would have been different. Now I'm such a mess, I don't want to drag you down into my problems."

Ben got up and put his clothes back on while Blondie was looking at him with a sad, confused expression painted on his face; he didn’t want him to go, not in the least. He asked him to stay and talk some more but Ben felt suddenly how wrong he had been to go there, guilty for taking his problems there and hope that this sweet man could solve them for him.

He saluted and left the house, leaving Blondy speechless and miserable. 

Ben obviously regretted leaving the moment he sat into the car, it was hurting like hell to drive away from the only person that made him feel appreciated, but he knew he had made the right choice. Blondie was a good guy, he deserved better that a confused partner, so he fought his impulse to run back to him and kept driving home. 

 


	29. Chapter 29

POE

He woke up in an hospital bed, his head and ribs hurt like hell, a weird machine was beeping too loudly next to him and he was alone. He felt drowsy and dizzy, he tried to move his limbs to auto-check himself and he regretted it immediately as he felt a breathtaking stab-like pain in his torso. Right then his father came in and went immediately by his side. He looked terribly worried and told him not to move too abruptly as three of his ribs were broken, he said he had crashed his car the night before and god only knew how he had survived.  

"I don't remember anything" he managed to say, and that cost him another stinging fit and almost all his strengths. 

"Don't exert yourself hijo, try to rest for a while, Dr Phasma will be back soon" murmured Kes sitting in a plastic chair next to him and holding his free hand. Poe was so tired he gladly closed his eyes and fell asleep immediately. 

"Poe, can you hear me? Poe?" 

His eyelids were so heavy he struggled to lift them open, he tried several times while the buzz in his head slowly diminished. Someone was talking to him. A woman. A tall, blonde doctor. He closed his eyes again, he was so tired, in such pain, he wanted only to fade away into oblivion but this white clothed she-devil wouldn’t stop calling his name. He forced himself to look at her with great effort and she repaid his struggles by blinding him with a stupid light.  

"What's wrong with you! Let me be!" He thought he was shouting at her but his voice was no more than a sigh.  

"Poe you know where you are and why you're here?" She asked him. 

"Hospital. Car crash" he answered. 

"Very well. You remember what happened to you? Answer only YES or NO." 

"NO." His breath was so short and his head was pounding terribly. "Much pain. Sleep." 

"Sure Poe, take some rest, I'll be back in a couple of hours - then to Kes – He seems to be recovering quite speedily. I'll check on him later, but I think he'll be able to go home tomorrow morning or in the evening at last." She left the room and Kes went to look at the window, where heavy, dark clouds were blocking the early morning light. A storm was coming. 

When he woke up again his head  wasn't hurting madly anymore, he realized his vision was more clear and he was feeling even a little hungry. His father was still sitting next to him, eating a sandwich while reading a book.  

"Hey Pa" he said to attract his father's attention. The old man's gaze moved from the pages to the bed where his son was lying on and a wide, happy smile spread over his wrinkled face.  

"Hijo, how are you feeling?" He asked. 

"Better. A bit Hungry." He grinned. His father stood up and left the room, coming back with Dr Phasma a minute later. 

"Well well, look who's up and shining again!" She said smiling broadly, hands at her hips and head tilted on a side. 

"Phasma? What are you doing here? - his voice was croaked from the lack of use. He looked at the covers of his bed and back at her white coat – of course. Well, doctor, tell me: am I going to die?" His smile died on his lips as his ribs gave him a tremendous fit. Phasma looked at him sternly then said 

"I can tell you're feeling better, just not overtire yourself already with your endless chatting. You may drink some juice for now, nothing solid until I or another doctor say so. You're recovering even sooner than I expected, you'll probably leave us tomorrow morning, if you behave yourself. Does Hux know about what happened to you? - Poe grimaced at the mention of his partner – I thought so. Do you want me to tell him? Maybe reassure him about your speedy recovery?" 

"Yes, please. Thank you Phas." He was back on monosyllables and she smiled sweetly at him. 

"Very well then. I'll see you later. Mr. Dameron good job, prevent him from talking too much, that means no phone calls and possibly no visitors at all." Right then there was a knock on the door and Ben's smiling face appeared from behind it.  

"I guess we can allow the savior to talk to you – she said grinning – but just for five minutes. Have I made myself clear, young man?" she ordered looking at Ben. 

"Yes ma'am. Five minutes is all I ask" He grinned back at her. 

Poe smiled and waved his free hand, she waved the medical record in response and left the room. 

Once she was out both Kes and Ben looked at Poe with a quizzical expression painted on their faces. 

"Hux'es friend" Poe whispered as a way of explanation and tried to slide up a bit. Ben, who was now the closest to the bed, put his hands under Poe's underarms and helped him up, brown eyes into brown eyes. Poe sighed but tried to smile to thank him and Ben smiled back. Kes looked at the two and felt the need to leave them alone, so told them he was going to get some juice for Poe before he left the room.  

Poe pointed at the chair near the bed to Ben and he sat down, looking at his crossed fingers. It seemed he couldn’t manage to say anything at all, looking from his hands to his shoes and back, biting at his lower lip nervously, so Poe broke the silence 

"Why Phasma called you savior?" 

"I.. I called for help the moment I understood you had had an accident". 

"How did you know?" Poe whispered. 

"Don't you remember? You were coming home from Alderaan and I called you on the phone. You dropped your phone to answer  **me** and crashed against the guardrail trying to retrieve it. I tried to call you back but you didn't answer. I thought something had happened to you so I called for help. I'm sorry Poe. It's all my fault. I caused you so much trouble already." He stood up abruptly and almost knocked the chair down, but Poe clasped his hand just in time. 

"Don’t. You saved my life. Sit, please" 

Ben obliged and, right then, Kes went back into the room holding a bottle of juice, his eyes going from Poe to Ben, to their joint hands, back to Poe; he could tell there was something going on but didn't know what. Ben saw the silent exchange between the two and tried to withdraw his hand but Poe tightened his grasp. 

A phone rung then, Kes picked it up from his pocket and showed the display to Poe, where a smiling Hux was beaming from the screen. Ben tensed instantly in Poe's hand, looking paler at the sight of the man in the picture, so he turned to face his knees blushing evidently. 

'Oh that's how it is then' Poe thought. The phone was still ringing in Kes' grasp and he was holding it expecting towards Poe. 

"Would you answer it, Pa?" he asked, and his father went silently to the aisle to get the call. Poe couldn’t manage to explain everything to Hux, also because he hadn't a clear picture himself. 

"So you're Hux'es Kylo - he said instead to Ben - Why did you change your name?" 

Ben gulped and his blushing worsted.  

"I'm not Hux'es anything, believe me - he grimaced. Now the reddening had spread to his ears as well - I got that name when I was in rehab and, once I got out, I filed my application for 1st order with it. I didn't want my mother to find me back then."  

Poe rested on his pillows for a while, thinking on how to proceed; this situation was the definition of awkward. Ben was looking at his shoes again but his hand was still secured in Poe's grip. He stroked it with his thumb, trying somehow to comfort him before saying:

"I'm back with Hux." He was staring at Ben, studying his expressions. Poe could tell he was struggling not to show how upset he was. 

"I guessed so when I hadn't heard from you last week. I'm happy for you two though, you're perfect for each other." Ben was burning two holes into the floor with his eyes. 

"Ben, I .."  

Kes went back inside the room and put his palm over the receiver "He wants to jump on the first plane and come here."  

Poe left Ben's hand, glancing briefly at Ben's bewildered face, then picked the phone from his father's hands. This situation was worse than awkward. 

"Babe? Ouch - he was definitely talking too much, his ribs were protesting and his head was pounding again - Babe please stay put." Those were the only words he managed to say.  

Ben size the chance and left the room like a thief, while Hux on the other side of the world was telling him how much he loved him. 

Once he hung up with Hux he saw his father studing his face.

"That's the guy you kissed?" He looked concerned and Poe simply nodded at him.  

"What's going on hijo? You and Hux have just decided to live together. What is he doing here?"  

"I really don't know what to say, Pa. You know I love Hux, but with Ben is different. We understand each other, we talk, we .. he's always so straightforward. I wish I could have them both – and there Kes shot him such a glare that made Poe feel a nine years old again - I know,  I guess I'll have to choose, someday. I'm only glad that day isn't today." He twisted the phone in his hands for a while, avoiding to look at his father until the old man came up with an excuse and left the room sighing and shaking his head. Poe switched his phone on again, opened his chat with Ben and texted:

"Can you come by later?" His heart was hammering in his chest and even if a tiny voice in his head was telling him to let Ben go, he just couldn't make himself do it.

Ben replied at the text immediately:

"I don't think it's a good idea. The doctor said I only had 5 minutes." 

That was unacceptable for him, he wanted to talk to him some more, he wanted to see him, be close to him some more. Poe wasn’t a quitter and went on, determinedly:

"Give me another five minutes Ben." He put all the charm he had in his plea, hoping to sound alluring even if he he was actually feeling quite shitty.

"All right. I see you after work. Be good and get some rest." 

And so he did. 

Dr Phasma came back before the end of her shift. She run some more tests and confirmed him he could go home the day after. He was supposed to take some time off from work, had to avoid sports and heavy exercise for three to six weeks, he couldn't sleep on his side and had to walk to help his lungs to stay clean. He could take some mild painkillers at need and put some ice on his ribs to decrease the swelling. His head was going to heal faster if he had made sure to avoid banging it again. Kes and Phasma laughed at that and Poe tried to collect himself as laughing resulted terribly painful right then. 

When Phasma left, Holdo arrived with Leia, inviting Kes out for dinner while Holdo kept Poe company. His father protested but Holdo and Poe convinced him to go, sleep at Holdo's and come back the day after to bring him back to Alderaan.  

In the next two hours Holdo told him about some gossip from work and all the new cases he would miss now that he was going to work for Alderaan firm; he listened gladly until he felt his eyes heavy again. She took out some papers from her bag then, one of those new cases she had talked about, and he drifted to sleep. 

Someone was whispering, his room was dark but he could distinguish two figures talking by the door. 

"He told me to come back after work" said a male voice. 

"I know sweetheart, but he's sleeping now. Call him tomorrow morning, I'm sure he'll be able to talk over the phone by then" Holdo answered him.  

"Ben?" Poe called from the bed after he recognized the owner of the male voice "Please, come in." 

Ben walked past Holdo and stopped by the end of the bed. Poe gestured to the plastic chair for the second time that day and Ben obliged again. At that, Holdo shot them an exasperated look "Will you stay all night?" she asked Ben, he turned towards her and nodded. She said her goodnight, then, and left the room. 

Ben was adjusting to the dim light of the bed lamp, looking around nervously when Poe touched the tag of his working uniform, the one which read 'Kylo R.'  

"Tell me about Hux, how did you meet him." He sounded calm and honestly curious. 

Ben shot him a glance between bewildered and embarrassed, he was sitting with his back bent forward, playing with his fingers, his face hidden by his hair. At the question he straightened, drying his sweaty palms over the black synthetic trousers.  

"Straight to the point, eh? - Ben smiled ruefully – I met him at work, his car had broken down, he was looking for a mechanic but there was only me at that time." 

"I know that. Jump to the juicy part" Poe grinned. 

"There's no juicy part, Poe. -  ben replied seriously - From the moment I saw him I got this fever I couldn't control. But he hasn't. He has fought the thing I thought there was between us, because he loves you." Ben made eye contact to emphasize the concept. 

"And yet after we broke up, he broke up with me actually, he run straight into your arms." 

Ben run his fingers through his hair, sighing and looking abashed "He did. And when I asked about you he ended up sobbing into my arms. That's so juicy" he said wryly. 

"I see. That makes me the bad one."  

"I don't think there are good and bad ones in this story. Now try to get some sleep. You get dismissed in a few hours and you want to fell rested by then. Where are you going to stay, by the way?" 

Poe was relieved by the change of subject "At my fathers, he lives in Alderaan." 

"What about your stuff here? Weren't you suppose to move in  with Hux this week?" 

"Yeah, but I think I won't be able to make it, with three broken ribs and all." He grimaced. 

"I'll help you. I can call a friend, get Lando's van and we'll do it while you oversee the thing, when you're feeling up to it, obviously. Just give me a call when it's fine with you." 

"Thanks Ben, this means a lot to me - he yawned and flinched afterwards – let's get some sleep now." 

Few hours later a nurse came in to check Poe's vitals and register it on his medical record. She found Ben and Poe both asleep, the first had bent his back towards the bed and his head was lying over the mattress while Poe's fingers were buried in Ben's long black mane. She stood by the bed for a while, scribbling her notes and looking enviously at the romantic picture. Once she was done she left the room with a sigh, which woke Ben and Poe up.  

Poe retrieved his hand and Ben straightened, they whished each other good morning, then Ben went to look for a toilet. Few minutes later a doctor came with his papers signed, saying he was ready to go home and repeating all the instructions for his recovery Phasma had already given to him. Poe was going to text his father to tell him he had been cleared out and could go home when Ben came back from the toilet and offered to get Poe to Holdo's house. Poe accepted and Ben helped him to get free from his hospital gown, get clean, dressed and got  him into the car.  

Poe felt a little self-conscious during the whole process, especially the part where he was standing naked in front of Ben, who was staring at the ceiling like it had been painted by Michelangelo himself. Poe joked about it to make it easier for both of them. When they arrived at destination there was a nice breakfast waiting for them. Ben ate with them but had to leave for work after few minutes and Poe and Kes left soon after. 

They stopped several times during their drive to Alderaan to allow Poe to walk a little as the doctor had suggested, so it took them five hours to arrive at home.

After a nap and a cup of coffee Poe put his earbuds on and went for a small walk so he could talk to Hux in private or, at least, far from his too worrying father. It was a warm January afternoon, after three days of uninterrupted raining the sun was finally shining and was warming his bearded face. He hadn’t bothered in shaving that morning, he wanted to leave the hospital as soon as he could and, once he saw his reflection on the mirror that afternoon, he thought of keeping it, at least until Hux was back from his journey.

He had done some math to consider the time difference between Alderaan and Ahch-to because he didn't want to wake Hux up or interrupt him during his meetings with Master Yoda. He was really excited about this call, he had missed Hux dearly during his stay at the hospital and wanted to know everything he missed about Hux’es new assignment. He dialled Hux'es number and was surprised by the different ringing tone. It  rung twice, then Hux picked it up. 

“Hello?”

 


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if it took so long to get this chapter done. I had to stop a few days to decide where this story was going as my first finale seemed suddenly too intolerably obvious and ordinary to keep writing.
> 
> I got a necessary break and read Reconditioning by JinxedAmbitions. If you haven't read it already, don't waste any other precious time!
> 
> As I'm moving in another house, it'll take probably some more time to get a new chapter, but I hope you'll enjoy this one. 
> 
> thanks for reading.

HUX 

He was supposed to have his first encounter with Master Yoda in a couple of hours and wasn't ready at all. The moment Poe had hung up the phone, Hux forbade himself to weep the tears that were clouding his vision, he breathed slowly and rhythmically to ease the knot in his throat and started pacing up and down the hotel room, trying to figure out what to do.   

Poe asked him to remain in Ahch-to with such a feeble voice and yet so full of determination, almost commanding; that had Hux feeling terribly conflicted. The only thing he could think of was book the first available flight to go home to him, even against Poe's request. He checked all the companies which flew to Alderaan or Yavin-4 but there was nothing for two whole weeks! He included in his research other airports and found an available seat on the flight to Corellia.   

Hux sighed. The journey from Corellia to Alderaan was renown to be horrible, he would gain only a couple of days if he chose that option instead of the flights to Alderaan or Yavin-4, but he wanted to go home and that seemed to be the only way possible to do it in an adequate timing. He was making the reservation, thinking on an acceptable way to explain his abrupt departure to master Yoda and to his boss when his phone startled him out of his deep worrying.   

"Huxie?"   

"Hello sweetheart. It must be 'Unexpected calls day' today. How are you?"  

"I'm fine, thank you. From your grumpiness I conclude you've already received news from Poe. How are you managing?" She sounded sincerely concerned.  

"I was booking a ticket to come home just now. The only available thing is for Corellia so I hope to be back in ten days."  

"There's no rush for you to come back, dear. Poe is fine, I examined him myself. Tomorrow he'll be home and will stay at his father's. He's recovering well but he won't be allowed to have any sex for at least three weeks so, if you truly love him, leave him in peace and let his ribs heal, Mr. Horny."  

"Haha very funny indeed – he replied wryly - I'm just afraid that if he stays at his father's long enough, he'll convince Poe to dump me and go back to 'the prestigious Yavin-4 law firm' and between the arms of that pretty ass he kissed last week." He said apprehensively and a bit sourly.  

"Are we talking about the same man who left his thriving career just to live with you? -  she was incredulous - Armie, are you serious? Poe loves you, don't even start. Holdo told me he was already planning to rent a van to move his stuff to your place, he's probably calling a crew right now."  

"Holdo is at the hospital? - Hux asked disbelievingly - Are you sure?"  

"Yes darling, she was here yesterday night when Poe was brought in, I talked to her myself. She  waited with Leia and her son for your almost_father_in_law to arrive from Alderaan, which was almost at dawn by the way."  

"You're not saying that just to convince me to stay here, right?" He wasn't persuaded in the least.  

"Now you're been paranoid, sweetheart. I'll keep an eye on him, if it'll make you feel better; I'll give Poe my number and will tell him to call me anytime for any reason, medical or not. Is that acceptable for you?" She felt she was bargaining with a three-year-old.  

"Fine. But promise me to call or text me if anything's amiss. Say 'I promise'."   

"I promise - she sounded incredibly bored - Cross my heart, pinkie swear and so on. Let me point out something though: your control freak thing is getting worse by the minute, I heartily advice to get professional aid as soon as you come home".  

"Thanks for the diagnosis, Doc. – There was a smile in his voice - What about you? Any news?"  

"Nothing to report, really. My love life is so flat I think I'll adopt a cat and start my official spinster life. I might get one for Matt as well. He called me half an hour ago saying he got dumped by his mystery lover. Poor thing, he sounded so miserable, I think he took it badly this time."   

"I'm sorry to hear that. What dumbass would ditch that pretty face?"  

"Don’t ask me. I wish I could meet this cretin face to face to teach him a lesson. How dares he mistreating my little brother!" She said menacingly.  

"I'm sure Matt will find someone decent soon, but maybe a cat will truly help him get through this rough patch more rapidly. Can I suggest you a nice cat shelter? There's a place where I used to volunteer, I'm sure you'll find the perfect match for Matt there. By the way, it's better if you go there with him and let the cat have its saying on the matter. You do not want to bring home an angry cat, believe me."  

"All righty Mr Cat-expert, send me the details and I'll go this afternoon, if I manage to pull Matt out of his misery bunker. I'll text you if I have news on Poe's front. Try to enjoy your staying and remember what your mother used to say."  

"Books are to be protected and shared  with the world" he quoted, with a melancholy tone.  

"Precisely. If this Master Yoda is only half as good as you've told me he is, you're going to learn and enjoy yourself a great deal."  

"I hope you're right Phas. Will you call me tomorrow if Poe get released from the hospital?"  

"YES! - She shouted over the phone – Christ Hux, I don't know how Poe can put up with you sometimes."  

"I love you too, Phas. Thanks for the call.”  

He hung up the phone and sat at the little round table, exhaling a long breath and running his fingers through his soft and a touch too long hair, thinking he probably needed a trim. He gathered the black work bag from the floor and retrieved his notebook from it, he switched it on and opened the file with all his notes regarding the exhibition. After an hour of reading and adding more notes he changed into a nice dark blue two pieces suit and a light blue button-up shirt and went to meet Master Yoda.  

  

A car was waiting for Hux outside the hotel, an electric black one with no driver. Hux had been instructed at the reception about  how to use it: he only had to digit the address where he was expected to be on the computer board  and the car would took him swiftly at the appointed destination.   

The car parked at the foot of an hill and he had to walk with his new black leather shoes uphill until he spotted a short, old man with few white hair on the back of his head and the biggest ears he had ever seen. The man was waiting for him in a beautiful garden, sitting on a wooden bench under a huge stone three; the bare, knotty branches were projecting their thin snake-like shadows across the meadow while a warm breeze was blowing over the green grass and through Hux'es not pomaded hair.  

Hux had seen various pictures and miniatures of this particular tree, as it was a recurrent symbol of the ancient Jedi cult; he felt a shiver of anticipation run through his spine as he came closer to the thing it had inspired the striking reproductions  he had seen and admired so many times during his studies.  

Hux walked closer towards the wrinkled man, who seemed to be meditating, and cleared his voice lightly to announce his presence.  

"Hello young one - Master Yoda greeted him, opening his eyes and smiling broadly, displaying a line of yellowed crooked teeth. - To Ahch-to I welcome you. Surprised you are to meet me here; in a dusty library you expected me to be."  

Hux was startled indeed by this unusual welcoming and, because he hadn't been asked any question, he stood silently in front of the ancient man, smiling back and waiting for him to proceed.   

"Asked you to come here I have to show you our sacred tree." Hux pulled his professional mask up and replied 

"Thank you, Sir, for this welcoming and for choosing Alderaan University for this splendid collaboration. I'm here to assist you in any possible way to plan the most safe and secure transportation and exposition for the books and artefacts you will select for the exhibition. I'll make sure that each and every aspect you'll plan for it will be executed impeccably." He only hoped it didn't take months to get the job done, but he didn't voiced the thought.   

He didn't sit next to Master Yoda but chose to stand, staring at the stone tree instead. He absentmindedly praised its beauty while admiring the smooth, convoluted branches. He could feel the rumble of his preoccupations subside under a wave of sudden calmness as he involuntarily stepped in the direction of the white, dead trunk. Hux lifted his arm to touch its smooth surface, completely hypnotised by the humming in his head, which was slowly turning into a roaring. His head was light and Hux decided to accept Master Yoda invite to take a sit next to him, thanking for the opportunity to see the famous tree in person and adding how much he wished to start their work together.   

Master Yoda peered at Hux pensively and in silence, evaluating him for a time. When he proposed to walk to the first archive Hux was feeling much better. He was enthusiastic at the idea and followed the old master with great anticipation; during the long walk he gave him a rough introduction of how he intended to conduct the exhibition. After 45 minutes of striding in a peaceful countryside, Hux wondered if his elderly companion had perhaps forgotten the route to the archive. Before he could speak, though, a building appeared in the distance.     

This was the opportunity of a lifetime  for Hux and he was determined to chase it.  

  

In the morning Hux woke up completely disorientated by the jet leg. He got up and went to the bathroom and frowned in front of the mirror, where he saw how awfully black were the circles he had around his eyes. His hair were definitely too long and he needed a shave but somehow he didn’t felt up to getting his hair trimmed or his face shaved. He showered quickly and dressed to get down to get some breakfast before he had to leave for his new meeting with Master Yoda. 

The previous day their acquaintance had started a bit bumpily but it had improved once they entered the archive and Hux had put his trembling, gloved hands on the precious old volumes. Unexpectedly, Hux became soon aware that he and Master Yoda had the same dedication to the care of these rarities, which made him feel more comfortable at working as a subordinate partner in organization of the project. It was familiarly annoying how Phasma was going to be right, again, after all. 

He was leaving his room when a phone rung. Hux went to the bedside table, seeing that his cell phone was still switched off. He sat on the mattress and picked up the other receiver: 

"Hello?" Hux was being careful as he expected to hear the receptionist.  

"Hello mi amor. How are you?"  

Hux’es heart tightened immediately when he recognises the caller’s voice.  

"Good morning sweetheart. It's so good to hear your voice again! How are you feeling? Are you all right?"  

"Yes, babe, I’m ok. I got released from the hospital today. How is it going down there? Have you met your colleague yet?” Poe was as cheerful as ever, Hux could almost see him smiling on the other side of the phone line. 

“Yes sweetheart, but I want to talk about you right now. Do you want to tell me what happened to you? How are you feeling? Where are you?” Hux peppered Poe with questions so quickly he started laughing until he felt a terrible fit in his ribs. He had to stop walking and held a lamppost to steady himself while waiting for the fit to pass. 

“I was driving home when I received a call. I forgot to switch the Bluetooth on and, while I was trying to answer the call, I dropped the phone under the passenger seat. I tried to retrieve it and when I did it I felt crashing against something with the car. Next thing I remember is seeing Phasma at the hospital.” 

Hux struggled to stay calm, he mentally counted to ten before speaking as he was suddenly incredibly mad at Poe for his recklessness. He could have risked to die just to answer a stupid phone call? It was unacceptable.  

“Do you know who called help for you? I’d love to thank him for saving my Butthead.” He said in the end. 

Poe stood silent for a while then said “Kylo called for help.” He dropped the bomb and waited silently for Hux’es reaction, but Hux didn’t say anything at all. He couldn’t say anything. At the mention of Kylo he felt such a turmoil, he was too ashamed to speak. So many questions popped up in his head such as ‘did they meet’, ‘did Kylo mention Hux to Poe’, ‘did he tell him about his scandalous proposal into the garage at 1st order when Hux and Poe had broken up’. His heart was bursting with so many various emotions, the main one was cowardice. He could not voice those questions, he was too afraid of the answers. 

“Babe? Are you all right?” asked Poe after a while. 

“I.. I’m happy he did.” was the only thing he managed to say. 

“I have something to tell you about him, babe.” If Hux wasn’t going to ask, Poe surely couldn’t keep silent anymore. 

Hux felt a fist crushing his heart as his insecurity started pulling his strings. “Go on.” Words were so hard to come to him now. He felt the need to sit down, even if he was already sitting on the mattress. 

“Do you remember the guy I told you about, the one I met at my leaving party at Holdo’s?” Hux hummed in reply and Poe felt authorized to proceed. 

“He’s Kylo.”  

“Oh. Hmm. How.. What..”  

Hux’es head was going to explode. How was it even possible that they had fallen for the same men? Aside for him being incredibly attractive, kind, honest and altruist?  

“He came by the hospital and we talked a bit, about you mostly. I feel kind of awkward telling you this but I couldn’t just keep silent. I want us to be honest with each other and build our new life together on solid bases. No more secrets. Are you with me babe?” 

He sounded so truthful, so authentic, so Poe, Hux felt warmth fill his chest and reach  his cheeks. 

“Yes sweetheart. I’m with you one hundred and one percent. -  Hux paused, pensively, than spoke again – The day you told me you kissed him, after you left, I went to see him. I feel so bad for it now I..”  

“I know babe, he told me. I asked him to tell me everything. I needed to know, you know. He told me, and I quote:  _‘_ _From the moment I saw him I got this fever I couldn't control. But he hasn't. He has fought the thing I thought there was between us, because he loves you_ _.’_  I thinks he’s really into you, if he chooses to stand aside for your own sake.” 

“I feel sorry for him. As he justly said, I’m in love with someone else. That is you, darling.” Poe could feel the warmth in his voice. He was so happy he wanted to jump around like a coiled spring, scream, tell the whole world how in love he was, but he was feeling terribly tired and about jumping, probably it wasn’t something his cracked ribs would have appreciated. He walked towards home, asking about Hux’es trip and first day at Ahch-to. 


	31. Chapter 31

BEN

 

Ben was calmly sitting on a leather armchair, staring at the dust dancing in a cone of light that was filtering between the curtains of the studio, while he waited in the silence of the empty house for Luke to come back from his emergency call at his daughter ballet school. His five years old niece, Luke's youngest daughter, had twisted her little ankle during practice and his father was bringing her home. Ben had never seen Luke other than act placidly but, when he recognized the caller id on his phone, his whole attitude changed instantly from stoic therapist to preoccupied father in an heartbeat. He hung up, blabbed something unintelligible to Ben and left before he had the chance to accompany him. Ben watched him drive away in amazement, wondering if his father ever had a similar reaction that time school called him because he broke his wrist playing basket or every time Ben got in a fight or got suspended for lashing out with a teacher. His mother surely didn't; Ben had never seen her preoccupied like that, he didn't even remember her crying for his father's funeral. That was his fault, though, as he was probably wasted that day, or any other day that year.  

The sound of a closing door brought Ben back from his trip down to memory lane; the following high pitched "Uncle Ben! Uncle Ben!" told him Luke was back. As his niece's voice felt closer and closer, he stood up and walked the three steps that separated him from the white, thick, real wood, insulating door, pulling abruptly at the brass pommel and opening it with the intent of booing her, which didn't work. She was squealing loudly in her father's arms, stretching her still gloved hands towards her young uncle and repeating his name with trepidation. He took her from Luke's embrace and lifted her towards the ceiling, making her giggle as he rotated her in the air pretending she was an airplane.   

"Your father told me you hurt your ankle but I told him it was impossible! Airplanes don't have legs!" He teased her and sat back on the armchair, helping her out with her coat. She sat in his lap, lively brown eyes scanning him and wavy dark hair that reminded him of himself at the same age. She tried effortlessly to escape him tickling her tummy, both of them laughing until their eyes were watering and she was begging him to stop. 

"Who's speaking? Did you say something, Jyn?" He mocked her, going on with his tickling and having her howling and fidgeting in his arms. When he finally stopped, she keeled between his legs and peppered his cheeks with soft kisses, her little injury already forgotten.  

"I missed you uncle Ben! I drew something for you - then she turned her tiny face to her father and, with a pleading voice she said - Daddy, do you know where my drawing for uncle Ben is?"   

"Yes sweetie, I'll fetch it for you." Said Luke smiling at her and disappearing into the aisle.  

"Why don't you come and play more, uncle Ben?" She faced him again to question him, pulling a lock of dark hair from his bun and placing it under his nose as a pair of mustaches, then using the lock as a brush to trickle his ear and nose, making him laugh in return.  

"I know little one, you're right. I'm a bad, bad uncle - and he resumed his tickling on her sides and under her arms, making her giggle hysterically - I have to work in the morning and I go to school at night; but I'm almost done with school, I promise, and after I graduate I'll visit more often. Is that all right with you?" he inquired smiling at her and caressing her smooth, rosy face.  

"All right. I forgive you this time, but only if you bring me one of those yummy chocolate bars you have in your shop next time. Promise me uncle Ben." She bargained while rewarding him with one of those grins that would have melted a glacier.  

"It's a deal, cheeky one - he said and they shook hands pompously - but only if you give me a hundred kisses in return" and he went on tickling her some more until Luke came back from his drawing hunt. He was standing by the door enjoying the scene, holding a rolled piece of paper in his hand; when Ben and Jyn noticed him, he handed the piece of art to Ben, who unrolled it and stared at the picture  with a knot in his throat.   

Under a light blue sky a bright yellow, smiling sun was shining; under it, standing in the middle of the drawing on a colorful flowerbed, Jyn and Ben were holding hands surrounded by dozens of bright red hearts.  

Jyn was looking at Ben attentively, waiting for him to give his opinion on her masterpiece. He hugged her tightly, thanking her and promising to hung it in his living/kitchen/bedroom. After Ben had complimented his niece's painting abilities some more, Luke took Jyn from her uncle's arms, saying it was time for her to have supper and go to bed. She attempted some protesting, wiggling in his arms but her father quieted her, proposing a double bedtime story which he knew she wouldn’t refuse.   

"She's growing up so fast - Ben told Luke when he came back from Jyn's room - She's right though, I should visit more." Jyn's words were burning his conscience, making him realize that maybe the love he was so desperately looking for wasn't necessarily or exclusively the kind he could find in a relationship. He had his family, his friends and, thinking about it, they were trying really hard to reach out to him and show him their affection lately.  

"Anytime you want, kid. You know you're always welcome here." Luke picked his notes from the desk and sat in his usual armchair in front of Ben:   

"Last session you did very well. Any changes in your symptoms? Do you think hypnotherapy is helping you?" Luke was back on professional mode.  

"It's slowly getting better. I think therapy and focusing on work and study are helping me staying grounded."  

"What about running? Have you quitted?" he asked.  

"No, I couldn't. No more treadmill for me, though. I just like running outdoors better." He shook his head to underline his statement but strangely unable to avert his eyes from his joined and sweaty hands. 

"I'm really proud of you Ben. Your commitment recently has been remarkable and your improvement since November has been constant. We have still more to do but I think we chose the right path. - He stood up and put his notes back on the desktop, as to conclude the patient/therapist session for the day - What about uni? Is it true what you said to Jyn about been close to graduation?"  

"Yep. - Ben smiled pleased with himself - I think I'll manage for the end of the semester. I'm already looking around for more suitable positions, just to have an idea on what to do next. Maybe I'll apply for a position out of town, I think I need a change of scenery - he paused looking pensive - When the time comes, will you help me find a new therapist?"  

"Sure Ben. I'm so happy for you. You truly have come far since last year and I'm sure your success is not entirely therapy related, you worked hard to get here. Well done kid. - They stood up and Luke, unexpectedly, hugged him - See you next week."  

  

It had been almost a month since he had last seen Poe at Holdo's, after his hospital discharge; they had texted almost every day since then but Ben had chosen not to venture to Alderaan, he wanted to put some distance between him and the Bermuda Triangle that had been sucking on his energy and focus for too long. Ben only wanted to go on with his life and if that meant being single for some time he was ok with it.  

That day he went to his morning shift in a good mood, singing along some White Buffalo hit in his old Silencer on his way to 1st Order Café. It was still dark outside, the road was deserted and icy in the cold February pre-dawn. He parked in his usual place on the back of the café and got inside to wait for the weekly deliveries while he started the usual routine. He loved the morning shift, it allowed him some quiet time to focus on himself, to do his duties with care, without the distraction of the demanding customers and the rush to serve everyone in the quickest possible way.   

After a couple of hours Rose joined him, wearing a bright, toothy smile and waving her left hand, which was adorned with a huge engagement ring.   

Ben gazed back and forth between the ring and Rose’s smile in astonishment. She was exhilarated. 

"Tell.Me.Everything!" he greeted her, pointing at the beautiful, sparkling diamond on her left hand. She was glowing as a sunrise over the ocean, her eyes were gleaming as she run to hug him the moment she had put her purse down.   

"Oh Ben! I'm so happy I can't stop smiling. There are moments I look at the ring ant I don't recognize my own hand!" She was giggling without refrain, so much that tears were pouring from her eyes.  

"Tell me about the guy, is the one from new year's Eve?" he asked her, keeping her between his arms.  

"Yes, Zeb. He's so sweet and brave and funny. He's perfect for me! We have already set the date so we can get married before he leaves for his next mission. About that, I need to ask you something. You know that my dad died when I was little; I was wondering if maybe you could consider walking me down the aisle." She was so emotional she was trembling as a wet kitten, looking at him as he could save the world. Ben was caught completely out of guard, he'd never expected such an honor.  

"Off course I will. It will be my pride to be there for you. Thanks for asking me, it means a lot. - He said hugging her tightly and kissing her forehead. It felt so good to be able to share her joy  - And now I want to know everything about the proposal, the location, the honeymoon, the dress. Don't hold back anything!"   

She obliged diligently, giving him a detailed report while serving coffee, making sandwiches and mopping the floor. At the end of the shift Ben considered himself ready for a career as a wedding planner as Rose’s thorough description of everything marriage related, from choosing the best flowers or the fanciest hotel accommodations to the endless list of catering services or DJ's had been so exhaustive that it seemed she had worked in the field for ages. Her enthusiasms was so compelling he had even agreed to accompany her, alongside with Rey, to a wedding dress fitting afternoon.   

When he finally arrived home from work he realized how wonderfully silent it was. He dropped his bag and sat at his desk, opening his books and forgetting all the marriage chatter he had been listening all morning to focus only on the pages in front of him.  

 

Last couple of weeks he'd been calmer and steadier, he'd managed to attend classes regularly, made time to study every single day before or after work and, most surprising thing of all, he went with Leia to visit his father at the cemetery. Leia picked him up as he refused to seat in the old Silencer again as she was convinced it was going to break down sooner rather than later. When they arrived at the gates of the cemetery, Ben chose to wait in the car as he preferred to 'see' his father alone, so his mother went on her way to leave some flowers in front of Han's stone. When Leia arrived in front of Han's grave, she placed some lilacs at its foot and traced the letters that composed his name with her forefinger, then she recounted him her recent news.   

She had visited her husband’s every day for the first two years, except when she was out of town accompanying, visiting or attempting to see Ben during his rehab time. She felt lost at the time, heart torn between the desperation caused by the loss of her husband, life companion and best friend and the struggle to be present and strong enough for her broken, lost son. She fought hard to be there for Ben without been suffocating or appear clingy or worse, controlling; she reduced the number of visits and phone calls as Ben kept stonewalling her, until she quitted altogether after he refused to have any contact with her for the tenth time in a row.  

Luckily for Leia Holdo, with whom she had been friends since university, had been there for her from the accident through the funeral, Ben's rehab time and brief disappearing. It took Leia four years to understand that her feelings towards her weren't simply friendship related. By that time Ben had found his way back into his family and had  given Leia one of the most precious gifts he could had ever given her: his approval towards his mother's new liaison. Since then, Ben and Leia's relationship had grown stronger as they found a balance in their new family.  

  

When Leia had come back to the car,  fair skin reddened by the cold wind and sweet eyes glassed by tears she didn’t shed, Ben hugged her tightly then walked into the graveyard with his heart sinking into his chest. He slowly reached his father's stone, for the first time since Han had been buried in that awful place, dreading the moment he'd read the name sculpted on it; finally he'd found the courage to physically face the hurt and the guilt he felt since the crash and wasn’t going to back down now. The wind was howling, disheveling his hair and pushing dark, rainy clouds over his head. 

"Hey dad - he said once he was opposite the white gravestone - I can't believe I'm here talking to you. I promised myself never to come here to cry, yet here I am." His voice was cracking as his throat was closing under the pressure of a stream of tears Ben was stubbornly pushing back. He gasped loudly for some air as his nose was already clogged and useless, then moved to a side the flowers his mother had just left there and  sat on the dump grass, laying his back on the icy tombstone. Words were filling his mouth as much as he felt choking on them, he had to spill them out or suffocate under their weight. 

"I'm so sorry dad. I should have told you, I should have trusted you. I was afraid you'd stop loving me if you had known about your only son being gay. I felt so wrong then, I hated myself so much for hurting Rey and I didn't have the strength to disappoint you and mom as well. Now I know you would have never rejected me."  

He was sobbing silently with his head bent between his knees, his voice barely audible, leaving his sorrow pour out of him completely.   

"I'm sorry dad, I didn't mean to hurt you - He was crying louder now, his body shaking more and more as the hurt he felt grew deeper and wilder, choking him. - Please daddy forgive me" He pleaded at last, lifting his head, almost screaming in the soundless and apparently deserted cemetery while, drop by drop, rain started falling to wash away his tears.  

He sat there, under the pouring rain, over his father's stone, for he didn’t know how long, crying his heart out, until all tears had been spent and a feeling of numbness pervaded him. Sometime later a warm, strong hand laid on his shoulder, the touch of it brought him back to reality. It wasn't raining anymore. 

"Are you going to introduce me to your old man or not?"  

Ben lifted his head at the sound of the male, familiar voice and smiled wobbly, feeling grateful for his unexpected presence. Poe was standing next to him, still a little pale but looking much better than last time Ben had seen him. He dried his last tears with the back of his hand and stood up to pat him on the shoulder, then he asked what he was doing there.  

"I had an appointment with Dr Phasma and, while I was in town, I had a coffee with Holdo. She told me I'd found you here,  I saw your mother at the cemetery gate and she pointed in your direction. She said she had some place to go to and asked me to drive you home.” 

Poe had that charming smile on his face, the one that had probably always granted him anything he'd asked for and that was so damn sexy. 

“So, how are you doing?"  

Ben shrugged, put the flowers back where his mother had originally placed them and said "See you soon dad" then tilted his head in the direction of the path that led to the gate of the graveyard and went walking in that direction, looking at Poe to make sure he had caught his hint. 

"I'm doing ok. What did the blonde doctor say about your ribs?" 

"I'm going to be as good as new or, at least, as good as I was before I broke them - he grinned - I must not strain myself, though, as healing broken ribs is a quite long process." 

"That's why you're growing this hairy thing on your face? To save your strength?" Ben moked him, pointing at his face. 

"Oh, this - Poe patted his thick stubble - I haven’t shaven since the accident - he massaged is hairy face -  I think I might grow it some more, I actually like it." He searched Ben's eyes to grasp his opinion "What do you make of it?"  

Ben was caught out off guard by the question, mostly because he thought Poe looked really attractive like that but was determined to keep that opinion for himself; he wanted to look at Poe as a friend even if the other half of him wanted to jump his bones right then and there. He diverted his look to the path ahead of them and simply answered that it suited him, then changed the subject entirely, asking him when he was expected to be back at work and, consequently, when he needed to move to Alderaan. 

"If you're still offering to help me, as soon as it’s ok with you." He run his hand through the luscious, thick curls,  looking weirdly self-conscious, something Ben thought he would have never seen.   

"Sure, when were you planning to do it?" he'd stopped, staring into his eyes to catch the reason of this strange attitude because, Ben was sure of it, something was going on with Poe. 

"Yesterday? - Poe laughed - My father's house is spacious but I feel like it’s getting too smaller for the two of us, three if you consider that Maz is there most of the time." Ben grimaced. 

"Let me call Lando immediately, there's no time to waste" Ben teased, dialing the number right away.   

In fifteen minutes flat Poe's moving had been planned for that weekend and, to celebrate, Poe invited Ben out for a bite. 

  

Ben showed up at 9.00 a.m. on Saturday morning as planned, driving an old, battered grey van which had seen better days; Lando had been positively surprised by Ben’s call and had accepted to lend him the van on one condition: Ben had to pay him a proper visit with his mother, he said they hadn’t seen each other for too long and was time for a reunion. Ben obviously accepted and they planned a dinner in Cloud City for the following week. Ben hadn’t told his mother straight away, he was afraid she could refuse to meet Lando for fear of bringing back sour memories of the time Han, Lando and Leya had been young and wild but, when he finally asked her, his mother surprised him accepting the invitation happily. 

Poe and his father had been waiting for Ben inside the apartment with a steaming cup of coffee and enough donuts to feed a starving army, so Ben helped himself with a chocolate covered one, taking small bites to enjoy the rich taste. Poe looked at him the whole time, pretending to be focused on his own cup of coffee but attentively following Ben’s every move, staring at his lips as he absently bit the food whereas discussing with Kes how to proceed with the task ahead. Ben felt Poe's eyes on him and his body responded immediately, even if Ben fought with all his strength to maintain his countenance. The easiest thing for Ben was to focus on the task ahead: empty all the kitchen cabinets and start packing all the pots and pans, the dishes, glasses, cutlery and various utensils that Ben had never seen before like fish knives, lobster cutters, meat and sugar thermometers, cake servers, sugar tongs. While Poe and his father took care of the bedroom wardrobes’, Ben had finished filling the boxes, he labelled them and left them by the window. Once he finished he went to help in the bedroom, moving the sealed boxes in the kitchen with the others and checking that everything had a proper tag. They employed almost all morning to pack the content of the two main rooms, joking and chatting all along. For the study they employed only an hour and, when they finished, they took a little break to rest and eat something: Poe had planned everything in advance and invited Ben to set the table while he was warming some lasagne he had cooked the night before. Ben enjoyed it so much he asked for second helpings. They had just finished rinsing the dishes when two friends of Kes’ arrived with an extra help: an external elevator that would allowed them to bring everything at the van without using the stairs of the building. Kes and one of his friends were to stay at the kitchen window, placing boxes inside the elevator while Ben and the other man brought everything down, loading the boxes into the van. Once they finished, Kes thanked his friends, scheduling the second half of the job for the next morning.  

Ben drove the van to Alderaan, following Kes and Poe and they arrived right on time for dinner, parking the van in the subterranean car park at Poe’s and Hux’es, house, then Ben got in the car with the other two men, feeling vaguely awkward at the idea that the next day he would somehow intrude into Hux’es private life. He tried to concentrate on the route towards Kes house, on Poe’s ongoing jokes and on the odd feeling he had all day that something was up with Poe. Maybe he was only excited  by the big step he and his partner were taking, maybe he was thrilled at the idea of starting his new job in a couple of weeks, maybe Ben was imagining things but Poe was acting too hype all things considered. Ben had caught him glancing in his directions quite often during the day, and Kes had never left them alone, not even to use the bathroom.  

It took them a while to arrive to Kes house, it was so late the three of them were already yawning after a tiring day, they decided to order some pizza and go to sleep; Ben was feeling exhausted and accepted gladly Kes' sugestion of staying for the night.

A nice brunette delivered dinner soon after their arrival, Poe set the bill while Ben set the kitchen table and Kes recounted fun anecdotes about Poe's childhood: Ben was grinning while imagining a young Poe with long curly, brown hair running after squirrels and pigeons in a sunny square when he came into the room and stopped next to him, brushing deliberately against his shoulder but looking at his father as nothing had happened, making his pukse race and his stomach knot.

After dinner Poe offered Ben his room and said he was going to sleep on the couch but Ben didn't let Poe boss him around over the sleeping arrangements, he threw himself over it, proclaiming it was the end of the negotiations. Kes smiled at the scene and went to retrieve sheets, blankets and a pillow for Ben while  Poe tried to help him made his 'bed', using every chance to touch Ben: a little brush of fingers while adjusting the pillowcase or tugging the sheets under the cushions, a casual bumping of hips: Ben felt a pray of a new kind of hunt.

When Poe lowered the lights for the night and Kes was so tired he finally capitulated and went to bed, leaving them unchaperoned, they sat on the couch chatting for a while about the day and planning next one, when Poe placed his hand over Ben's upper thigh. His whole posture had changed, his attitude was different; this wasn't his friend Poe, the fire that was burning in his eyes Ben had never seen it before. His hand moved on his chest, went up and cupped his jaw, a warm thumb was rubbing Ben's plump lower lip while Poe bit his own. Ben's pulse was racing as he sat still, unable to move, torn between what he wanted with every fiber of his body and what he thought was right. Poe bent forward, pinning Ben with a magnetic sight, their lips were only inches away, Ben could smell his minty, warm breath as Poe pushed him flat on his back seeking his lips, their eyes were linked, their blood already on fire. 

"Poe? - Kes was calling him from upstairs -  Will you get me some water please?" 

Poe froze. The heat in his eyes died within seconds as he realized what he was doing. He stood up and went to the kitchen, fumbling in his pants to adjust his full erection while Ben, seduced and abandoned, closed his eyes and exhaled his frustration, then stripped to his pants and went under the blankets. He was so excited, confused and embarrassed he wanted to scream.  


	32. Poe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if it took me so long to come back. I hope you'll enjoy this one :D  
> Come find me on https://melix81.tumblr.com/ and drop a comment

## A glass of water

When he was on his way from the kitchen to his father's room, Poe stopped on the first step of the staircase to look at Ben, who was lying on the couch with his back to the living room, apparently soundly asleep; Poe felt a mixture of relief and guilt for what was about to happen only minutes before, but also a deep longing because nothing happened. He stood there for a while, staring at Ben and fighting the urge to wake him up, rub himself over him, kiss every inch of his body. 

When he finally entered his father's room, Kes gave him such a stern look Poe felt like a kid caught with his hands covered in marmalade but, luckily for him, his father didn't comment or show his dissent if not for shaking his head with a long sigh. Poe placed the glass of water, his father had asked for, on his bedside table, said goodnight acting like nothing had or was about to happen between him and Ben, then went to his room to stop his pretense and sulk about his bad choices. 

It didn't Matter how old he was, how much and hard he'd struggled to leave his past relationship behind his back and take his story with Hux to this level;  he felt as discombobulated as only a new love can make someone feel and, against all his good intentions, the connection and attraction he felt for Ben wasn't going anywhere. There was only one thing he could do to arrive to the end of the next day being still a faithful man towards Hux, that thing was denial. He had to deny to himself this feelings existed, pretend he wasn't feeling anything each time he saw Ben or heard his voice or touched him even by mistake, until those sensations had dissolved into thin air as the nonsense they truly were. That was his plan, and he was sticking to it.

He stripped, folded his clothes, placed them neatly on a chair and went to bed, trying desperately to kill the need to run downstairs and to manage, eventually, some well-deserved sleep. What he succeeded to do, though, was solely to turn and toss in his bed hopelessly for hours: every time he closed his eyes Ben’s deep, magnetic eyes were staring at him, calling him, luring him towards a deep, new, unknown, forbidden desire. Poe finally opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling, accepting that he wasn’t going to get any rest while  the whole world, outside, was silently asleep, uninterested with his inner conflict. He felt restless. He tried to read a book or to distract himself with his phone, but nothing seemed to work. He lied to himself, blaming the indigestible dinner for his lack of sleep and, after drinking dry  the glass of water he had on the bedside table, he decided to venture a trip to the kitchen to get a refill, promising himself to walk straight to the fridge and avoid any lingering or staring at Ben in the living room. 

He quietly tiptoed down the wooden staircase to avoid the steps to creak under his footsteps, afraid he might awake everyone in the house; he slipped in the darkness of the corridor really quietly, then went into the kitchen with his stomach knotted and his hands sweaty despite the chill of the night, mentally renewing his previous vote not go to Ben, not to even look at him until breakfast. He soundlessly opened the fridge in search of a cold drink, grabbed the first bottle of sparkling water he saw and opened it, when a hand came out of nowhere and landed on his shoulder, squeezing it lightly and making him jump out of his skin. 

He turned around with a scared jump, his hearth hammering in his throat, to find Ben standing in front of him, hands up in the air as to mean no harm, wearing only a tiny pair of black briefs and a guilty, amused, sexy smirk that froze Poe into the fridge's light, completely bewitched by Ben’s apparition.

One thing was to imagine what Ben would look like under those oversize hoodies he usually wore, another one was to stare in front of his smooth, sculpted chest and his now quite evident hard cock.  

“Sorry” Ben said, still smiling “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

But went on grinning as he wasn’t sorry at all, as he had actually followed Poe when he saw him coming down the stairs and decided to play him a prank, because fuck everything, he wanted Poe, and he wanted him badly. 

“It's ok” replied Poe studying his attitude, trying to steady his heart from the fright and deal with the revived fever that was now burning every fiber of his body. 

“I came down for some water – he lied to both of them - would you like some?” 

Poe diverted immediately his gaze from Ben’s lips, which looked incredibly inviting, so soft and smooth, so he turned to the open fridge to pick a bottle for Ben, who had already intercepted Poe’s stare; the consequent blush on his cheeks was evident even in the dark of the kitchen and Ben interpreted it as green lights to make his move, send all his good behaving down the trash compactor and take what he was really there for.

He grabbed Poe away from the fridge and pressed his lips over Poe's, demanding to enter his mouth with a smooth, warm, brush of tongue. Poe lost every bit of restrain. Every feeling he had been suppressing for months, resurfaced with interests. He welcomed Ben's invasion and let the twirling of sensations overwhelm him, while Ben deepened the kiss, exploring Poe's body with hungry hands. Poe brushed Ben’s nipple with a thumb, and felt it harden under his touch; his skin was so smooth and warm. A moan escaped Ben’s lips, so deep it had shivers run down Poe spine. Being finally able to taste him that way, anticipating of what could come next, was exhilarating.

Poe pulled Ben towards the center of the room and sat on the cold marble of the kitchen island, opening his legs to welcome him between them, closing his ankles around his waist and losing his fingers into the long, wavy, soft hair, then Ben interrupted his exploration resuming his ravenous kissing. He drew a damp trail of kisses from Poe's mouth through his neck and chest, towards the softness of his stomach, caressing his sides and leaving them covered in goosebumps. Poe's head was already spinning with want, he was lost in a trance of excitement that he'd never experienced before, probably caused by the months of abstinence due to Hux'es absence, doubtlessly what he was savoring was just the alluring proximity of a young and extremely handsome man, most likely his body was mutinying him after all the denial it had been put through since he'd kissed Ben the first time. Anything could be causing the incredibly painful erection that was menacing to tear his briefs to shreds and pushing impudently against Ben's flat stomach in search of a relief of some sorts, any possible kind, to which Ben answered immediately by freeing their cocks, gulping down his throat Poe's dick to get it wet, then rubbing them together with both hands, staring straight into Poe's eyes and shivering with the intensity of it. Poe's head fell back as the intensity of it hit him, he bit his lip hard to suffocate any sound it might escape him and wake his father; he couldn't nor wouldn't stop this, not now that Ben was finally his.

Ben's hands were so warm and confident in their explorations, it seemed that they knew him perfectly already, as they found the right speed and held to bring him close to his pleasure in only few more strokes. Ben seemed to sense it somehow, he loosened his grip a little and found Poe's mouth again, to bite at his lips and distract him from his continuous stroking, then he let go of them both, kneeled between Poe’s legs and took him back into his mouth, making him gasp and cross his ankles behind Ben's neck to, somehow, direct his movements.  

Ben resumed stroking himself while sucking at Poe, feeling himself close to his own peak and panting hoarsely in result. This time Poe stopped him, dismounting from the kitchen island made Ben stand and, turning to give him his back, wet two fingers to circle his own entrance with them while taking Ben’s cock in his left and brushing its head on his entrance, sending Ben a fiery, explicit stare. Ben immediately went down on his knees again, to tongue Poe's tender skin diligently and thoroughly, spreading Poe’s legs to gain a better access between his tights while stroking his own cock at the same time and moaning against Poe’s hole until he was panting and moaning as well, which brought Ben to wet index and middle finger and insert them inside Poe, massaging and rubbing inside and out, when a third finger was needed alongside a substantial increase in rhythm and speed.

“Ben. Please. I want you to fuck me. Now.” Whispered Poe with hoarse voice when he felt something tightening inside himself.

“Is that so?” inquired Ben smugly, while standing and pushing inside him in a slow, fluid, excruciating movement that sucked all the air from Poe's lungs. Ben pulled outside and pushed back in, holding Poe with an arm across his hairy, damp chest and biting on his shoulder to make him shiver with pleasure and pain.

“Yes, baby, harder” Moaned Poe as Ben was sucking at his skin, leaving dark marks at the base of his neck and increasing his tempo to follow the pressure that was building inside him.

“I want more Ben. Give. Me. More.” Poe pleaded between gasps, so Ben pushed him flat over the cold, smooth surface of the marble topped island and held him in place pushing with his left hand at the base of his neck while slapping so hard on Poe’s butt once, twice, a third than a fourth time, until Ben’s palm prickled and Poe hissed with pleasure and pain.

Little, salty drops of sweat were forming on Poe’s heated skin, Ben bent lo lick them, loving the taste he often had imagined and anticipated, then reprised his biting, sucking and hammering Poe restlessly, to steal him some more raw gasping and moaning. Poe’s breath changed as Ben found a better angle, his husky panting was quick and deep now, broken only by few almost silent ‘more’ and ‘yes’. Ben pulled at Poe’s hair, making him turn his head and kissing him deeply, losing himself inside him the exact moment Poe spilled his warm come over Ben’s left hand.

They stood there in silence, holding each other in the middle of the quiet, dark kitchen, while recovering their breaths, until Ben felt softening. He pulled away one last time, only to take Poe by the shoulders, turned him around and kissed him again, tenderly this time, caressing his bearded cheeks with the same palm that had spanked him so harshly only moments before, keeping him between his arms in a state of elation that Poe, nor Ben, had never experienced before. Poe didn’t dare to move, afraid that even blinking could break the spell that was keeping him from feeling what he was ought to because, as happy as he was feeling now, indeed he was a cheater, a traitor. As soon as Ben moved, only a step away, to get some water from the fridge, a huge sense of void accompanied by deep guilt, overwhelmed him, leaving him cold as the same marble which, only moments before, had supported his body during his infamous betrayal.

He looked at Ben’s back and thought to slip out of the kitchen without a word; he didn’t know how to explain his sudden change of bearing, but Ben wasn’t having any of that. He clasped his hand when Poe had almost reached the stairs and made him go back to the kitchen, closing the door behind him this time, afraid their conversation might get too loud for the late hour.

Poe looked at him almost imploringly, not sure what to do or say, but certain that he couldn’t just ask Ben to fuck him hard and then ignore him completely only because he was feeling a shit for it. Ben seemed to read his mind in some way, because he didn’t say anything for a while. He didn’t ask ‘what’s wrong’. He simply offered Poe a chair and sat next to him, waiting for Poe to organize his thoughts before speaking or, at least, be ready to offer a silent consolation. For that, Poe felt both grateful and mortified.

Grateful for this comprehension, and guilty because it had been Poe that had pushed and pushed in this direction all day and, now that he’d obtained what he wanted, he was deserting the poor guy, because he knew he’d done something wrong to both him and the person he proclaimed to love.

Kes had tried in every possible way to stop him, but he hadn’t listened. ‘The heart wants what the heart wants’ he was thinking, when Ben spoke, interrupting his mumbling:

“I'm sorry Poe, I fucked up again. Look, I'm not asking for anything, I know you belong to Hux and him to you – his voice was a whisper, wet, almost broken. He was staring at his feet, his face covered behind his messy hair – I won’t come between the two of you ever again. I won’t tell a soul about tonight. I’ll help you with your stuff and then I’ll be gone. You  won’t see me ever again.”

He seemed so hurt that Poe’s first impulse was to hug him, to reassure him that he wasn’t dumping him, but Ben was already standing by the door and, without looking back, he left the room without giving Poe the time to answer or tell him to shut the nonsense. Surely Poe could have followed him in the living room, he could have really hugged him and granted him his heart for the whole eternity, but he went to his room instead, slipped under the covers of his bed and let himself fade into the oblivion only sleep can guarantee.

 

## Honesty

The day after he woke by the delicious smell of coffee and frying tempeh and peppers: he hadn’t even opened his eyes that his stomach was already growling. He had a quick shower and picked a shirt that was able to cover the marks Ben had left on his skin a couple of hours before, then he went downstairs, where his father banished him from the kitchen, saying he didn’t want intruders or any kind or any commentary while he was cooking; also he sent him to wake Ben, as he was still sleeping and surely they weren’t going to waste half a day being lazy.

Poe grabbed a cup of coffee and obediently left the room, standing in the doorway half asleep, trying to figure it out how was his father managing all that chatter. Of course he was full of energy and vitality, he hadn’t gone to bed at 5 in the morning after experiencing  possibly the best sex of his life with a man that wasn’t his almost fiancee. Poe walked towards the staircase again, looking like a fool again, staring at Ben sleeping again, for almost ten minutes, thinking about what he could possibly tell Ben once he’d awaken. When he realized he was too tired to come up with anything that could possibly resemble human logic or common decency among lovers, he walked into the living room and sat on the couch in front of Ben, he buried his nose behind a newspaper and placed the steaming mug of coffee on the armrest at his right hand-side. He cleared his throat from time to time, trying to wake up Ben without having to touch him or get closer to him. it wasn’t like he didn’t want to feel again the warmth of  his skin or the softness of his lips; on the contrary, he wanted to climb on the couch with him, hug him under the covers and nuzzle his nose in his messy hair. All things he, naturally, couldn’t do, so, when Ben finally woke up and saw him hiding behind the paper, he tried to get up as silently as he could to slip in the upstairs bathroom unnoticed. Obviously the old couch wasn’t of the same idea and screamed as Ben moved, informing Poe he wasn’t asleep anymore. Ben simply waved as a way acknowledgment, wanting desperately to avoid any confrontation before he had had a cup of coffee at least, so he walked straight to the bathroom to wash his face and take care of other more personal occupations without even look if Poe had actually saluted him or not.

Once Ben returned downstairs to join the other two in the kitchen, he found the table covered with food and smiled while helping himself. He asked who was to be thanked for the lovely meal, even if he already knew the answer, as Poe had already proven himself a good cook but, surprisingly, it came out Kes had been the author of such delightful feast. The atmosphere was unexpectedly light and Ben was really enjoying having people around him for breakfast. Last time he had company, he had been with Matt and, thinking about him after the marvelous but upsetting couple of hours he had spent with Poe the previous night, he felt a pang of nostalgia remembering how different had been his time with Matt. He hadn’t heard from him since the sad monologue Ben made at the brown brick house, after Poe had been brought at the hospital and, even if it had been on Matt interest that Ben had decided to stop seeing him, he had thought about him more often that Ben had expected or wanted. A couple of times he’d found himself running in front of the gym where Matt worked, even if it was on the other side of town from Ben’s apartment and it was, also, completely pointless because, after what he’d said to Matt, what was he even going to say if he’d met him outside the gym?

Luckily enough, breakfast went well, Poe imposed himself to behave like a man and not punish Ben behaving awkwardly. When he came back into the kitchen Poe offered him a cup of coffee accompanied by a smile and a little brush at the small of his back, almost casual, but powerful in its intent: 

'I'm sorry about last night'.  

Poe couldn’t actually say the words out loud in front of his father, but something in Ben's tense attitude changed at the touch, his shoulders slumped as he sat next to Poe. They managed some small talk over the meal, even if Ben seemed out of touch from time to time and, once they cleared out the kitchen, Poe proposed to show him where to find towels and shower products, offering a change of clothes as well: nothing could be done in the pants department, as Ben topped both Poe and Kes of various inches, but they managed to find at least a pair of ok briefs and a shirt that was loose on Poe but fit perfectly Ben’s figure. 

"About last night - started Poe the same moment his father had gone into the garage to check on some utensils they would need that morning at Hux'es place - I'm sorry about how I behaved. I should have talked to you right after we…you know.. - he paused to pass nervously his fingers through his hair. He couldn’t even bring himself to voice the word ‘sex’ - but I couldn't come up with anything sensible. - If he was feeling awkward, Ben surely wasn't helping by burning a hole in Poe's chest with his eyes - What I'm trying to say is that I don't want you to disappear. I don't want you to go anywhere. I.." 

Ben was staring at him like he was trying to read his mind again, he seemed relieved, even hopeful. That pushed Poe to give his weird speech a different direction, so that it didn’t seem a delirious blabbing but something concrete, heartfelt. 

"I'll fix things with Hux, don't feel guilty about  _us_. What happened yesterday, it's all my fault. I've been pushing you all day and..”

“What are you talking about? – Ben interrupted him, looking now quite angry – Is this a kind of bad joke?.”

Poe looked at his feet, blushing with embarrassment, then opened his mouth to speak but Ben looked over his shoulder to see if Kes had teleported himself there, shut the door of the bathroom and stepped into Poe’s personal space, towering over him, and kissed him so abruptly their teeth clashed.

“See? – Ben pointed at their sudden erections – you can’t silence this. You can’t pretend there’s nothing between us. If you do, you’re a fool, a sadist and a masochist.”

He was speaking softly but with such vehemence it felt like screaming; he kissed Poe again, like a fury, holding his bearded face with both hands and pushing him against the sink so that Poe couldn’t run away again, like he did the previous night, and moaned into his mouth while stroking his erection against Poe's, then released him and walked towards the door, turning when he reached the threshold.

“The plan stands. We go at  _your_  new place today to bring all your stuff there, only because I gave you my word, but after that I’m gone. I'm done with you people pushing and pulling at me like I’m a puppet of some sorts.”

He left the room to find Kes in the garage.

Poe didn’t leave the bathroom for a while, frozen in a kind of shock due partly to Ben's vehemence but, mostly, to the realization that what Ben had said was completely right. What was Poe supposed to do, though?


	33. Hux

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't help myself, so I put a quote from TLJ. Sorry_not_sorry.  
> I loved writing this. This is one of my faves! I hope you'll love it too.  
> I can't believe the end of the story is near and I'll have to say goodbye to 'MY BOYFRIENDS', but I can't drag the damn thing forever, sadly, even if I'm tempted :D
> 
> As always, leave a comment!

It had been months since he had set off for Ahch-to, long months while he had worked hard alongside master Yoda to organize the best exhibition his university had ever hosted, months spent with his head bent over extremely precious and rare books, passed learning from Yoda what patience, determination and hard work meant, months spent too far from the man he loved.     

Being away/GONE knowing that Poe needed him had been the toughest thing he'd faced so far; he couldn’t wait to be finally home to live the life they had dreamed of so far.

One of the planes Hux had to catch on his journey home had been delayed for hours due to a terrible storm that had hit the second stopover of his journey, he had spent hours thrown on a plastic seat anticipating his encounter with Poe, creating a perfect, romantic scenario for their first night together after so long. He argued with any flying operator working at the airport to get him another flight home, he didn’t want to waste not even a minute more. When the plane finally landed, at Yavin-4 airport instead of Alderaan's, many hours later that he had expected, he got the first bus available, loaded his luggage in its apposite compartment and sat in the front of the bus, right behind the driver, bracing himself for another four to six hours of travelling and, probably, a stop at First order café.

Hux had finally stopped thinking about the tall, dark and handsome whose name he didn't dare to think for fear of awakening feelings he spent so much time burying deeply inside himself. He only hoped to be lucky enough the bus driver preferred to stop at another gas station, or maybe get there on the day _nameless_  was off from work. Not even the possibility to meet him, anyway, could bring his spirit down though; Hux was such in a good mood for his reunion with Poe that even a meeting the  _nameless_  could ruin it.

As he expected, the bus exited at First Order Café and parked in the appointed area. It was a sunny, windy and chilly morning, Hux put his black hat and glasses on before dismounting from the bus, feeling confident in his convictions about ignoring _nameless_ in case he’d met him; he adjusted his coat, enjoying his face being chilled by the cool breeze after months spent in the suffocating heat of Ahch-to, when his scarf flew suddenly up in the air, lifted by an unexpected blow of cold air, falling in front of the garage’s door. The memories of his last visit here, of kissing _unnamed,_  played in his head in a breath-taking loop. Hux’s hands prickled recalling the smoothness of _nameless_ skin, he could almost taste his tongue in his own mouth. Hux shivered as the words ‘ _Come to me when you're feeling better, when you want me and not a petty revenge on your boyfriend. I'll be waiting for you, you know where to find me_ ’ came back to him.

NO! He wasn’t going to let this memories take the lead of his actions and feelings. He retrieved his scarf, straightened his spine and walked inside the café. He looked around and felt relieved to see that only the waitress that hated him was at the counter, she was chatting with another girl, shorter than her, with a rounded face and the sweetest smile. He seemed to recall her, she was the nice one; they were serving cappuccinos in perfect harmony, chatting along with the customers and between themselves. The atmosphere was so relaxed that it was impossible for _unnamed_   guy to be here: he  would have probably ruined the idyllic situation with his pouting and sulking around. Hux smiled to himself, he was going to enjoy a horrible cup of tea without surprises of any kind.   

Once he sat with a steaming cup between his hands, served by a smiley Rose, he checked his phone to text Poe about his arrival, then decided to do otherwise. Poe was back to work after his horrible accident and, being these his first days in the new firm, he’d been completely absorbed by it, trying to catch up with the cases his colleagues were on. Considering that, the time difference between Alderaan and Ahch-to, the troubles with Hux’s flights of the last two days and so on, they hadn’t really been able to be in touch with each other, except maybe for some hurried texts and a couple of vocal notes. Hux didn’t want to be a distraction in such important moment for Poe’s career, also because the only reason he had changed firm was to move in with him.   

He drank his tea quietly, looking outside the window completely lost in his thoughts, so much that he didn’t take off either coat nor glasses or hat. When he realized it, he smiled to himself, thinking he might as well look as an undercover agent of a black and white movie he used to love as a kid; in a way he was undercover. He surely didn’t want to be recognized by any of the staff and risk them to alert _unnamed_ of his presence here. He might be lurking in the back of the store and show up and tempt him to damnation.

When he realized he was pathetically paranoid, he left the café and went back to the stinking seats of the bus, which luckily departed after only  a couple of minutes. In three hour time he managed to set his thoughts straight again, push _unnamed_ in the back of his mind, where he belonged and must stay confined, arrived in town and got a cab that was now dropping him off in front of his apartment.  

The doorman helped him with his luggage, welcoming him after such a long absence. Hux greeted him and thanked the old man, feeling a weird emotion while stepping inside the hall of the building: everything seemed exactly the same and yet it looked altered or, maybe, he was a different Hux from the one that had left months before.

He and Poe had just got back together when he went away; the idea that he was living here now, that Poe would come home to him after work,  _that_  made him experience a happiness he’d never known before.

Once he arrived in front of his door, he fumbled inside his pockets, looking for his keys. He was anticipating a hot, bubbly, relaxing bath, he would order some takeout and welcome Poe home in the evening. He was smirking at the idea while turning the key in the lock, he stepped in and inhaled deeply: Poe’s scent lingered in the apartment.

Hux left his luggage near the door, looking around the place while kicking off his shoes. Some of Poe’s boxes were still packed and leaning by the walls, seeing them filled his heart with warmth. It was finally happening, they were moving  in together at last. He couldn’t believe his luck. 

He undressed and went into the tub in no time. The water was so blissful he almost fell asleep twice; after almost an hour he decided it was time to go on with his plan.

He found a nice bottle of white wine and a lot of beer in the fridge; Hux thought it weird as he knew Poe didn’t like beer, but he guessed it was some leftover from Poe’s moving party. He uncorked the wine, pouring some in one of Poe’s nice crystals, he lay on the couch, naked, under Poe’s favorite blanket, switched the tv on and waited. He drank and waited Poe for hours.  But Poe didn’t show up.

Hux texted him and, when after thirty minutes he hadn’t yet replied, he called him only to listen the phone go on voicemail.

He went from worried to pissed in no time. Thanks to the delightful wine he drunk on an empty stomach, his mind envisioned a number of worst possible scenarios of Poe forgetting he was coming home or, even worse, he fucking another man. He was awfully tired from his long journey, felt quite dizzy from his drinking and incredibly idiotic to wait naked for a man that didn't even show his face or deigned himself to call his partner after months spent promising him eternal love. Hux grabbed the bottle and stormed to bed, mumbling to himself how angry he was and how Poe wasn’t going to forget his wrath when and if he was coming home. 

 

 

He woke up some time later with warm, plush lips wrapped around his cock. He stirred in bed, still sleepy and half drunk, enjoying the sensation. Before his mind could connect or he had open his eyes, someone was kissing him. He kissed back, loving being caressed by big, warm hands before realizing that those lips and hands felt weirdly different from Poe’s, they were fuller and wider. Hux moved away, unsettled.

"Poe?"  

He called, opening his eyes.

“What the fuck.”

Hux sat straight on the bed, pushing the kisser away: Poe was sitting on the love chair, watching him with an aroused expression painted on his face.

“Welcome home mi amor” he said, while _unnamed_  went back to deep-throating Hux. He was very good at it, and was very naked, too.  

‘I’m still sleeping. It’s a dream. It’s just a dream’ Hux thought closing his eyes and biting his lips to wake him up, then he opened his eyes again. Poe was still sitting there, looking smug while _unnamed_  was still sucking Hux’s cock. 

“What the hell is going on here?” He shook the tall one off of him; Hux was incredibly angry and in shock.  

“You said  _HE_  wanted this” Said Ben to Poe, his words slurred, trying to go back to his task.  

“What? Are you drunk? Would you please get off of me? GET OFF!” He shouted and got up, a fury he had never felt before was now burning in his veins. He grabbed the first pair of pants he found  and stormed into the kitchen, where Poe and  _unnamed_  followed him a moment later, the second was wearing just a pair of tiny black briefs. He was mouthwatering with his hair disheveled and the plump lips a little reddened by being sucking Hux’s cock, which twitched guiltily inside his pants in sign of protest.

 _‘This isn’t the point_.’ Hux was mad. That’s why he had stomped in the kitchen, not for drooling all over the hunk of man that was standing in front of him, but because... never mind why he was angry, he had to hold on to his anger now.

“Would you care to explain this charade?” He hissed to Poe “And YOU! – talking now to  _unnamed_  -  Do you have something, a cowl, or something you can put on?”  

 _Unnamed_  shrugged sleepily. “You wear my pants” he answered, smirking drunkenly. Hux made an annoyed noise, looking so livid that Poe stepped between the two, stumbling on his own feet.  

“Are you smashed as well? What’s wrong with you! Aren’t you two supposed to stay sober, by the way?” Hux was losing his patience incredibly fast and was ready to kick everybody out.  

“Baby don’t be mad. We thought to throw you a welcome home party. So sorry we got home late. We started the party a bit early and lost track of time.”

“Don’t ‘baby’ me! You started early? What? – Hux waved his hand in the air as to dismiss the thought - Forget it, I don’t care. This is pathetic, unacceptable. I want you out of here. Both of you.”

He was outraged, disgusted, furious with Poe and, about the tall one.. Hux jumped out of his pants and threw them to him then, with his butt naked, went back to HIS bedroom. He wanted to slam the door so bad, it would have been greatly satisfying to smash anything right now, but Poe followed him and stepped in the way looking at him, immobile, with such sad, imploring eyes, begging without actually saying the words.

In a jiffy, Hux’s rage vanished inexplicably.  

He was so tired of this emotional roller coaster, of fighting for this relationship, he was tired of feeling heartbroken. And yet.. he was madly in love with the bearded cretin in front of him,  _his_  cretin. He blurted:  

“Call me tomorrow, once you’re sober. – Now that the anger was gone, sadness and disillusion kicked in, hurting like hell. – Go home Poe and, please, don’t make a scene.” He whispered. Poe didn’t move, he looked embarrassed, dubious.  

“What. – He sighed - Just say what you have to.” Hux couldn’t believe he hadn’t already kicked him and  _nameless_  out.  

“This is my home. I’m sorry babe.” He looked so pathetic it made Hux feel sorry for him somehow. The truth was that Hux had missed him so much that he could feel forgiveness already spreading inside himself, like a pestilence. He didn’t want to forgive him, not so soon! He wanted to be angry, yell at him, make him pay. And yet he heard himself saying:  

“Oh, for fuck’s sake, Poe. Fine! You can stay. But  _your friend_  has to go.”

Poe took Hux's hand, very slowly and very tenderly, as if he was asking for his permission. Hux didn’t move away or protest so Poe pressed those fingers over his bearded cheek and closed his eyes leaning over them. A sigh stammered out of his lips and a single, fat tear fell from his eye.  

“I didn’t mean to hurt you babe.”  

“Don’t say anything – Hux scolded him – or I’ll be mad all over again.”

His voice was wet, his eyes were red rimmed.

“Get him a pillow and a comforter, then come back here. Alone!” he kissed him. It was only a quick peck on the forehead, but for Poe it meant everything.  

Hux put his ugliest pajamas on and leaned by the bedroom door-frame, lurking in the shadows to listen what the other two were saying. Maybe it was childish of him, but after the prank they played him, he was going to use all the tricks he knew to fight back this weird duo.  

"I told you he wouldn’t like it! I shouldn't have come. You are supposed to know him better than I do!" _Nameless_ scored a point.  

"Calm down. Let me talk to him. He's not mad at you, he's mad at me. - He heard Poe sighing. - Try to get some sleep, I'll see you in the morning." Poe was murmuring in such a familiar way, something inside Hux clenched. He tiptoed into the hallway that lead to the living room, to see what was going on in that suspicious silence.

Poe was sitting on the couch next to Ben, he was bent over him and was stroking his hair, talking inaudible words in his ear.   

Hux bit his lip to avoid screaming. His heart was hammering so hard he couldn't feel anything else. He crawled back in his room and sat on the edge of his bed, his head bent towards the floor, his chest so tight he couldn't breathe, his head was buzzing.  

A shadow kneeled in front of him, it caressed him with the same hand that was previously stroking _another_ _man_ 's hair. With the same fondness.   

The shadow was speaking but the words didn’t make sense to him now, he couldn't hear them. He could only feel the loud noise in his head, the mad hammering in his chest, the strangling knot in his throat.   

The shadow tried to shook him gently by the shoulders, his expression was panicked as he talked to another shadow, but Hux felt nothing.

He lay his head on the pillow and closed his eyes, focusing on his breathing, until the buzz stopped. Then tears came, followed by sobs so deep he could feel his bones shatter. Someone pulled the covers over him, and with warmth came sleep.

 

He woke up, later on, with his head pounding. He opened his eyes just enough to see Phasma sitting in the love chair in front of him.  

"Good morning, sunshine. Did you sleep well?" She smiled tentatively, not sure if this was the right approach right now. Hux wanted to answer harshly, to hurt her with his sharpest sarcasm, to make the whole world suffer. It wasn’t Phasma’s  fault if he was aching. He knew whose fault it was.  

"Where's Poe? I need to talk to him." He had to put an end to this ridiculous relationship right now.  

"He's not here, sweetheart. They're both gone to work." He listened attentively, the house was silent, apparently empty. She stood up from her seat and sat next to him on the bed, her tense smile and her clothing told him she was worried sick, otherwise she would have never, ever, left home with that outfit. Never. 

"Why on earth are you wearing yoga pants? You hate yoga pants."

Diversion. That was the tactic he would adopt to avoid spilling his heartbreak out. He would get her talking about herself and forget about his troubles.  

"Don't offend my intelligence with this nonsense, sweetheart. If you don't want to talk right now, it's ok, I can wait. Have a shower, eat something, get rid of that awful pajamas, and then we'll talk. Is that all right with you?"   

"I don't want to eat. I don’t want to have a shower. My pajamas is perfectly fine, I want to die in it and be buried with it. If  you've got a problem with my pajamas, don't come to my funeral." He said tensely.

"Oh, Huxie. Stop the drama queen act. Poe might have got all the timing wrong but, SERIOUSLY, do you want to break up with him only because he's got the stones to propose you what you had been secretly dreaming since November?!" She had taken his hand between hers and was patting it lightly, but he snatched it from her held with astonishment.  

"Surely you can't be serious about this. I saw Poe caressing him like he was his fucking pet! He's in love with him Phas! I won't stand in the middle of this circus. I'm a one-man man. I don't ' _share'_."  

That was it, in a nutshell. And she got it out of him in record time, as always.  

"That must have hurt. I'm sorry you had to see that. I know how deeply you love him. – she was speaking very softly and soothingly, trying her best to calm him down a little -  For the first time in your life you love someone that loves you back, present company excluded, and you want to give up on him because? - Hux made a face when she said 'love' but she went on all the same – This is your happy chance, sweetheart, don't waste it. I don't want to get a cat for you as well. Talk to him. You two can work things out, I'm sure of it. And that Ben guy, he's so hot! Are you sure he doesn't do girls? Because I'm up for the race if he does!" She winked at him and he actually laughed at that, followed by her, whose expression was somehow relieved. 

“Give the man a chance to explain himself. Give this thing a shot. If you don’t like it, you don’t have to go on with it, but at least you won’t have the regret you haven’t give it a go, once you’re all old and wrinkly, that is probably next year.” 

He touched his face as to check if his face had actually got all wrinkly while he was asleep. He smiled slightly and sighted, going through the drawer to find some underwear. 

"I’m going into the shower. Don't sneak. – the weak smile faded - I don’t know if I can forgive this. Every time I close my eyes I see them together. Then I want to break something." 

"All righty. I won’t push you and I promise I won’t sneak while you’re showering either. – she stood up and walked towards the door - I'll put the kettle on. Would you like some tea?" Phasma was relieved to see him calmer, he could tell. 

"Yes, darling. Please. You'll have to rummage through the cabinets though,  _HE_  might have moved some stuff around in the kitchen to make room for all his fancy chef stuff." Hux went straight to the shower before she could comment on his overlooking on Poe’s name, he only caught glimpse of her exasperated expression and shrugged at her while entering the bathroom. 

He took his time under the hot spray of the water, leaving it scorch his skin to focus his mind exclusively on that sensation. He shaved carefully, noting the lines that had appeared around his eyes and the dark tan on his skin due to his long walks to reach the different libraries and archives under the sun on Ahch-to. He dressed as for work, even if he didn't have to go today, because there was something about wearing a three pieces suite that had always made him feel better. He combed and pomade his hair with care and precision, then went to join Phasma in the kitchen. 

 

Poe was leaning to the window frame, looking outside. Phasma was nowhere to be found. This coming and going in _his_ house was beginning to irritate him.

“Where has she gone?” Obviously she did it on purpose, she left them alone so they would speak. How predictable.

“She didn’t say it. She just wished me luck and walked out.” Poe turned slowly towards him, but stayed near the window. He looked very tired and Hux could have sworn he was wearing the same clothes he had on the day before.

“You didn’t go to work today. You stayed here, while I talked with her. – Hux was processing out loud, and was both indignant and exasperated. He wasn’t going to be manipulated any longer. - You know where I stand. I don’t think I’ve anything to add. You’re in love with someone else. Where is he, by the way?”

Hux spoke slowly, his was voice so low at the end of the sentence, Poe struggled to hear what he was actually saying, not that Hux’s composure wasn’t screaming how he was feeling.

Despite his effort to look at his best, Hux seemed shattered. Poe shrugged, as having a hard time to come up with something, anything that wouldn’t hurt Hux more. Hux shook his head.

“You know what? I don’t care where he is. He doesn’t belong here. Nor do you.” He sounded so caustic Poe actually flinched; he slowly breathed in, as to brace himself:

“As you said, nothing I would say can make you change your mind, so I leave it up to you. Know that I love you, no Matter what. It may sounds like empty words right now, but it’s the truth. What I did yesterday was foolish, I knew it from the start but I couldn’t do otherwise. As harsh as it may sound, I’m in love with Ben as well as you and I can’t pretend otherwise. I tried so hard to silence my feelings for him but I can’t anymore. It isn’t right nor fair, not for us, not for him as well. I wanted it all, I wanted us three to be happy together because, babe, every fiber of my being knows we could be. I lost everything by chasing this dream. Know that I never, ever, meant to hurt you. I’m terribly sorry that I managed to make you suffer nonetheless, I’ll never forgive myself for that.”

Poe paused, desperately waiting for a sign form Hux, who remained silently motionless. He wasn’t even looking at him. He stood still in the middle of the kitchen, with his eyes closed. Poe walked past him.

“Let me know when I can come to get my stuff.”

Big fat tears fell from Hux’s eyes, smearing  his neatly ironed, white shirt. He stood immobile, his harms crossed in front of his chest, holding it so tightly his knuckles were white; he looked outside the window as Poe talked and moved away as he walked past him.

“You can collect your things now, I can’t bear to see your shit here. I’ll go to Phasma’s; leave the keys in the mailbox and text her when you’re done.. I’d hate to listen to your pathetic excuses again..”

His voice was steady, but the looks of him told another story entirely. He walked towards the entrance, saw his suitcases from his Ahch-to trip still near the door and thought it impossible that he left them there less than twenty-four hours prior. He thought how things would have ended differently, if he had never left for Ahch-to. He would have been living happily ever after with Poe, because he was the love of his life, and he once thought they were perfect for each other. Now he knew better.

 

Hux put his coat on, retrieved Phasma’s key ring from the hanger, then left the house without looking back. Once the door was closed behind his back, tears started welling from his eyes. He sobbed all the way down the garage, leaving the tears run down his chin and form wet patches on the starched collar of his favorite shirt.

When he reached his car, found Ben leaning over its door.

“Go away.” He said, trying to move him away from the lock of the car, but Ben seemed nailed to the floor.

“He loves you so much, you know?” his voice was harsh, he sounded angry.

“Everybody keeps saying that today, yet here we are. You know what? I believe you, I believe him, but I don’t know how to fit in this scenario. I can’t imagine myself playing happy husband in this weird trio. Who is going to be on top? Who is going to be fucked? I know the answer to this particular question already. I’m the one who loses everything. Not Poe! He still gets you! I’m the one that adopts a cat! I’m..”

Ben grabbed his freshly shaven and tear-streamed face and kissed him so thoroughly that Hux didn’t even fight him.

When they parted, Hux was panting and had almost forgot why he went to the garage in the first place.

“You haven’t lost anything. You could have it all. Do you want to be on top? Fuck me to the grave, I don’t care! You know how I feel for you. From the day your car broke down at 1st Order and I pretended to fix it, while the only thing I could do was look at you and try to figure it out if you were into men and how to ask you out.”

He was holding him by the shoulders with such fire in his eyes that Hux felt intoxicated.

“You know how much I struggled to stay away that day you came back at the café, after you broke up with Poe? God I wanted to drag you into a cubicle and fuck you senseless! But I couldn’t, because I knew you weren’t ready, I knew Poe was the one for you, and I didn’t want to be the second choice.”

Ben couldn’t believe he had actually said it out loud, but he didn’t care anymore. This was his chance to make things right for the three of them. Hux was still looking at him like he was the ghost of future Christmas. Ben went on:

“Now we can be together, the three of us. Don’t you understand how lucky this is? We can be the first choice for each other! We didn’t run away from you to leave you in the dust; we’re begging you to accept us. _You_ are our first choice!”

Hux was staring into his eyes as Ben was some kind of vision, he didn’t even blink for fear he might disappear once he had opened his eyelids. Ben took his chance and kissed him again, not with the blinding desire that had moved him before, but with tenderness, holding Hux in his arms, losing himself into his mouth, while their tongues danced together, for the first time in unison. The euphoria to achieve this small step was enormous, engorged by Hux's scent and warmth, reminding him that this wasn’t one of his dreams, Hux really was in his arms and he wasn’t running away, at least for now.

They eventually stopped to breath, both dizzy and euphoric. For a brief, blissful moment, they were the only two people that inhabited the whole world. Ben was still holding Hux’s face, who had the softest light in his eyes, one he had never seen before, and was caressing his lips with his thumb, still disbelieving the truth of this moment. Hux was now more confused than ever.

“Poe is upstairs, packing. You might want to go up and give him a hand. He seemed quite shaken up. Don’t tell him we met. I need to see Phasma.”

Ben had been taken by surprise by Hux’s coldness, the softness in his eyes was gone. Hux took advantage of Ben incredulity to push him away from the car’s door and got in. When he turned the engine on, Ben instinctively stood up in front of the car, blocking its way out.

“Why are you doing this? – he was screaming angrily - Haven’t you heard a word I just said?”

Probably he had not, as he put the car on reverse and drove around Ben, turning his window down to say:

“Take care of him for me. Will you?”

And then left him alone in the empty garage.


	34. Ben

## Country songs

Ben stormed down the stairs like a fury, opened the front door and the sunlight almost blinded him; he stopped in the driveway, considering walking to Hux’es apartment, empty the van by himself and go home without having to speak to Poe again. He sat on the doorstep instead, closed his eyes. It was an unexpectedly nice morning, the skies were clear and the sun quite warm. Ben tried to steady himself, breathing slowly and deeply, in and out, visualizing his safe place. He was laying on a white beach, seagulls flying right over the surface of the ocean, he could hear kids laughing, the air smelled of salt and seaweed, the summer sun almost burning his skin, the undertow was lulling him into calmness again. ‘Breath in and out. In and out. I won't lose my shit again. I’m the one in control of my emotions, not the other way around. Just breath’.

He went to find Kes some time later, he was fumbling with screwdrivers and pliers, moving them back and forth from a toolbox to another, evidently trying to stay out of the way during his argument with Poe. When Ben entered in the well-organized garage, Kes looked at him inquiringly, clearly evaluating his mood and how to approach it.

“Are you ok, son?” Kes asked, tentatively. He was clearly uncomfortable, probably it was Ben’s appearance that had put that look on his face, in fact Kes turned his gaze to the dozens of tools that were sprawled over the rusted, old table in front of him and returned to his picking.

“Ok as I’ll ever be” he answered, a bit sharply but regretting it immediately, looking outside while wandering if spending the day with Poe and his father was truly a good idea. He wasn’t in the mood for small talk or more  bullshit from Poe, he already had enough of it in the last couple of hours. he’d already given his word to help him, though, and wasn’t going back on it. Ben kept repeating himself he had just to put a little more effort to survive this nerve-wrecking situation, he had to try a little harder to keep his face straight and his hands off of Poe and soon the day would be gone and forgotten, along with his association with MR. Dameron Junior.

He turned towards Kes and offered him his help with the toolbox preparation: concentrating on anything at all could help him relieve his tension and distract him while Poe decided whether he wanted to stay hidden in the bathroom all day or what.

When Poe arrived outside the garage saw Kes and Ben sitting on metal stools, drinking coffee and exchanging opinions on country artists; he didn’t expect to find Ben so at ease while alone with his father and he couldn’t believe his ears when he heard the topic of their conversation. He had never imagined Ben was into country music so he looked them from a distance for a while, curious to see where this topic would lead them; unfortunately Ben wasn’t going to reveal anything interesting, so Poe decided he had had enough of creeping in the shadows, he stepped inside and joined them, placing a stool next to Ben and asked him where this passion for country music came from. Ben had tensed slightly when he saw him sitting next to him, he shrugged uncomfortably but decided to answer nonetheless.

“Dad was a fan. He used to play his old records all the time when he’d come home from his longer journeys, taking mom to dance in the middle of the living-room and making her giggle like she was a fifteen year old once again. I guess that’s why I’m so fond of it: every time I listen to it I can see them dancing in each other arms and laughing together.”

Poe could see the soft light in Ben’s eyes, he looked at ease now, with his father and his tools, fitting in his father’s home as an old friend of his. Poe really liked him there.

Kes watched the two of them exchanging what they thought were unseen gazes, shook his head imperceptibly and broke their spell with a loud sigh, inviting them to get into the car so they could finally get to Hux's house and finish their job. The young men went obediently inside the house to collect their coats, separately, then joined Kes in the car and sat silently, while he drove slowly in the city jammed traffic, listening to the radio, everyone lost in his own thoughts.

 

## BOXES

The plan for the day was lighter than the one for the previous day. They only had to drop the various boxes at the apartment; Poe would arrange them in time, with no hurry, maybe with Hux’s help and supervision.

When the small group arrived at the appointed location, Ben felt a sudden rush of adrenaline run through his body at the idea of setting foot in Hux’s house. He hadn’t thought of it yet, trying to keep his focus on the task ahead of him and distracted by his nocturnal activities with Poe, but as soon as Kes’ car entered the garage, Ben’s mind went to that day at First Order Café, when Hux had grabbed him by the collar of his coat and kissed him dead.

From that day Ben had thought about nothing else for a long time, feeling Hux’s hungry hands on his skin, the taste of his mouth, how lost he had seemed when Ben had asked him about Poe.

Now here he was, Poe’s taste was fresh on his lips and he was helping him to start a new life with Hux nonetheless, leaving Ben’s own happiness forgot in the background. This whole situation felt absurd from too many points of view. What the hell was he thinking when he offered Poe his help? He got his secret wish granted from a physical point of view, but that single encounter made him understand that he couldn’t possibly settle just for that.

He wanted an endless number of nights like the one he just had, but he wanted to wake up next to the man he loved in the morning. That was it. He was deeply, madly in love with Poe Dameron and every fiber of his being was screaming his desperate need to be with this clever, insecure, sweet, funny man.

And his partner.

Ben sighed and started unloading the van with the help of Kes; Poetried to help them but the pain in his chest was so acute he had been banished from the improvised unloading area.

Ben filled the elevator with all the boxes it could contain, then unloaded them inside the house under Poe's directions. He was so nervous to get into the apartment he braced himself before setting foot inside, as he’d just robbed a shop and was now strolling in front of the police station with the loot in his pockets.

As a matter of fact, once he was inside, Ben felt at ease and even liked the house; there weren’t many photos of Hux and Poe to remind him of his faults. The whole atmosphere was really Hux-like: essential and stylish. He smelled a lingering scent near the door, where a coat was hanged and he instantly knew it was Hux's; his stomach knotted immediately.

Fortunately Kes was right behind him, asking him to move along and let him set a couple of heavy boxes on the ground, breaking Ben’s bubble and reminding him what he was there for and that the quicker he’d worked, the sooner he’d left that place.

Since then, the three man worked all morning without breaks and had almost finished when Kes' phone rung: he received a call from Maz, asking for his help about a problem she was having with the plumbing in her basement. Poe shot him a disbelieving look, but Mr. Dameron senior pretended to not notice it.

He said goodbye to Ben, asking him to come back to visit him, which Ben found bizarre as he was sure to be a disturbance and not a welcome guest in his house; then, when he already had his coat on, Kes told Poe he expected him for dinner that evening, and disappeared behind the entrance door.

The moment he’d closed it behind him, Poe broke out laughing, catching Ben’s inquiring look.

They had been ignoring each other all morning, not without effort, and had talked only if strictly necessary, but Poe’s laugh caught him so off guard that he was tempted to ask him what he was laughing about. Poe noticed the quizzical expression painted on Ben’s face and decided to answer the unspoken question:

“Maz is probably the best plumber I know; she surely is better than dad. He must have texted her, asking to call him; I think he needed a pretext to leave this place, he probably suspects something about last night and he wants us to have space to talk about it.”

He smiled at Ben, weakly this time, waiting to see if he was going to smile back.

“That’s weird – replied Ben, not able to keep his mouth shut as he had imposed himself all day  – Yesterday he stuck to our butt almost all day, meaning no offence of course, and now he leaves unchaperoned?” He corrected himself the moment he thought he’d said too much, as if now he couldn’t speak his mind anymore. He felt like he was walking on eggshells and Poe clearly sensed his discomfort.

“It’s ok, you don’t have to pick the words.”

And he winked at him, but Ben couldn’t bring himself to lower his defenses; on the contrary, his tension was growing esponentially. He could tell Poe was doing his best to be polite, but it wasn’t nearly enough. He would never accept to be friendzoned, not with a man like Poe, not in this particular moment of his life. Ben wanted the real deal; in a small, deep part of himself, he knew he deserved it and wasn’t going to settle for less.

Poe was still watching him intently but Ben was so upset he couldn’t do small talk; he returned silently to his task and Poe lifted his eyes to the ceiling, hardly keeping himself from sighing.

 

**Toasts**

They finished bringing the boxes inside the apartment and placing them in the appointed rooms in mid-afternoon, they didn’t even stop for lunch as Ben wanted to finish as soon as possible. He wanted to leave the house in hope to extinguish the gut-wrenching feeling he was experiencing, even if it meant to say goodbye to Poe for good. He didn’t express his intention out loud, but it wasn’t hard for Poe to discern it.

When Kes was with them, he had played as buffer between the two, bringing up interesting topics of conversation or distracting them with jokes and anecdotes.

Since he had left, though, awkwardness reigned in every room they had worked together; Poe was well aware of it so, once the last box had been put down and Ben had grabbed his coat without even looking him in the eyes, Poe surprised him, offering him a beer. Poe was well aware that Ben didn’t drink alcohol and Ben knew he should say no, so he obviously answered:

“Yes, please.”

Putting his coat back down and going to seat over the couch of the living room.

One beer, after two days of loading boxes and taking bullshit. He had deserved one, just one single, cold beer. What harm could it do to him? He hadn’t been drinking in years, also he needed so badly to silence the things that were going on inside his head right now.

‘Just a drink – he promised himself - then I’ll go home.’

Maybe he could stop at the Café, on his way home, to see how the girls were doing without him. He sat on the couch and looked around, waiting for Poe, who was rummaging through the fridge shelves and arrived, a moment later, with two iced cans and a bowl of popcorn. He laid everything on the small table in front of them, switched the tv on a bike channel, then turned to hand Ben his can.

Their eyes connected, for the first time since that morning in Kes’ bathroom. Ben stared into Poe's, unblinking, lifted his can, opened it and said:

“To your happily ever after.”

Then drank in long gulps, trying to shove the sourness of the beer and his feelings down his throat. When he put the can down, it was almost empty, but what he felt was still there, tremendously sour into his mouth.

“I wish you the same.”

Said Poe, piercing Ben’s eyes, then pointing at his knees when Ben looked the other way. He drank from his own can, sitting back on the couch as straight as he could, watching the show as it was going to suggest him what to do next.

The sun outside had set, and a pale moon rose from behind the opposite building, its milky rays penetrating the white curtain of the big screen window and drawing thin, white stripes on the kitchen floor.

Poe and Ben sat on the couch for hours, watching tv, eating popcorn in silence, finally at ease with each other, as it was something they did daily.

Ben was tired but his tension was finally gone, probably thanks to his fourth beer; he’d been thinking on making a move since he had accepted the first drink, but Poe’s words from that morning kept coming back to him, putting his fire down.

When Poe’s hand landed lightly and unexpectedly on Ben's thigh, he stilled for a fraction of a second, an eternity in which everything seemed possible and doomed at the same time. Ben closed his eyes and covered Poe’s hand with his own, twining their fingers together but not daring to look at him, not sure how to proceed. Poe’s hand was warm and dry, his skin smooth. Ben’s head was spinning.

“Ben?” Poe’s  voice seemed to come from far away, it was hushed, barely audible. Ben’s pulse skyrocketed, his breath was stuck inside his throat.

“Don’t. - He managed to say, almost in a gasp - Don’t ruin everything. Please.”

Something was about to happen, he knew it, as he knew he would soon have to go. He just didn’t want to leave yet. Just the touch of Poe’s skin had broke down the wall he'd built around himself to protect him from any other backing down from Poe's side.

Ben just wanted to be with him, he wanted it so badly he was ready to walk over his pride, over his heart, over anything just to hold him once again in his arms, to be inside him once again.

“Let me stay here, just for tonight, then I swear I won’t come back. I won’t call you again. No more texts. Nothing. I’ll be just a faded memory from the past.”

He was begging, his eyes still shut, waiting for the ax of  heartbreak to fall. He could feel Poe’s eyes on him but didn’t dare to look back. Poe turned the tv off, the sudden silence made Ben opened his eyes. Everything looked evanescent in the silvery moonlight.

“I love you, Ben Solo.”

That was it. He must have drank too much and fell asleep. He had to wake up and go home. He inhaled, lowered and lifted his heavy eyelids, then turned to look at Poe, who was smiling at him with tenderness, with protectiveness, with love. He slowly lifted his hand and cupped Ben’s cheek, stroking his already scratchy skin with a thumb.

Ben's heart was pounding in his ears, his palms were suddenly sweaty.

“I said: I love you.”

Ben wasn’t dreaming. He wasn’t drunk. He had heard correctly. Poe loved _him_.

Something powerful exploded inside him, something that annihilated every insecurity he’d had in the past, every doubt about himself finding someone who wanted the ugly mess he was, someone who understood him and accepted him.

“I love you too”, he said softly, almost a confession he was afraid to pronounce too loudly to activate some kind of betrayal alert hidden somewhere in Hux’s house. He tightened his grip around Poe’s warm, dry hand, drawing small circles on the back of it, enjooying its solid shape in his palm; it wasn’t a trick of his mind.

Poe bent towards him, inside Ben’s personal space, circling his shoulders with his right arm, his knee touching Ben’s thigh, a bridge to convey his feedback and torturing Ben with anticipation.

“I’ll find a way for us to be together, to be happy together. I promise.”

Poe looked determined, deadly sincere, and Ben’s heart filled with hope and the deepest love he’d ever experienced.

“I know” he said, still whispering and closing the small distance between them, kissing Poe with a newborn sense of belonging.

 

Days went by in a drunken stupor, spent inside the apartment having sex in every room, over every available surface, barely eating or sleeping at all, immersed in the blinding happiness of their new love.

 

Sometimes Ben would awake to find Poe gone, sitting in another room, staring at his phone after not answering a call from his father or, worst of all, having to answer a text from Hux, lying to him.

After sending those texts, Poe would seat grimly on the couch for some time, almost catatonic, unable to come up with an idea to change their situation; how could he convince Hux that the three of them were meant to be together? Each time Ben would retrieve a new bottle of wine from the cabinet, uncork it and hand it straight to Poe, who would drink from it and nest in Ben’s arms until the alcohol had washed away enough guilt for Poe to put aside the bottle and seek Ben’s body for comfort.

Ben wouldn’t break this circle of torment for anything at all. There were moments where he was almost sober, when he realized they were slowly sliding towards the abyss, disowning both their sobriety. Their past struggles towards a healthy, sane life had been thrown in the ditch along with his studies and the job he’d refused to go to for fear of leaving Poe’s side; he was too scared of what he could do if Ben had left the house.

 

Every time his phone rung, Ben as well refused to pick up his mother, uncle or friends calls. They would probably rain on their parade and surely try to convince him to conclude his seclusion with Poe, and he couldn’t allow it.

The pain of lucidity had the power to draw him to the next bottle; the need to live in this lie was so important for Ben, that he wasn’t going to let anything burst his bubble.

The seclusion went on, days spent only fucking, laughing and crying miserably, both men lost in their alternative reality until, one morning, Poe woke him up in awe, saying that was the day for Hux to come home.

Some weird frenzy caught him that day. He spent all morning scratching every surface spotless, erasing any proof of their combined presence in the house.

He told to Ben he’d a dream about surprising Hux with a nice dinner in bed and a welcome home present. The gift would also be in bed: Ben naked and wrapped up in a red ribbon. In the dream Hux had been so happy about his welcome home surprise that he had jumped dinner and had gone straight to unwrap Ben.

Ben, still too drunk form the night before, thought it was a great idea and declared they had to find red ropes to stage this plan.

Once the house was clean enough for Hux’s standards, they ventured outside the apartment, for the first time in days. Ben had hidden Poe’s car keys and booked an Uber as, even in his haze, he knew they weren’t able to drive. Once Poe stumbled drunkenly on the back seat, though, the driver refused to take them anywhere for fear one, or both of them, would be sick in his car. It followed a nasty argument between Ben and the driver, where Poe managed to pull Ben out of the car just before he’d punched him on his nose; the Uber peeled out right before Ben could open his door and finish his job.

Poe pulled Ben away from his coat’s sleeve and told him:

“It’s not worth it, babe. Let him go. It’s a beautiful day, let’s walk, I’m sure the shop is not too far from here.”

Ben had stopped at ‘babe’, turning to Poe and bending to kiss him.

“I love when you ‘babe’ me.”

He smiled and hugged him, happy to belong to Poe as he belonged to him, holding him in his arms in the middle of the pavement and kissing him again, more intently, in a sunny but chilly afternoon, while passerby looked at them, smiling. Someone said:

“Hey, Romeo! Let the poor guy breath!” and Ben answered raising his middle finger while smiling over Poe’s mouth, who held him even more tightly to prolong that perfect, happy moment.

Nothing could ruin Ben’s happiness right now.

 

They walked for hours but didn’t find a hardware shop nor another place who sold ropes. The sun had already set and the temperatures were dropping; Poe was shivering in his light jacket and, when he realized all the shops were closing, he proposed to get some food and head home.

They stopped at the first grocery store to buy some ingredients Poe said he needed for their special dinner, while Ben disappeared behind a shelf to take care of the drinks. Once they went back outside, the wind had worsened and the rain was pouring; Poe was shaking with cold and Ben offered him a scarf he kept in his backpack, then passed him a bottle of some weird drink Poe didn’t recognized but which accepted happily. They exchanged the bottle on their way home, trying to get warmer as they walked in the incessant rain.

When they finally arrived at the apartment, they were soaked in both rain and alcohol. Poe fumbled in his pockets to find his keys and almost dropped his bags on the floor as he was too drunk to articulate his movements. Ben stilled his shaky hands and took the keys from them, plugging the right key inside the lock and turning it, his heart stopping as he noticed that the door was unlocked.

“He’s here!”

Ben whispered, turning to Poe with a panicked expression and leaving the key inside the lock as it was suddenly burning the skin of his hand.

This was it. The moment they were waiting for, that Ben had dreamed of for such a long time; it had finally arrived.

“It’s ok, babe, stay calm.”

Poe soothed him, caressing his face.

“Come with me. Everything will be ok, I promise.”

Poe didn’t look ok, or even calm. At all. Ben kissed him lightly to give strength to both of them, then followed Poe inside.

Hux’s suitcases were near the door; the house was quiet and completely dark. Hux was probably already asleep. They slipped out from their shoes and tiptoed to the kitchen, where placed the bags over the table, then Poe went to look for Hux while Ben sat on a chair as he was too tense to follow him.

He realized he’d drink too much, his head was spinning and he felt he was going to threw up any minute; also he was fucking freezing with wet clothes sticking to his body.

Poe came back in the kitchen, confirming that Hux was soundly asleep and probably drunk as well, as Poe had found an almost empty bottle of wine on his bedside table.

“Let’s have a shower, we can proceed with our plan after that; nothing’s going to wake him up right now.”

Poe was smiling, but Ben wasn’t feeling convinced at all. He felt like a thief who's trying to steal in a policeman's house, again.

“I don’t think this is a good idea. I think should go. Talk to him in the morning and text me later. I have a bad feeling about this.” Ben’s dread was growing at light speed.

“Bullshit – whispered Poe - He’s gonna love it! Let’s have a shower, you’ll feel differently after that.”

Poe grabbed him by the hand, as if Ben was a fussing child, and he walked him quietly in the guest bathroom. After closing noiselessly the door behind them, Poe run the water of the shower and undressed Ben slowly, kissing him here and there to steady him and bring his confidence back up. Ben let him proceed then, once his head had stopped spinning, he returned the attentions to Poe, only to discover that he was already as hard as Ben was. They slipped under the warmth of the water and resumed their kissing, Poe started stroking Ben’s cock making him gasp with pleasure.

“Let me take care of you.” He said, then poured a generous amount of shower-gel on a sponge and washed him carefully. Ben enjoyed the extra care Poe took in sponging his crotch, especially when he washed away all the bubbles and went on his knees to check if he’d done a good job by taking Ben’s cock inside his mouth. Ben had to bite his hand to suffocate a moan. It was so good to be in Poe’s mouth he wanted to fill it with come right away, so he started fucking it with precise movements, chasing his increasing pleasure while his fingers were tugging on Poe’s hair. He swallowed the first drops of precome and Ben tightened his grip on his hair but Poe stood, leaving him gasping.

“Be patient babe. I want you to keep it for Hux.”

Ben pushed him against the wall then made him turn to face it, grabbing Poe's cock to stroke it while he knelt behind him to lick his hole ready. Poe was muttering fake protests when Ben pushed inside him, forcing him into silence.

“So what’s your plan? - he asked while hammering Poe’s ass and biting at his earlobes – you suck my cock and then deny me to come in your mouth?”

He felt Poe tense around him, they were already both going to come so Ben stopped, and closed his hand around Poe’s throat, squeezing enough to make him huff with pleasure once more. Poe wanted to fuck himself against Ben's cock, but he held him in place, denying him any movement. He was obliged to answer if he wanted to reach his completion.

“I want to watch you come inside Hux. I want you to make him come while I watch you. I want to see you two coming while I finger myself.” Ben pulled his cock very slowly outside Poe’s ass, then pointed it at his entrance again but pushed only enough to remind him its presence without granting it. He resumed stroking Poe's cock, keeping in the meantime a steady hold on his throat.

“Is that so? What about what Ben wants?”

He said in Poe's ear with raspy voice, tightening the grip on his cock, as it seemed he wanted to milk his soul out of it. When Ben felt Poe tensing again, he stilled his hand on his cock and pushed his dick back where it belonged, inside the warmth of him, sliding the other hand from Poe’s throat to his mouth to silence him as they both peaked desperately and convulsively under the hot spray of the shower.

They stood there for a while, trying to catch their breath, letting the warmth of the water lull them into calmness.

“I do care, Ben. About you. About what you want.”

Poe said, turning back to face him.

“Do you still want to do this? With Hux I mean. It’s ok if you don’t. We’ll figure things out if you’ve changed your mind.”

His brown eyes were so sweet, so comforting, steadying. Ben could see he meant every word. He could feel how much he loved him.

“I’ve never wanted anything more in my whole life.” He answered, his voice still hoarse. 

“Let’s go then, mi amor. We have a man to conquer.”

Poe kissed him. Ben had never felt so loved in his entire life.


	35. Hux

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for being patient.  
> I thought there were two or three chapters left before the end of this life-sucking fic.  
> I was so, so wrong. 
> 
> Let me know your thoughts.

# 35 HUX

**MR PORKINS**

“The exhibition has been a success, Armitage."

His boss had congratulated him repeatedly, before offering him two fingers of straight scotch. Hux was standing in Mr. Porkins' study, which was three times the size of his own, and was watching outside the window at the florid willow tree that occupied the center of the campus back garden. On a bench under it, couples of students usually sat in search of privacy to share displays of affection, far from prying eyes. Hux was looking at it, but his mind was set on somewhere else entirely, playing the film of the first time Poe had kissed him, on that very bench, three years prior.

“You should be proud of yourself.”

The head of the department was saying, but Hux was feeling absolutely nothing. He turned to the wrinkled, grey haired man and forced a smile on his face, thanking him for his kind words and accepting the drink he was handing him over. 

It was the end of May, and despite the proximity of the new season, the weather was already extremely warm.

Hux perceived an unpleasant rivulet of sweat run down his back and under his favorite white shirt; he shifted on the brown leather armchair, uncomfortably, hiding the patch of sweat wetting the cloth of his blazer.

Mr. Porkins was commending him and Hux was brooding over a past he couldn’t change. He was clearly being nonsensical, probably because of his devastating lack of rest; all he wanted right now was lay down on a bed and sleep, possibly through his thirties and forties. 

“..So I asked the headmaster’s permission to give you a reward of sorts for your remarkable effort, taking into consideration the time you spent abroad, but also last two months, where you’ve been basically living in your office on behalf of the university.”

Mr. Porkins was standing by the liquor cabinet, with his freshly ironed prince of wales suit and his straight bowtie, pouring himself a generous amount of the same amber liquid he’d handed to Hux, his words washing over the worn out man in like lazy waves. 

The success of the exhibition wasn’t quite the reason he had moved to his office, but he wasn’t going to point that out to his boss, not even under torture, or confide him he hadn't been able to sleep in his own bed for weeks because he had a panic attack every time he laid his head over the pillow. Hux had come to hate the place so much he had, in fact, resolved to put it on sale: later in the evening, he was going to seal the contract that would free him from that hideous place and its related haunting memories, once and for all.  

“Thank you, Sir. I really appreciate the honor You and the Headmaster are doing me by crediting my efforts on this project. I assure you it hadn’t been anything but a pleasure to dedicate myself to this incredibly rewarding task, as it gave me the opportunity to collaborate with an authority such as Master Yoda. That experience and its teachings alone, Sir, are worth the sleepless nights and the long hours spent travelling.”

After his brief speech Hux hardly suppressed a yawn, which Mr. Porkins didn’t miss. The old man took Hux’s empty glass from his unsteady hands and stood to place it on a silver tray over the polished walnut desk. 

“Yes. Well, Armitage, your reward stands, whether you think you deserve it or not. – Mr. Porkins smiled gently, addressing Hux less formally – Pack your bags son, because you’re leaving for a twelve months sabbatical in September. Obviously you get to choose subject and country of your studies. - he paused, scanning Hux's response - Think about it until the end of the month; in July we’ll do the paperwork, then you can leave.”

He returned to the liquor cabinet as he spoke and poured himself another generous dose of the previous drink, offering Hux a glass of cold water instead. 

“Forgive me for saying so, Sir, but this sabbatical sounds more like a punishment than a reward to me. Sir.”

Hux modulated the tone of his voice to sound as little ungrateful or disrespectful as possible. He accepted the water his boss was offering him with by a paternal look and an hint of a smile.

Mr. Porkins unbuttoned his jacket and sat on an armchair next to Hux, who was looking quite uneasy.

“I’ve been recently fishing with an old friend of mine. He used to be the head of our Historical Department; you must have met him before he retired.”

He was evidently referring to Kes, and Hux struggled to stay put where he was with his face blank: he simply nodded and waited for him to go on. 

“Mr. Dameron mentioned something about, ehm – he cleared his voice uneasily and paused, looking straight to Hux, wondering if he knew what he meant, so that he didn’t actually have to end this non-professional conversation. He seemed relieved by Hux’s almost imperceptible nod and continued - I know it’s none of my business and I don’t presume to suggest you what to do with your life. What I’d like to tell you, however, is that I really appreciate how you handled things, considering the rough patch you went through. That’s what gave me the idea of this sabbatical: it’s a way for us to reward you by giving you an opportunity to take a break from everything. You deserve it, son. When you’ll come back to us, you’ll have a fresher mind and one of your tremendous researches, something to throw to the board to keep them happy. It’s a win-win situation.”

He stood and stretched out his hand to Hux, who followed him and shook it firmly. Mr. Porkins went on:

“Sleep on it. I won’t be waiting an answer before the end of next week, all right?.”

Hux nodded again, thanking him for the opportunity and saluting before closing the door behind himself.

A twelve months sabbatical and carte blanche on the subject were what he’d always dreamed of for his career, were the first good thing that had happened to him since previous November.

It stung that his boss had partly offered him the project out of pity for his miserable love life, but he wanted to catch the opportunity nontheless, sell the house, leave for his sabbatical and shut the door on his past once and for all. 

A wild smile brightened his face after a long time of fake smiles.

He dialed Phasma’s number on his way to the parking lot, this was exactly the kind of news that required celebration. Phasma’s phone went on voicemail, so he left her a message before going home to end his packing.

He hadn’t been in such a good mood in months.  

 

**THE RAVE**

Hux came back at the apartment only after Poe had emptied it and, to stare at the hollow, silent rooms, stripped of any  trace of his previous life, originated an unstoppable wave of anger that hit him brutally, leaving him so overwhelmed by the meaning of it that he lost control completely.

He grabbed the back of a chair in the kitchen, lifted it over his head and crashed it against the table, the wood splintering in hundreds of shards. Hux looked at the piece of wood he was holding in his hand and laughed maniacally, throwing it on the floor and moving towards his next prey: useless and most hated ladles and skimmers and tongs. He didn’t need kitchen stuff. He hated cooking. He could eat takeout every day for the rest of his life. Hux bent the thin iron tools and broke the wooden ones, walking with determination towards his next victim. Plates and glasses. He went on and on for hours in his emotional projection, trashing the place, screaming unintelligibly until his throat was raw, his voice just a whisper and the floor covered in clutter.

He wasn’t a controlled, sensible man anymore; he was a puppet of his own rage.

He walked away from the house some hours later, when everything in his reach was broken; he was in a sort of haze, left the wreckage untouched and walked out of the building being ashamed of what his neighbors thought of him after the spectacle he had made of himself.

Every time he had returned to gather some clean clothes or have a shower, he saw in that disruption he had created a mirroring image of his internal turmoil and had been, somehow, reminded of Dorian Gray and his portrait. There was only one, substantial, difference between them: he wasn’t going to die by getting rid of the house. He would thrive in parting from it. He was certain of it. 

 

He rummaged about what he had to do all the way from his office to his apartment and, when he opened the door and saw what a huge mess the place was, he stood in the doorway for a couple of minutes, considering how easier it would have been to ask for a moving and cleaning company to take care of it. It wasn’t what he really needed, though. He needed closure.

He shut the door behind himself, hanged his jacket beside it and rolled the sleeves of his shirt up to his elbows, setting to work without delay. After a couple of hours the floor was clear of debris and he was still in a good mood.

He showered and changed, picking some casual clothing for his appointment with the lawyer, whistling while he drove to his office. His attorney welcomed him warmly, informing him that the buyers had already signed their part of the papers, so Hux completed quickly his half and begun the celebrations earlier than he planned by having a couple of drinks with his lawyer. They were chatting about some details when Hux'es phone rung.

He saw Phasma's picture blinking on the screen of his phone and, saying he had to take the call, caught the occasion to salute his lawyer and leave the study.

“Hi sweetie, sorry for calling you back so late. Are you all right?” Hux looked at his watch and saw it were almost eight p.m. 

“I’m fine. You? What time can I come to pick you up? I’ve got some exciting news.” He heard some male voice coming up from the speaker but didn’t commented as she could still be at work. 

“That’s wonderful sweetheart! Spill it!” she sounded strangely evasive. 

“I’d rather tell you tonight. What time do you want me to be there?” There was a pause, someone whispered something to her, she put her hand over the receiver then said: 

“Ehm. Sorry sweetheart, I can’t tonight. I have a previous..  _hey stop! What the hell you think you’re doing?_  – He heard a struggle then a male voice was on the other side – Hello? Hux? – The guy said to him, then to Phasma – GET OFF! LET ME SPEAK. – Then back to him – Sorry about that, mate. I’m Matt, by the way. Look, big sis here is busy tonight, she can’t run in your aid as she’s  going to the best party she’s ever gone in her entire life. Hey, If you aren’t weeping your heart out you’re welcome to come. It’s up to you really. See you later. Or not.” And he hung up, leaving Hux staring at his phone in disbelief. He was still in the middle of the pavement, gaping at his phone, when Phasma called back. 

“Hux? Sorry about that! He’s such a jerk.  _YES, YOU ARE! GO AWAY!_  Sorry again, sweetheart. Today it’s Matt’s birthday, he organized this thing with his weird friends and I have to go. It’s going to be tedious but Matt is right, you must come and keep me company while he and the other savages have fun. What do you say? I don’t think it’s the kind of party where normal people manage to have conversations, but we can take pictures of them while they’re wasted and then blackmail them. – She sounded caustic, then laughed. - THAT sounds like actual fun! What do you say?” 

Hux was in the right mood to party so he accepted the unusual invitation and went home to get ready and do some packing. He  microwaved a pizza and started filling some boxes, then changed into skinny jeans, sneakers and a t-shirt. He had begun with the books in his study and was closing the fourth box when the intercom beeped. He grabbed his denim jacket, his keys and went downstairs. 

A black car was parked in front of his house, a tall, blonde guy was waiting out of it, his curls fell wildly over his thick-rimmed glasses; when he saw Hux approaching, the blonde guy came to meet him halfway, his smile shown a line of perfectly white teeth and the sweetest dimples he’d ever seen. He looked faintly familiar and kind of unsettling cute. 

“Hux? – said he, coming closer in long strides - Hi, I’m Matt. Nice to see you again. I recall Sis’ tried to pair us some years back. That was weird stuff huh, having you two… well, it doesn’t matter now, does it?” Hux was standing in front of the car, eyeing Matt in astonishment after he had actually hugged him before coming up with that tactless recalling of Phasma playing Cupid. That was too much information and too much physical contact for Hux; also he remembered him far thinner than that, he looked imposing now, with his wide shoulders and thick muscles. Matt went on with his babble almost without taking a break, unperturbed by Hux'es lack of response or appraising stare: 

“By the way, sorry for earlier on, on the phone. Sis’ told me you’re not the weepy kind of guy. You’re probably one that holds everything in, then goes crazy and kills his ex then himself. Honestly, I can relate. I hate to open up if I'm hurting. Except to strangers. Talking to strangers is fine. There was a platform some years ago, it was called mirc. It was a chat, very spartan, kind of a great-grandfather of starsbook. If you were down you could go there and talk to strangers. It was cool.”

Hux had gone wide-eyed and was gaping at him as he was speaking ancient greek. Matt caught the hint, his cheeks colored slightly and he nervously tried to tame the curls that kept falling over his eyes.

“Sorry, I’m babbling. – he smiled - It happens every time I go on a date. Let’s get going.” He winked at him and took his hand in a firm, warm, dry hold, guiding him to the front passenger seat door, which he opened for Hux with a courteous bow, as it was normal custom for him to be that gallant. Hux knew better, obviously, as Phasma had told him everything about Matt’s ‘bad temper’ and consequent troubles; the most unsettling thing was, however, his straightforwardness, not to mention Matt’s apparent uncontrollable need to touch him. He usually hated being touched by strangers.

“You’re not a chatty one, are you?” Matt smirked before closing the door the moment a bewildered and pensive Hux was seated. As Matt walked towards the other side of the car, Hux turned to check if Phasma was seating in the back and froze at the empty seats, the hairs on the back of his neck rose as he realized Phasma had ambushed him in a blind date.

“Where is she?” He demanded before Matt had even had the time to seat. He eyed him and bent over his seat as he was speaking, brushing deliberately their noses together in an attempt to get his seat belt fastened, as Hux hadn’t shown any intention to put it on.

His breath was minty and, as Matt’s eyes lingered evaluating the shades of Hux’es irises, Hux had to slowly inhale to steady himself: the mixed scent of cologne and hair product was intoxicating . Hux hadn't been so close to anyone in months and for a brief, fleeting, moment he felt compelled to bend forward and bit the beautiful lips in front of him; but Matt blinked and moved back to his seat, breaking the spell.

Hux shivered uncontrollably, feeling foolish, but Matt didn't seem to notice it: 

“Hey! Safety first” He smiled. He had the sweetest eyes hidden behind those huge glasses, not to mention those terribly sexy dimples. Matt buckled up and, unaware of Hux’es internal turmoil, turned the ignition on. Some low music diffused inside the car. Hux didn't know the name of the band but he recognized the song and that helped him in easing his discomfort for the unexpected mixed sensations he was experiencing.

“Big Sis’ got called back at work; one of her colleagues hasn’t shown up so, for tonight, you’re stuck with me.” He looked on his left as they entered the traffic, ignoring Hux’es second wave of shocked gazes.

“Why didn’t she call me, then? Is this a kind of blind date ambush?” He should have been mad by now, he usually hated being manipulated into situations and wasn't in the mood for dating. It was too soon. He was still feeling raw and Phasma knew it bloody well.

Matt turned to him, then to the traffic, then back to him, his brows joined together in an astonished expression: 

“You joking, right? She told me she texted you. – He paused, evaluating Hux’es demeanor - When you came out all dressed up I guessed you were on with the plan. – He gave him an appreciative stare, a hint of a smile on his full lips - You’re quite hot, by the way.” Matt winked again then turned his attention to the traffic.

Hux blushed from both embarrassment, as he wasn’t used to flattery or flirting anymore, but also for having, in fact, neglected his phone all evening. He could have had avoided this entire peculiar situation by reading his bloody messages. He fumbled in his pockets to catch the phone and see how Phasma had tried to disentangle herself from their engagement, finally realizing he had left his phone at home. ‘Excellent! Well done!’ He scolded himself.

“I left my phone on the kitchen counter.” He informed Matt, whose expression darkened slightly; he turned his eyes on the road before replying: 

“Do you want to go back and get it?” He looked displeased even if he was politely trying conceal it and, inexplicably, somehow this effort affected Hux more than he expected. It was the perfect occasion to bail out from this awkward situation but Matt’s expression gave Hux the push he needed:

“You know what? If I left it there I probably don’t need it. Keep going.” He smiled for the first time since he had walked towards Matt half an hour before. It felt weird, at first, to be smiling again and maybe it seemed a bit forced too, but Hux realized this was his new life, a step towards new things; he was going to enjoy the evening, he owed it to himself. “Where are we going, by the way?” he kept smiling, feeling more confident, also trying to convey a positive, nonverbal message to Matt: he had behaved shittily until now and wanted to make up for it.

“Didn’t Phas tell you that? – he was laughing kind of guiltily now – We’re going to a rave party. Have you ever been to one?” he smirked. 

“As a matter of fact I have – said Hux proudly, obtaining a disbelieving face in response. – What?! Don’t look at me like that. I have! – He paused, picked in his pride therefore determined to prove his status of fun, outgoing, intriguing single  – I did! When I was a student I was a wild thing. And you know what? The wild thing is back!”

Their eyes met for a long, silent, moment, then both cracked-out laughing, Hux out of embarrassment at himself, at his fucking broken heart, at the weird, exciting, new tingling that was blossoming in his belly; Matt simply followed, unconsciously bewitched by this weird, handsome, sweet man. They were going to have fun tonight, no matter what.

Matt looked him in the eye for a while, half amused half enthralled, then grinned: 

“That’s the spirit!” 

 

He drove for another hour, his babbling fortunately stopped almost immediately and Hux discovered that talking to him wasn’t as bad as he believed at first, quite the opposite in fact. He found out they had the same black sense of humor; both liked cats, a lot; Matt was into art as well – Hux preferred more conceptual art while Matt was more into figurative and photography and both were single and brokenhearted.

Time seemed to fly by as they reached the outskirts of town, stealing glances and testing the waters. Hux was feeling more and more at ease as the conversation unraveled their similarities; his excitement for the evening grew exponentially as an unexpected connection bloomed between them. Matt was slowly pulling Hux’es defenses down and, for the first time in his life, he was happy to let someone look at his true self. He didn't hide his embarrassment for living such a boring life in the last months, sleeping in his office and weeping his heart out, as Matt had cleverly put it; He wanted to be understood, appreciated and loved for who he was. 

Matt proved to be a careful listener, balancing words of sympathy and stinging jokes right when they where needed. Now and then threw side glances, as if he could already gauge his feelings by just looking at him, making the tingling sensation inside Hux turn into tiny, multicolored, butterflies.

“Hey, whazzup?” Matt asked as Hux’es smile had tuned again into a wavering line. He shook his head in response.

“I’m fine, really. – he desperately wanted to smash the gloom that kept coming back in sour waves - Tell me about the party. How did you come up with this idea? I mean, it's a bit out of the ordinary for a birthday party." Matt looked relaxed while driving, a hint of a smile curved the line of his plump lips, making Hux bit his own automatically, as something stirred in his pants. He turned to watch outside the window, put off by his own body which, apparently, had decided to misbehave. 

"These past year it's been a bit of a challenge. – Said Matt, looking straight ahead -  I had to make some changes in my life, you know, new job and so on. I met a guy last December and, since day one, I thought he could be the one. I wasn't looking for something steady, I was still struggling with some work stuff, but when I met Ben.. I don't know, something clicked. - He sighed and cleared his voice, which had gone noticeably raspy, then sighed again - Anyway. Things didn't work out, in the end. He had past issues and got sucked back into them. I tried to focus on myself since then: new job, meditation, lots of gym. I'm better now, steadier. Sometimes I see him running outside the place where I work, but it's probably just his fave path. - He smiled, his mouth bent in a gloomy smile that didn't join his eyes – Sorry. I'm digressing. The party isn't actually my idea. Some friends wanted to cheer me up, but things escalated a little, I guess, and here we are." He turned to meet Hux'es eyes, who'd been looking at him the whole time, his face was blank. 

"How many people do you expect will be there?” He was trying to distract them both by changing the subject. At the mention of ‘Ben’ his blood had frozen. He told himself he couldn't be the same person; Yavin-4 was a big city, probably thousands of Bens lived there, certainly plenty enough for this Ben and his own to be two different people. At first he’d been tremendously curious to find out if that was really the case, he had been tempted to ask something, anything about Ben that could help him discover if it really was him several times but, in the end, Hux couldn’t bring himself to speak. He wasn’t ready for any answer Matt wanted to give him.

Hux shook his head. ‘STOP THIS BULLSHIT RIGHT NOW!' He swallowed the knot in his throat and forced some cheerfulness in his voice. “I mean, do you have a rough idea?”

“How many people? - Matt laughed, moving some curls away from his glasses again. Hux’es eyes followed the movement, thinking he needed a good trim; he wanted to volunteer. - I don’t have the slightest idea. I advertised the rave online. There could be just the two of us or a thousand people. There’s no way to predict it. We’re going to find out soon, though. Look on your right.” Hux watched outside where Matt had pointed, while he turned the radio down.

In the middle of an empty field there was a ten feet high, massive stage with a central station for the dj and a speaker system so big Hux could feel the reverberation of the music even from that distance. Under the stage there were probably five thousand people already dancing under the light of a full moon.

Hux couldn’t wait to get off the car and join them. He turned to Matt and he was grinning at him: 

“I love the look on your face – he placed his big, warm hand over Hux'es knee, giving it a tight squeeze and brushing the kneecap with his thumb – I can see the wild Hux coming out of the shadows.” The touch lasted only a moment, Matt put his hand back on the steering wheel as his eyes turned to the road; Hux’es skin burned where it had been touched, craving immediately for more of it. Hux thought, for a long lasting second, to reach over and take that hand into his, to place it back on his knee, move it along his thigh, towards more sensitive parts of his body. Then his courage wavered, the moment passed and Hux placed his hand on his knee, turning his gaze at the window and trying, with poor results, to tame the disarray in his pants. 

Soon they reached their destination and Matt parked the car on a graveled side road, producing a torch from under his seat. He switched it on and walked towards Hux'es door, making light at his feet when he stepped outside. 

“I don’t want you to twist your ankle before we get there – he offered his hand and Hux took it without even thinking – I want to see you dance till dawn.” Hux could see his toothy white smile reflect the moonlight, in the otherwise pitch black of the night, and shivered; more time he spent with Matt and more their chemistry seem to grow.

Hux liked been around this energetic, easygoing, forward, smiling, weirdly handsome human being. He made him feel like the world was full of possibilities once again and Hux couldn’t contain his desire to explore them. 

He gave a little squeeze at Matt’s hand and they followed the white path in front of them. The music was growing louder as they got closer to the stage; Matt turned to say something to Hux but the music was so high he couldn’t hear him and shook his head pointing at his ear, screaming: 

“I can’t hear you!”

Matt clasped his face steadily between his hands, breathing very slowly as he searched Hux’es eyes, biting his lower lip as he considered how to proceed and had to refrain himself from something, then bent forward, placing his mouth over his ear, inflaming Hux’es blood and making his pulse race so fast he could feel it booming in his head:

“Don’t accept drinks or any kind of food! Anybody here would love to drug you and fuck your delicious ass until morning. Understood?” Matt seemed to be dead serious, his eyes were back on Hux'es, scanning them to see if he got what he said. Hux found Matt’s attempt to protect him irresistibly cute; his whole attitude triggered something in him, breaking his levees. It was Hux’es turn to place his hands on Matt’s face and pull him towards his lips.

“Would you do it? Fuck me till morning?” Hux was so thrilled by the whole situation he had switched all his filters off; the freedom he was experiencing was intoxicating, he was willing to let go of his control and dive into the rabbit hole. Matt grabbed him by his waist and held him so tightly Hux could hardly breath. The exhilaration was blinding. 

“You would be the best birthday present ever.” He bent so close to his face Hux thought he was going to kiss him. His heart was racing so fast and the knot in his throat was so tight, Hux felt dizzy.

Matt stopped just an inch from his lips, closing his eyes and brushing their nose tips together instead.

“Let’s go – he said, opening his eyes again. - This party needs us.”

Matt was definitely sending mixed, confusing signals that were hard for Hux to decipher. 

They walked holding hands, picking up the pace as the music grew louder, running last few hundred yards that separated them from the massive group of people gathered under the stage. The music was deafening by the time they reached the center of it,  people danced wildly, mostly shirtless, bodies decorated with  fluorescent paints or glow stick accessories. The rhythm was impossible to resist. They started dancing, following the beat and moving closer and closer to each other, daring small, innocent touches here and there, testing if the mind-blowing attraction they were feeling was actually mutual. 

 

People kept coming during the whole night, filling the field. A lot of Matt's friends came to say hi and wish him happy birthday. Hux realized that he still hadn’t done it, but it was too awkward to do it now, when everyone else was bringing the subject up. He wanted to come up with something fanciful, so he kept smiling or pretended not to notice when the thousandth one came to hug him or offer him a drink. 

As they danced Hux noticed, with surprise, that he wasn’t the oldest there. A group of people that was probably older than Mr. Porkins – who was far beyond his sixties - walked by them, mandatorily shirtless, chests painted and rainbow wigs waiving over their heads. 

Hux smiled to himself, he was loving it, the whole party mood, the friendliness of people, the way being in such crowded place made his burdens disappear and lifted the weight that had been crushing him. 

From up the stage, dancers with amazing costumes came down to give space to the next group and took place next to them, gifting Hux, Matt and other people around them with colorful, feathery headdress. They danced with their new toys, laughing and enjoying being looked at for a while, then passed the headpieces to someone else, moving through the thick of the crowd to get something to drink at one of the many stands. Everybody at the drink stall seemed to know Matt, some of them called him 'Blondie', which made him flinch and had Hux wonder where that hideous nickname originated from. He didn't get to ask about it, though, as Matt had restarted his no-filters-babbling about nothing. He was clearly nervous about something but Hux couldn't grasp the cause of it, considering the nickname as plausible cause of the change in his attitude.

As they rejoined the party, walking towards the thick of it, air in the field became warmer and dumper as they were closer to the stage: so many bodies pressed together in the same place, moving and sweating in unison, even if out in the open, produced quite a unique habitat. 

After a while Hux understood why so many around them had already took their tops off or were in the process of stripping from the thin, colorful clothes they wore. He was sweating terribly when he realized he couldn't bare it anymore, so he pushed his self-consciousness aside and pulled his t-shirt off, hoping a cool breeze could comfort his wet skin. The initial relieve was blissful but its enjoyment was interrupted by Matt who, suddenly towering over him, snitched the t-shirt form his hands and pushed part of it in the back of his own pants, leaving the rest to hang out like a weird, limp, fabric tail. He stepped towards Hux, closer and closer, his eyes eating him alive; he touched Hux'es chest with  his fingers, tracing light, invisible patterns over his skin, his gaze moving from his eyes to his mouth and back. While strangers around them danced and pushed, laughed and screamed, Matt stood dangerously close to him, his eyes pools of wildfire that threatened to burn Hux to ashes, unleashing a wave of energy in him so powerful he wasn’t sure he could contain it. 

Matt bent closer, circling his waist with his arms, slid his hands inside the back pockets of Hux’es trousers, grasping at his butt so firmly Hux'es cock twitched inside his underwear. Their chests were pressed together so much that Hux could perceive Matt's heart hammering against his own; the music was fading away as Hux closed the small distance between them and went to explore Matt’s minty mouth with his tongue.

Matt moaned and deepened the kiss, biting at his lips while his hands kept massaging his ass. Hux could feel him hard against his thigh and groaned into his mouth as he responded by rubbing his own erection against his, tangling his fingers in Matt’s curls: the softest hair he’d ever touched.  

Matt removed his hands from Hux’es pockets to caress his face, his neck, the burning skin of his sides, sliding forward and forward until his fingers were fumbling with his pants and had undone the first of his button-fly, making Hux panic and die of want at the same time. He was so turned on he could only feel Matt’s hands on him. Hux opened his eyes to check if anybody was was looking at them: that place was so thick with people they were almost all pressed together. He closed his eyes again, smiling into Matt’s kiss as he resumed the unbuttoning. His heart stopped when Matt sneaked his fingers inside his underwear, his other hand was pressed firmly over the small of his back to hold him in place: he begun to stroke his cock in the middle of the fucking party, making his head spin. 

Hux felt like flying away, high up in the sky, far from everything and everyone. The only two things that kept him anchored to reality were those hungry fingers caressing and teasing inside his pants and those soft, silky, plump lips sucking his soul through his own lips. He thought he was going to come in his pants before Matt could actually fuck him, when he broke the kiss, re-buttoned Hux'es pants and, with a devilish look in his eyes, he pulled him by the hand away from the mass. 

The night air was blissfully cool against their overheated bodies as they desperately run towards the car; the sky was pitch black as the moon had already set and they kept stumbling in the dark until Hux stopped running. He looked around but saw no one and, even if someone was near them, it was too dark to see anything farther than a couple of feet. Hux pulled Matt to the first car he found, lowering his trousers down and bending over the hood of the car. His life was happening now. No more crying.  

"Sorry darling but I got to ask. Are you clean?" Hux turned to look at him and grinned impatiently: 

"Yes gorgeous, I am. You?" 

Matt bent behind him, mouthing against his ass a ravenous "YES" then licking his salty hole ready and playing with his balls before pushing his huge cock inside Hux. He grunted in surprise as Matt stretched him wide. 

"Are you ok?" He gasped in his ear, worrying that he might be too big or that his preliminaries hadn’t been enough. 

"I am. Now get on with it. Please" Hux moaned in response, extending a hand to prevent Matt to pull away again: he wanted to be opened up like a book, he wanted Matt to push so deeply inside him that he couldn’t tell where Matt ended and he begun. 

Matt seemed to ear Hux speak out loud in his head, confiding him his darkest wishes; he obliged to all the unspoken requests and kept hammering Hux in the middle of a field, holding him still by his shoulders and leaving little crescent like marks on the skin of his back. 

"Harder!" Hux pleaded, and Matt obliged, biting his neck, his lobes, scratching his chest and pinching his nipples so hard that Hux was weeping with pleasure and Matt followed soon after, spraying him with his come.

They stayed there for a while, bent over the car and recovering their breaths, then Matt pulled away and produced some tissues form a pocket of his pants and handed some to Hux with a gentle smile. He thanked him with a wet, sloppy kiss, then both pulled their pants on before collapsing on the gavel, kissing and resting in each other arms, humming pleasantries for an indefinite time.

 

They dozed for a while on the floor, Matt’s curly head bent over Hux’es shoulder. When Hux woke up, Matt had somehow managed to slid him in his lap without waking him and was now combing his messy hair with careful touches.

“I love your hair. It’s like combing the flames of a bonfire.” His fingers moved to his brow, drawing lazy lines around his eyes and jaw, following an invisible path to the smooth surface of his parted lips. It was a simple, yet endearing, tender gesture; an uncomplicated, innocent action that reached Hux’es defenseless core, planting a seed.

The warmth that spread inside him, Hux had never experienced before. It wasn’t just intellectual or physical attraction, it wasn’t the frenzy one feels before sex or the mere contentment that usually follows. It was something inexplicable and yet real, as real as the gravel over which they were sitting.

Hux stood, holding his hand out for Matt to help him up; blushing and smiling awkwardly he took a deep breath and, with a thin voice, broken by emotion, he began singing: 

“Happy birthday to you.. happy birthday to you .. happy birthday dear Matt, happy birthday to you.” 

If the night hadn’t been so dark, Matt would have been able to see how Hux was blushing; if Matt had known him better, he would have known how hard were such displays for Hux, how weak and foolish he was feeling right now. Yet Hux was there, in the middle of nowhere with a man he barely knew, singing for him while a feeling of belonging blossomed inside him. Matt held him tight, as he was the dearest person in his life. If Hux had been feeling broken in the recent past, so had been Matt. He kissed him with abandonment, then moved from Hux’es lips just for a moment, the same lips to which he desperately wanted to belong and never be parted from, and into those lips he whispered: 

“Thank you for turning today into the best of my birthdays.” 

 

 **BLUE COUCH**  
July was almost gone. Hux Spent most of the summer days in Alderaan, losing his ties with the past in the hottest weather in a hundred years. Every evening he cycled to the station, jumped on a train and travelled for at least two and a half hours to enjoy his nights at home.  
In a couple of days the change in his life would be complete: Hux had finally sold his old house, finalized the paperwork for his sabbatical across the pond and was leaving both this bloody state and his past behind his back. With a bit of luck, he would soon forget everything about it.  
That Sunday morning he woke up incredibly early but decided to stay in bed, laying quietly over the tangled sheets, listening mindlessly to the rain of the first summer storm of the year tapping rhythmically on the flat roof over his head. Another noise filled the room, one Hux liked even more, the light snoring of the man asleep next to him. Hux could watch him sleep for hours without end, his chest moving rhythmically up and down as he breathed, his strong hands looking for him in his sleep. There was a small tattoo, inked on the fair, smooth skin under his left breast; Hux placed his right forearm next to it to compare them: they were perfectly identical.  
Hux got inked the previous week as symbol of his belonging to the man he loved, a man that was making him so happy, in ways he had never imagined possible.  
Matt was the only tie Hux wanted to keep from his life here, along with Phasma of course. And Millicent.  
Phasma was over the moon about Matt and Hux being finally together, as she had been the one who had orchestrated their first date, after all. She had confessed Hux when, after two days of seclusion with Matt, he had called her to spill the bean that was burning his guts with guilt.  
“I knew you two were perfect for each other! – She told him gleefully - It was about time! I’m sorry I had to lie to push the two of you together; it was worth it though. I would lie to your faces every single day if it meant to see both of you so happy.”  
And they were very, very happy indeed.  
Hux worked in his office in the morning, emptied his old apartment, with Matt’s help, in the evening. After He had sold most of his stuff, he gave his keys to the lawyer than moved his few personal things at Matt’s place and left his precious, beloved books, mostly work related, in his office. Hux had asked Matt to come along with him in his long trip after they had spent together only few days, as he realized how deep his feelings for Matt were: he had the supernatural power to make him feel whole again, cared for, meaningful. Hux wanted his new, dear family to stuck with him, only the thought being parted from them was unbearable.  
Matt had been enthusiastic about leaving together. Hux hadn’t left his side since his birthday and, from that day, it had been blissful, like an ongoing honeymoon. Sleeping together every night, waking up in each other arms, chatting endless hours and being honest about everything. When the time was right and Hux felt ready, he brought up the Ben/Poe ordeal. Hux confessed he had suspected that the 'Ben' Matt had referred to could be also 'his' Ben. Matt confessed he had known from the beginning about the magic triangle as Ben himself had told him last time he'd seen him. Hux had laughed sourly, lamenting that he'd fallen from a triangle in a quadrangle and Matt had answered, grinning, that it wouldn't have been the first time for him. After that, they discovered each other every single night and since then, there hadn't been any drama, no crazy proposals, no more people showing up in Hux'es bed uninvited, no one breaking his heart with ‘I love you but I’m also in love with someone else’, like he wasn’t enough to make a man happy.

Hux traced the contours of Matt's tattoo, moving mindlessly across his chest, enjoying this little, quiet taste of paradise; he smiled, burying his face in a pillow, the joy he was experiencing was so intoxicating he couldn’t contain it. His grin turned into a giggle, then erupted into joyous a laugh. He was the happiest he'd ever been.  
Matt's eyelids moved imperceptibly, he was probably still dreaming, but Hux took it as an invitation and caressed his chest, drawing little shapes over the smooth skin. Matt turned on his side, stretching his long, muscular limbs. He clasped Hux'es tickling hand and kissed its fingertips, imprisoning the culprit hand in a tight grasp over his heart.  
"Good morning sweetheart. Come closer, give me a kiss. I was dreaming about you." He had a peaceful look on his face, his eyes were still closed while he stretched his harm to hug him. Hux closed the distance between them and kissed him, his too long hair coming down in a cascade of shiny copper over Matt’s face. The rain, outside, was pouring now.  
"Look at you. You're so beautiful it takes my breath away to wake up and see you here, knowing that you're mine." Matt was playing with Hux’es hair, placing a lock under his nose to tickle it. Hux laughed and sneezed, then laughed again, moving slightly away and being chased by Matt in response, who brought him back to the nest between his arms.  
"I'm not going to grow any kind of hair on my face, beard or otherwise. Don't even start. – Matt was looking imploringly at him and Hux was responding with the fakest stern face he’d ever made - I know that look on your face. I have indulged you enough by not cutting my hair, and look at the result! I’m hideous! I won't surrender to your pleads anymore." Hux was half laughing half scolding at him, placing light, butterfly-like kisses over his chest while he spoke.  
"Please sweetie! - Matt pouted - Not even if I do you that thing that you love so much?" He grabbed him by his waist and seated him on his hardness, rubbing it under him and moaning blatantly.  
"Mattie stop it! You're the worst! - he giggled as Matt tickled him - Stop! You want me to look like a savage, but I won't give up!"  
Matt's touch changed. He wasn't teasing anymore.  
"Oh dear, but YOU ARE a savage. You are my wild thing. I just want to see on the outside what you hide inside, what you push back. - He paused, looking at him raptly - You're amazing Armie. Let the world see how strong and delicate you can be, how powerful and sensitive. You are so clever, funny, loyal, determined, so full of life. Why you want to hide it? Let it out." He wasn’t talking about Hux’es looks anymore. This was one of the peep talks Matt loved to do to Hux every once in a while. He hated to see how his amazing man was capable of such insecurities and tried to convince him of his worth every time he had a chance.  
Hux felt his eyes burning, but summoned his stoicism and swallowed down the crescendo of emotions that Matt had unleashed in him, though it was too late. Matt sat up with Hux still perched over his crotch and lay more comfortably over the pillows, holding Hux tightly in place.  
"Don't you never, ever hide your precious feelings from me. Hit me with a shitstorm and I'll be fine, but don't bullshit me by pretending to be someone else. I love you exactly the way you are, darling. Now give me those sweet tears you were stealing from me. Come here." He took Hux by his chin but he turned his face away, desperately trying to avoid to make eye contact. Matt kept him from moving away and, sliding his arms around him, went to lie on his back again, with Hux nested in the crock of his neck.  
“I know you’re still hurting, sweetheart. I think you need a confrontation with your past, to put it behind your back once and for all. You should call Poe and talk to him. I can drive you to Alderaan and wait in the car, if it helps. I don’t think we can’t leave the country with your mind in this state. It’s not healthy. You’re the most important person in my life, I hate to see you struggle like this. I’ll do anything to help you, to make you happy. – Hux was shaking his head and sobbing silently between his arms. – Please, at least think about it.”  
“I’m not sad, you fool” said Hux, lifting his head to show him he was smiling, and crying, at the same time. “I’m the happiest I’ve ever been in my whole life. I can’t believe I had to go through all that pain to find you, but I guess it’s the price I must pay for being so tremendously happy.” He dived back into Matt’s embrace and showed him how content he was by bombarding him with kisses. Matt hadn’t been convinced at all by Hux’es words, but he finally capitulated before his crafty attempts to distract him.  
Disturbed in her sleep by the ruckus her caretakers had been doing, Millie left her favorite, cozy spot on the blue couch and had jumped athletically over the bed where Hux and Matt were cuddled under the wrinkly sheets, kissing away the emotional awakening. She meowed repeatedly to attract their attention and, when she didn’t receive the prompt response she was waiting for, she silently crossed the bed, walking over Hux'es legs and going to seat almost on top of his head. Hux grunted, trying to move the cat away while Matt laughed at the picture. Hux’es head was Millicent’s second favorite place in the house, Matt’s lap came right after. The first place was the blue couch.  
“Millie we’re in the middle of something, dear. Go fetch Mr. Mouse for daddy and we’ll play later on.” Hux scratched her under her chin and put her on the floor. “Go on, good girl.” Millicent looked at him unhappily theb went back downstairs; Matt made a face.  
“Sweetheart, you’re talking to the cat again.” He said, rolling his eyes.  
“Of course I am. How am I supposed to communicate with her, otherwise?” he sounded serious, but his countenance said differently.  
“You could have just put her on the floor, love.” He was reaching for him, hungry.  
“I’m not a savage. I won’t treat her rudely only because she’s a cat. She’s part of the family.” He was kneeling at his side and was peppering with wet kisses his chest, stomach, groin, thighs, distributing small bites and licks here and there, just to ensure himself he remembered correctly every most sensitive part. “Besides, she likes it, so I don’t see why I should stop.”  
Matt couldn’t keep still as Hux mouthed him over his briefs, stroking the tip of his cock with his teeth, but he replied nonetheless. “How exactly do you know that she does?” He was trying to push his underwear down but Hux wouldn’t let him, he wanted to torture him a little longer.  
“Don’t be silly, love. She told me. She looked at me and said – Hux pulled down the elastic band very slowly, engaging his eyes and kissing the hard tip of his cock – Meow.” Hux eyes were burning with want, his fingertips caressing very lightly Matt’s thighs, a drop of precum was beading him and Hux bent to lick it away as Matt green eyes looked wild. He was straining himself in an attempt to keep still.  
“I dreamt of you earlier on, – he said hoarsely while Hux was bobbing his head among his thighs – you were fucking me in the shower. It was ah.. awesome."  
"Let me suck you a little while longer, then we can fuck wherever you want." His hand hadn't left his grip and kept stroking him slowly, rubbing the pad of his thumb over the cleft of the wet, smooth head. "You're so thick, so hard - Hux'es voice was deep and raspy with want – come and fuck my mouth before we go down. I want to suck you dry."  
Matt moved slowly and bent on his knees across Hux'es chest, took his cock in his hand and stroke it over Hux'es parted lips. Hux'es tongue came out to invite him in but Matt rubbed it on his smooth cheeks first, teasing his lips and moving it away, stroking it against the tip of his tongue while Hux demanded his toy back where it belonged. When Matt finally obliged, Hux lapped him joyfully, using his teeth to make his game more intense, massaging his testicles when they were ready to be emptied, making Matt come in choppy pushes and collapse breathlessly next to him.  
They didn't fuck in the shower that morning. Hux took him on that same bed, lying on his side, giving lazy pushes to enjoy Matt's tight ass until lunchtime

 **CORUSCANT**  
Nothing was like the old continent. Hux had travelled his fair bit in his youth, seen a good number of beautiful landscapes, nice architectures, renowned art galleries and historical sites, but nothing could compare to what he had seen here. He had fell in love with Coruscant immediately, from the moment the cab driver had entered the city borders, driving through it to stop in front of their hotel, Hux felt inexplicably at home. He needn't had to say anything to Matt, he had read him through from day one; it took him just a glance on Hux’es overjoyed, ecstatic expression to understand that thy were going to spend there more than a year.  
They passed their first month like tourists, travelling across the country, visiting mostly off the map places that Matt had discovered talking to strangers at gas stations or while queuing outside museums. Hux would obviously had his saying about the locations he wished to visit but, most often than not, he left Matt pick the venues and drive, while he preferred sit back and enjoy the visits.  
His mood had improved noticeably, so much so that even his 'happy crying' had ceased and, maybe inspired from the local trends or perhaps only to make Matt happy, he'd even grew a short beard. Matt absolutely loved to rest his face on its softness, nuzzling his nose in it and calling it 'his beloved nest'. Hux would pretend to scold him, kissing the top of his head and holding him more tightly because, naturally, he loved to be called that but hated to give Matt any credit at all.

When vacation time ended Hux communicated Mr. Porkins his intention to resign after he had completed his research. Mr. Porkins hadn’t been  happy about Hux's decision to leave his position, and had tried any sort of incentive to make Hux change his mind; he relented in the end, reminding  Hux that there was always going to be a opened position for him at Alderaan University.

Matt found a job back in computer programming and delegated Phasma to sell his house in Alderaan.. He wanted to have enough liquid capital at hand so they could buy their own place in Coruscant; between his and Hux'es savings, he was sure they could afford quite a place. Also working from home, which was still their hotel room at the time, permitted him to contact different agencies and visit a larger number of houses before he knew he'd found one perfect for the three of them.  
He had carefully kept his investigations secret from Hux, he'd been cautious and hid all traces of his movements then, a November friday afternoon, Matt appeared on the doorstep of Hux'es office, all dressed up in jacket and tie – paired with his inseparable red converse – hurrying Hux to put his ‘dusty friends down’ and follow him.  
“They’re not dusty at all, you know. Look at my gloves!” Hux protested, showing his impeccable gloved hands as to prove the veracity of his statement, a sweet smile replacing his focused brow. Matt entered the room and knelt in front of Hux, taking his face between his palms to kiss him.  
“Yes, grandpa. Now put that old rubbish down and wear your fancy coat. I want to show you something.” He put a lock of Hux'es hair behind his ear, caressing his bearded check in adoration before standing up to offer his hand and help Hux up. Hux looked at his watch:  
“Isn’t it a bit too early? Can’t this thing wait for an hour at least? I’m working on a particularly nasty passage and I’d love to get it done before the weekend. Please?” He was batting his eyelashes and pouting. Matt grunted playfully.  
“That’s not going to work sweetie. We must get going or we’ll to be late. Put that moldy thing in your bag and I promise I’ll let you work from home tomorrow morning, we’ll call room service and I’ll rub your back in the tub when you're finished with it. Now we must leave. - He paused, looking at him - Sometimes it feels like you love your books more than me!” He sounded quite commanding so Hux placed the old volume in an appropriate bag, then in his suitcase and, without further ado he wore his coat, grabbed the bag and followed Matt outside the campus main building. Matt slid his arm over his shoulders and kissed the top of his head. He was so excited he almost blurted his secret out, spoiling the surprise effect.  
Hux sensed there was something going on when, in the car, Matt started blabbing about a software he was working on, something he was well aware Hux couldn’t possibly grasp as he knew nothing of softwares nor had put any effort to read about it, ever. Hux pestered him with questions during the entire trip to the house then, when for the tenth time Matt said he wasn’t going to answer his interrogation, Hux started listing all the possible places he thought Matt might take him, asking him to answer only YES or NO. However, when they left the center of town and entered the residential area, Hux felt disorientated and stopped his nonsensical chatter. He looked outside the window, wide eyed and finally silent, at the beautiful houses that lined up like in a posh architecture magazine. His hands became suddenly sweaty. A little flame started in his chest, enlightening a dark corner inside himself he thought didn't exist anymore.  
The car stopped in front of high red brick walls; from this side of the wall Hux could only see trees tops and its foliage dancing in the cold November wind.  
“Ready?” Matt asked, a bit nervously, when he opened the car door for Hux. This was a thing he had never stopped doing since their first date, getting teased by Hux more than once because ‘I’m a grown man and I’m capable of opening the damn door by myself’. Matt, however, knew better of course; he could see the glistening in Hux’es eyes every time he opened a door for him or brought him flowers. Hux’es eyes never lied to him.  
Hux accepted his hand and came out of the car without fussing or making sassy remarks, too occupied to contain his heart, which was drumming in his chest as if he was about to jump off of a plane. They walked towards the three feet high iron gate, which was sunken between two wings of four feet high brick walls. Matt was still holding Hux'es hand with his left while searching his pockets with his other hand and producing a key to finally open the gate.  
Hux somehow expected it to squeak on his hinges but it opened, fluidly and soundlessly, on a beautiful garden with freshly trimmed grass and a lovely bench under one of the tall trees he’d seen from outside the gate; behind that there was a nice, two floors, old republic style building with six windows on its front. The place was huge. Matt had stepped inside the garden but Hux stayed immovable at the gate, gaping at the PALACE, not sure if he could risk to believe his eyes.  
“What is this place?” He finally asked, he couldn’t resist the bites of his curiosity anymore. A tiny part of his heart had decided it wanted to surrender to the little flame of hope that was burning stubbornly in his chest. Matt smiled tenderly, he couldn’t summon the words, the joy in Hux’es eyes was so intense he was breathless, he could only smile in response, still holding his hand.  
“Is it .. Our?” Hux incredulity was slowly decreasing, his heart tightening.  
“If we want to. Yes. It could be our home. I sold the other one. I thought we could buy this and live here. What do you think?” Hux jumped over him, clinging to him like a monkey mad with love; fortunately Matt had been working out quite intensely in the last year or they would have fell with their asses on the wet grass.  
He held Hux in the air and kissed him softly, with his heart hammering in his ears and his head light. It felt like sealing a silent love contract.  
“Show me our home.” Said Hux when they parted. Matt had never seen him so radiant. They crossed the graveled path that, from the gate, lead to the main entrance. Matt opened the massive wooden door and welcomed Hux in, stepping into a wide hall with a big staircase in the middle of it.  
“The kitchen and the dining room are on the left, the sitting room and the library are on the right. Upstairs there are three bedrooms and two studies. There’s a cellar as well, where we could store our own wine, or change its use entirely and do anything else with it. What would you like to see first?” Hux didn’t answer, too overwhelmed by everything to speak. After a long moment Matt brushed his palm lightly with a thumb to break his trance. Matt thought he had probably made a mistake.  
“Hey. Is everything ok? - Hux didn't move nor reply. - We don’t have to buy it, if you don’t like it. I thought you might appreciate an old fashioned house, being into antics and all. We could see more modern places if you want to. Do you prefer to rent something instead of buying?” Hux placed a peck on his lips to silence him, burying his face in Matt's neck, hugging him.  
“Is the real estate guy coming to meet us today?” He whispered in his ear. Matt couldn’t get his mood, for the first time since they'd met, he didn’t have the slightest idea what Hux was thinking, he was being so contradictory.  
“No, she's not. I asked her if we could see the house by ourselves. Why?” Hux grabbed his hand and walked towards the staircase, a sinful look on his face.  
“Show me the bedroom first. We'll call the agent later to tell her we take the house.”  
Hux didn’t care if he hadn’t seen the whole place before signing the contract, he trusted Matt completely. He only wanted, needed, to get on his knees and show him grateful he was for his initiative. They run up the stairs in a hurry and got it the last room, their future bedroom, where a huge bed awaited them.  
Hux started undressing Matt the moment they stepped inside the room, throwing his clothes all over the place and kissing him savagely. He wanted him naked, he wanted to be on top of him, inside him, immediately. He couldn’t wait a minute longer.  
Matt let him take charge and sat on the edge of the bed as Hux pulled out and discarded the rest of his own clothes on the floor as well, then he didn’t waste time in formalities and knelt to take Matt into his mouth, deep down his throat, sucking greedily and pulling at his balls with one hand while he stroked his own cock with the other. Matt howled, falling on his back as Hux sucked his cock like it was made out of chocolate, drooling over it and using his own spit to wet Matt’s hole and get it ready for his well-earned fuck.  
He was panting hard, trying to push inside Hux’es throat as the pleasure inside him grew more intense, Hux moved on the bed, kneeling over his face so they could suck each other. Matt worked on him diligently, teasing with his teeth and Hux could feel the tension rise grow steadily as Matt pulled at his balls.  
“On your four.” He ordered and, when Matt obliged, he took place behind him and pushed in without notice, exhaling ecstatically.  
“This is for our home. I want to show you how grateful I am. You make me the ..ah.. happiest of men.” He kept sliding in and out mercilessly, taking Matt’s cock in his palm to stroke it toward completion. Matt was melting under his touch:  
“I’ll do anything for you sweetheart. Anything.” Matt had his eyes closed, focused only on the pleasure irradiating from his ass to every cell of his body and was meeting Hux'es pushes with his own to get a better angle. Hux moved slightly in accordance, making him moan in response. “Yes, my love, right there. Keep doing that, you’re so good.” He screamed with his face buried in the covers, his body tensing as every push of Hux brought him closer to the edge.  
Hux fucked him sore, pulling at his shoulder length hair, until they were right on the edge. “I want you to come in my mouth, love. Can you hold back a little?” asked Hux, his voice hoarse. Matt just nodded, as even replying an answer could ruin him. Hux gave his final plunge, spending himself inside Matt with incoherent sounds, then they quickly swapped positions, getting Matt to kneel over his face to fuck his mouth sharply.  
“Give me your teeth.” Pleaded Matt, who pulled at Hux hair to hold him in place while he gifted him with his seed to swallow. When the last drop had been licked away, Matt collapsed next to him, kissing away his own sperm from Hux’es mouth. “I love you so much sweetheart.” He said, feeling sleep crawl over him.  
“I love you too, darling. You taste like heaven to me – He kissed him back. - Now let’s go, before someone calls the cops on us.”

 

 **KENOBI**  
New Year's eve was due in a week. Hux and Matt had settled in their new house and were planning a small party with few colleagues to celebrate their new beginnings. Hux planned everything in large advance and hired a catering service so that he and Matt could seat back and enjoy the party and their guests company. In the morning they woke up early, had a light breakfast and went out for a morning walk.  
The skies were heavy with snow, a freezing breeze was blowing some of it down from the rooftops and the tree branches; the street was quiet; very few people would venture at that hour in the freezing cold, except walkaholick Matt and his loving, shivering, flushed-cheek companion.  
Hux was obsessively mulling over what was left to do before the arrival of their guests so Matt distracted him by asking a thousand questions about his research, pausing now and then to nuzzle at his beard with his cold nose, provoking a series of shivering and loud protests, followed by a promise of retribution once they got home.  
Matt changed their daily path to stop by a florist to get some flower arrangements for the evening; he arranged the delivery hour with the manager and, when Hux moved away, bewitched by a Venus Flytrap, in a hushed voice Matt asked the manager if they had already delivered his other, previous order. The florist checked his notebook and answered affirmatively, then retrieved Matt’s key from a drawer. He thanked him and paid the bill, slid his arm under Hux'es and left the shop. They strolled silently for a while, admiring the unfamiliar view, breath condensing in white clouds in front of their faces, when Hux asked:  
"What do you think about green houses? I'd like to put one in the back garden in spring." He clutched at Matt's arm looking for warmth; temperatures were dropping again and he was waiting with trepidation to be at home, seated in front of the fireplace with a steaming cup of tea in his half frozen fingers.  
After Hux’es last shiver, Matt slid a harm around his shoulders and kissed his temple, promising to warm him up once they’d got home.  
"I like the idea of growing things with you. I've been thinking for some time about adopting a hubbie for Millie. We could be grandpas! I'd love to see tiny kittens running around the house." He looked at Hux with dreamy eyes, who chuckled in response.  
"It impossible, sweetie. Millie had been sterilized at the shelter, there's no way she could make us grandparents. Though I like the idea of little things growing up as we grow old. Let's start with plants, then we can consider something more challenging." He smiled at him, placed his head on Matt's shoulder, who leaned to kiss his temple, holding him closer as they walked home under the snowy sky.  
When they arrived at the gate, a cab was parked in front of it with the engine on. Hux didn't pay attention to it and stepped under the small portico to take cover from the thick snowing and search his pockets for the gate keys while Matt stood right behind him holding the flowers.  
"Take your time, don't worry. It's not like I'm fucking freezing out here!"  
Hux dropped his keys. He slowly turned around as he’d just heard a ghost and saw Phasma standing right in front of him, covered in fake furs from head to toes and grinning broadly.  
“Surprise!” She said cheerfully, opening her harms for him; he threw himself without grace or dignity in her tight embrace, emitting gleeful sounds so high-pitched that Matt bust out laughing.  
“I can’t believe you’re here! That’s a marvelous surprise!” He told her almost in a whisper, holding her tightly. When he released her she kissed his cheek and hugged her brother, then she introduced them to a handsome man that had been standing quietly next to her enjoying the reunion.  
"Matt, Hux: this is Obi-Wan Kenobi." Hux moved back and shook hands with a dark blonde, bearded man around forty, good five inches shorter than Phasma: he was flashing the friendliest toothy smile Hux had ever seen.  
"Hello there! Please call me Kenobi." He offered his hand to Matt while Hux went to give Phasma one more hug: he was giddy as a schoolboy.  
"Nice to meet you" they said in unison, then chuckled. Hux spoke next, taking Phasma under his arm.  
"Let's go inside and get warm. I guess you knew they were coming." He glanced at Matt as he opened the gate, making way inside the garden while Kenobi picked their luggage and followed them.  
"We're so happy to have you both here! Phasma told me a lot about you." He said to Kenobi, turning to Phasma to exchange an eloquent look.  
"I hope she didn't say too much." He grinned and she slipped out from Hux’es hold and gifted her partner with an elbow in the ribs.  
"Don't even start, Mr. Secrecy!" He pulled her closer by the coat’s furry collar and had her bend to kiss him, mumbling something unintelligible over her lips, then turned to Hux.  
"You've found yourselves a cozy spot." He said once she had pulled away from him and Hux had welcomed them inside the house, where the temperature was almost tropical.  
"Actually, Matt was the one that orchestrated everything. He found the place in complete secrecy. He’s so good he could be a spy too and I would never even notice. - Hux took his warm hand and kissed its knuckles. – This was one of his many surprises." He was looking adoringly at him, as he had just handed him the keys of a realm; Matt caressed his cheek in response.  
"Look at these love birds" Phasma teased him, bursting his bubble.  
"How was your journey? Would you like something to eat or drink?” Phasma and Kenobi looked at each other and shook their heads simultaneously.  
“It was a little too long for my taste. I’m feeling a bit tired to be honest. She answered for both of them.  
”Very well, I'll show you your room then. Ask if you need anything." Said Matt shooting her a ‘who are the love birds now’ look before leading the way upstairs, where he had prepared the guest room without Hux even noticing it. He showed them the place then left them alone, finding Hux leaning over the landing's banister smiling to himself.  
"I guess that's another one of your marvelous surprises! I'm so glad she's here, I can’t tell you how happy I am. – Matt kissed him and they went down the stairs and into the living room squeezing each other's sides. – Did you know she would have brought Him here?! – he lowered the tone of his voice - That must mean something! Is she pregnant? She does look different. I hope it's a girl, I'd call her.. what do you make of Annabel? No, wait, Pamela? No, no. Ehm Padmée! I'd call her Padmée." Matt took his face between hands to stop his babbling and kissed him, holding him for a moment then resting his chin over his head, hiding his smile in his hair.  
"You're rambling darling. It's a happy rambling, but still. Come sit by the fire, I'll get you a cup of tea to warm you up."  
Phasma came down the stairs only few minutes later to hug them again, demanding a full report of their first five months in Coruscant and seven months spent together since the blind date she had set up. Unfortunately she was as curious as she was tired and unable to suppress a yawn right after Matt's first sentence. They lovingly sent her to bed, promising a catch-up later on.  
Hux decided to follow her example and take a nap after ironing their fabulous suits for the party. Matt had insisted to go shopping for their event, he said he wanted them to begin their new year together with style and Hux couldn't agree more. He had chosen some rather formal, matching suits for Hux and himself and, if at the beginning Hux found it odd, later on he convinced himself that probably Matt was only trying to make him happy, so he stopped questioning him.  
They had a cup of tea then Hux went upstairs only after Matt promised to join him soon. While Hux was doing his ironing, Matt went in the basement to fix some stuff he had left on hold early that morning. When he finished his preparations, an hour later, he joined Hux in their bedroom to found him already in bed. He walked around it and stopped in front of him.  
"Who is this lazy person and what have you done of my husband?" He tried to sound as serious as he could, suppressing the nervousness in his voice and waiting for sleepy Hux to connect the dots. He lifted his head from the pillow and replied:  
"Sorry, I haven't seen any husband of yours here, but if you want to leave a message for him in the remote possibility he came by, I may convey it to him." Hux was smiling playfully even if still half asleep but Matt was too tense to show a convincing smile; he didn't look exactly angry but Hux could tell there was something going on with him.  
"This is an upside down relationship. We had sex in the open then we moved in together. We became a family then we bought a house. Yet something is still missing, something I can't wait any longer for."  
In a fluid movement he went down on one knee, keeping eye contact with a confused Hux and, after some fiddling in his trousers back pocket, he produced a tiny velvet box. He opened it, showing a beautiful platinum band and cleared his voice.  
"When Phasma gave me your address, that night in May, I got there looking for a one night thing, something to put behind my back as soon as I was done with it. I was tired of relationships, of trusting my heart with someone else. I was broken, hollow, numb. Then I saw you crawling from your own personal hell, kicking and clawing to claim your own life back, picking up mine with yours. You gave me hope, you taught me how to believe in love again by believing in me, by trusting me your scarred, bleeding heart. That night, at the rave, you didn’t just gift me with a good lay. You gave me my life back, that’s why I can’t wait anymore to do this.  
Armitage Elan Hux,  
Will you do me the honor of marrying me, here, tonight, and spend the rest of our lives together?"  
Hux, who had been listening attentively, a little worried at first and hardly holding tears of joy in the end of Matt’s speech, jumped over him, knocking him flat on the floor and peppering him with kisses all over his face, his glasses, his cheeks and, finally, his lips and screaming with wet voice, bleary-eyed and overjoyed  
"YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! A thousand time YES!".  
Matt hugged him and kissed him back, laughing madly with him until the door slammed open.  
"Are you two all right? Where are you?!" Phasma couldn't see them from standing at the doorstep as they were still laying over the floor behind the bed. They got up, Matt took Hux'es left hand and put the ring over his finger, then he took his face between his hands and kissed him one more time.  
"So he did say yes. Well done you two. Now, will you please let us sleep before the big night?" She winked and closed the door behind her.  
Hux looked lost for a second. "Wait. What do you mean with today?! I..." He was already hyperventilating when Matt kissed him one more time.  
"Don't worry darling. I took care of everything. Obi-Wan will celebrate and we will have our own reception here." He smiled at him reassuringly, trying to infuse some calmness in him, which of course wasn’t working because Hux was Hux and couldn’t think of getting married in a hurry. He had to plan everything with large advance: the flowers, the reception, the catering, clothes, guests, entertainment, VOWS! He couldn't just let someone else do the job and.. And.. he inhaled slowly, deeply and looked at Matt; he was still smiling at him, holding his hand and waiting patiently for him to process everything.  
"Today we get married. In our home. With our friends and family. It's perfect sweetheart, just perfect." He said at last, sealing his promise with a kiss. Matt’s lips were so soft and inviting, his tongue so warm and still tasting of the bergamot tea he had previously, their bodies pressed together lit a flame in Hux that evolved rapidly into a hungry request for more.  
More skin, to bite as Hux freed Matt of his clothes and sunk his teeth into the tender skin of his ivory neck; more warmth to share, as his hands explored his broad chest and steel muscles, teasing his turgid nipples with ravenous fingers first and insatiable tongue later; more pleasure, as he went down on his knees and took him into his voracious mouth, lapping and sucking him like this was their first night together.  
Matt pulled at his red bun to guide him, caressing his cheeks with his thumbs as Hux sucked him deeper and deeper producing the most erotic sounds Matt had ever heard him doing.  
“Armie you’re so good. I.. I’m going to come in your mouth if you don’t … slow down. You’re so warm. Please sweetie stop. I want to fuck you Armie. Don’t make me come.”  
Hux looked at him as he wanted to devour him; pushing him over the mattress, he gripped Matt’s cock in his fist and started lapping at his balls in response to his plea, making him moan desperately with pleasure and shake his head incessantly: his begging had turned into mantra.  
Hux brought him close to the edge again and again, stopping every time to let him take a breath, kissing his inner thigh, his belly, his chest to give him a distraction to hold on to before sitting over his cock and pumping it with his ass.  
Matt’s eyes were closed, the pleasure was so intense he was desperately focusing to held back and when his cock bridged Hux’es ass he cried out as his tight, burning hole felt like heaven in hell. Matt grasped Hux hands and pulled him down to kiss him, nailed Hux’es legs and back, holding him still by his hips and fucking him from underneath, enjoying ecstatically how perfectly fitting was his ass and how incredibly well his cock was sliding inside him. Hux rode him savagely. His frenzy was intoxicating while he seized Matt’s cock with firm hand and began wanking, gasping for breath as the first, intense waves of pleasure washed over him. Matt grabbed at his ass to open it wider and get to Hux’es favorite angle.  
“I’m going to jerk off love. Open your mouth for me.”  
Hux seemed possessed. The fire that was blazing inside him was burning Matt with delirious want. He opened his mouth, wide and expecting, the hungry tongue ready for its prize. Matt placed a hand over Hux’es cock; they stroke it together until he was tensing up and directing his spray toward Matt’s lips. They came together, shouting in ecstasy while Matt licked avidly as Hux showered him. Their circle of pleasure closed with Hux sprawled over his chest, still shaking in his aftermath and kissing away his own cum from Matt’s lips and neck.  
They fell asleep over the blankets, a tangle of hair and limbs kept warm by their shared love.  
  
A continuous knocking at the door roused him up. It was early afternoon and outside it was snowing heavily. Hux woke up startled; his torso, pressed over the mattress by Matt’s body, was slick with sweat while his limbs were stiff with cold. He searched the room for the source of what had scared him out of sleep but the place seemed empty and quiet. Another knock at the door made him jump out of his skin.  
“Are you awake? I’m coming in. Cover yourselves up!”  
Hux managed to pull a comforter over their bodies when Phasma irrupted inside the bedroom. She was wearing the most awful fleece pink tracksuit Hux had ever seen in his whole life. He turned his nose at the terrible sight.  
“What?” she snapped. “First you starve me and then you pull faces at my beautiful outfit?” She spun on her heels to gift Hux with a complete view of her ensemble. Hux grimaced, trying to sit up with Matt still asleep and half sprawled over him.  
“I’m sorry darling. Let me put something on and I’ll fix you something to eat.” He was sliding down the bed when Matt’s hand closed around his wrist.  
“Let her order some takeout, sweetheart. – Matt said to Hux, without even lifting his head from under the blanket. Then, directed to his sister - Menus are pinned to the fridge in the kitchen downstairs, sis. If you call ‘Tatooine’, get me some cabbage rolls and wild rice with veggies for my future husband here, please. Tell them to sign everything on my tab.” Then he dragged Hux over the bed again, pulling him under the blanket and holding him to his chest in a possessive and sleepy way, kissing his naked shoulder once he was back into bed.  
“Sweetheart let me go downstairs.” Hux attempted weakly and a little embarrassingly, but Phasma shook her head and winked at him.  
“You’re the worst host in the world Matt!”  
She closed the door smiling and went downstairs, while Matt was mouthing Hux’es flat nipple and stroking his soft cock.  
“What are you doing? We need to get ready for tonight. Also I’m hungry as hell.” His stomach was rumbling loudly but Matt was paying no attention to it; he was nipping his way through the smooth skin of his chest, heading to the soft, well-trimmed red bush of hair: his target was to make gurgle another part of Hux, who collapsed over the pillows, moaning when Matt begun to lap at his cock with urgency.  
“Kriff. I love it when you suck me like that!” he gasped breathlessly as Matt took him deeper, tapping the back of his throat with his cock until it was leaking.  
“Shower. Now” commanded Matt when his own cock started hurting from being neglected. Hux lifted his head feeling a little dizzy and outraged to be left alone in bed: Matt was already standing near the bathroom door and was stroking his own erection with a mischievous look painted over his face.  
“How is your ass doing?” he asked, sucking his bottom lip, his left hand still pumping his cock. “You think you’ll manage round two? I want to be inside you so much that it hurts.”  
Hux sprawled his legs for Matt benefit and begun fingering himself, exposing and widening his hole for his man’s pleasure. His ass felt a little tender, but he too was dying to have Matt inside him again.  
“You are a piece of art, my love. My piece of art. I’m so in love with you.” said Matt, walking towards the bed again. He replaced Hux’es fingers with his cock, Hux circled his shoulders and Matt lifted him up from the bed, sitting him over the dresser and sinking into him like a spoon into melted ice-cream.  
Hux’es face was covered by sweaty, disheveled hair, his cheeks flushed and his mouth opened in an ongoing, ecstatic, raspy moan. Matt wanted to lose himself into him forever.

After the arrival of all the guests, the whole party moved to the cellar, where Kenobi was waiting, standing under a beautiful wooden arch adorned with red and white roses. Two wings of white chairs were placed before the arch and an elegant carpet run from the bottom of the stairs to the aisle, bisecting the space in two. The room was lit by candlelight: there were hundreds of candles placed along the walls and hung in chandeliers; their trembling light created a warm, serene atmosphere.  
In a corner, a group of violinists were playing an extremely romantic tune.  
Phasma was sitting on the first row of seats on the right side of the arch, wearing a beautiful emerald dress with matching high heels sandals that had earned her some teasing from Hux about how needless was for her to use high heels but, more relevant to her, some truly heartfelt praise by her escort, that evening in the guise of minister, Kenobi.  
When everybody was seated, Hux and Matt finally came down the stairs wearing their tuxedos, smiling at the small gathering and at each other while the musicians played the wedding march. Phasma couldn’t hold a big fat tear while her beloved brother and her best friend walked finally towards happiness.  
Hux wore a total cream tux with a matching bow tie and had combed his long hair back in a not too ordered mane. Phasma had asked him if he wanted her to braid his hair as she was going to do Matt’s as well, but he chose not to: he knew how much Matt loved his wild, disheveled hairstyle. Matt, however, let Phasma style his now long blond curls into an elaborate braid, leaving his ears stuck out weirdly.  
Hux’es heart missed a beat every time he looked at him; he absolutely love those ears. Matt was so handsome with his all black tuxedo, Hux thought he looked like a wild, fierce Viking god of sex ready to throw him over his shoulders and bring him into his hut to fuck him savagely, for the third time that day. That thought gave him such a boner, Hux flushed bright red while walking towards the arch and had to stare at his shoes and think about Mr. Porkins to tame his erection.  
Matt threw a glance at him and, seeing him in discomfort stroked his hand lightly to reassure him with such a tender, broad smile that tiny dimples appeared on his cheeks.  
Hux was in a sort of bliss induced trance. Time seemed to have lost its meaning as he walked in a dreamlike state in a room that he didn’t even recognize. He brushed Matt’s hand lightly to catch his attention.  
“You’ve done all this by yourself. How? When?” his eyes were fogging and his voice was so thin it was barely audible.  
Matt squeezed his hand as to infuse his feelings into Hux by touching him.  
“I’d do anything for you, my darling. Anything.” Hux could tell, by the determined look in Matt’s eyes, that he truly meant it.  
  
Waiting patiently at the altar, Kenobi was wearing the traditional brown and cream minister robe. He was bearing a sober, solemn smile and pointed at their appointed places with a hint of his head. Hux returned the smile and took place on his left as Matt stood on his right.  
Hux was getting tremendously emotional and, for the first time in his life, he wasn’t sure he’d be able to get a hold of himself, not for the whole ceremony.  
Kenobi cleared his voice, bringing Hux back to the present and making everybody in the room fell silent and turn to look at him.  
  
“Good evening to all of you and welcome for the wedding of Armitage and Matt. I’m Obi-Wan Kenobi and I’ll be officiating this wedding.  
It is always a special occasion to be able to gather among family and friends, more special indeed if the reason of the gathering is to bring together two people, to link them for their life under the vow of everlasting love.  
What is love, if not sharing together problems and happy moments, achievements and failures, being there for your partner when he or she is young and good looking, but also when is old and wrinkly.  
If love were a running competition, today our handsome grooms would be at the starting line.  
Today, Matt and Armitage, begins your relay race. You are a team and, as such, you will win the race only if you work together every day.  
Now, because Armitage has received his proposal only today, and also because I heard him giving his vows of eternal love to Matt for a couple of hours uninterruptedly this afternoon, I formally dispense him and Matt to give their vows here.”  
Here everybody laughed, except Hux, who was too intent in digging a hole in the ground with his eyes and promising himself to retaliate as soon as possible. As the congregation quieted, Kenobi resumed the ceremony, turning to Phasma.  
“Ring Bearer, please bring us the rings. Thank you.”  
She stood up and produced a tiny, silky cushion to Obi-Wan. There were two beautiful platinum bands tied to it with thin strings. She placed the cushion over the little wooden altar and winked to Hux and Matt before going back to her seat.  
“Wedding rings are a symbol of commitment and love. The rings are circular and, like Matt and Armitage’s love, they have no beginning and no end. They represent what has been and what will always be. They are made of solid, sturdy material which is meant to survive years of hand-holding, washing dishes, gardening and tender caresses. Couples wear their wedding rings every day as a symbol of their love.”  
Phasma was sniffing from her seat and both Hux and Matt looked very emotional while Kenobi kept his composure and undid the laces that held Hux’es ring.  
“Matt, you will go first. Please, place Armitage’s ring on the top of his finger and repeat after me:  
‘I Matt take you Armitage to be my Husband. I promise to be faithful to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, to love you and to respect you all the days of my life.’”  
Matt, with trembling hands, placed the ring on the tip of Hux’es finger and repeated slowly, looking Hux in the eyes, with a voice wet by emotion, the words Kenobi had suggested. When he was finished, Kenobi went on.  
“You may slide the ring all the way onto Hux’es finger. – He paused, waiting for Matt to do so. - Armitage, it’s your turn.  
‘I Armitage take you Matt to be my Husband. I promise to be faithful to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, to love you and to respect you all the days of my life.’”  
Hux took a deep, steadying breath and, placed the ring over the tip of Matt’s finger, enunciated every word as his life depended upon it. When he finished, Matt’s eyes were fogged and he, as well, was struggling to hold back the tears. Kenobi proceeded, unperturbed.  
“Now you may slide the ring all the way onto Matt’s finger.”  
Hux slid the ring slowly, holding Matt’s gaze with butterflies in his stomach, savoring the moment.  
“By the powers vested in me by the City of Coruscant, I now pronounce you married. Matt, you may kiss your husband.”  
They held hands so tightly their knuckles turned white, smiling in awe. Matt blinked a tear away, his heart crazily pounding in his chest; he bent over Hux and, holding his bearded face, he kissed him deeply in the middle of a crowd, like it had been for their first kiss.  
“My husband.” Said Hux incredulously when Matt released him. He was smiling so broadly his face was aching. This was the happiest day of his life.  
  
The reception had been a success. From dinner to entertaining, from drinks to company, everything had been perfect. They had a delightful dinner, an incredibly touching speech from Phasma that had half of the guests and both hosts shed more than a tear; a hilarious cut of the cake when Hux run after Matt around the table after he had smeared his face with cake; a night of dancing and laughing.  
Most of the guests left the house at first lights, when cab drivers finally decided to venture in the knee-high snow.  
When he had finally shut the curtains over the morning light and had slipped under the warmth of the covers, Hux clung on Matt’s chest, twining their legs together and whispered:  
“I always thought I was going to have a huge wedding party, with an embarrassing number of guests and the most expensive suit and extravagant food. You know what? I’ve always been wrong. Our wedding has outclassed my dreams and expectations. And it’s all on you Mattie. I can’t believe you know me better than I know myself. I’m the luckiest man alive.” He concluded, kissing his jaw while he was falling asleep in his husband’s harms.  
  
When they woke up and entered the living room, in the late afternoon, Phasma was cuddled between Kenobi’s arms while he was feeding her leftovers and she was giggling lightly, an enamoured expression painted on her face. Matt and Hux sat in front of them and helped themselves from the food loaded tray laid over the coffee table.  
“What would you like to do guys? We could go sightseeing or go to the theatre. I think today is ‘Monument’s Day’.” Hux was exhausted but wanted to be a good host and show them around. Luckily for him, his guests were busted as well.  
“I’d be more than happy to just sit, watch some telly and have an early sleep. Won’t you?” she asked them, receiving three sighs of relief in response. “Very well, then. Huxie, where in this palace do you hide the comforters? – she stood – come and show me, please.” She obviously wanted an excuse to talk to him in private. “Boys, you pick the film, maybe some sci-fi stuff? I had plenty of romanticism for a week at least.” She linked her harm to Hux’es and she spun him back upstairs, where she led him in the guest room.  
“Spit it out Phas. Are you pregnant? Please call her Padmée!” He had grasped her hand and was holding it tightly.  
“What? Are you insane? Me? Pregnant? Please! – She made a fakely outraged face – I... well... look, don’t take it the wrong way but... oh bloody hell! Well, I’ll just say it. – she stared at the window, at first, then inhaled and turned to him – I didn’t mean hurt you but… I’ve kept in touch with, well, you-know-who. – she shrugged - Sorry Huxie. Don’t be mad at me.”  
She looked honestly sorry and truly mortified. He felt a pang of sorrow just at the thought of him.  
“You can say his name, Phas. I’m clearly over it. – he tried to smile - How is he?” he sounded sad, felt sad just at the thought of him and Ben.  
“He’s not the same man anymore. He’s tried to move on and maybe he’s a little bit better than when you left, but the spark in his eyes is gone. Why am I even telling you this, the day after you’ve become my brother, I don’t know. I’m sorry. I didn’t want to have any secrets between us and you know I’ll always have your back, but I also like the poor guy. If you want me to pick a side I...”  
“Don’t be silly. This isn’t first grade. You don’t have to pick a side. – He sighed, running his fingers through his beard - I’m sorry he’s not ok. I... I’ll always care about him. I did love him once. - He sighed again. - Enough talking of ghosts though. Tell me about you and Kenobi. You did say he was handsome but, damn Phas, he’s HOT!” He laughed and she pushed him over the mattress, laughing as well.  
“Hands off bro! He’s mine!”

 

**ICY-MOON**

It was one of those precious early summer afternoons, when the air is warm and the smell of flowers is strong and fragrant. Hux had been carefully setting an automated irrigation system all day, one he had carefully modified and adapted to make sure his beloved plants had enough water during their absence, while Matt stole occasional glances above the screen of his pc, as he completed last string of coding.

"Sweetie? Will you come and help me anytime soon?"

Hux called out from the hot, messy greenhouse, pouting shamelessly at his husband’s silhouette, which lifted his head from behind the laptop, scanning the space in front of him from the other side of the glass wall. Matt slowly got up from his favourite rocking chair, placed his sweating sweet tea glass over the small, rounded, iron table and jumped down off the patio he'd built in the back garden. He smiled to himself, while walking calmly on the white gravel to join Hux inside the green house.

The interior was damp and the smell of mulch was pungent. Matt pulled a tissue out of his shorts back pocket to clean a patch of dirt from Hux’s cheek and dry the sweat off his forehead.  

"Armie, love, if you want your beloved plants to survive, you consequently don't want me anywhere around them. You know I'm a black thumb."

He laughed, placing both hands on Hux's waist and scanning his eyes, head tilted slightly on a side and long hair waving over his forearm. Hux frowned and circled Matt’s shoulders, pulling him closer.

"We were supposed to grow things together. But the only thing you’ve done since we built this thing is sit on that chair and ignore my supplications, while I slave myself in this fiery prison-glass."

Hux batted his golden eyelashes, voice suave and voluptuous; he accompanied each word with a brush of his pelvis over Matt's fly, hinting what reward he would concede in exchange for Matt’s help.

"Please Mattie...”

"Oh darling, one thing here is growing for sure. - His mischievous smirk broadened. - I could show you where it needs to be planted, if you're amenable."   

Hux, who had looked intrigued just a moment before, burst out laughing, fine lines framing his lips.

"Amenable? Who are you and what have you done with my husband? - He teased, his eyes morphed into two smiley crescents - I want my brute back!"

Matt kissed him hard, and for good measure, took the suggestion at heart and tore Hux's shirt away, catching a pink, pointy nipple between his teeth, while tiny buttons flew all over the room. 

"Now we're talking."

Growled Hux, as Matt lifted and seated him over an earth covered drawer, biting and sucking at the soft, sweaty skin of his neck.  

"You're so salty, love. Let me wash away this sweat."

Hux moaned rapturously, pushing his husband towards his waistband, hungry for his mouth around his cock. Matt went down his knees diligently, gulping the purple head down, while his expert fingers dug their way inside Hux's elastic rim, making him groan loudly at the combined stimulation and begged Matt to switch his fingers with his cock immediately.

"Not yet, my love." 

Matt whispered, placing Hux's calves over his shoulders and digging his tongue inside the tender ass, eating avidly the silky skin. Hux crossed his ankles behind Matt's neck, and leveraging on his own palms, pushed further inside Matt's mouth, shaking with pleasure as he used his teeth to tease him. 

When Matt tasted precum on Hux’s cock, he stood and lifted Hux up despite his protests, which he silenced with a wet, deep kiss. Then he walked out the suffocating greenhouse and returned to the patio with Hux’s limbs tightly wrapped around his torso.

“What exactly do you think you’re doing?”

He asked when Matt put him down the black wicker daybed, eyes burning and pale skin flushed. Matt undressed and joined him over the mattress, laying on his side before pressing his thick, dry hardness over the wet, tender skin of Hux’s hole.

“I give my husband what he needs.”

He growled in Hux’s ear, pushing in little by little, taking his time to savour the blissful moment of pleasure.

The air was cool on their overheated bodies, and as the sun set behind the high walls of their garden, Matt gifted Hux with the most intense, primal orgasm he had ever had.

 

"Is everything ready for tomorrow?" Matt asked him as they showered, a rhetoric question because, of course, Hux had spent last couple of weeks preparing for their postponed honeymoon or, as Hux called it, Icy-moon, since they were headed to Hoth. 

"Everything is under control, don't worry. - Hux assured him - I still don't get why you didn't let me pack your stuff along with mine. It's not like I don't know which is your favourite toothpaste or the brand of your hair conditioner. Anyway, are you sure the sitter will check on the plants as well? I don't want to go back to a dry greenhouse." 

"Yes, sweetheart. Your precious plants are safe with her; your thousand pages watering system instructions will help her solve any problem might arise with your perfectly functioning system. There's nothing to be anxious about. – Matt reassured him for the thousandth time - Everything is going to be ok."

He sponged Hux’s back, planting a kiss at the base of his neck, before taking the shampoo and pouring some over his long hair, spreading it with a slow, meticulous massage. Hux moaned in relaxation and closed his eyes, enjoying the treatment, then he turned to reach for Matt's lips. 

"Mhmm... You're spoiling me. What would I do without you?"

He mumbled over his husband's mouth. Matt's fingers stilled, sliding from the soapy head to the thin, smooth waist and tightening around it, his face nested on Hux'es shoulder: 

"I'm sure you’ll easily find another desperate fool, who will be as eager as I am to indulge and pamper you, day in and day out, for the rest of your life. - He poked, then lifted abruptly his head, turning watchfully towards the door, body tense and expression alert  – You heard that?" 

Hux looked at the door as well, his brows joined together in a vigilant frown, expecting something worrisome to magically appear in the doorframe. The house was completely silent.  

"What? - Hux whispered tensely. - What is it?" 

Matt spun him around and squeezed him in a rib-cracking embrace. 

"Your suitors! They're already here! - He exclaimed frenziedly - GO AWAY, YOU BASTARDS! HE'S MINE!"

He shouted at the door, holding Hux'es soapy head over his chest as to protect him from a real danger. Hux eyed him uncertainly at first, then burst out laughing, shaking his head in disbelief.

"Love has made you insane, my darling."

Stated Hux over his husband's lips, kissing him under the hot spray of the shower. 

 

Hux was hurriedly packing his last minute skin lotions, scarfs and gloves while Matt was waiting for the cat sitter to arrive. They were leaving for a month long vacation, far away from the heat of the summer, Hux'es demanding students and Matt's endless lines of codes. 

Hux didn't want to leave Millicent behind but Matt had been adamant on the matter: they needed to rest and Millicent couldn't stay locked inside a hotel room for four weeks in a row; the best thing to do was to leave her in the caring hands of a sitter Millie already knew and trusted. Hux had capitulated, in the end, writing the most detailed list of hints and suggestions for the sitter to follow ad litteram, so  that his furry daughter could have her routine and mitigate any possible separation syndrome. 

When he saw the papyrus Hux had written, Matt had rolled his eyes at him, saying he was over-reacting and assured him that Millie was in the most capable hands and wasn’t probably even going to notice their absence. 

Yet, when Hux finished his bagging and went downstairs for a glass of water, he found Matt in the living-room, standing by the window, holding their cat in his arms like a new-born, patting her and saying goodbye. 

The scene was so touching that Hux bit his tongue, swallowed a discrete number of stinging remarks that were burning on the tip of his tongue and simply joined him, circling his waist and resting his head over his shoulder. 

"We don't really have to go, love. I mean, we could change location and go someplace where Millie can come along. We're a family after all." Hux kissed his cheek and patted Millie's head, scratching her favorite spot behind the ears. Matt sighed and let Millicent on the floor, turning to face Hux. 

"We deserve this, sweetheart. This is the honeymoon we couldn't get in January. We'll get a cat vacation another time, alright? We could visit my sister next. A Christmas reunion perhaps? I'll book the tickets as soon as we're back from Hoth. - Hux nodded and he kissed him lightly over the forehead. – Now get your bags downstairs, the sitter will be here soon."  

Hux stroked Matt's hair, adjusting his crooked glasses. 

"Alright Mattie. There's a place Phasma showed me a couple of years ago, the view was spectacular.  I'd love to go hiking with you as we did last august." He said halfway up the stairs to pick his bags, leaving Matt on lookout for the sitter.  

As soon as Hux disappeared on the upper floor, Matt sat on the couch, grimacing and sighing in pain. He looked at his watch and fumbled in his pocket, extracting a small orange, plastic container: its label read 'Oxycodone 40mg. Take 1 to 2 tablets by mouth, every 4 to 6 hours. For pain.' 

Matt popped the lid open and took two pills out, regarded them grimly, sighed again and gulped them down, making the orange container disappear into his pocket again, then he slid over the backrest. 

Millicent returned from her wanderings and jumped over his legs, curling up in his lap and purring loudly. Matt gently stroke her fur, his eyes closed. 

"I'm going to miss you both so much, Millie. Please take care of him for me, will you?" His voice was barely audible, shaky, wet. Millicent's eyelids slid open and she looked at him, meowing in response. For a moment Matt thought she really had answered him, smiling at the memory of how much he used to tease Hux about him treating their cat like a person. 

The gate comm ringed suddenly and Millie jumped down his lap to check on the door, leaving Matt free to answer it, welcoming their guest in. 

"Darling, she's here. You need help with the luggage?" He called out for Hux from the door but, turning in the stairs' direction  saw him coming down with his backpack and two big trolleys. He was wearing a white cream two pieces linen with a button down light  turquois shirt, his long hair were tied back over the crown of his head in a tight bun and he had the sweetest expression painted on his face, relaxed and ready for fun. 

Matt felt like shit but just looking at his adored, beautiful, smiling husband gave him the strength to put a poker face on and pretend everything was going to be ok. 

 

The flight to Hoth was blissfully uneventful. Hux slept the whole time with his head on Matt's shoulder, while he dozed from time to time but, mostly, watched Hux sleep, holding his hand and stroking it lightly. When they arrived at the hotel, he was sleeping on his feet but refused to change their schedule and convinced Hux to follow their schedule.

A bellboy showed them their room after they checked in. As they were left alone, Hux placed their bags by the feet of the bed and inspected the room, looking pleased by the fine design. They freshened up and got changed into the softest robe before heading for their first treat: aromatherapy. 

Once they settled over their appointed massage tables, Matt fell asleep almost instantly under the gentile touch of his masseuse, reassured by Hux's soft chatter in the background. When their session expired, Hux woke him gently and they returned to their room. It was almost dinnertime, Matt was so drowsy he couldn't hold his yawns, so Hux preferred call for room service without even consult Matt and declared they were eating in bed that evening. 

Matt looked at him in astonishment, as this was completely out of character for Hux, but his husband had insisted that their journey had been long and tiring for both of them, confessing to be as discombobulated as Matt was. He promised to be in the mood for an early supper and sweet cuddling under the blankets, underlining his intent by unpacking his awful snowman pattern pyjamas.

When the food arrived, Hux had Matt comfortably prompted over the pillows and sat next to him, feeding him tenderly with fruit and cheese, kissing him gently between mouthfuls. It was wonderful, for Hux, to have Matt all for himself, after he spent endless hours in the past weeks concluding his project for Alderaan University and following his new students at Coruscant’s. 

After the light meal, Hux had Matt lay his head over his chest and combed his long hair with caring touches, until they both fell asleep under the thick duvet.

 

It took Matt a couple of days to recover from the flight, time they spent idly, reading by the hot pool, visiting the sauna, enjoying the hotel theatre.

He seemed to tire too easily; his headaches were so frequent and intense that Hux grew suspicious and started pestering him with questions. Finally Matt agreed to see the hotel’s doctor, as long as Hux went out skiing during the visit.

Hux objected, of course, that he wanted to accompany him, but his protestations were to no avail. Matt was unshakable, claiming he wanted Hux to take advantage of his absence in doing something he couldn’t do with Matt. Hux finally relented and left early in the morning to go skiing, while Matt went to his appointment alone and was able to be truthful about his condition. The doctor could only change the dosage of his pain killers, suggested to get hospital treatment as soon as possible and suggested to inform his husband about his illness immediately.

 

Thanks to the new dosage, Matt seemed to feel better. They spent the following two weeks relishing long walks in the snow in the morning cool air, preferring massages or swimming in the afternoon but, despite Matt’s efforts, Hux could tell there was something wrong with him. He was barely eating, seemed often distracted and far away.

Their honeymoon was almost over and they had barely touched each other.

A crippling fear was taking over Hux. He wanted to confront his husband, have him spill the truth, but something was holding him off. It wasn't pride that was stopping him but the confidence that Matt would, in time, find his way back to him. Hux trusted him and he felt Matt needed only time to be ready to share what was troubling him.

Hux knew his fears derived from his past disappointments and had nothing to do with Matt or their marriage.

 

During their last days of permanence on Hoth, Hux soldiered on. He was attentive and caring, managed to hold his insecurities back and tried to keep up the morale for both of them repeating himself, day in and day out, that Matt was soon going to reveal his secret. He waited in vain. When they checked out from the hotel, Matt had told him nothing. In fact he barely spoke to Hux.

Their journey home was a nightmare. Matt spent most of the time locked up in the toilet, being sick and lamenting the worst headache ever. He took the pills the hotel doctor had prescribed him, but it didn’t seem to work. After the plane landed, Hux begged him to go to the hospital, but Matt refused, barking he only needed to rest and be left alone.

For Hux it was like Matt had hit him.

He’d never seen him act like that before. He’d never talked to him that way.

‘He’s in pain – Hux thought to himself – He’s grumpy because he’s tired and suffering.’

 

On their way home, though, Matt lost consciousness in the cab and fell limply in Hux’s lap. He screamed in horror, ordering the driver to get them immediately to the hospital, trying to steel himself and keep his nerves in check to be vigilant for Matt.  

When they arrived at the emergency room Matt disappeared, still unconscious, behind white doors to get some tests.

Hux simply crumpled on a chair like a dry leaf. He couldn’t stop the sobs, while the most nefarious scenarios played into his head. His synapses slowly begun to work the pieces of the puzzle back together. Matt’s headaches, the loss of appetite, the swinging moods, the urgency to leave for this journey, no matter what.  

All of a sudden, everything was clear to Hux. He produced his phone from one of his bags and dialled Phasma’s number. The phone rung for a while before she picked up, her voice raspy with sleep. 

"Are you aware of what time it is on this side of the planet?"

He didn't pick up the provocation. 

"I'm at the hospital. We just got back from Hoth. Come immediately. I think Matt has not much long left."

The white noise of the crowded room disappeared as an ascending beeping in his head downed out everything else. His breath was getting quicker, his pulse mad, and the world before his eyes was slowly fading. Expressing his fears out loud made it become real. It was the final blow.

He didn't register Phasma's reply, her alarmed tone, her calling his name repeatedly demanding clarifications.  

All of a sudden, the world was silent and dark, as something had sucked his life away from him. His better half, at least. 

 

When he woke up, a familiar bearded man, with gentle blue eyes, was smiling at him from a plastic chair beside his bed. Hux tried to sit up, but he discovered he had been tied to the bed. He struggled to free himself, but was so weak, drowsy; he collapsed down on the mattress again.

The man pressed a button on a console over his bed and set next to him over the immaculate white sheets.

"Hello there. How are you feeling?"

Hux knew him, he was sure of it, his voice was familiar but he couldn’t make the connection.

"I... What? .. Where am I? Why am I tied to a bed?"

A young nurse arrived to check his vitals and started questioning him, flashing a disturbing light into his eyes. His nameless visitor waved at him and left the room to leave the nurse work. 

"Mr. Hux you're at Coruscant Hospital. How are you feeling?" 

"My eyes are heavy. Have you drugged me? What happened?"

He was so confused. So tired. 

"You came in the day before yesterday, with your husband. You collapsed in the main hall. Do you remember why you came here?"

She was cold and professional, a machine on autopilot.

"Where's Matt? How is he? Release those restraints at once! I want to see my husband! - He was getting angry really fast. - I want to see him right now!" 

"Your husband is sleeping now, Mr Hux. It's two in the morning. We had to tie you because of your temper. You were in shock and knocked two orderlies down, while your husband was getting tested the other day. We had to sedate and restrain you in order to avoid you hurt yourself or anybody else. You're lucky enough nobody pressed charges against you. – She paused, letting the information sink - Now, try take some rest. The sedative you’ve been injected with will wear off during the next couple of hours. If in the morning you're feeling better, you'll be free to visit your husband. And, before you ask, I don't have any information about his present state." 

Hux nodded, having no other choice left but to obey, and the nurse returned to her duties, waving to the bearded man that was waiting by the door.

When he sat back on the plastic chair, something finally clicked in Hux’s drowsy mind. 

"Kenobi. How's Matt? Is Phasma here as well?"

Hux felt a new wave of anger surging and breathed slowly to suppress it.

"Calm down, my friend – Kenobi soothed - We arrived an hour ago. Phasma couldn’t reach you after your babbling phone call, so she contacted all the hospitals in Coruscant, until someone told her you and Matt were both hospitalized here. – He patted Hux’s hand. -  We jumped on the first available flight. She's with Matt now. I only know he's on the first floor and he is stable. Now try to get some sleep, I'll check on them and come back with some news as soon as possible." 

Hux was exhausted and Kenobi looked like he, too, could do with some sleep. 

"Thanks for flying here in a hurry. I really appreciate it. Get the keys from my luggage and go home to have some rest. I’ll see you in the morning."

 **HOSPITAL**  
Kenobi refused to leave Hux alone that night. He checked on Matt and Phasma before returning to Hux’s room, only to confirm that both were asleep and well, then he sat on the closest chair to the bed, slid slightly over the seat to prompt his feet on the mattress, crossed his arms over his stomach, wished Hux goodnight and fell asleep.  
The sedative Hux had been given was so strong he blacked out in record time as well, but his sleep was fitful: at the lightest noise he woke with a sense of horror sitting heavily on his chest only to fade again in his limbo soon after.  
Precisely at six a.m., a bald nurse with a blue uniform returned to check on him, wielding a clipboard with affectation and starkng disdainfully at him; he had a black eye.  
Hux looked at his bruised knuckles, then back at the man who was meticulously noting every detail down.  
"Sorry about your eye. - He offered, deeply abashed. - I usually don't jump on people. And thanks for not pressing charges. It was.."  
"It's on me. I've bern told there was a scrawny guy that was freaking out in he hall. I underestimatd your strenght. - He offered a loopsided, genuine smile - It will serve me as a lesson."  
The nurse freed Hux's wrists and ankles from the restraints and told him he was free to leave and check on Matt. Hux got dressed in record time, wrote a note for Kenobi informing him where he was headed, and run for the elevator.  
He was smelly and dishevelled, wore the same clothes he had on the twelve hours flight from Hoth, which had been three days prior, but the only thing he could think of was to move as quick as possible. He saw the incredibly long queue for the elevator and impatiently went up the stairs, arriving at the desk of Matt's floor out of breath.  
Hux used all his charm and patience to face the uncooperative nurse, who insisted he had to come back on visiting hours. He was on the verge to make another scene when, luckily enough, Phasma heard him discussing and came in his aid to save the day, using her doctor bearing to convince the other woman to let him through.  
Once they got inside the room, the shock of seeing Matt lying motionless under the white bedspread was so big Hux almost collapsed in Phasma’s arms.  
His husband was barely recognizable. His head was covered in bandages and his soft, long hair had been shaven, his cheeks were hollow, he had black marks under his eyes and his beautiful face was as pale as the same sheets.  
Phasma guided Hux to the closest chair and stood by him, caressing his head in a vain attempt to comfort him.  
“They told me has a brain tumour. The day after you arrived, after running some tests, a neurosurgeon has removed part of the mass to allow him..”  
Her voice broke with a gasp, she had shut her eyes tightly, trying to block the tears that inevitably forced their way under her eyelids. Hux stood to hug her, he wanted console her but ended up sobbing along, holding her best friend and sister in law in one of the worst days of their lives.

The beeping of the monitor echoed in the quiet room; the smell of disinfectant was pungent; the blinds of the thin glass windows had been pulled down to shield the room from the roasting rays that so early in the morning promised unsufferable temperatures.  
Hux sat on the edge of Matt's bed, holding the hand free of tubes in his trembling, damp grasp; his gaze stumbled from the transfigurated lines of Matt's face to the thick bendages thightly wrapped around the poor head, to the machines tracking the vitals, supporting his life.  
Bloody machines kept his beloved alive, while he could do absolutely nothing to save him.  
Hux had pulled his stoic mask up, gulped down the sensation of surging nausea and was trying to stop that word Phasma had used to describe Matt's condition, the one that stubbornly kept coming back to him: irreversible.  
He told himself doctors so often failed to give the right diagnosis, not to mention predict how long someone had left to live. Matt was surely going to get better after some kemo or radio or whatever his body needed right now. Hux was going to consult any oncologist in the country, he was going to ask for every opinion available. His husband was going to celebrate Christmas. They were going to go hiking as planned, then return to adopt an hubbie for Millicent, finish their work on the green house and celebrate their first second, third anniversary. Matt simply couldn't die. He was a good man and he was clearly way too young to get this awful desease.

Hux brought Matt's dear hand to his tear smudged face; he kissed the smooth palm, the limp knuckles, rubbed the wedding band over his lips, his breath stuck in a knotted throat. He wanted to be strong so badly, to push back the suffocating sorrow, but the pain was so deep, and Matt still hadn't woke up.  
"I won't allow it, sweetheart. Do you hear me? - He was getting angry again, he could sense the energy vibrate through hi., wanting to break out and annihilate the universe. - We'll fight this together. You and I. I promise you this."  
Hux was sitting near Matt's legs, hitting the mattress with a clenched fist.  
"You can't die. I forbid you! Do you hear me? Answer me! I need you Mattie. Please don't leave me."  
He was sobbing again, making a show of himself, shaking at every suffocating wave of misery, his whispered litany was endless.  
"Stay with me sweetie, please don't leave me.."  
Phasma stood from her chair in the corner of the room and placed a comforting hand over Hux's shoulder, weeping silently herself. He got up and held her silently in his arms, until their sobbing quieted and they returned to their seats, olding hands to steady each other.  
Kenobi appeared on the doorstep, with tea, sandwiches and Hux's luggage. He wore clean clothes and a thin smile.  
They moved to a small table placed in a corner and ate in silence while a nurse came and went, reassuring them it was perfecly normal for Matt to be sleeping that long, that it was better for all of them to go home and rest before Matt woke up.  
So, after quite some arguing, Hux and Phasma agreed to go home and have a shower while Kenobi offered to stay behind and monitor the situation, promising to alert them as soon as the situation changed.

When they returned to the hospital, Matt wasn't in his room.  
The bed was empty, its sheets had been removed and Kenobi stood by it, staring expressionless at the empty mattress.  
He turned and met their eyes. In his, Hux saw sorrow, guilt. His hands held two paper envelopes. One he handed to Phasma, the other he gave it to Hux.  
"He texted me from the plane. The text said 'When the times come, there are letters in my bag.'"

 

Dearest Armie,  
Thank you. Thank you for bringing joy back into my life. Thank you for giving me a family, for being my home and my shelter, my best friend and my lover. Thank you for the good days and the bad ones, for being in my life and turning it from miserable and empty into something worth living.  
I'm sorry we hadn't enough time to be together. I had so many things planned for us, so many places I wanted to take you, things to grow together while we grew old.  
My time with you has been the most precious gift I could ever receive.  
You're probably mad at me right now, maybe I should have told you about this thing that was consuming me from the moment I got it diagnosed, but everything happened so quickly, Doc said my time was short, I didn’t want to waste it by being miserable about something neither of us could change. I wanted to make the most of it with you, my beloved. And I did enjoy every minute of it.  
Now I need you to promise me something.  
I want you to move on with your life. Don’t waste your precious time and beautiful heart after the ghost of a past love.  
Please love again. Please love until the end of your days. Love is the only thing that makes this life worth living.

I loved you since day one when, in that field full of people, you shown me your heart, full of life and will to live; when we danced in the middle of that crowd and with just a kiss you had the power to make the world silent. From that moment I loved only you, with every fiber of my being.  
I'll always be yours.  
Matt.


	36. Ben

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> part one of Ben's POV.

PHONE CALLS  

He run up the stairs from the basement as fast as he could, only to find an unresponsive Poe sitting on the floor of the kitchen.   

'This is insane'. 

He kneeled next to Poe, moved away some curls from his forehead, brushing his cheek to get his attention.  

"Poe? Let's go home, baby. C'mon. Stand up for me."  

Ben slid his hands under Poe's arms and tried to lift him up, but without Poe's cooperation it was something difficult to achieve, even for a big guy like him. Ben sat on the floor in front of him and, stupidly, waved a hand before his eyes. 

"Baby don’t be like that. I'm going to call an ambulance if you don’t respond. Please give me something.”  

Poe didn't even blink. Ben caressed his face, stroking lightly his shoulder to soothe him, but nothing changed. Poe kept staring into the void, his head slightly bent to a side.   

“Please baby come back to me." 

Ben whispered, feeling like the whole world was conspiring against him.  

He shook Poe by the shoulders, lightly at first, murmuring softly to comfort him, until Poe started sobbing so desperately Ben could only hold him tight and wait for him to calm down. 

“I’m here baby. We’ll survive this, I promise. Hush now, it’s going to be ok. I’m here for you.”  

He kissed Poe's tears away, rocked him in his harms for hours, until the tears dried out and the gasping eased. 

“I need a drink.”  

Were his first words. He stood up, aloof, walked past Ben as he was invisible; opened the cabinet containing the strong stuff Hux had bought on their last vacation abroad, rummaged angrily into a drawer searching for a corkscrew, cursed as he couldn’t find any. 

He slammed the first drawer closed, accompanying the gesture with a string of curses and opened the second drawer, throwing its content over the floor as the search proved itself fruitless, yelling angrily at stupid Hux for hiding everything.  

Ben materialized behind his back, immobilizing him in a steel grip.  

“You don’t need this shit babe. Let’s go home.”  

Poe turned to face him and looked at Ben like he had just struck him.  

“Home? Home! I don’t have a fucking home, Ben! This was supposed to be my home! Now I have nothing! Nothing! Get off me.”  

He screamed at the top of his lungs, wriggling to get free from Ben's grasp, but his grip only tightened in response.  

“You have me, Poe. I’m here for you. You’re not alone. You can stay with me, or rent somewhere else. Fuck, you can buy your own place! You don't need to live at anyone's place. - he grabbed the bottle of tequila from the counter and waved it menacingly, resisting the urge to crash it against the sink. - You don’t need any of this. Stop living your life as if Hux were the centre of the world. He is not.”  

Poe stopped struggling to get free, and Ben released his shoulders, sliding his hands along the immobile arms until he reached and clasped Poe's fingers. P 

“He was the centre of my world, Ben. I moved here for him, changed my whole life so that we could live together. - Poe shrugged - What am I supposed to do now? Just pretend it didn’t happen? If I claim that I don’t love him anymore, will I suddenly stop having feelings for him? It's not how love works.”   

He bent his head, shaking it pitifully. “I don’t know what to do with my life. Everything I do is just an endless line of mistakes. I..”  

“Stop this bullshit! Stop this self-pitying crap, right now! You don’t know what to do? Well, I do. We leave this shithole and stop this drinking crap. We go straight to a meeting. We will manage, one day at a time. We can do this. - Ben shook him by the shoulders as to shake the dumbstruck expression off of his face.- Take your coat. We’re living.”   

Ben had been so matter-of-factly that Poe hadn’t dared to talk back. He had never seen Ben so angry, he seemed another person altogether. 

Poe looked at the things he’d thrown on the floor, feeling ashamed for what he’d done; it was his fault if they had come to this, he’d brought this on himself by being greedy. 

“Babe. - Ben stood in front of him, holding his face and kissing him lightly to encourage him, to reassure him. - Come with me.”   

He helped him into his coat, grabbed the keys of the apartment and closed the door behind them.   

He drove the van straight to Yavin-4. It took him all night Poe fell asleep almost immediately and slept all the way to Ben’s place. Once they got upstairs and Poe had jumped in the shower, living him to sit alone on his bed, Ben realized how much he had fucked up and how much he was going to pay for his mistakes.  

He fished inside his backpack for his phone and put it to charge. When he finally managed to switch it on, it started buzzing crazily with missed calls and texts. The whole situation felt unnervingly familiar. He dialled his mother’s number and waited. No matter how late it was, he knew he had to call her.  

“Ben, honey? Are you all right?”  

Were the first words she spoke to him. Her voice was sleepy, worried. He could hear Holdo in the background peppering her with questions.  

“Hi mom. Yes, I’m all right. Sorry for disappearing like that. I didn’t want to scare you. Please tell Holdo Poe is here with me and he’s fine as well.”  

He hadn’t finished talking that Leia started sobbing and Holdo ripped the phone from her hands, screaming like a banshee.  

“How dare you disappear like that for so long without a word to your mother! She called the police, every morgue in town, checked all the fucking ditches from here to Alderaan! She’s back on meds again because of you! What’s wrong with you Ben!”   

Ben sat silently, the phone pressed on his ear, feeling guiltily and deservingly mortified. His mother was, besides Luke, the only family he’d got; he refused to get in touch with them even if he was well aware of how deeply worried they would have been, especially his mother, with him out of reach for so long. He could hear her trying to placate Holdo somehow, but she was infuriated and implacable.  

“Sorry darling, but someone has to tell him this stuff. You can’t keep treating him with white gloves, it hasn’t  done him any good. At all. He’s going to be 30 soon and you keep handling him like a child! We all have nasty shit to face every day! We just deal with it because we are adults! Sorry. Sorry dear. I didn’t mean to scream at you. I just can’t stand him behaving like that. You deserve better.”  

Ben sat on the edge of the bed, staring at his phone while Holdo scolded him and his mother at the same time. When the tone of her voice went back to normal he put the phone back over his ear, looking up again. Poe was standing by the bathroom door, a towel wrapped around his hips, hair dripping over his shoulders and chest, looking utterly mortified himself. He had obviously heard the conversation and was as guilty as Ben in this messy situation.  

His eyes met Ben’s, who shrugged his shoulders and tilted his head towards his bedside table, where Poe’s phone was charging. Ben placed a hand over the receiver and whispered to him   

"We’re two assholes. You better call Kes before he has a heart attack.”  

Then brought back his attention on what his mother was saying over the phone.   

Poe bent to kiss his temple before disconnecting his phone from the charger and disappeared into the bathroom to get his personal, well deserved, scolding.  

Ben agreed to meet his mother the next day and, right after he said goodbye to her, he replayed to Luke's text, and Rey's, and Rose's.   

Last time he’d been in this situation he had been hiding at Blondie’s: the result had been Poe crushing his car and almost dying. This was a pattern that had to be changed. He couldn’t keep going on hurting people he loved for his selfishness.   

He needed to go back to therapy, to his meetings, to running, back to be his better self. Holdo was right, it was time to deal with his shit.  

Poe returned from the bathroom looking terrible.  

“Come here. - Ben said, patting the mattress next to him. Poe was too emotionally exhausted to argue and did as he was told. - How was your father?”   

Poe frowned.  

“Pissed.” He was still naked, aside from the towel around his hips.  

“Are you cold? You’re covered in goose bumps.” Ben kissed his shoulder, pushing a lock of damp hair behind his ear, then stood to fetch him something to wear. Everything he owned was too big for him, but for the night it could work. He handed him a bundle of clothes and kissed his forehead.  

“I’m taking a shower. I’ll be quick. Make yourself comfortable. There might be some cookies in the cabinet, maybe some crisps if you’re lucky. Help yourself, I’ll be right back.” He kissed him again, on the cheek this time, not feeling brave enough to even get close to his lips, then disappeared inside the bathroom, leaving the door open. He wasn’t sure Poe wouldn’t run for the hills the moment he’d turned his back on him.  

He tried to do a quick job, listening carefully to detect unusual noises from the other room, but everything seemed to be quiet. Too much quiet, in fact.  

Ben got out of the shower in haste, slipping with his wet feet over the linoleum covered floor and, when he got in the bedroom, dripping water over the carped like a watering can, he saw Poe had slipped under the covers and was peacefully asleep.  

Ben cursed himself for being so paranoid and went back inside the bathroom for a towel and to brush his teeth, before heading to bed himself. He put his pajamas on, the only one he actually owned, a horrid thing with a weird birdie pattern Rey had gave him past Christmas.  

He had thanked her for the awful present and she accused him of being tasteless, teasing him:  

“Porgs are the cutest thing in the world. If you don’t like them, you have no notion of what is fashionable in this world and I can’t be your friend anymore.”  

She had always been able to make him smile and he loved her for it.  

Once he had put the hideous thing on, he crawled under the covers and lay on his side, trying not to wake Poe up. He mumbled something unintelligible and rolled towards Ben, who slid his harm over his shoulder and pulled him against his chest. He fit perfectly into his embrace, making him feel finally at home. He nuzzled his nose into Poe’s now dry curls and linked their legs in a too warm tangle, after that Ben fell asleep in one minute flat. 

 

 **A good friend**  

Ben was cleaning the coffee machine when the phone buzzed inside his trousers’ back pocket. It was the end of the evening shift and the Café was deserted; Rose had  already locked the doors and was checking the expiration dates of the sandwiches, naming out loud all the products that needed replacement, while Ben noted down everything she had mentioned and had double checked everything just in case. He polished the display cases then headed to the storage room, where Rose was waiting for him to go home.  

"Is everything ready for the big day?" 

Ben was going to walk Rose down the aisle in a week and was almost as excited as she or the maid of honor were.  

"Everything is ok except for the location; the manager of the restaurant we booked emailed me, a couple of days ago, to cancel our reservation. He said the kitchen got destroyed in a fire last week and he won't be able to reopen the restaurant before next August. - She shrugged and sat on her bike, fishing for the keys in her backpack - We'll  have to do it here."  

Ben looked at her in astonishment, as she had suddenly grown a second head. Her lips were bent in a stiff, sour smile and, for the first time since he knew her, she cursed.  

"What? Are you kidding me? That's not going to happen." 

Ben unlocked the screen of his phone,  his fingers flying over the digital keyboard to dial Leia's number; he put the call on speaker, holding the phone between him and Rose so she could hear as well. Rose gestured madly in front of Ben's face to express her embarrassed dissent on the matter. A metallic ring echoed three times before Leia's voice broke the silence of the parking lot.   

"Ben? Is everything ok?"  

The worry in her voice was clear. 

"I'm fine mom. Sorry to call so late, I didn't mean to scare you. Do you think I could borrow grandma's house for the weekend next week? Rose just told me is short of locations for her wedding and i thought grandma's would be perfect for the occasion. The place she booked dumped her last minute and she has to make do with the Cafe. She has no other options on such a short notice." 

Ben didn't have to explain any further. 

"Why don't you two come tomorrow to get the keys?  We could discuss  about catering services as well; I can suggest her  a company we usually rely on for Holdo's charity events." 

Leia paused for an answer and Ben waited for a sign from Rose, who had pressed a hand over her mouth to muffle an elated gasp. 

"Mrs Solo, I will never be able to thank you enough for your help. What can I do to repay your kindness?" 

Tears of joy were beading Rose's eyes; her voice trembled slightly as she spoke.  

"First of all, kid, I'm Leia to you, nor Mrs anything. Secondly, Ben's friends are family to me. As far as I'm concerned, you have nothing to repay. I expect to see you too, tomorrow morning." 

She saluted with her usual warm, motherly yet commanding tone, and hanged up before they could reply.  

"That was easy. - Grinned Ben at his friend - I'll text you her address in the morning. What time you think you can be there? "  

Rose dismounted from her bike to give Ben a tight hug, surprising him. 

“What is this for?”  

He inquired, smiling a little self-consciously over her head, but holding his friend in his arms. She was beaming, her eyes had crinkled in a pair of soft crescents. 

“Because you deserve it. Thanks Bennie, what you just did means a lot to me and Zeb." 

She went on her tiptoes to kiss his cheek, her eyes were glistening, she put her helmet on and mounted her bike, thumb ready on the electric ignition button.  

"See you at your mother's place at 11-ish. Don't forget to text me her address. - she shouted from under the helmet - And don't be late!" 

Ben stepped back when she switched the engine on, and watched her zoom off, smiling by himself. Rose was the most positive, generous, funny friend he had and he was truly grateful for her. 

He lazily returned to his car, enjoying the view of a magnetic starry sky. He leaned over the car with his long nose in the air, scanning it for a shooting star. He stood there for a while, looking at the constellations, admiring their distant blinking, until his phone buzzed again, breaking the pure contentment he was experiencing. He got the phone out of his backpack and unlocked it: There was a text from his mother: 

‘I’m very proud of you. See you tomorrow. Love, L.’ 

He texted her back, thanking her for her help, then put the phone back in his backpack and got in the car, turned the windows down and slowly inhaled the sweet scented air.  

He loved that mixed perfume of blooming flowers and dry hay, it reminded him of the summers he spent at his grandma's house, by the lake of Naboo. They used to swim all the way to a small island, by the coast, to look for river crabs or walk in the inland park. Those had been the happiest days of his childhood. 

 

 **DINNERTIME**   

It was a strange moment for him. Ben was proud of his first month of sobriety, he had worked hard to stay clean. There had been, and still were, days when the only thing he wanted to do was pay a visit to the nearest bar and drink himself unconscious, but he could count on his family, his friends and, obviously, on  his A.A. meetings, to stay clean and steady on his path 

Poe and Ben had chosen to attend at different  _A. A._ _m_ _eetings_  to guarantee each other the freedom to process their healing without restrictions due to the presence of the other partner. A simple strategy that had allowed them, nonetheless,  to address the most delicate causes of their regression, granting them some time to process singularly every aspect of the matter before they tackled it as a couple. 

Ben supported Poe through the breakup with Hux, which he was mourning deeply, and the adjustment in his new position at Alderaan Firm as well. Ben knew Poe was the one, in their couple, who was facing a major change, although at first Poe had masked his struggles and had pretended to have everything under control. Every day, for weeks, he acted as the perfect partner in the morning, swearing to himself to stay sober and attend his meetings, only to come back from work, at night, desperate and completely drunk. 

On those nights, Ben calmly walked him into the shower, sponged him, fed him and put him to bed, soothing him into sleep, being strong for both their sakes; struggling, but managing somehow, to stay sober himself. 

One night, after a particularly shitty day at the cafè, Ben came home at his Yavin-4 one-room apartment, dreading to find Poe yet again drunk and passed out over the floor but, when the door opened on the kitchen/bedroom, Poe was standing by the oven, all dressed up, holding a steaming casserole in his hand and a nervous smile stretched on his face . The food released wisps of delicious fragrance in the air; the table was nicely set and the room was clean and tidy. 

Poe put hesitantly the food over the table and walked uncertainly towards Ben; he kissed his lips lightly and took the rugged backpack from his hands while Ben eyed him fondly, nonplussed by the whole situation.  

"I think you need a new backpack, mi Amor. This looks older than mi mamacita, may she rest in peace. - His tone was light, his breath minty. Poe was sober, for the first time in weeks, and was making jokes. He looked like his old self again, the one Ben had fallen for so quickly. - Get a shower, querido, and tell me about your day." 

Ben was surprised by the sudden change in Poe's attitude, but was so grateful for it that he didn't dare to say anything for fear to ruin the momentum. He circled Poe's waist and lifted him up instead, kissing him as he giggled with surprise. 

"The food smells delicious babe. Shower can wait. - A series of quick pecs followed. - Did I tell you that I love you, today? Because I do, babe. Very much." 

Poe grinned over Ben's lips and shook his head in denial, his arms tightly wrapped around Ben's waist. 

"No? Unforgivable. - He kissed his brow, the soft beard on Poe's cheeks, nipped at the right lobe - I love you, Poe Dameron. You make me the happiest of man."  

He whispered seductively in his ear, nipping at the base of his neck as his embrace tightened. 

"Now, tell me, what's for dinner? I'm starving." 

They sat in front of each other at the tiny table and Ben told him about his uneventful day, wondering what had happen to Poe but also wanting to give him space to share it only when he felt comfortable. They ate in silence for a while; Poe moved mostly  his food around the plate, rarely looking up from his plate and adjusting his chair more and more, as he was sitting on quicksand and feared to be swallowed any minute. 

"I saw Phasma for a coffee this morning. She was in town and stopped by the office to see how things were going. She said we could do something together sometimes, a movie or something." 

Poe stabbed inadvertently a piece of seitan with too much energy, the sound that the knife produced over the plate gave him goose bumps. He put his cutlery down and slowly lifted his gaze on Ben, who's hand froze in mid air. A piece of broccoli fell from his fork and splashed over the mashed potatoes. 

"She came by, from Yavin-4, to invite us to the movies? That's all?" 

Ben wasn't happily relaxed anymore. He put the fork down, sighing loudly, poured himself a glass of water and gulped it down, then poured another one and brought the glass to his lips. He wasn't thirsty. He just needed to do something as his mind projected, all at once, the worst possible scenarios.  

Poe inhaled slowly and his eyes flickered up to meet Ben's. 

"No, you're right. She met Hux first, then she called me." 

Poe was scrupulously analyzing the food on his plate again; he didn't seem interested in concluding his sentence. His jaw was clenched, the corners of his mouth bent downwards. Ben suppressed a wave of irritation, walked around the table and squatted in front of Poe, looking up at him as if staring into his man's eyes could magically conjure up the right words to say. He stroked Poe's cheek with the back of his fingers, and he leaned into his hand, in search of comfort, eyes squeezed shut. 

"You don't HAVE to tell me anything, babe. Do you hear me? Poe, look at me. - Ben pushed on his heels until their lips were touching and Poe was kissing him back, clinging at him and sighing with relief. - Have a shower with me, we can sleep over this and tomorrow everything will feel easier/different/. I promise." 

Ben kissed him again and Poe leaned his forehead over Ben's, exhaling with resignation. 

"He's selling the house. I... He must be furious if he's willing to sacrifice it in order to get rid of everything that reminds him of me. He loved that place; it took him over a year to find it, and now he's selling his home because of me. It's like he broke up with me all over again." 

Poe stood and walked towards the kitchen counter; he needed to put physical distance between them in order to get the words out. He bent over the sink, head hung between slumped shoulders; he felt sick.  

Ben wanted to hold Poe, console him, take his pain away, but he knew, somehow, that he could only give him the space he needed. Poe turned to him, shrugging almost apologetically and smiling sourly. 

"I wanted to drink so badly it hurt. As Phasma left, I opened the top drawer  of my desk and the bottle was there where I left it yesterday, staring back at me, waiting for me to open it and dive back into the abyss, as I've been doing for so long. The firm was almost empty, nobody was there to witness how hopeless I was, how weak. I thought 'Just a sip. I'll have only one glass.' I closed the fingers around the bottle and shut my eyes; I couldn't even look at my hand unscrewing the cap. I only wanted for the pain to go away. When the bottle touched my lips, somehow, I saw you. The way your hair frame your face. How you smile in your sleep. The way you call my name when you're inside me; I heard your voice. I felt disgusted with myself, of what I was doing to you. I thought 'Ben deserves better'. So I threw the bottle in the bin and come back here. Home."  

Poe covered his face with his hands and shook his head pitifully. When he spoke, his voice was barely audible, like what he had to say was so painful to express, he could hardly give it voice. 

"I'm sorry Ben. I've been such a dick. I left you bear the weight of my shit for so long. It's time for me to man up and take responsibility for my actions. I have to move forward, and I want to do it with you by my side. I have to be sober, for me. For us. Maybe I can't change the past, but I know can be a better man." 

Ben, who remained by the table the whole time, shifting uneasily on his feet, with a bleak expression painted on his face as he relieved their recent struggles, closed the distance between them in two long strides; awestruck by the words he'd just heard, he bent over Poe and kissed him senseless. 

"Welcome back, babe. - He whispered sweetly, before biting at Poe's lower lip and sucking voraciously. - That's the best love declaration I ever received." 


End file.
